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“Compromise and adjust”- 2 October 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 11 October 2016 19:15

A.N

Q. My friend is going through a lot of thing she wanted to do MBA but couldn't because of money problem, now she's doing M.com which she hate the most, also her cousins are getting great job as an engineer while she is jobless. How should I console her also is there any solutions to her problems?

Ans. If she chose to do M.Com she must have decided on some career options after completion of the degree. If she has hates commerce but has done engineering in graduation she can apply for jobs as an engineer. She can do that even now and give up commerce if she detests it so much. There seems to be a lot of confusion in her mind and is making a wrong choice which is adding to her pain. A session of counselling will help in sorting things out and taking a better and right decision. There are many aspects that need looking into before suggestions are given.

ABC.

Q. I have a son of three years of age and now I want a second child. My husband disagrees and does not want to talk about it. Is it a bad thing to have two children, I do not know why he gets angry whenever I talk about it. My son keeps telling me that he wants a sister or brother and I would be happy being mother to two children. What should I do? How to convince him- all family has tried but he is not willing. We are well to do and can take good care of them. I feel helpless. Please help me madam.

Ans. This is a very personal issue and it is for both the partners to decide about adding a member to the family. It is a good idea to have a second child which is good for your son too to have a sibling with him. Two children are always better than one but the decision has to be between the two of you. It would be important to know the objections of your husband and you could ask him for the same. He must be having his own reasons for it but is not sharing it with you which is actually not fair. He must share his mind with you and you could debate the pros and cons of the same. Come for a session of counselling.

XYZ.

Q. I failed in 12 Std in a subject and now sitting at home. I do not know my future and what to do. My parents are angry and only shouting and worried about me. I cannot meet my friends and cannot go out. I am being punished badly. I feel very bad and hopeless and feel like running away. Please advise if there is a way out.

Ans. There is a solution to every problem and that needs to be discussed in detail with a cool mind. Your parents should sit down with you and analyse the reasons for your failure and also discuss the best possible action and route to future career options. You would need to be very objective about the reasons for failure and for making the choices for future. If a wrong choice is made you will have to suffer it again. If the failure is due to your own irresponsible and indiscipline behaviour then the scene is different. Instead of crying and regret, you should move ahead and find a solution to it.

K.L

Q. I am very disturbed. Many months ago I suspected something with my husband and his behaviour. He was always talking on phone and coming home late. He was travelling a lot and staying away from home. I asked him many times but he always avoided and tried to console me. I forgot about it after I believed him but that was a great mistake by me. Again I did not feel good about his behaviour and I saw his mobile one day and found him chatting with a woman who works in his office. I cried and fought and left my house and went to my mother’s home. I am there since many months and do not want to go back. He is now promising that he has stopped whatever was there and wants me to come back. I cannot continue like this and want to separate out. Please help me. What should I do? I cannot bear it any more. I want to commit suicide but I am the only child of my parents. Please help me.

Ans. This is a serious situation and naturally you are upset with your husband. Once trust is lost it is difficult to re-build it. If your husband is eager to save the marriage and is ready to make amends and re-start life with you, it might be worth it. You could seek the help of a counsellor to know and understand the reasons for the marital discord. Adjustments can always be done and should be tried seriously. Humans do err and forgiveness is also human. So it is better to give it another serious chance and find happiness together.

 

“Assess the developmental delays”- 25 September 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 25 September 2016 17:09

N.S


Q. I am 36 years old, settled in a city near Nagpur. I have 2 children, 1st is 8 years old and the younger one is 6 years old. I am a commerce post graduate and also, a graduate in English literature. I was brought up in a very strict environment, never ever were my feelings understood. And many such things. After having my children, I developed the habit of reading parenting books- have read around 20 books so far on the same topic, of a variety of authors. This proved to be very helpful. But now when I see other children treated the same way as I was in my childhood, my heart reaches out to those children. I want to spread the awareness in the society about unconditional love, the way to talk to them, listen to them, etc. I started taking seminars on parenting, inviting my friends and family. But now the parents want me to counsel their children. But I feel without a proper degree I shouldn't do that. Ma'am I sincerely request you to please guide me, as to what studies should I proceed with to be able to guide on parenting as well as counselling. It will also set me on the right track, as now I feel this is the right career path for me. I am really interested into this. What courses can u suggest? I am ready to study hard for it. It will also give some relief to me, from my otherwise dominating father-in law. It will give me a sense of satisfaction and boost my self-confidence too. Ma'am,  please guide,  please help, please revert.

