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“An open mind opens possibilities”- 1 May 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 18 May 2016 17:07

ABC.

Q. I was always a career minded woman. Before I married I was working in a company in my own city. At marriage I had told my would- be husband that I want to work and he had said he is okay with it. But after my marriage he asked me to wait for some time so that we could settle down and then I could look for a job. The place where I got married is a remote place and does not have jobs for the work I do. After two years of marriage I am getting frustrated and this is interfering in our relationship. My husband blames me for being unreasonable and angry and to be patient. He is advising me to do other types of jobs which I do not like to do? Please guide me properly what to do and how to do it. I love my husband and want to stay with him. He is a nice man and cares for me too.

Ans. This is not an uncommon situation for a woman after marriage. Because she has to re-locate to her marital home she has to make many specific adjustments. I can empathise with you and your plight and your sense of growing frustration. One way could be that you could open your mind to newer and different possibilities in the area where you stay and explore them seriously. Meet and talk to a few people who can guide you and be open to new ideas. Something will come along. You should also explore being self employed and become an entrepreneur. Do your own thing whatever you are good at. Come for a session of counselling if possible if you cannot decide.

Anonymous.

Q. I love a boy from another caste and my parents are very much against it. He is a very nice and sincere person and cares for me a lot. I cannot live without him. Please do not ask me to break the relationship. He is a little older to me and is working. I am going to complete my graduation soon and will look for a job soon. He will help me search for a job. My parents feel that he is spoiling my life as I can get many good boys from my caste and who are better educated with better salaries. But I love this boy and we have been friends since 6 years now. How can I give him up? I want your correct advice on this matter. He is not very rich but we will both work and make a good living. I am ready to work hard and be with him.

Ans. This is a choice you have to make which I agree is difficult. You need to weigh the pros and cons of the proposal and decide. Besides the caste factor which is not a major factor according to me, you might look into the financial differences between the two of you and the cultural differences. Life style differences can be a serious source of stress for both as it is a daily hassle. You might like to wait for some more time before you take the final plunge. Hence first finish your education, take up a job, work for some time, have a look at reality and then do a reality check with your choice.

M.D

Q. I appeared for my JEE entrance and I think I have not done well in my 12 th exams too. I have always been a good student but this time I don’t know what happened to me I have messed up my papers. I had studied but not so much as I should have. I did get distracted into other things with my friends and now I feel I have done the wrong thing. What should I do now? Should I repeat my 12th and my entrance exams? Or should I just take admission wherever I get it? The big question is what is the best thing to do? My parents feel I have done well for I have been telling them lies about my exams. But I am very depressed now. I thought of committing suicide but that is not going to happen too. Please guide me madam.

Ans. This would require more thought and discussion. It would be difficult for me to direct you to make a choice now. Once your results are out and your parents realise your goof up, you could come for a session of counselling with them. We need to explore both the options of repeating the year and of joining other courses suitable to you. The choice is to be made on the basis of your goals and dreams and on the basis of your aptitude, and your personality factors. Including parents in the process of counselling will be appropriate.

 

“Relationships are like a dance”- 27 March 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 27 April 2016 18:22

D.S

Q. I’ve been in a relationship for the past 10 months. However, my girlfriend has left me and gone back with her ex-boyfriend. He would always spend time with her and take her money. She called me into her life and has now left me. I feel she has betrayed me. I am very frustrated and am unable to do focus on anything including my studies.

Ans. This is nonsense. She should not use you like this. She calls you whenever she feels like and then ditches you. She is obviously playing with your emotions and taking you for granted. This also happens when you love her and allow her to use you and exploit you. They say once bitten twice shy. Once you have betrayed not once but twice you should keep in mind her nature and say no to her requests. You could also pick up the phone and give her a piece of your mind by expressing your anger. That will make you feel better and then forget her. She is not worth the trouble.

XYZ.

