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“Intense emotions can be scary”- 6 December 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Friday, 04 December 2015 23:25

S.K

Q. I am in Standard 12th, I am very tensed related to my studies. I can't do study after 1 or 2 hours. This same case was with me in 10th and 11th. I can't concentrate on my studies. Also I am failing in all my tuition tests and test series. I get disturbed as there is other activity going on around me. While doing studies I can learn only a paragraph in 6 hours. I think my grasping power is lessen or what! I want to score best in 12th, as I scored very low in 10th &11th. I want your suggestion about how to study and concentrate as there are remaining 60 days for me for Board exam. I also can't consult to your office, as my parents will disagree with this consultation. Hope you will reply soon.

Ans. You do not mention if the subjects you have chosen are of your liking or not? If the subjects are not interesting or you do not have the aptitude for those tests then it is going to cause trouble. Concentration can get disturbed in such a situation. But now that it is too late you will have to take it up as a challenge and get going. Just keep focus on three things, studying, eating, sleeping for the next two months and do not do any fourth thing. No social media, no chatting, no friends and no any other distractions. Just three things are allowed. You will realise that you have ample time and energy to study and get going. In case the subjects are boring or tough then you have to work harder to revise, practice them many times over till you reach proficiency. It is not impossible and it is not difficult too. Study with a passion and see the difference. All the best to you.

Anonymous

Q. I met a girl in my college around 5 months ago and we are very good friends now. I have started liking her but not sure whether she have the same feelings or not. Should I confess her??

Ans. You will have to make a judgement whether she will react positively or negatively to your confession. Sometimes when the other person is not ready to receive strong emotions they may withdraw out of anxiety and nervousness and the relationship can get strained. A better way is to praise the person and use safer words such as ‘I like you’, ‘you are a very person’ ‘you have many good qualities’, ‘I am impressed’, etc. rather than saying headlong ‘I love you’! After this watch her reactions and if they are favourable over a period of time then confess. Make a judgement before you say whatever you have you have to say. There are consequences to every action.

XYZ.

Q. I love a boy and he looks at me too. But he never tries to talk to me and runs away when he sees me. I know he likes me but what is the problem I don’t know. What he behave like that, why he not talk to me? I want to talk to him but he does not. Please advice what I should do?

Ans. There could be two explanations for such type of behaviour. Either the boy is not sure of how he feels for you and finds your emotions intimidating. Or else he also has feelings for you like you have for him but he is a shy fellow and does not have the guts to say his mind. In fact he does not have the guts to even approach you and make friends with you! This can happen with many people who are introverted and hence submissive. They cannot assert themselves and their feelings. Try avoiding him for some time and see his reactions. Try getting friendly with someone else and watch his reactions. The other alternative is for you to approach him for a silly thing and make just friends with him. Do not scare him with your emotions. Just be nice and sweet to him and talk about neutral topics like studies or hobbies or the college but not emotions and certainly not love! Try it and see.

 

“Do not succumb to unholy pressures”- 29 November 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Friday, 04 December 2015 23:23

XYZ.

Q. I am a housewife and aged around 40 years old. I have a problem with my husband. He is good to me but recently I came to know that he lies a lot. I had a clue that he may be doing so but I was not sure and I always trusted him and believed him. Now I came to know that he having an affair with someone who is much younger to him. He stays away from home longer and comes back late. He comes in good mood and I feel bad about myself and my son. Nowadays my son has started noticing a change in me, he sees me crying and getting irritated with him. He is a lovely child. I don’t know what to do. Should I leave him and go to my parents? Will he change and when? How should I behave with him?

Ans. This is a difficult situation truly and choices are not many. Leaving a marriage is a major decision and staying in a dishonest and unloved marriage is equally tough. It is an emotional torture. And you are a housewife which means you stay at home whole day and do not have a career as an outlet for your energies. What you need to do is to introspect deeply and think of your true and possible choices. Threatening him with consequences will not help until you are able to execute those choices. A better way is to keep calm, tell him you know what he is up to and what decision he wants to take. That might help you in making up your mind what you should be doing. If he promises to reform himself (which he is going to say!) then give your marriage a chance and stay back. Change in a personality is a difficult proposition. Do not upset yourself more than you already have and wait and watch for how the picture unfolds. Do not be in a hurry either way.

