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“Think through before making a choice”- 6 March 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Thursday, 24 March 2016 17:53

A.B

Q. I am a regular reader of your column in insight. Now I am in a great confusion currently. I am in 12th standard and my exam will finish in a week. And I want to do something nice in the field of software business, as well as engineering after 12th. After my engineering I want to start my own business but I don’t know much about it like which classes to go after 12th and what exactly I should do to start my own software business. Please guide me for it. I will be waiting for your reply.
Ans. It is very nice to know that you intend to start your own business after graduation in engineering. You could opt for computer science as that is the field of liking and then work for two years in an industry of choice and then start your own business. There are many organisations which train, mentor and help with ideas and starting up your business, such as The Indus Entrepreneurs (TIE). There is a Nagpur chapter and you could look it up on the net. There are governmental set-ups for helping entrepreneurs such as the MCED (Maharashtra Centre of Entrepreneurship Development) situation in Udyog Bhavan, Nagpur. Another option could be to do an MBA in family business (if it is going to be a part of your family business) or specialise in any one field such as finance or marketing or IT etc. Alternately you could come for a session of counselling when in third year or after the completion of your graduation.

A.S

Q. I am student of MBA (2nd semester). I am confused about my stream whether to choose HR or Marketing. Please guide me about scope of both fields special regards to government sector as I took drop after my graduation B.Sc (chemistry hon.) and prepared for PSB but couldn’t make for final selection. Now I am tensed and negative thoughts come in my mind. I doubt on myself irrespective knowing my calibre which is good. Kindly guide me.
Ans. Both fields are good and should be chosen on the basis of your liking for the field and future work role. HR is all about dealing with people, whether it is hiring them, training them, promoting them, listening to grievances, and firing them. The marketing is all about meeting customers, influencing them with choices, striking deals, travelling extensively. Both branches are people oriented, the difference being that HR deals with in-house employees and Marketing deals with people outside. For both, you need to be friendly and extroverted to some extent. A session of counselling for career guidance will help you clear your aims and mindset.

Q. I regularly read your column. I need your help. I am over emotional girl right now in second year doing BE in Nagpur itself. Now and then incidents happen with me from which I get hurt often. This year my friendships are not lasting for longer with anyone. Due to misunderstanding or anything all left me. I wander alone in my college. Rather I am a good student and even active member in 3 committees of college. I got 90 % in 10th and 70 in 12th. Now, I am stuck in engineering which I don’t want to do. But now I am looking forward for MBA from one of the top colleges as I have that potential to crack CAT by good score. But madam my problem is this loneliness haunts me. Wandering alone in the campus, feels so bad, sitting alone in the class in the lecture, eating tiffin alone, no one there to help me, no one even cares whether I am alive or not. Every now and then I cry due to friendship issues. My parents have high expectations from me and even I want to excel in life. I don't have any stage fear, good in interpersonal skills. But in personal life I am suffering a lot. My boyfriend was cheating on me since four years so I broke up. At college I chose the wrong company, they left me now. What I want is good college, competitive crowd, good friends group and even want to live outside so that I can explore myself. But right now I am lost. Please help me madam.

Ans. This is rather unusual- there must be something in your behaviour that is causing this situation of ‘no friends’. All students cannot be bad. A few sessions will help us identify and rectify the problem. You are otherwise an intelligent girl and know how to find your way. We need to know specific instances of what happened and how you behaved with others and what situations led to this condition of ‘loneliness’.

 

“Matured enough to make a choice”- 28 February 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Thursday, 24 March 2016 17:52

Golu, Yavatmal.

Q. I am student of B.A. 2nd year of Art Faculty. I am bright student and also hard worker. Madam I want to become a successful person and I have to do something better in my life but now-a-days I am facing a big problem. One of the girls loves me more than I. I like her very much but I can’t love her. Whenever I am trying to avoid her she cries. Now she told me that I am only friend of you but she behaves like a lover. Actually I don’t know what to do with her. I don’t want to hurt her. Please help what I should do?