Q. Hello ma’am, this is the third or fourth time I am consulting you. Thank you for your previous suggestions. One of my good friends has become has become a drunkard. I along with our couple of friends are asking him to leave that habit since last year. Last month, he drank almost daily so we decided to convince him one last time. Being an emotional person, I lost my control and in anger cried saying I can't watch him ruining his life. We all thought the worst case will be he will continue with his habit. But instead along with that he told my crying incidence to his table friends. And now for weeks they are making fun of me. I have cut out all contacts with him because being friends hurts too much as he had made fun of my tears. It's been a month now that we are not talking. We are neighbours so sometimes I feel am I doing too much? Was I wrong? Have I lost my friend? Is it my self-respect or attitude?

Ans. We have to make a decision based on many factors. You were hurt so you stopped talking to him. But it is obvious that you are missing him and wanting to go back. There are no hard and fast rules in friendships and at most times it is like a dance. You shift back and forth in a dance and in a relationship, sometimes take a step back when hurt and sometimes take a step forward when you miss him. You can follow your instincts as they come. The only thing to remember is that it cannot be one-sided but has to be mutual. In the sense that he must respect you as much as you do and he must miss you as much as he does. It is always nice to patch up and go along together. After all you are growing up together and that is a lovely experience. If it turns bitter and nasty cut it off totally. Otherwise forgive and forget.

ABC.

Q. Hello madam, I am being forced into marriage. I am studying in final year graduation and am telling parents not to marry me off. I want to work for some time before marriage. They have been putting pressure on me for 3 years to get married. But I cannot escape this anymore. I don’t know the boy and don’t want to get married. I am desperately looking for a way out. I think I will run away from home.

 

Ans. If that is the only option then please do so! What will happen to your studies and your financial support? If you can look for a part time job and then support yourself and your studies then that could be considered a good option. You should not fall into wrong elements and get exploited. The best option seems to tell the boy whenever he comes to meet you that you are not interested in getting married and that he should say no. You could do this to all the boys who come to see you. In this process you might come across a decent guy whom you may like and may feel like marrying. Who knows what is in store for you and your destiny. You might meet a good guy who will understand you and allow you to finish your studies and allow you to work and grow in career. So do not despair, life is very vast and full of possibilities. Keep your mind and options open. All the best to you.

“Heal and seal emotional hurts”- 20 March 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Thursday, 24 March 2016 17:57

Shruti.

Q. I was in love with a guy five years back (2011) we were in relationship of a year. First he told that one of his relative was behind him and he was not interested as he loves me. He used to check my mails, call records, scold me if I talked to anyone (Boy). The day I proposed marriage to him he said he loves his mentioned relative not me. He also said I am not of his type and I must get married with my parents choice. After all this I got married but had a failed marriage and in between my ex moved on and also broke all contacts with me. Now suddenly I saw him on social networking site, that too very happy. From that day my nights have become sleepless, all old-bitter memories are haunting me. Shall I contact him again? I am feeling frustrated and jealous. Please help me.
Ans. It seems after seeing him on face book your past has been revived to haunt you. It means that the emotional trauma that you underwent with the guy was not resolved and put back in your memory. Matters must have become complicated due to your failed marriage. A happy marriage would have healed your wounds and forget the earlier guy. All this is unfortunate. However the best thing for you is to stay calm, relax your mind, cool down your emotions and study them. Do not jump into the past by activating your contact with the guy. That would be the biggest mistake. That will make you further miserable and angry. So delete him from your account and make newer friends. Emotional past hurts should not be re-activated rather they should be healed. A few sessions of counselling will help.

D.L

Q. I am studying B.E 3 rd year in Nagpur with 7.1 pointer. From month of July we will be having campus placements. But I am confused what to do. I need to get placed in a good company cause my parents have high expectations from me and even I want the same. But how should I prepare for it?? How should I be impressive and different from others? Firstly I am not technically that strong and that leaves me de-motivated. And secondly these mass recruitment companies don’t keep up for long. I heard from seniors that we are bound to do a lot of work and it is very stress full and they are now resigning from the job. And there also goes a saying that on simple B.E graduate degree you don’t get a job. You need to go for higher studies. So my actual confusion is what if I don’t get a job? So what should I prepare for? In my class some friends are trying for GATE. I am not at all interested in gate cause it’s all technical and I hate it so won’t cope up with it but I heard that a good gate score helps you to get in a good company, sets you out of the crowd and can go for PSU too. Next comes MBA as some are preparing for CAT. But I am not understanding what will I do after doing MBA. Is there good scope for it?? As there are many graduates done MBA and still have no job.  And if I opt for it which field should I take? I have a bit of interest in HR. But still the same question what is the scope? What after MBA? Which are the good colleges that will give good placements and good training? How to get in them? How much do I need to invest in it? After this comes PSU. I have no problem in being called engineered banker. There are many bank exams coming up now-a-days and they pay a good amount. Even ISRO exams. But these needs a lot of dedication  and after having it all there is only a small hint of hope of getting selected in these exams. So I am not understanding what should I prepare for? Where should I put my time?? JOB? GATE? MBA? Or COMPETATIVE EXAM i.e PSU?