Anonymous,

Q. My boyfriend is very demanding. I do not like it but he forces me to do things which I feel guilty about. Madam I am in trouble and losing sleep. I love him a lot and he is a good boy. He is very loving and caring and he talks to me a lot. We talk for six or seven hours every day. My father caught me with the telephone bill and the amount was very heavy. I got a big scolding from my parents but I told them lies that I will stop it. Now he is planning to gift me a phone so that we can talk safely but he wants some things from me. He is elder to me by some years and I am still studying. Please guide me –I cannot share this with my parents as they are already angry with me. Please tell me what to do. I do not want to go the wrong way. I don’t want to spoil my life as I want to be a successful person and make a big name for myself.

Ans. You seem to be a sensible girl and have understood that he is demanding and forces you to do things against your nature and morality. I am glad that you are not succumbing to his pressures and disrespectful demands. Please do not give in at any cost. Just say a very big NO and stay quiet. You can keep the friendship going till you think it is worth otherwise some day you might have to end it gracefully. Love is not everything in life there are many other considerations. I am happy to hear of your higher goals and keep focused on that. Be wise and live sensibly.

PC.

Q. I am 32 years old. I got married 2 years ago. I don’t love my husband at all. My parents forced me to marry him because he is of the same caste. I already love someone else and I am in a relationship with him. I cannot lie to my husband anymore and I want to settle down with the man I love. I know if I separate with my husband, my parents will stop talking to me. I don’t want that to happen. I am very confused, please help me. How should I tell this to my parents and my husband?

Ans.  This is a real mess you have allowed to be created. You should have told your parents before you got married. Now it seems a bit too late. Try adjusting with your husband and try to understand each other before you take any drastic measures. Alternately I could suggest a few sessions of counselling with you and later with your husband as well if you feel.

 

“No scope for mediocrity in some careers”- 22 November 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Friday, 04 December 2015 23:13

Anonymous.

Q. I'm a 21 year old girl who is currently studying my final year.  I have recently realized that I have lost all interest in studies. I do not like what I am doing and want to do something different. I always wanted to act and become a model but my family did not agree. They forced me into this course. I am hating this all more now after tolerating it for few years. But I'm confused as what will I do then? And what if I fail there too? I feel sad angry and depressed when I do my college work. What should I do? Please advice.

Ans. This is unfortunate for you to be lagging in a course which does not interest you at all. Parents have security uppermost in their mind as well as some have prejudice against some professions which have been devalued for some reason. No career is good or bad –people are happy doing what they would like to do. Careers such as modeling and acting are not sure shot job oriented courses and require a lot of hard work and long years of making it there. You need money to sustain yourself for so many years which your parents may not afford. Also keep in mind that there is no scope for mediocrity in these careers –you either reach the top with your super talent or you might not be able to survive. So taking a graduation is a good and wise thing to do, work for some years and have a hobby as acting and modeling in your local area. It is important to earn as well as pursue your dreams. So do both, till you are capable of choosing your passion and then switching over.

A.D

Q. Please guide me about detaching emotions from a girl.

Ans. This is a tough task but not impossible thing to do. When the rational decision is taken the emotions should come in line of control. Your head should rule your heart but we know emotions have more power than reason. One way is to channelize your emotions into meaningful tasks that you enjoy doing such as creative hobbies or any physical activity that will relieve you to some extent. Another way is to accept the fact that the girl is no longer part of your life and is gone. You could cherish the good memories spent with her if it helps or if it worsens your state of mind then do not think about her and the good days. Another choice is to go out and help others in need, do some social work and help needy kids or handicapped people and you will forget your misery when you see the misery of the world. See life in a broader perspective and not from a narrow view. You will find many friends and also the girl of your choice.

A.N

Q. I am a 19 years engineering student. I want to pass IAS exam so please tell me from where and when should I start preparing for UPSC exam? Please advise me.

Ans. There are good institutes who can coach you for these exams. You should work on improving your English language and also your general knowledge. Take genuine interest in political affairs and world affairs and a general awareness of things around. Your reasoning capacity should also be developed although you are a student of engineering. Pick up some books from the market on these exams and start reading them. You have time for you will appear after your final year exams. Start now. The sooner the better.

