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“Fulfilling your passions”- 6 November 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 15 November 2016 17:58

AB

Q. I am born in Nagpur, Maharashtra. I am 33 years old and my wife is 30 years old. I met my wife in college in 2010 got married in 2013. My father expired in a road accident and I was raised by single mother. My wife belongs from West Bengal and is passionate that my husband will take me for long rides on Bullet bike. Our sex life has never been good.

I think in terms of my needs not greed. I am not a biker- guy, bikes have never been my passion. Actually I cannot even ride bikes properly. Actually I am lean structure guy. Now she (my wife) wants me to buy a bulky 350 cc Bullet motor cycle which I am not comfortable. My situation is imagine a person who is using a simple Nokia phone suddenly has to operate Apple Smart Phone; how you think he is to react with it. We both are pursuing LLB. I am unable to think what should I do? Please guide me.

If you want further details, I will share with you.

Ans. Your wife has a fancy for bikes and wants you to fulfil her fancy. She has a passion for going on long rides on a Bullet piggy back and insists you do it for her. This does not work this way actually. She is being immature about the fulfilment of her needs because your passion does not match hers. It can happen that two nice people are not compatible with each other and are not able to find a balance in their relationship to keep it going. For a relationship to work, both must understand the nature of the other as well as the needs and then work out a formula for satisfying them. Force cannot be used to sort out things as it leads to stress and unhappiness. You seem to be stressed about it and hence fret about it. You could tell her that it is not your cup of tea and that she is free to pursue it herself. I am not sure if that will work too! A few sessions of counselling will help sort out the issues in a better way for there are bound to be more hidden issues than this one.

NS

Q. I am 36 years old. I have 2 children, 8 years old and 6 years old. I am a commerce post graduate and also, a graduate in English literature. I was brought up in a very strict environment, never ever were my feelings understood. After having my children, I developed the habit of reading parenting books. I have read around 20 books so far on the same topic, of a variety of authors. This proved to be very helpful. But now when I see other children treated the same way as I was in my childhood, my heart reaches out to those children. I want to spread the awareness in the society about unconditional love, the way to talk to them, listen to them, etc. I started taking seminars on parenting, inviting my friends and family. But now the parents want me to counsel their children. But I feel, without a proper degree, I shouldn't do that. Ma'am I sincerely request you to please guide me, as to what studies should I proceed with to be able to guide on parenting, as well as counselling. It will also set me on the right track, as now I feel, this is the right career path for me. I am really interested into this. What courses can u suggest? It will give me a sense of satisfaction and boost my self-confidence too.
Ans. To discover your passion is a great thing. You can consider yourself lucky that you have found your calling for the moment and would like to continue to work in the field of parenting and counselling. For people like you it is best to enrol for online courses which are offered by IGNOU conducted by the central government and by YCMOU in Maharashtra. You will have to do some classes in the local college as well as some practical work. If you enrol in a college it will also take two years and there are colleges that have opened the post graduate courses in Psychology for non-psychology graduates too. Depending on which state and district you live, a college closer home will be suitable. There are two year courses in general counselling as well as child and school counselling which you do. Just google it please.

 

“Be grateful to them”- 30 October 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 01 November 2016 13:08

FK

Q. I am a student of final year diploma in civil engineering. I was very sharp in studies up to my high school, but now I can't concentrate on it. This is most crucial year (final year) of my educational and future life as I need to score very high here to get a reputed institute for my further studies. My score in a recent class test series was very poor. Now I am badly depressed thinking about my future. I have lost all my self confidence. My family, relatives, friends have high expectations from me. My friends are also motivating me, but to no avail. Now I have got less than a month to go for my final exams. I got big fear of exams after all this. I am badly depressed, totally lost my self confidence. I am trying to recover but mentally I am unable. Hopefully you will give me solution. Please help me out ma'am.