Ans. It is nice to know you have found your passion in life for the moment and want to legitimate it by a degree. You could try online courses in psychology such as Indira Gandhi National Open University (IGNOU) or Yeshwant Rao Chavan Maharashtra Open University (YCMOU) which admit students in Masters programme in psychology from any graduate course. They have opened the program for all students of any stream. Regular colleges are likely to ask for the subject of psychology at the graduate level. You could even try online courses of other universities such as Osmania or Annamalai. Please check the net for such courses with eligibility criteria. There could be some courses online for counselling and psychotherapy too. I am not sure for such a course would require practical work that needs to be fulfilled.

J.B

Q. I am studying in class 12 at Kendriya Vidyalaya. I wanted to know that how to make a career in merchant navy. What are the scopes of this career options? Please suggest some institutes that offer this stream. Is there any way to get to merchant navy directly by entrance tests?

Ans. Indian Maritime University offers courses in marine engineering, ocean engineering, naval architecture, as well as graduation in nautical sciences, maritime science. There is an entrance exam after 12th Std and you would need to prepare for it. Check online for the examination date and the application forms that are available online too.

A.C

Q. My friend is in deep trouble. He is losing his balance of mind it seems. He fights for simple things with friends and wants his own way too. I have not told his parents but he drives the bike at super speed and without a helmet and he had a bad fall the other day. He did not get too much hurt but we all scolded him. He refuses to listen to us and we don’t know how to bring him for counselling. His parents care less about his future we feel. What should we do? Should we bring him to you for counselling?

Ans. Some issue must be bothering him for sure. It could be a problem at home with his parents, if they do not care for him, there must be an emotional disconnect with them. It could be a statement of theirs which is bothering him or any other issue brewing in his mind. It would be possible to help him if you bring him along at some pretext or the other. One of you could come for your own personal problem and bring him along. We would certainly be able to identify and treat the problem. It could be a reaction to an event or a depression creeping in. Whatever it is, it is advisable to take timely help.

T.K

Q. My child is two and half years of age and has not started speaking yet. The local doctor says we should wait more and give it time. We stay in a small town and no psychologist is there. Facilities are less and we feel worried and impatient. Please advise us.

Ans. Such conditions are called delays in development and need to be noted carefully. Regular assessment of physical development as well as mental assessment needs to be done. You could bring the child to us at Nagpur once in three months for psychological assessment. We could assess his growth in the other areas even if his language and speech area is delayed. In the meantime admit the child in a play school and see how it behaves. Speech may come any moment and we might note his adjustment with other children. Do not worry, delays do occur in children and they make up for it soon enough too.

 

“Exercise the body and meditate the mind”- 18 september 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 25 September 2016 17:08

SM

Q. To be honest, I literally hate going to college. Attending college is a sheer waste of our precious time that I don’t think is worth it. I can boldly assert that college is totally non- productive. There is no sincerity and seriousness among students as most of the lectures is conducted loosely. Many students have actually admitted that they come to college just for the sake of attendance and not for anything else. And that’s the case with me too.  Most of which is taught in the subject lectures can be self- studied at home itself. I genuinely don’t derive any meaning out of attending college and my interest in college and its related activities is seriously declining day- by- day. Many people say that attending college is crucial for my future; to which I also agree somewhere or the other. But no reason is able to satisfy my lack of interest in it. Can’t I study from home and get a degree and if yes, will it the regarded the same importance as a degree from a recognized college? How will I convince my parents? Can you please help me with this problem? I am totally perplexed right now. Thanking you in advance.

Ans. I would agree with you that colleges with poor quality teaching standards may not offer much to students in terms of knowledge and intellectual stimulation. It is a pity with many schools and colleges today. On the other hand with students as you who are above average in intelligence and sincerity should have tried hard for the very best colleges in the country. Although I understand that the rigors of the admission process may leave out some percentage of genuinely good students but that seems to be the only way. If you want to enjoy the formal process of education you will have to seek admission in a good college even now. It may be worth it. Find out from the university if you can appear as a private student for the specific course of study that you are engaged in.

AW

Q. I am a software professional based at Nagpur. I have an issue of concentrating at work, I get easily lost in different thoughts/visuals during work. So, I miss many important things due to this behaviour. I feel this is due to boredom. I am asthmatic and allergic and taking medical help from best practitioner as suggested by you 10 years ago when I visited you. How can I concentrate easily at work and get rid of withdrawal? Is this due to my breathing pattern controlled by anti - allergic medicines? Please advice.