Ans. You are in serious trouble and my advice would be to not get entangled in such a situation. She may be a good girl but she is showing immature signs in her behaviour. She is acting like a lover you say and she cries for your attention and begs you to befriend her. She is not sound in her mind and is very immature. She will make your life miserable and is likely to spoil your efforts in career making. Your mind will get embroiled in her tantrums and her demands and you are likely to lose your focus. You seem to be a serious minded boy with high aims and aspirations. That is exactly what you should do and get out of this. Do not feel sympathy towards her and say you are sorry and cannot help her. You don’t love her you say so do not take responsibility of her well being. Tell her to see a counsellor or tell a teacher to take care of her or ask her that you will meet her parents as the last resort.

P.S

Q. Myself MBBS post graduate aspirant student. I am in tragic condition these days. My parents want me to get married soon as they think my age is more now. I am 27 yrs old but main problem is that they want I should strictly get married in caste only, no inter-caste allowed. Even though there are not any good MD/ MS candidates. I told them about one of my friend who will get admission in PG soon after counselling in next month and I want to marry with him as I know him very well since 2-3 year but they strongly opposed me as he is of other caste. I tried to convince them but they are not ready to hear and even tortured me by physical violence. I want to get married as soon as early as possible. What should I do in such condition? Please help me out how to tackle this condition.

Ans. You seem to be old and wise enough for take your own decisions. You are a qualified doctor and an adult. When you can work as an independent professional and help patients you can certainly make a choice of your life partner. Taking parents along is very important and you should try to make them agree with you but if they do not agree then your choices become limited. You either listen to them and compromise with the man of their choice or you can exercise your right to decide. This depends upon your friend too and his family whether they are able to accept you in their family and the fact of the level of the commitment of your friend. 27 years is a mature age and right time to get married.

T. P

Q. I am currently going to give my 10th Board exams. I am interested in both science and maths. Should I take PCMB in 11th Std or is it going to be tough for me? Please advise.

 

Ans. Generally, you should be able to decide whether you want to pursue maths or biology in the long run. Besides seeking admission in 11 Std you might have to join coaching classes for the entrance exams. The entrance exams and the coaching for biology related course and maths related courses are different. How will you join two coaching classes along with 11 Std? It is advisable to select one discipline and go ahead with it in full steam. If you have doubts then a session of career counselling will be extremely helpful to make the right choice. Taking PCMB is certainly a heavy choice.

“Career confusions”- 21 February 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Thursday, 24 March 2016 17:51

S.Y

Q. I am studying in B.Sc final year. I am so tense for my future. As I am studying in final year microbiology, so what is the scope after doing M. Sc in applied microbiology? Or please give me any other suggestions that what should I do further after B.Sc. Please help me.

Ans. There is lots of scope after masters in applied microbiology in the field of health, pharmaceutical industry, food industry and environmental microbiology. There is scope in food borne diseases, food safety, food production and contamination control and also environmental laboratories. Of course the option of teaching is always there. If you wish to change your line then please come for a session of career counselling. That will help clear your doubts about your interests and your goals in life and make the best choice.

O. K.

Q. I am a student of Engineering and I have changed my branch from Electrical to mechanical but there is again confusion in my mind that my decision was right or wrong? Is there scope in mechanical to do research or lecturer-ship.  My interest is in mechanical but some subject like drawing is difficult to
understand. I am good at some subjects. My question is any scope in mechanical for me?

Ans. Mechanical and electrical both are core branches and hence are always in demand. All types of industries need such engineers. Both are good branches and if your interest lies in mechanical then you have done the right thing by switching over to it. If you are not interested in industries but in academics and research, then too there is scope in these areas. Teaching is always a god option and so is research. You might look the CSIR (Council for Scientific and Industrial Research) labs. It’s a governmental body with many research labs under it all over the country. It employs engineers and scientists and pay well.