Ans. Your mind is gripped with fear due to your poor performance. You might be aspiring for admission into engineering course after your diploma. And certainly you would good marks for admission into engineering. That is your source for anxiety. It is a realistic situation that you are facing and puts a question on your future career if you do not get admitted. One way would to relax your anxieties and concentrate and take help of a good tutor. Another thing to do would be to think of other options such as joining the Indian Institute of Engineers (IIE) and appear for their exams. They issue diplomas that are equivalent to a degree. A third alternative is to go for an aptitude test to ascertain your areas of talent and abilities to know which career line is the most suitable for your aptitude. Since you were a good student in high school and are going down in results in diploma course, you may be unsuited for an engineering programme. Your abilities may lie elsewhere. This is only a thought which needs to be verified by an aptitude test.

AS

Q. I am again in a need of your help. I am a very emotional person. Small things hurt me a lot.  But I never cry in front of any one. I always use my washroom for crying my heart out. My best friends are books and my diary. I am not introverted. But, I don’t like display of my emotions in a world where nobody cares. My father who remarried after my mother's death doesn't live with me.  But he was in contact with me from 3 years. But now suddenly what happened to him I don't know from two months he has not contacted me. He always does this from time to time. Now I am fed up and I am hating him for neglecting me like this. My maternal family is very good and they are taking best care of me. But I feel that my father also should help in my expenses. Whenever he comes to meet in (in 5-6 months) he brings at teddy bear for me, this humiliates me in front of my maternal family. I mean who gives a 17 year old girl a teddy bear? What should I do madam? I feel alone and neglected by him. I feel like an orphan. I want to become a psychologist but now I can't even help myself. I don't want to show my depressed side to my maternal family as this can upset them. Please guide me.
Ans. Your father still has the image of you when he left you at your maternal relative home it seems! Since he does not interact with you regularly he does not register in his mind your growth and development into a young adult. However it is a strange behaviour when a father does not recognise and acknowledge your age! Just laugh it off instead of getting angry but so please tell him your age and ask him how to play with a teddy. You could instead ask for a more appropriate gift of your choice. That will make it easy for him and for you. The second thing is to love your maternal relatives who look after you and never to feel like an orphan. Appreciate and respect them for what they do for you and not to think of ‘what they do not do for you’. The same goes for your father. Under the circumstances the best choice you have is to make a good career for yourself by focusing on studies and controlling your emotions by suppressing them and ignoring them. It is difficult but not impossible. It can be done with discipline and single focus on career building.

 

“Introverts are different”- 23 October 2016

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 25 October 2016 10:37

K.K

Q. I’m a final year student and I am facing a problem where I feel like my college friends act all sweet with me to my face and then the minute I go away they start talking about me behind my back. I already face problems with my self confidence and this does only makes it worse and makes me doubt myself more. This upsets me very much and I don’t like going to college all that much because of this. Every time I leave I keep thinking and stressing over what they might be saying about me. Because of this I work myself up to such a point that I make myself sick or keep making excuses not to go to college. My parents keep getting worried and upset because I’m falling sick so often and missing college. I don’t even go out much because of this? What do I do?

Ans. Yes this can happen where a group or gang can bully you and make you feel miserable. It happens in all institutions and groups that some gangs dominate and bully others specially the weak ones. An alternative explanation to this can be that you might be ‘feeling’ like this but may not be true all the time. It may have happened once with you and you may have developed this fear of being teased and ridiculed behind your back. You should start going to college and do not bother until and unless people say things on your face and to you directly. Let them talk behind your back as much as they like. If you still feel insecure come for a session of counselling.

M.N

Q. My friends keep telling me things about their personal lives and problems and expect me to tell them about mine too. I’m not the type who shares too much about my personal life with someone unless I’m absolutely comfortable with them. However they feel like it’s their right to know since they told me their problems and get offended when I don’t tell them. This makes me feel like I should tell them what’s going on even though it’s none of their business only because I’m scared of losing them as friends. But they should also realize that when a person is not comfortable talking about things you shouldn’t force them. How do I get this to stop?

Ans. Introverts do not like to share their problems unless they are very close to the people. Extroverts do not mind sharing themselves. What you could do to continue your friendship with them since you want to be accepted in the group is to share something which is less sensitive and emotional for you. You could pick an incident which does not talk of intimate facts but some home or school episodes which you do not mind sharing. Sharing is important in the group as it reflects trust and closeness but being cautious and wary is right too. Do not reveal too much!

ABC.