Ans. Boredom is a different condition and withdrawal of medicines is a different issue. If you do not like the work then you may feel bored or if you have less friends on the job you may feel bored and this has to be handled by you in a positive manner. You could do something to enrich the work situation and make it likeable. The anti-allergic medicines may have mild side effects like sleepiness and a feeling of sluggishness. Asthmatics may also tend to be mildly depressed due to faulty breathing patterns as well as negative thoughts that creep in with any chronic disease. Disease handling is important and handling the boredom at work is equally important. I would suggest daily exercises and ‘pranayam’ and meditation which is very effective in such conditions. Also maintaining a cheerful mood will help you. Otherwise see me soon.

Anonymous.

Q. I'm an 18 year old boy. I was addicted to bad habits. After months
of internal struggle, I've finally learned to control the lust. I'm not saying that I've done it 100%, but more than 80% is sure. I did a lot of searching on the internet and read some books to control my thoughts. I think that major part of sex addiction is not the action, but the thoughts and obsession, that I have learned to put down. But I'm not able to give my 100%. And moreover I feel much empty without that. I want to cut it down completely. I still haven't stayed a week without it. I do let those things come to my head at night. Also I
don't want to think of girls and do something productive, what is still uncontrollable. I want to have a complete control over my mind. What can I do as a next step?

 

Ans. You are doing well in controlling your thoughts and I am glad that you are succeeding in that. Keep the process going and start exercising and practising meditation. Also get involved in a hobby that excites you and involves your mind completely. A few sessions of counselling will help surely.

“Learn interpersonal conflict management”- 11 September 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Thursday, 15 September 2016 19:15

M.J

Q. I lack in communication skills when I talk with my friends or relatives. Sometimes they also ignore my words. Please tell me how should I improve my soft skills?

Ans. It is very important to learn effective communication. Start with building up your confidence levels that you are a good and capable individual. Think positive thoughts about yourself and become of your strengths and abilities. Keep them uppermost in your consciousness. You must stop thinking of your weaknesses. Another point is to smile when you meet people or move in social circles for it sends a good signal to others. Then you may learn to speak up in an effective manner. First try the earlier steps and we could continue further in face to face sessions. That would be better than just giving general tips.

L17

Q. I am a 12th pass science student, I want to pursue veterinary and its admission processes are still going on but apart from that I haven't taken any admission in any other college. So please tell me what to do? If I will get admission then it is okay, otherwise I have to take a drop for a year?

Ans. Taking a drop will not be a good thing as one year is too long a gap to sit at home and do nothing. A better option would be to take admission in a science program like B.Sc with subjects of your choice. At least you will be engaged constructively and then seek admission again in veterinary science. Many students secure their seats in two or three colleges and make a choice later. Be wise.

PK

Q. I am studying engineering, but now I don't want to attend college. I have cleared my first and second semester of the first year, now I’ve come to change my branch. Previously I had opted for electrical but now I am changing my branch to civil. I have changed my branch just because I don't like people in that branch now I am feeling very bad in civil also. I am alone in the college I feel lonely, everything in the college after everyone is separated in their own branch, everyone has become selfish, I want to change my college in the second semester of engineering I had gone for admissions in Pune but their admissions are close now, just because my results have been declared so late!  It’s not now my fault.  I am upset about it. Please help me what to do. Whenever I go to college I bunk classes. I don't know why I do this?

Ans. You seem to have problems in befriending people and you are trying to solve this problem by changing colleges and branches! This is crazy indeed. You need to address your emotional conflicts and also make a firm decision about the branch of study. You should stick to your present college and continue with the branch that you are pursuing at the moment. You seem to have a low social skill of getting along with people and enter into an interpersonal conflict situation soon enough. If the weakness is within you, it will always stay with you and go with you wherever you go. So changing branches and colleges will not help at all. It’s like running away from a problem which is within you. Addressing that will solve it- a few sessions of counselling will take care of it.

MK

Q. I am 18 years old. And I am taking a drop for medical entrance preparation as I could not perform well this time. I have joined a reputed coaching for preparation. But for one month I am not being able to concentrate. I get frustrated all the time and constantly feel like crying for no reason. Sometimes I feel terrified to even go out of my house. I constantly feel sleepy. I am confused about everything. I feel sad and hopeless. I try hard to cheer myself up, but in vain. I don't know what's wrong with me. Should I ask for help? But I know my parents won't understand this. What should I do? Am I depressed?
Ans. There could be two possible explanations for your state of mind- one is that the subject of medicine does not suit you or interest you and is causing the symptoms that you mention. The second cause could be that you are in a state of depression and need treatment. Under depression nothing appears right and the feelings that you mention about being sleepy, feeling sad and hopeless, crying, loss of concentration, terrified of going out of home, and persisting confusion prevail in depression. You should ask for psychological help and this can be treated with counselling and therapy. Do not waste more time.

 

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