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“Concentration is the key to success”- 25 October 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 27 October 2015 18:25

A.A

Q. Can you please explain me ‘How to be focused while studying’ because Ma’am I study for 7-8 hours but I feel that the output is only of 4-5 hours as I am very much disturbed during studies, I get thoughts from every nook and corner of the world, also ma’am I am ashamed to say that I think about a girl in my class whom I admire or rather whom I like. Ma’am study is my passion, I just love to study and I have no other options than study to make my future but these thoughts have overpowered me and even though I used to hate all these useless things, I am only now struck in these things. It is very difficult for me to come out of this and they are harming my studies. Ma'am, in straight words I am in love and I don’t want myself to be wasting time on this because as a student my full focused should be on studies but ma’am you as a psychologist know it well what love is, it is very difficult for me to come out all this nonsense. Ma’am please help me.  
Ans. One way is to spend some time thinking about the girl daily for some time, say 10 to 15 minutes with full concentration and you could put your thoughts on paper too. Once you are satisfied with it, which will make you feel happy, then sit down for studies. That will increase your focus on studies as you have emptied your mind which was full of the girl. When a topic demands attention it has to be given its dues time and attention. But do not overdo it as that will be just a waste of your time and will make you obsessed with the idea. So a balance is necessary for you. Try it and if it does not work come for a session of counselling and we will teach you specific methods of concentration. It is simple really.

A.T

Q. I am pursuing B.E degree in Electrical Engineering and right now I am in 3rd year. I want to ask you whether we make career in metaphysics? Are there any degree courses for metaphysics in India? If so which institute offer these courses? I am not interested in doing M.Tech or MBA after my graduation or any of the courses related to electrical engineering.
I am really confused. Kindly help me on this.

Ans. Metaphysics is part of philosophy and any department of a university with a department of philosophy will offer you the courses. The career could be in the field of teaching only and research. There are courses at all levels, from undergraduate to postgraduate and doctoral too. I hope you are talking of philosophy and not something else. You could google for the universities and the online courses as well. You have to be deeply interested in it to switch from engineering to philosophy. Another way could be to continue with a job in engineering but to do an online course in metaphysics. If it absorbs your mind completely then you could switch your career. But try and test it before you do it.

S.J

Q. I am studying in class 11 and preparing for my PMT. I was studying in town up to class 10th but for fulfilling my dream I came to a city and got enrolled in a coaching class. I was a good student and scored 10 CGPA too but nowadays I am unable to work hard as much I used to work hard before. I am unable to sort out the reason for such behaviour. I get attracted to television as well as cell-phone and waste lot of time. In this way I am unable to prove my mettle. Mam, I want to work hard I tried my best to do it but I was unsuccessful. Please help me.

Ans. Please find out if you are interested in the subjects that you have taken and have the aptitude for those subjects. If that is not a problem then find out the reasons for your distractions and whether it is a boy or just too many friends and chatting with the. In such a case you will have to cut or restrict your time with friends or fix a specific time for chatting. Spend about 15 to 20 minutes daily chatting with them and then forge them. Switch off the phone and sit down for study. Give your phone to your parents for the study period. Watching TV is just a bad habit and a useless one at that so just stop watching it. you could also be facing some adjustment difficulties in a city. Address that issue too. Doing medicine is a dedicated study and needs many hours of study and long years of sacrifice. Prepare yourself now for it.

 

“Value your life for itself”- 18 October 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 27 October 2015 18:24

Q. I think that I am mentally disturbed. My father had an extra marital affair. At first he used to shout at my mother, abuse and once he beat her. My mother left the house once and then came back. From that time they both don’t talk to each other. I feel my father chats with many other women as well.  I also shared all this with my best friend who betrayed me and complained to the principal about it. So now we both are no longer in talking terms. Also, I love a guy who does not love me and has stopped talking to me now. Once I saw a bad dream due to which I am unable to sleep. Once I saw that the guy whom I love is dead and I saw all the process of his cremation. Due to this I am unable to sleep also. I hardly sleep for 3 hours a day. I am suffering from too many problems at a time and due to which I am suffering from depression & some mental problems I think so. Till class 10 I was good in studies. I secured 92% in class 10. But now my studies are suffering due to all this problems going on. All time I feel that I should sit alone in one corner and cry and should end up my life. Please help me.

