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“Avoid disastrous distractions”- 5 April 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 14 April 2015 22:19

XYZ

Q. I am an 18 year old girl. Recently I appeared for 12th board exams and now preparing for JEE. I have a crush on a guy who was my classmate in 12th, but I am not able to tell him because I am afraid of rejection.  Every day and night I just think about him. I feel very depressed and unable to concentrate on anything. Even I am afraid of my board results. My parents are expecting a lot from me. I think that I should remain single but sometimes I feel so lonely and need someone in my life. I intensely like him but worried about my future. Please help me.

Ans. You must control your emotions and do not express them at this stage. You have exams in front of you and a long way to go. This can be a disastrous distraction and diversion from your goals. Your thoughts are private to you and keep them to yourself. Do not let him know. You might just disturb him too and nothing will come out of it. If you can just say hi to him since he is your classmate is fine but not your feelings for him. You never know he might just not ever talk to you because he will be shocked. Be a good girl and be sensible too.  Don’t get carried away by your emotions. Such feelings and attractions do happen in teenage but they are to be checked severely.

S.A

Q. I am 18 years old. I am in 1st year(MBBS). I am feeling that I would get failed in university exams as I got failed in terms just by few marks. Due to this fear I am unable to study and get disturbs by just thinking that even studying much I would get fail. And this worry make me stressed. I also think that my each n every day events suggest me that I am going to fail in university exams.  Please suggest me that how could I get over it.

Ans. This happens to most students that you get worried about your exams. But your level of anxiety seems to be a bit higher than usual. This is not good at all as you cannot study in an emotional state of mind. You will have to learn to control your anxiety and be positive about yourself. Train yourself in the art of simple meditation and anxiety control exercises and focus yourself on studies. If you cannot do that yourself seek a session and we can help you train your mind. But it is important to get out of anxiety and be positive and absolutely relaxed and calm if you are to study well and pass which you can.

A.K

Q. Again I need your help. My life is still such a mess. I have made many mistakes in past but my family members keep reminds me about those mistake. The more I try to forget those mistakes and try to Change my life the more I fail. I don’t know what to do. I really
want to do my best but I couldn't. Because I am stuck in people who have already made these judgements about me, it’s nothing like I am not motivated I just need my family support too, to understand me.

Ans. This again shows a weakness in you. You must learn the art of surviving in all odds. Even if no one in the world supports you, you have to learn to rely on your own judgements about yourself. If you value yourself and believe that you have good qualities to make it in life then stick to that belief under all circumstances and never let it waver. People may be kind and people may be rude but you have yourself to support you. If you go against self then you become your own enemy for you begin to believe things about yourself that others portray about you. That is not the true picture for whatever mistakes you have made in the past have come to your realisation and you want to leave them behind and move on with good things. But your family seems to be unforgiving and keeps reminding you about them. Well, it is a challenging time and come on live up to it to prove yourself that you have the guts and the courage.

 

“Get back to boys and books”- 29 March 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 14 April 2015 22:18

M.A

Q): I am a 22-year-old guy, leading a happy life. One day I felt that I was behaving like a drunkard; but in reality, I was not drunk at all. This feeling lasted for 10-15 minutes. I visited a doctor, who did a thorough check-up and said that I was normal. I am not under stress. Some relatives said that I’m ‘possessed’. When I visit holy places, where drums are beaten or aartis are performed, my behaviour changes and I become a drunkard again. Also, my voice becomes coarse. This happens with me mostly during the Navratri festival. Please let me know whether I have some kind of problem.

A): It is a strange symptom that you mention, as it does not fit into anything apparent. I would need more details to understand the problem. I cannot think of any explanation with the little description you have given. It might be a good idea to visit and consult me once. We might find an explanation to your behaviour and the changes you experience temporarily. Even if there is no problem there has to be an explanation to it.

Anonymous.

