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“Conduct disorders need a sterner approach”- 19 June 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 22 June 2016 22:27

A.H

Q. I am a 3rd year student of engineering and will be moving to final year. I'm from computer science branch. I want to prepare for competitive exams to get a good job. 
It can be of private sector or may be of public sector. All in my family are well educated and do their earnings. My family and friends are asking me to join several courses, classes of CRT in which I'm not interested at all. Please suggest me how should I prepare myself for good jobs. What I had decided is to prepare for GATE and do M.tech or get a job by cracking my GATE. What should I do?

Ans. A further post graduate programme helps in jobs.  You could try either for an MBA or for GATE and an M.Tech which depends upon your preference of higher technical education or management positions. It has to be thought out seriously as an MBA is a good option too for jobs. After GATE you could apply for a job in the various Public Sector Undertakings (PSUs) that recruit through GATE. These include ONGC, NTPC, Indian Oil Corporation, HPCL, BPCL and Power Grid etc. These choices are decided after deep thinking about your goals and ambitions and your personality. Another component besides education is the development of your personality. You must work on that area too from now itself.

Anonymous.

Q. My son is 16 years old and is currently in 12th standard, with his exams in 2017. As usual teenagers are, my son also turned kind of aggressive as he entered his teens, and threw random tantrums. But since past 1 year, he has changed drastically. Nothing at home makes him happy. We have never forced him to study, as he was more interested in co curricular activities. But even if we put him to any of the classes, he would stop going after 2 days. Now he has stopped studying completely. Also, he has started abusing us in various ways, demanding money everyday. We are facing some financial difficulties which he is aware of, but not caring for us for a single time, he keeps on demanding huge amount of money everyday, and just speeds out from home, spends it on his friends, and comes home late. We have even caught him going out late at 3 o clock at night and coming at 4-5 o clock. We have tried all ways to make him understand that what he is doing is not good, but he starts abusing us for no reason. He threatens to run away from home, or something equal. If we do not give him money which he demands, he starts shouting, throwing things and uses bad language at my husband and me. I have an elder daughter as well, and he won't even listen to her, even when he is closest to her. After so many months of this, I am helpless as to what should I do to stop him, or make him understand. In this way, all our resources have started draining out. There are many more things I cannot even describe in the mail. I would request you to please suggest me what should I do, please help me in this situation. Your help is much needed.

Ans. Your son could be involved with drugs or betting or gambling or some activities like these if his demand for money is high. He gets violent if you do not provide him money and you feel helpless and have exhausted your resources you mention. You have allowed the situation to peak and this must have started some years ago and has worsened a year ago. Now perhaps the best method would be to take the help of a counsellor and if he does not agree for that take the help of the police. Talk to your local police station and request them to trace the activities of the boy and his group. They will be able to track him down and if he is indulging in illegal activities the police will act on them. They might get caught and detained in the lock-up for a night and threatened. This will be good for your son. If he requests you for help and promises you good behaviour, you should agree on condition that he will come for counselling. This way we can help him get out of bad behaviour and onto career making. He is on road to delinquency and criminality so it needs to be checked with an iron hand. Lecturing and leading will not help. The police are guardians and custodians and they can set things right. Discuss the issue with them.  



 

“Bad behaviour needs to be checked”- 12 June 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 22 June 2016 22:26

R.R

Q. I have two and half year son. We some time tense with behaviour of our child. He don't play with the things normally, his behaviour is seems violent mostly. He enjoy company of new children, people but after some time may be hit them, or biting. We handle him normally or some time scolding on his behaviour. At home also if anyone sitting he come. Hit n run. Understand everything if we say something he to do it or follow the same thing he do that neatly. When say for not do anything or thing he wish show lot of anger. is anything wrong with our behaviour??? Or, all child behave same on particular age. Will he calm with time.??? Please share your valuable guidance.

Ans. We would need more details to understand the exact nature and the cause of the problem. Violence and anger is not something to be taken lightly. It will need to be checked for it will not go away with time. It is important to know where it is coming from. Such behaviour is generally imitated and learnt from home or peers. Introspect your own behaviour as you say and also observe behaviour of other family members towards him. Talk to him and ask him what is hurting him and making him angry. Sometimes it could be the lack of proper and consistent discipline too where a member is pampering him and allowing him to get away with bad behaviour. A session of counselling will help in understanding the problem and suggesting solutions.