Ans. It is unfortunate that you have so many areas of disturbance. You do not have a stable family and nor good friends to share your problems with. But you have your own self – be a good friend to yourself. Love yourself and value your own life for itself. Be kind and brave to yourself. Talk positive to self and set high goals for your career that are achievable. Put all your energies into studies and do well. We could help you with therapeutic meditation as well as with personality development skills. Remember that life is precious and you must make the best use of it.

S.B

Q. I am 15 year-old. I study in 10th class. I am facing many problems related to studies. I study a lot during examination time but I don't get good marks that I want and because of 2-3 teachers of school my image in school is not so good. They think that I don't study. But I am telling you seriously that I study a lot during exams. Sometimes my concentration also becomes weak in studies due to distractions. I want to succeed in life because my father doesn't have his own business. But there are many problems I am facing sometimes I think I want to become actor. So please tell me solutions to face problems related to this topic (especially marks problem). What should I do?

Ans. Avoid all distractions. Give up all bad habits. Focus on goals and set high goals which you can achieve. Just have a one point agenda of doing well and getting good marks in examinations. Revise and recall your lessons as many times as possible. After all this leave the rest to your luck.

V.V

Q. I am 20 years old. I am in a relationship with a guy since 1.5 years and he is also 20 years old. Initially our relationship went on smoothly. We had a habit of being with each other for almost 7 hours a day. It went on smoothly till my exam dates were announced. I told him that now I need to sit and study and I won’t be able to meet you. Initially he never showed that he had a problem with it. But after a week he started getting very irritated about the fact that I would study all day and not give him time at all. Then slowly he started abusing me and beating me. When he did it the first time, I forgave him. But then second time he became very aggressive and showed his violent behaviour in front of all my friends. My friends told me to tell my mom about this. My mom told dad and they got very irritated with him and told me to break every kind of relationship with him. But I went against them and was secretly dating him. But then he again showed his violent behaviour and then I stopped talking to him. But I still love him a lot and I can’t get over him and I want to get back with him. Nobody will support our relationship. I can’t concentrate in anything and I am not able to study now as well. Please tell whether I should get back with him or just forget him?

 

Ans. You should immediately give up this relationship as he is violent man and will continue to be so for long years. He has a psychological disorder and needs help. He does not respect you so how can he love you? You may love him but when you make a choice with your mind and intelligence you will know that it is a wrong choice which will lead to suffering only. So say quits to him forever.

“Be a long distance runner" - 11 October 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 27 October 2015 18:21

XYZ

Q. I am a separated parent living away from my husband for the last 2 years. The reason of separation was his unemployment. As a result we get no financial help from him. I am not earning enough to take care of both my children. My parents are no more so I have nobody to support me. I don’t know why but every now and then I keep getting thoughts of leaving everything behind and running away although I love my children a lot. What should I do?

Ans. This is a difficult and trying time for you. The best you can do is to cut your expenses, train and sensitize your children to the hardships of life by instilling good values of hard work, honesty, earning and spending judiciously, living frugally and studying hard and doing well. As they begin to get into their teens they can start taking tuitions to earn some money. This will make them independent and conscious about money matters. Three of you can make a good life together. Do not despair and always be positive. You did not mention the age of your children. If they are teens they can be of immense help to you. Talk to them responsibly.

A.R

Q. I am a 13 year old girl. I have strong feelings for friendship. I am the head girl of my school. One of my friends always gets jealous of me because she is not a batch holder and always talks behind my back about me and about others also in our group and sometimes says everything directly to the face. We all really feel bad. This is not for the first time. Yesterday on her birthday we went to celebrate and there was a sudden burst of one of my friends’ anger and the topic began. We all started quarrelling and she says that why do you guys take it so seriously, it is all just for fun I say. But in my opinion making fun of someone is really not fun. She has so many guts. What should I do to make her understand that? I have scolded and tried to make her understand a thousand times but still she is not doing so. What to do?

Ans. Jealousy is a sign of low self esteem and hence a weakness. There is nothing to feel bad about it. There is no point in scolding her too. Actually if she is getting attention by being nasty and if all get disturbed by her comments and behaviour she is successful in her attempt to score over you all. That is how it works psychologically. One way would be to decide together in advance to ignore her comments totally and instead start a new conversation after she makes jealous statements. Start praising someone or start talking of something funny or ask a question to someone else and ignore her comments. You may look at her and not react at all as if you did not hear her. Do this repeatedly on all occasions and see the fun. She will get isolated and she will stop once she gets no attention.