N.P

Q. I am a regular reader of your column in Insight-The Hitavada. I am a
young, dynamic lady working with a renowned company and left. From
many years I am dealing with a relationship problem but I still managed somehow to handle it until now. But now it is putting me in serious depression and getting me in Alexithymia condition. I have a faith that I can still be able to handle it but again the same depression gets dominated every time. Madam, every individual is different with distinct qualities and distinct emotional behaviour. If I discussed my problem with you then how will you able to understand me as I don’t know you and don’t know me. Then how will you understand things in my subconscious?
Ans. As trained psychologists we have procedures to make a diagnosis and then proceed with therapy. We might use certain psychological/ personality tests to evaluate associated symptoms and get a broader view of your other traits of your personality. We then use the talk therapy as well as cognitive therapy to understand your specific situations and the difficulties ensuing. We can do a lot of other things like skill development, relaxation methods, identification of different emotions etc. Perhaps if we treat your depression your symptoms of alexithymia might diminish. We are able to understand the basic human emotions which all people experience in their lives and work on them. You may not be devoid of feelings and their expressions but may have difficulty in becoming aware of them and expressing them properly. The unconscious mind throws up signs and symptoms in present behaviour since it an active storehouse and not a dead one. There are ways of understanding the subconscious or the unconscious too.  A session or two will help you know if the effort is worth it or not. You will not be disappointed I can assure you humbly.



 

“Count your blessings”- 14 February 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Thursday, 24 March 2016 17:49

S.J

Q. I'm 14 years old. I have a lot of problems in my life. Firstly, my dad is an alcoholic from many years and so I had a troubled childhood. I have an elder sister so when she was here (she's working outside the city now) I had a lot of support from her but now that she isn't here I feel so alone and so depressed. My mother is a very strong woman and I have always tried to support her in everything but now I can't do it anymore and also I have always been an average student but now I have lost my concentration power also. Next year is my boards and I don't know what I'll do. I feel like committing suicide sometimes but whenever I think of doing so I think of my mom and I stop. I don't have anyone right now to share this with, I don't tell my mom because I don't want to trouble her. Please help me. I cannot come for counselling.

Ans. Look at the positive aspects of your life- you have a loving sister and a strong mother. You are lucky to have them by your side. Even if your sister is out of the city you can talk to her daily or write letters to her. Also you can share your problems with your mother. She is a strong person and would love to help you. In fact she must be proud of you both good girls and must be relying on you two to do well in life by standing on your strong two feet. So take inspiration from your elder sister and her life and get going. Even if you are an average student you can make a very good career ahead. Your father being an alcoholic must be causing a bad atmosphere at home I am sure. But by now after so many years you all know how to handle him or ignore him. Forget about him for the moment and give your best to your board exams for which you have a year in hand. That is your priority at the moment and that should be your only goal in life till you complete the exams. Do not focus on problems but your blessings.

Mrb.

Q. I am class 12 state board General science student. My exams are starting from 18th Feb and I am finding it really difficult to study. I don't feel like studying anymore. In one complete day I hardly study one chapter and can't concentrate well. I have subjects like 'Marathi and Sociology' (instead of maths) and it's bothering me a lot now. Everyone is expecting me to do really well in boards (as I did in 10th) but I know I won't be able to. I feel worthless now, I know I didn't put my best efforts till now and there's no time left. I hardly have any confidence left. I don't know what to do, please help.

Ans. There is always enough time to do what we want to do. What is disturbing you and distracting you are the expectations from your family. Forget about them for the moment and put your heart and soul into your studies. You have 16 to 18 hours a day and if you think, read and revise your subjects every second of the day without distractions, your confidence will go up and you will do well. It is not easy to fail after studying for a whole year. Control all negative and positive emotions and use your mind/brain like a steady machine. It will work wonders. Concentrate fully only on subject matter and not on people, their comments, friends, and other negative emotions like worry, nervousness etc. Just work like a machine in a very relaxed manner and see the difference.

S.G

Q. I am studying in 7th grade. A boy of my class asked me to praise him in front of my friend because he wants that girl to become his girlfriend. I said no but he is pursuing me. What should I do? He is also a good friend of mine.

 

Ans. This is a funny request I must say. He feels the girl will get impressed with him then! You can say two good words about him casually such as ‘he has a wonderful memory or is a great dancer or whatever he is actually good in. If you are not at all comfortable doing it then you did the right thing by saying ‘no’. However there is no harm in saying two good things about him in front of others. But make sure that it is genuine appreciation and not false praise to impress the other girl. That would not tell well on your personality in the long run when the girl finds the truth. She will dislike you then.

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