“Be strict about rules”- 16 December 2018.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Friday, 01 February 2019 18:26

Q. The class 10 board exams are nearing soon. My son is not studying as the way he should. He wastes time, sleeps a lot and gets angry if I remind him for his studies. I am very worried madam- he is a good boy and gets very good marks. From last year he is like this with behaviour and study. His father is a short tempered man and shouts at him. I am between the two of them and I am going stressed with it. Please help me –should I bring him for counselling?

Ans. If he is a good boy and a good student and is behaving contrary to his general nature since last year, then we would need to explore the reasons for the change in behaviour. It could be so many things that may be upsetting him in his life and surroundings. It is important to note the changes in behaviour and address the matter there and then instead of delaying it for a year or more. The shouting by father does not help at all and may have a negative effect of escalating the negativity. He may be in mild depression which often goes undetected and misunderstood and needs attention. Please bring him for counselling –it will help to identify and solve the problem. You could try by giving him a good listening session without being judgemental at all and just be empathetic and sympathetic. He should be heard and not shouted with anger. Once he opens up with his problems he will be fine. Do not delay as exams are round the corner so to say.

Q. I recently caught my child watching wrong films on net. He is in the senior class but how will this impact him? I have still not spoken to him that I know about it and am nervous how should I tell him? Now-a-days it is difficult to scold children and we parents fear he will do something harmful to himself. Please advice madam how I should approach the problem.

Ans. If you find it difficult to approach the problem bring him for counselling for it can be handled effectively. If you can gather your guts and be patient and kind and understanding instead of being moralistic and aggressive, you could find many details of how when and where he started it and the effects on his personality. Watching porn has many negative effects on tender minds and should be restricted –if he is an adult he is in a better position to handle it. Nevertheless even for adults there are long term repercussions on the personality and moods of the person. Tell your kid to stop it immediately and that could be stated as a law of the house. He has to follow the rules set by parents. It is good to be strict about some rules and regulations in the house.

Q. I read last week in your column about dangers of online chatting. I too have a experience about it. All was going well and I was happy with life that he is a wonderful person and loves me so much. Now I am shocked with his personality. I cannot tell you the facts which I came about him. I feel like suicide now as my life is wasted and I am cheated like anything. He is a rascal and has cheated many women. Why does he do like this madam? Please help me think my life nicely.

Ans. It is traumatic to get cheated and betrayed like the way you have been. Your emotional trauma makes you feel depressed and hopeless and suicidal as well. All this can be dealt with properly if you maintain the right attitudes and approach to life and yourself. He cheated you and he should suffer and go to hell. Why should you destroy your life due to a psychopath? If you look at it from an angle –you could say that you have saved your life in a timely way before more harm could be done to you. He could have gone on for many years and caused more damage to your psyche. It’s time to heal your wounds and time to learn from the episode. All such experiences of life teach you wisdom which you not get from books. It’s a great learning to know first- hand what it feels like to be cheated. No one asks for such experiences but when they happen they leave behind pain, humiliation, bitterness and a lot of wisdom too which is what you should collect. It is not the best way to learn but then when you indulge in dangerous activity and want to take risks in life you should be ready to face the negative consequences too. When people like me write about the dangers of a specific activity wise people listen to the advice. So relax, think realistically and heal yourself and begin a fresh life. I hope you have good goals in life to motivate you and encourage you for a better life. I wish you all the best. Suicide is never an option however hurt you are.