S.G

Q. My brother have passed his 10th class with 8.4 cgpa in CBSE. He is interested in going engineering. But we are a bit confused in taking CBSE or state board. Because the difference comes in the percentile which is very important for getting a better Maharashtra engineering college. And also it is not yet clear that after 2 years admissions will be based on Jee-mains or MHCET. Can you please suggest the right path for better future.

Ans. The decision generally depends upon the school that will give the best education. If you want to rely on a coaching centre to take care of the 12 std Board exams as well as the entrance exams then a coaching centre with admission into a State board school is best. For the coaching centre takes care of both the exams at the central level as well as state level. If you want to rely on a school for education then go for a CBSE school for they train well for the 12 boards and sometimes make available the coaching for entrance as well. Choice depends upon whom you trust and rely on. It is a difficult choice to make as State schools have practically become non-functional as they have passed on the responsibility to coaching centres. This happens only in Nagpur perhaps where the takeover is complete. Even if the government changes the nature of the entrance tests it does not matter if you go to a CBSE school or a coaching centre. For the teaching is almost equivalent to CBSE.

A.P

Q. I am in 2 year of engineering and I want to prepare for government jobs so how to start the preparation and as I live in joint family my mom dad goes to work and in their absence all of them taunt me about various thing and when i shout or do anything they will start fight and as result i don't do anything and when mom and dad come they will act as they were telling me all good and i am really getting frustrated what should I do?

Ans. You have not mentioned your branch of engineering. If you have one of the core branches, such as, mechanical, electrical, civil, there is lots of scope in the government sector as well as the public sector. There is scope for Electronics and Telecommunication too in the government sector. For computer science and information technology, the private sector is best. There is something called Indian Engineering services (IES) and there is a qualifying exam which is part of the Union Public Service Commission (UPSC) which you can prepare for and appear after graduation. They take engineers from the core branch. Among the public sector there is Coal India Ltd, Manganese Ore India Ltd, MECL, HPCL etc. Look up the website for UPSC and you will find the schedules for exams and other details for IES too. You could try for private sector also which recruit at the campus level. It is nice to know you are serious about your future from second year itself and want to prepare for it in all earnest- Best of luck to you.

 

“Being responsible”- 5 June 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 22 June 2016 22:23

S.S

Q. I have passed my 12th HSC exam in 2015-2016 and for medical entrance preparation I have taken 1 year gap but I am not able to make it properly....I could have made it but due to some family problems I couldn't make it. As a child I lost my mother when I was a child of 8 years old. My father is an ex-serviceman (retired from army) so he used to drink a lot. So I have to look at myself manage home I could not manage myself my family could not focus on my studies. Kindly suggest me something to balance my life and my career.

Ans. I must admire your sense of responsibility towards your father and family. At such a young age you take up the duties so seriously. But unfortunately for you your family does not support your efforts in studying well for your career. One option is do your home duties and then get out to a library /reading room to study. Take your books and study in silence. Sitting at home may not be so conducive. About balancing your life and career you need to keep your mind calm, free of negative thoughts, keep doing your duties and focus your mind on your career and the future. The present will have to be ignored. I hope your father will realise some day what his duties are. Seek the help of a teacher who can speak to your father and family? God bless you and keep up your struggle and your spirits.

A.D

Q. Ma'am I have just passed my 12th boards with 86% in Arts stream. And now I am interested in doing B. A. in English with creative/professional/journalism writing. I need you to suggest me some top universities of India offering online distance education course in my interested graduation course. Because I am a physically handicapped student, unable to attend classes, so I want online study only. Earlier I was also interested in humanities subjects like political science and psychology, but I don't think there's a suitable career for me in those fields therefore I am choosing this field as I enjoy writing and want to polish my journalist/ creative writing skills. Kindly suggest me some universities ma'am.