 

Ans. All this churning in the mind is natural and a necessary process. This needs discussion on a personal level and answering them through the column will be difficult. Do come for a session of career counselling to think through the decision properly. You will get the right answers for sure. Various factors need to be discussed such as your personality, your goals and ambitions and your aptitude and attitudes before we finally decide.

“Social behaviour has to be thoughtful”- 13 March 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Thursday, 24 March 2016 17:55

S.M

Q. I am a B. Com. final year student and was pursuing CA too. But failing for the fourth time in IPCC group 1 made me take a decision whether to continue with it or not. But my interest is in law related fields and my hobby is sketching. My friends are motivating me to opt for some drawing or art related fields. But I don't think my family will support it. It's not that easy to go for it for me. I think that I can manage with L.L.B and CS now. But the problem is for getting admission in any law college I will have to pass CET exam and I am not able to find any link or any information about the application form or even the syllabus. I just know about the exam date for CET for L.L.B (3 years) i.e. 22nd of May. Please guide me to apply for CET. I am also attaching some of my sketches. I hope you like it.

Ans. You have a valid concern about the syllabus and the application form. There is confusion about it right now and aspiring students like you are protesting about it. Once a regulation like this is passed then at least a year needs to be given to students to prepare for it accordingly. You could visit the University department of law to know the procedures or visit the University office itself. Your sketches are really good and you have the talent in you. You could pursue it as a serious hobby and put up an exhibition at some point of time. May be you might hit the jackpot!

Nitesh P.

Q. I am preparing competitive exam and doing part time job at computer institute as computer teacher. My problem is that I love a girl but she doesn't love me. We always fight each other on little issue but her friend is good with me. So one day, I gave her friend a gift to making friend. She also took but showed to all her friends and they all have done the misunderstanding about me that I am a "loafer". Nobody talk with me very well and they ignore me. There is strong my wish talk with them but I can’t do anything. Please suggest me madam how to handle matter......

Ans. If the girl is a student of the institute where you are a teacher then you have made a fool of yourself. As a teacher there are norms of behaviour to be followed and you must maintain the decency in thought and behaviour with students. If the girl belongs to a friendship group then matters are different. You need not worry so much about it. You could take sweets for all your friends and give them a treat. You might invite only the men and leave the girls out and explain a little bit to the men. They will have a good laugh and forgive you. You could forget the girls totally, including the one you love (one sided only) for she does not love you. Also ignore the other girl whom you gifted something in a hurry. Your silence will help cool matters and they might realise their own behaviour.

ABC

Q. I sent a letter with a different name to a girl I love a lot. She was replying to them and we became friends. I was first chatting with her on line under a different name. I like this girl a lot. She has not seen me or knows me. My problem is that she is asking me to meet her and come to meet her. I told her I stay in another city but that is wrong. I stay in the same city. I have told her some what lies about myself. How do I meet her and should I tell her the truth? Should I keep on lying and how long? Now I am totally confused and at loss. Please help me.

Ans. Oh dear! I have heard that teenagers talk to others online under different names and identities. Now you are in a dilemma as how to break the news or keep going like this. Perhaps you could maintain the lies for some time till she begins to like you. As her emotions become stronger you might break the news in bits and pieces and not all together! Since you have acted smartly so far be a bit smarter for some more time and hold on to the half truths. Then you could joke about the misrepresentations you made for the sake of wooing her out of love for her. I am sure she will forgive you heartily and enjoy the truths. All the best!

 

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