“Do not be a permanent spouse- counsellor”- 26 November 2017.

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 31 December 2017 17:19


Q. I am 24 years old male. I am doing by training as a pilot, two more years are left in the training. I met one girl online on dating site tinder. We hit it off really well and since last one month I am talking to her and we are on good note. Everything with her feels like dream and we make each other so happy. I really want to meet her but I cannot because of work and my training going in other state. I think she is the one for me but the problem is she is having really bad anxiety issues and she is depressed most of the times. I don’t understand how to make her calm and do not want to lose her. I even spoke to some of my friends and they think I should not continue with her. Its better to cut it sooner than later but I still have genuine feelings for her. What is your opinion about that. Should I continue or I should break it?

Ans. We need to know why she has anxiety and depression issues. Are they sort of genetically determined or are caused due to a reaction to a life situation is important to ascertain. This has long term significance and consequences. Whatever may be the causes she needs to be counselled and treated for the same. You should bear in mind that you should not land up being her permanent counsellor at home for this will stress out your normal relationship with her. It is imperative she has a professional counsellor for her psychological issues and then the relationship can go on. But if you take over the role of counsellor and if begins to rely heavily only on you, you feel soon start feeling miserable for depression/anxiety begin to effect normal functioning on a day to day basis. In other words if you marry her she may not pick up responsibilities for herself and for the home. You might find yourself doing double duty at all times. Talk this out with her and get her to seek proper treatment. Then life can be normal and good of you love her and she has a good personality. Mental illness can impact anyone and is treatable too. We do not leave people we love due to their illness, whether mental or physical.


Q. I am 21 years female. I moved from Nagpur to Mumbai six months back for my studies. It was all good in the beginning when I first moved in here. I really liked the climate and people seemed alright. I was having a good time here also. Nothing seemed depressing or bothering. I was a happy go lucky girl. My friends back at home loved me a lot. I have no issues with my family or brother either. College started four months back and since then every classmate of mine is back biting about me. They call me by all the ugly names like black, maid and shit. They don’t have the guts to say it on my face but I know that they say it. I don’t know what to do about it or why do they hate me so much. I think something is wrong with me or something is wrong with them. I feel like running away from here. Please guide me and advice on how to handle this.


Ans. This situation / mental state of yours need further investigation. We would be keen to know the conditions under which the bullying and teasing started and who are the ones indulging in it and what do they want? Is it being instigated by someone with a motive or are they just having being nasty because you are not from Mumbai but from another city? When you say ‘they do not say it on my face’, it could also indicate that you are imagining it and it is part of your fantasy. You could well be imagining all the comments like noises that reverberate in your head. In either case you would need to consult a psychologist as soon as possible and get it cleared from your mind. Otherwise it will create disturbances in your study for which you have gone to Mumbai and will defeat the purpose. Do not hesitate and do not wait longer for the symptoms to vanish, since they are there for last four months. A timely help soothes the mind and stabilises it. Best of luck to you.