Ans. Yes online courses are available with IGNOU, YCMOU and some more universities. You could check online for them. Most journalism courses are post graduate courses, which means after you do a B.A you do B.J. Some colleges have started enrolling students after 12 also which are few. A better option would be to do B.A English and then enrol for B,J. Some foreign universities too offer online journalism courses such as London school of Journalism. Google ‘distance learning courses in journalism’ and you would find many of them. I feel that for a handicapped person graduating with English and then doing courses in creative writing will be better than journalism. IGNOU has a six month course in creative writing. All the best to you.

B. S

Q. I was distracted with a girl in my 12 Std and now I have messed up my exam results. Now I am not interested in her and we have lots of fights. She not understanding my mind and keep phoning me and eating my head. I am tired of her, I am going mad with her troubles and gossip about me everywhere with my friends. My friends think I am mean and bad guy to do this to her but it is all lies and not true. I think I am also going mad. My parents are also angry with me for spoiling my results. I really don’t know what to do. Please guide me.

 

Ans. I am sorry to hear of your predicament. The girl does not want to give up the friendship and goes around spreading gossip about you to others. The second factor of stress is your results which are below expectations and has upset your parents. The best thing to do is to ignore all of them, the girl as well as your friends, and concentrate on your future career options. Gossip and such talks gradually die their own natural death as people begin to lose interest in it soon and start looking for fresh juicy stuff. One thing you could do is to make a last bit of communication with her (you may not have communicated to her properly) and tell her that you are under stress and would like to discontinue the friendship. Take someone whom you trust with you and have a witness when you speak to her. Tell her not to disturb you after that. Do not fight with her or blame her just state your message. Secondly consider the best options of study for you under the circumstances and promise your parents all seriousness of purpose and dedication. Relax your mind and exercise daily. Eat good food and be with the family.

S.S

Q. I have passed my 12th HSC exam in 2015-2016 and for medical entrance preparation I have taken 1 year gap but I am not able to make it properly....I could have made it but due to some family problems I couldn't make it. As a child I lost my mother when I was a child of 8 years old. My father is an ex-serviceman (retired from army) so he used to drink a lot. So I have to look at myself manage home I could not manage myself my family could not focus on my studies. Kindly suggest me something to balance my life and my career.

Ans. I must admire your sense of responsibility towards your father and family. At such a young age you take up the duties so seriously. But unfortunately for you your family does not support your efforts in studying well for your career. One option is do your home duties and then get out to a library /reading room to study. Take your books and study in silence. Sitting at home may not be so conducive. About balancing your life and career you need to keep your mind calm, free of negative thoughts, keep doing your duties and focus your mind on your career and the future. The present will have to be ignored. I hope your father will realise some day what his duties are. Seek the help of a teacher who can speak to your father and family? God bless you and keep up your struggle and your spirits.

A.D

Q. Ma'am I have just passed my 12th boards with 86% in Arts stream. And now I am interested in doing B. A. in English with creative/professional/journalism writing. I need you to suggest me some top universities of India offering online distance education course in my interested graduation course. Because I am a physically handicapped student, unable to attend classes, so I want online study only. Earlier I was also interested in humanities subjects like political science and psychology, but I don't think there's a suitable career for me in those fields therefore I am choosing this field as I enjoy writing and want to polish my journalist/ creative writing skills. Kindly suggest me some universities ma'am.

Ans. Yes online courses are available with IGNOU, YCMOU and some more universities. You could check online for them. Most journalism courses are post graduate courses, which means after you do a B.A you do B.J. Some colleges have started enrolling students after 12 also which are few. A better option would be to do B.A English and then enrol for B,J. Some foreign universities too offer online journalism courses such as London school of Journalism. Google ‘distance learning courses in journalism’ and you would find many of them. I feel that for a handicapped person graduating with English and then doing courses in creative writing will be better than journalism. IGNOU has a six month course in creative writing. All the best to you.

B. S

Q. I was distracted with a girl in my 12 Std and now I have messed up my exam results. Now I am not interested in her and we have lots of fights. She not understanding my mind and keep phoning me and eating my head. I am tired of her, I am going mad with her troubles and gossip about me everywhere with my friends. My friends think I am mean and bad guy to do this to her but it is all lies and not true. I think I am also going mad. My parents are also angry with me for spoiling my results. I really don’t know what to do. Please guide me.