Q): I am a doctor and was in love with a medico for 4 years. He told me that if his parents agreed, then only we’d get married. I am two years elder to him and both of us are settled in our careers. His parents are orthodox and were ready for our engagement last year. But after our engagement, they started troubling me over petty issues. A month prior to our wedding, his father asked for dowry. We called off the engagement, but I’m unable to forget him. I still love him and keep thinking about a life together. I am too depressed and feel like committing suicide. He has stopped talking to me since the last five months. Why did he ditch me like this?  

A): It appears that the boy does not have the courage to oppose his parents and thus was not able to withstand the pressure that his parents must have exerted on him. Since he is still struggling to make a career, he must be financially dependent on them too. So emotional pressure and financial needs must have weighed on his mind and he ditched you. In such situations, we could assume that he did not cheat you as such, for you both did get engaged but his parents played foul by asking for dowry and creating trouble for you. When the pressures began to pile up he must have decided to back out. Perhaps it is good for you in the long run for you would have been unhappy with such a person at some point or the other due to his weaknesses and also due to the culture of his parents. You have had a bitter taste of it. So better alone than with people like this. Destiny might have something better for you in future. Have faith in yourself and your life. Be positive.

M.S

Q): I am in class 12 and I have been in a relationship with a girl since the last three years. We both love each other a lot. The problem is that she got shifted to Nagpur last year. None of us is able to concentrate on studies. People at her place know about us, while at my place, only my father knows about our relationship. I keep thinking about her most of the time. Her parents have confiscated her cellphone and that is why we are unable to talk to each other. I feel too frustrated and I cannot leave her. She is my first love. Please tell me ways in which I can divert my attention towards something else. I sometimes feel insure too.

A): This is what emotions do to your mind. They create havoc, create unrest and disturb your studies. Try to calm your mind and relax it. Do vigorous exercises and sports to drain the emotions and channelise them in healthy ways. Think of her as just a friend and nothing more. It is all in the mind. Do not allow your thoughts and emotions to hijack you and your mind. Remember it is in your control. The way you think and the way you react affects your mind. So think of good thoughts, banish romantic emotional content and be happy and peaceful. It is healthy to have friends and yet maintain a distance from them especially with the opposite gender. Never allow yourself the liberty to fall in love at such an age. It is sheer luxury that you can ill afford. Get back to boys and books.

“Be prepared for eventualities”- 22 March 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 14 April 2015 22:16

C.S.

Q): I am a Law student from Nagpur. I was in a relationship with a girl since standard 10. She was my first love and we were going steady until I shifted to this city. We had a huge quarrel and then broke up. But I still wanted her back in my life. A few years later, she said that she too loved me dearly, but doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me again. We pretended to be ‘just friends’. I always hoped that she would come back to me, but some more days later, she said that she had developed feelings for somebody else. I decided to break all ties with her, because if she was happy with someone else, then I shouldn’t be interfering in the relationship anymore. Years passed since our break-up but I’m unable to forget her. Her memories keep haunting me everyday. This has left me confused and dejected. Please help me.

A): You could just learn to enjoy your dreams and not take them to heart to trouble yourself. Since she is the only one in your life that you have befriended so far, you think of her. Try and make new friends and look for girls you would be happy with. I don’t mean romantic link-ups but being just friends will help you get rid of your loneliness. Also before sleeping, you could try to meditate and think of the image of God, whom you worship and you feel a difference in your sleep. Not only will you sleep well but you will also dream of the God, whom you have imagined. Please stay focused in life and build a great career.

A.R.

Q): I am 12-years old and I have a boyfriend. I’m good in studies. Almost every student in our school, most of our teachers and his family members have come to know about our relationship. But nowadays, I have started feeling that he is not interested in me like he was previously. I’m too worried about this. When I ask him about his disinterest, he starts giving weird excuses. Please help me and give me tips so that I can win his attention back.

A): He seems to be more sensible than you are. He must have realised that he should concentrate on his studies and not on you and the friendship. You should do the same and concentrate on studies. Also stay in the company of girls and make lots of girl friends. That will give you tremendous happiness and relief from this guy. Leave him to himself and his decisions. Perhaps that is best for both of you.

A.B.