G.T

Q. I am a student of 11th commerce, doing preparation of CPT exam ( CA entrance ). I want to make a perfect time table for my studies as well as my routine work but I don’t get the perfect time table as every time I made it. So can you please help me with this? Even my grades are decreasing and lack of concentration problem is increasing in me. Please suggest me.

Ans. There is nothing as a perfect time table. The only consideration is to spend as much time as you can on studies. You should have a three point program- eat, sleep and study. Nothing else should occupy your mind. Stop all other activities such as TV, mobile, social networking, hobbies, friends etc. If you are serious about becoming a CA you can do it. Focus on improving your concentration by removing distractions and get going. If you cannot help yourself come for a session of counselling. We can teach your many simple techniques to improve your concentration and stop distractions.

 

Last Updated ( Friday, 04 December 2015 23:28 )

Nothing is more worthwhile than your career”-15 November 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Friday, 04 December 2015 23:09

Pranay.

Q. I am a person very sincere towards my goals and my life and wish to become a good person in my life but I am in a dilemma regarding what's going on nowadays in my life and I seek your guidance. Ma'am I like a girl (not because I am going under certain hormonal changes) but because she is the best personality I had ever seen, she is the most intelligent and the most influential girl I had ever seen. Actually I don't know whether I am in love and I just want to ask you whether love at this age (16 years) is good or whether I am on a wrong path? And if yes then what should I do???

Ans. Friendship is good and to seek inspiration from good personalities is great. But do not get into the concept of love and all that. Do not define your positive feelings for her as love but as just that- positive feelings. Do not entertain any such thoughts that will distract you from your prime goals of career making and becoming a good person. She would be nice as a friend and you could have intelligent company around you, but you could take one precaution and that is to be in a group of 3 to 4 people and never alone with her. That keeps a check on your thoughts and actions and feelings as well. Choose nice people as your friends whether boys or girls. Enjoy their company and their friendships. Do not cross these boundaries till some more years.

Pranay.

Q. I am not able to study for long hours and even when I study I feel that I am not that concentrated. I am disturbed by trivial thoughts or things that I have to do or I have done. Ma'am study is my passion and I have to study till the time I get that inner satisfaction of doing it. So Ma'am can you kindly guide me through some tricks to be well. Increase my concentration and to increase my will-power which would help me working very hard without giving up to the comforts of life.

Ans. You already have the answers when you say that trivial thoughts divert your mind. One way to control them is to write all your trivial thoughts down on a piece of paper and give them the attention they want. That will banish them from your mind and set your mind free for studies. Also before studying close your eyes, breathe normally and slowly, do a bit of loud humming and then when you feel concentrated in your head start to study. If you get distracted in between then do this again. If it does not work a session of counselling will help you.

S.C

Q. I am doing engineering. Due to health problems and poor academic of my 1st year I performed badly because of which I lose my 2 precious year-my bad friend-circle and my mistakes was also an important factor behind this. I scored 81% in 10th std, and I scored 61% in 12th. I was always a student who use to lie between the range 70% to 80%. I represented my school in different yoga competitions and had given speeches on various occasions in my girls’ school but after 10th std I feel I lost my self in curricular activities as well as academics. I am completely diverted, I am a lot worried about my future and career. I want to crack UPSC but I am having any idea that do I have potential to do so and now I am 22 years I just have 3 years in my hand to get settled.  Please guide and am totally confused.

Ans. Wasting two precious years is very unfortunate if you have been a good student. Anyway,  you have lots of time still on hand to fulfill your dreams. First be serious about your goals and then get going. You have the potential which you have proved in school exams and now have got involved in other activities which is also important for your all-round development of personality. So do not despair. Set your priorities and focus on them now. This is the time for career making and other involvements would have to be discontinued for a while. You will be able to utilize all the talent you have in your career as well as your life in general. Working in a job requires a lot of skills and just degrees do not help. So development of talent and skills can never be a waste of time. You will see the rewards when you get into work life. But at this juncture you need to clear the UPSC exams to get into your dream role. Nothing should be worthwhile enough to distract you. All the best to you.

 

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