A.M

Q. I am a 17 year old boy. I am in 12th standard and taking coaching for IIT preparations from a reputed coaching class. My parents have spent two lakhs for this and are expecting me to do well. I am from general category that is why I am losing confidence about my goal. I think I cannot go into IIT or NIT. I am very depressed what should I do?

Ans. I have written about this before that going to IIT is neither the prime goal of life nor the end of life. IIT provides a good level education to bright minds. But ordinary minds can do everything and make absolute success of their life and become corporate leaders or great entrepreneurs. Bill Gates and Gandhi and so many others have proved this point. Educational goals have to be in alignment with life goals but admissions to specific educational institutions are a different game altogether. It depends upon so many factors which you may not be able to control. Instead of getting depressed and thinking low about yourself think and plan on the options available to you if not IIT. Think positive about yourself and your life. If one door gets closed many others open for you. So focus on career goals and aim as much as your intelligence takes you. Do not focus on IIT as such but on engineering admissions, by doing your best in studies. Leave the rest to your destiny. Life begins after education. Be a long distance runner and not a short sprinter.

 

“Careers can be changed mid-way”- 4 October 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 27 October 2015 18:19

S.S

Q. I am 18 years old and I have just completed my 12th standard. I want to become a photographer but my parents are forcing me to get into engineering. They have already paid the fees for an engineering college and have sacrificed a lot to get me into that college. But I know that even if I get into this college I won’t be able to perform well. What do you think I should do?

Ans.  According to my information photography is not taught as a degree course but just a diploma or a certificate course. It is a very good career with lots of scope in future but a degree could be important for your parents. You must tell your parents that you don’t want to pursue your career as an engineer and that you wish to become a photographer. You should have told them this before they paid the fees but now since they have already paid the fees you must still tell them your mind. You can go for a compromise by doing the engineering and joining photography as a hobby somewhere. Being honest with your parents will help you in the long run. This sure wouldn’t be easy but your parents will eventually realise that doing photography as a hobby could grant you an alternative career.

XYZ.

Q. I am 32 years old and I am married. I have 2 children. A couple of days ago I had a huge fight with my wife regarding coming home late from office every night. She thinks I have an affair with my colleague in office. My colleague was my girlfriend in college and we were in a very serious relationship. My wife knows about this and every time I come home late she feels that I was with my colleague. To take out my anger I slept with my colleague in my office the next day. If I tell my wife she will give me a divorce. I love my children a lot and I can’t live without them. I regret what I did. Please tell me what should I do?

Ans. Oh dear! This is an amazing way to hurt two women in one go! You hurt and betrayed your wife as well as hurt the other woman too. You used her for your own emotion and now you regret it. Well, at least you have realised your mistake and have decided to be honest and true to your wife. The best thing to do is to forget the episode and live in the present. Although it is important to be honest and truthful to your wife, you telling her the truth may perhaps do more harm and damage than good.

ZY,

Q. I am 27 years old and I am jobless and unmarried. Every time I am about to fall asleep weird thoughts enter my head like ‘I am not going to be successful in my life’, ‘nobody will marry me’, ‘ my parents will disown me’ and so on. I am not able to sleep because of these disturbing thoughts. What should I do?

Ans.  You seem to be getting into a state of anxiety due to your life situation. Have you ever considered becoming self employed or becoming an entrepreneur? To begin with you should engage yourself in some productive work either a hobby or a part time job with some friend. Being busy with some professional work will keep you occupied and also give you ideas to become self employed. Control your anxieties and think out of the box. Teach or coach students in a subject of your choice, at least you will earn some pocket money.

ABC.

Q. I am 20 years old and my parents gave me the freedom to choose my own career. I always wanted to become a doctor. After my 12th I chose the medical field and I have completed 2 years of this course. During these 2 years, I failed many subjects and now I feel that the pressure is too much and I cannot cope with it. Keeping in mind the amount of fees they paid for the college I feel guilty to tell them since I don’t come from a well to do background. I feel depressed all day. What do I do?

 

Ans. There are two ways of dealing with it. One is to keep calm and work a little harder towards your goal since you choose this line. Don’t lose self confidence and try to surround yourself with motivated people so that you develop the interest in it again. The second option is to take a serious decision and change your career line. But that has to be done in consultation with either your parents or after an aptitude test and career counselling. Come for a session with us for career guidance. A change has to be done with only after deep deliberations.

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