Q): I am a third year paramedical student. When I was in standard 11, I was in a relationship with a guy, whom I never trusted. Due to the same reason, I broke up with him after two years of a steady relationship. A few months ago, I fell in love with another guy and we are in a steady relationship now. He is elder to me and is quite trustworthy. But I don’t know why I feel insecure all the time. I feel that the people I love will leave me in the lurch. Sometimes when he doesn’t reply to my calls, I get terribly upset and this has started to affect my studies as well. He has also introduced me to his parents and has promised to marry me, but I think I am too possessive about him. I don’t know how to deal with this. I feel lonely and isolated when my friends don’t talk to me properly and I always have a feeling that they will leave me forever. Please help me get out of this.

A): You seem to be insecure with relationships and this is not a good trait. You will need to change this state of mind. A few sessions of counselling and psychotherapy will help you probe deeper into your mind and change yourself. Boost your self-image and your self-esteem and think positive about yourself. Always feel confident that you can manage and handle your life well. Be proud of your studies and your other strengths. Always think positive about life but be prepared for eventualities and think that you can handle them well. A woman is capable of leading her own life and is competent to handle anything and everything. That is what education is all about.

 

“Be aware of your emotional needs”- 15 March 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 14 April 2015 22:14

Neha

Q): I am studying in high school and I am in love with a guy from my own batch. He was in a relationship with a girl a year ago, but now they’ve broke up. I told him that I love him, but he did not respond to it, though he has been nice to me. He was being a bit rude of late, but has now come back to normal. Despite being in love with him, my performance in studies is very good. I want to win his attention. Please suggest ways in which I can do that.

A): He seems to be having mood swings as you say that he was nice for some time, a bit rude and then normal. That is how it is when two people break up and go through stressful times. You should keep being nice to him and talk of cheerful things like a friend and not mention your emotions of love for him. Since he has just had a break up, he may not be in a mood to get into another relationship so fast. So just chill; be sweet and nice and helpful to him if he wants, but do not overdo it. Let him feel relaxed in your company. That will be the first step towards friendship. I am glad your performance is good in studies and that means you have a strong head and are balanced. Keep it up!

Anonymous
Q): I am in the final year of BA. I’ve been a good student till standard 12, but now I am unable to concentrate on anything. Actually my life is one big mess. When I was in school, a guy ruined my image, despite which, I behaved well with him. I did not know his intentions at that time when he proposed to me. I was infatuated by him but got to know him a bit too late! I trusted him a lot. I do not stay in a very open atmosphere at home, due to which, I couldn’t tell my parents about him. They came to know about my relationship with him from outsiders and that was the day they last trusted me. Despite all that I kept talking to him. But he ruined my image to such an extent that I lost trust in everybody and considered them my enemy. After this incident, another guy came into my life. I knew he was not the right person for me, yet I fell for him in standard 12. After 3 years, I broke up with him and was terribly lonely. Then, a school friend, with whom I did not talk much, approached me. He confessed his love to me and we got into a relationship. Recently, I came to know that he is cheating on me. I tried to convince him to tell me the truth, but he did not give in. Later, I got to know about him but it was too late again. I have been in love with him so religiously, that it has become impossible for me to forget him. He said he was in love with another girl previously and had given her time till he finished his engineering. He is a year younger to me. Now he says he loves me and wants to break up with that girl but is waiting for that to happen till his studies are over. What should I do about this? I’m frustrated and feel like killing myself. I’m depressed and unable to concentrate on anything. I’m fed up with life; should I meet you for help?

A): Yes I think you should meet me. You have emotional needs that lead you into one or the other relationships that are harmful to you. You tend to get cheated by all the guys you have met so far as I think you must be overly emotional and get carried away by their smooth talk. You seem to be gullible and naive and the guys take advantage of that. You need to cut off from all these guys as they are just passing time with you without being serious and sincere. Trust is the most important thing in friendship otherwise it is a waste of energy and time. You would need to explore your mind and its needs and understand yourself better. You need to become aware of your weaknesses and your strengths and work on them to gain more control on your mind and behaviour. A few sessions of counselling will be helpful.


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