 

Ans. I am sorry to hear of your predicament. The girl does not want to give up the friendship and goes around spreading gossip about you to others. The second factor of stress is your results which are below expectations and has upset your parents. The best thing to do is to ignore all of them, the girl as well as your friends, and concentrate on your future career options. Gossip and such talks gradually die their own natural death as people begin to lose interest in it soon and start looking for fresh juicy stuff. One thing you could do is to make a last bit of communication with her (you may not have communicated to her properly) and tell her that you are under stress and would like to discontinue the friendship. Take someone whom you trust with you and have a witness when you speak to her. Tell her not to disturb you after that. Do not fight with her or blame her just state your message. Secondly consider the best options of study for you under the circumstances and promise your parents all seriousness of purpose and dedication. Relax your mind and exercise daily. Eat good food and be with the family.

“Winning is important for success”- 29 May 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Saturday, 28 May 2016 19:42

S.D

Q. I have given 12th examination, I am interested in Designing courses and wanted to do graduation in that. I need to know information of the course and scope in specific branch which will give me entry in corporate. I also wanted to know that which private or government college which best for the course.

Ans. We need to know more details about your subjects in 12 std and your interest areas before we give you suggestions about the courses. There are design courses in Arts and there are design courses with science as well. For example, product design, interior design, textile design and many more such courses are science based and hence known as technical courses. The art based design courses are mainly fine arts, commercial art, fashion designing, and the likes of it. Another course requiring design is architecture. You would need to think through your interests and your aims before you make a choice. A session of career counselling will help make it clear if you are unable to decide.

K.P

Q. I'm 18 yrs old studying in second year BDS. I'm not able to balance between family and friends. Me and my friends are somewhat impish and we love to enjoy but equally we study too but my parents think that I get too much involved in them. I agree sometimes it gets too much but under peer pressure I'm not able to say anything. I'm always afraid of losing people. I can't get angry on anyone. I can't see anyone sad because of me and I have to surrender, so sometimes people use me. That’s why my parents are worried. I know if my family is there I don't need anyone but then too don't know why I behave like that. Secondly I'm so much confused about my decisions. Every time in problem I get two ways to solve and I prove myself wrong though I always wanted to choose the right one. Thirdly whenever I participate in any competition whether it may be drawing or may be study related my competitors win by cheating or there is partiality amongst us. I have never won any competition even after giving my best honestly. I taught my friend and helped her about everything in competition but she won and I even didn't got second prize, the second prize winner was not that much good. Whenever anyone of college staff and students see paintings before praising about winners they talk about my painting, its good but after all winner is winner. Again one thing I wanted to share is about family- my family does not likes so I always avoid to go to movies to night outs and I am always truthful to them but still they do not trust me 100%. I' m good in studies but not able to handle my life perfectly. What should I do? Please help.

Ans. Peer group pressure is common for all people in all age groups. Some people are able to handle it well and do not care beyond a limit for others but some people like you care too much for others and may harm themselves in many ways. For one, if you are generally other oriented you tend to focus less on yourself and more on others. So you help them cutting off your precious time and doing things for them. Although helping is a good quality if it is at the expense of your success and progress you might think twice. Your focus has to be you and your activities and success. So learn to first focus on yourself and your achievements. Tell yourself that you are important to you. Although friends are very important in life they do not stay with us always as each one goes their own way. And each one leads their own life according to their aims and dreams. Along the way you keep making new friends as nobody likes to be alone. Just as family is important friends are important too but they do not stay with you for long. Family always stays with you no matter what and therefore we owe them everything. Do not be afraid of losing friends, it is a natural process and we do lose them at every stage of our life, just as we make new ones. You need to focus on developing your skills in whatever area you think you are weak in, such as, decision making, focusing on your own goals, learning to compete and winning. Winning is important for success. If you are playing a cricket match, will you start helping the other team guys to win or you will focus on your own game and team and want to win? The same is the case with all activities. If there is a competition try to do your best, don’t help anybody, concentrate your energies on self and decide to win. And you will.

 

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