Q. I’m a 12th std student doing science, however if feel the stress to be too much and I can’t concentrate on my studies. I also keep falling sick very often. I’m so scared about what’s going to happen in my boards. I don’t want to let my parents or family members down. How to get myself to calm down and not stress out every time I sit down to study?

 

Ans. This is an unfortunate situation where you have chosen subjects for which you do not have the required aptitude. You should have taken science in the first place and should have opted for something else. Even now it is not too late. You could appear for your 12 std and try to pass the examinations. Then after that you would have to opt for another course of study of your liking as well as matching your aptitude. For that we would need a discussion with your parents and conduct an aptitude test to know your talent areas and abilities. You should have planned that in 10 Std itself. But even it is not too late for you have yet to get into the right kind of course and college. Inform your parents right now that after 12 Std you would be leaving science and choosing something else. They should be prepared for that and they should know that you are stressing yourself out with science subjects. I am sure that you have talent in some other field and could make a great career elsewhere. However, in the meantime do some meditation to calm and relax your mind and do your best. Come for a session for meditation, we will train you in it.

“Life is a beautiful challenge”- 16 October 2016

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 25 October 2016 10:34

A.S

Q. I am in MBA (Human Resources) 3 rd semester and want to make my career in this field as a generalist. I am also interested in training and development.
Kindly highlight the opportunity in this field as a fresher to me.

Ans. Human resource management (HRM) deals with selection, recruitment, development of skills of employees in different areas, compensation and mainte­nance of human resources. Between HRD and HRM there is a difference but generally both are functions are merged and used interchangeably in general parlance. HRD deals with efficient utilization of human resources by training and it is a part of HRM. There is enough scope in industries and corporate sector for human resource management students.

J.K

Q. My parents have high expectations from me. They want me to get good marks and good rank and so that they will be proud of me. I do not like studies and cannot concentrate on studies. I do not like science and maths and history too. I love to play out door games. I am in games and have won prizes also but my parents are still not happy with me. Is it correct that I should make my parents happy? Should I follow my aims or my parents aim? Please tell me if a career in sports is a bad thing? Please help me madam.

Ans. A career in sports is a very good thing but there are aspects that need to be looked into, in detail before you take this decision seriously. Firstly, your track record so far and how far can you go in the sport, means to what level of achievement to can aspire for. This means you need to get yourself assessed and your talent by an expert in the field. Secondly, how much will your training cost and are your parents ready to spend that amount of money. Thirdly, will you think of an alternate plan and what will that be. Another way is to take a risk for one or two years while you can and go ahead and play seriously for the specific sport you are interested in and try and make some headway in it. If you do not make any significant progress in the specific sport then get back to studies and follow your plan B to make a career. Everyone needs to make a career to make a living and be independent. Think seriously from that angle of being independent and earning for your-self. Otherwise keep sports as a good hobby and pursue it seriously with passion and make another career for a living. Most sports personalities do this.

A.L

Q. I am very depressed and feel like committing suicide. I don’t want to live any longer. I am not working after graduation. It was marriage which was to happen but my boyfriend has stopped talking to me. I feel he is avoiding me and shouts at me when I call. He says I am disturbing him in his work. My astrologer says this marriage will not happen as our stars do not match. I have a relationship from seven years and I love him very much. If I don’t marry him I will not marry anyone and I will die. How can he do this to me? Why did he not tell me that he will do this to me?

 

Ans. This is an unfortunate situation that your boyfriend of long standing whom you were to marry soon has changed his behaviour for the worse. This is very bad and immoral act on his part. You have every reason to feel dejected and depressed. But you should never think of ending your life and never lose hope in your future. Life is beautiful and we are fortunate to be born as human beings. We believe that you get the life of a human after many re-births and after doing good work in your past life. So think about your goodness and your future. Of course you will have to think how to manage this turn of events and what to do with your personal life and what to do with your emptiness. For the moment I can suggest that you focus on two things- one is on your career building, and two, is on your family, your parents and your siblings. The safest and best place on earth is your home –they love you, want you, will ditch you ever and always stand by you. If you do something silly with your-self, they will be hit very hard and will suffer endlessly. It will be extremely unfair to them. So be kind to yourself and be kind to your family. The boy needs to be spanked and cursed. However, leave the punishment to God.

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