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“Pursue your own dreams”- 4 January 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 18 February 2015 22:12

Anonymous.

Q.  I am mentally drained and suffer suicidal thoughts. Aged 18, I am pursuing medical science. I have below average intelligence and have always been compared with siblings who are very talented. I am addicted to day-dreaming all day, I imagine myself as an attractive girl, best at everything I do, with a good friend circle and the best romantic life possible. In reality, I am a liar, lack hygiene, am not great looking, feel rejected. I am also addicted to pornography and masturbating. I feel depressed, lonely most of the times. I chose medical field because of sibling’s excellence. I failed the entrance exam and wanted to do designing. However, my parents forced me to retry. I bunk classes and watch porn, etc. Please help me save my future.

Ans. If you can a session of counselling will be very helpful in sorting out your confusions about the choice of career and your emotional disturbances. Your parents seem to be responsible for your current state of mind by pushing you into a career which you don’t want and not allowing you to choose the career you like. Secondly they compare you to others which is damaging to your self esteem and self worth. You have internalised all the negative comments about yourself and believe that you are below average. I would advise you to stop day dreaming and start thinking positively about your future. Believe in yourself and do what you would love to do. Pursue your own dreams not those of your parents.

Twinkle

Q. I am studying in class 12th and I am preparing for JEE. But now I realised that it’s not my cup of tea. It’s not that I lost hope or something but I know that I didn’t work hard and now I'm focusing for board exams. But I'm little worried about next then? I have interest in

architecture too but I didn’t opt for JEE mains paper -2 for it. Because I know that I won’t be able to manage entrance, boards and architecture too. But somewhere I am regretting for it a little. I am a jolly girl and wanted to do work that I will do with my soul but I don’t have any talent or special skills in anything. Please guide me. What should I do now? I read your columns and I love the way you deal with it. Please help.

Ans. You could opt for B.Tech courses such as Interior designing, Textile designing, cosmetology, BCA and such other courses which can be done without the entrance exams but through merit on board exam percentage. You could also appear for NATA and get into architecture through that. It is difficult to guide in the choice of career in such a way as it needs a face to face talk and discussion. It is deciding for your whole life and there should not be any confusion left. We need to know your aptitude, your interest areas and your personality factors. Career chosen systematically is the best choice to make. It cannot be done randomly.

R.S

Q. I'm an employee at public sector bank posted around 350 kms away from Nagpur and completed around six years of service. I've family my wife and two children with me. I recently know that I'm a patient of high blood pressure and said to stop 'drinking' it will lead to heart attack. Since I heard that I always think that something wrong is going to happen with me. Even when I'm working I'm thinking the same. My behavior and attitude is totally lost. I'm a heavy drinker and I need daily as I'm crowded with people all the day I desperately need something to sleep well and this lead to ignorance of family life as well as personal life. During weekends I start from afternoon to night which bother me but I'm helpless.  Presently I'm felling loneliness and some sound always come to my ears I always try avoid it. Sometimes I feel to run away from family but I feel what they do without me? Sometimes I feel to close self. I do feel that all these are psychological but I want to make it right. Please HELP. PS: I don't drink during working hours but still I feel dizziness and try to do best of me.

Ans. You must accept the truth that you have become addicted to alcohol and must take indoor treatment in a hospital for a week or two at least. A psychiatrist or a physician is the best person to treat you and de-addict you from the affects of alcohol. After the initial de-addiction process you would need counselling and psychotherapy to heal your mind and develop habits to remain clean. There is always the tendency for relapse. Depression and loneliness and negative thoughts about future are part of the symptoms of prolonged alcohol abuse. Take support from your wife and family and take action for seeking hospitalisation and treatment. You can be fine and healthy if you decide.

 

"Strike the balance"- 21 December 2014.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 21 December 2014 18:14

ABC

Q. I am a final year student and am going through lots of stress. I used to top earlier when was in school but now I can't focus on my studies. I was never a social person but when I went to college I made lots of new friends. That’s when my studies started getting affected. I was bunking classes and going for movies and enjoying outings. Now I want to go back to studies but find it hard to do so. Now I am feeling depressed and lonely again. What is my true nature I am not able to understand? Should I make friends or not? Should I just focus on studies or what? How should I treat my friends? Please answer my questions as I am very depressed.

Ans. Stress during your final year is okay, everyone feels it. As of friends, I believe that friendships have nothing to do with studies as long as one doesn’t go overboard. Friends provide us the enjoyment and relaxation we need in our spare time because all work and no play makes us dull. You should curb your activities like bunking and not just think of ending relationships. Treat your friends well but focus on your priorities, your studies. We all are multi-faceted and play different roles according to which our nature varies. You should maintain your relations for a balanced life but keep your focus intact on your studies because that is what will take you ahead in life. Try to enhance your concentration and attention span with suitable exercises.

V.T

Q. I am in first year and I feel like love. But I have doubt that its attraction. Because our age difference is 7 year. So please tell me the difference between love and attraction and he is my teacher. He does not know but there is behaviour like he likes me.

Ans. This is certainly not love. Attraction is possible because of your admiration of his qualities since he is older and wiser. Also admiring and appreciating one’s teacher is natural. But thinking romantically about your teacher is not done. You should not entertain such thoughts in your mind. Please respect him and maintain a good distance from him. This is study time and career building is more important than getting attracted to your teacher. Banish all such thoughts or feelings from your mind and get to your books. Make friendships with your peers and classmates and have a good time with them do not get into serious issues such as a love and all that. Be unattached and detached from all such feelings till the real time comes for such issues. Enjoy your studies and your friendships.

K.M

Q. I am a reader of your weekly column in the daily newspaper "The Hitavada" by the name of "Emotions" under which readers ask their questions seeking for solutions to their problems described. Everyone has problems in life but no one can find out proper solutions to them. I am a student of Class 11 studying Science with Maths. Up to 8th I studied well but from the 9th standard I started to lack interest in studies. I have the curiosity to learn but I am distracted by thoughts which keep coming randomly along-with the computer and mobile. I am not able to score more than 80% marks in any one the subject excluding English. I am not satisfied with my marks and I don't know that why I am not able to do the study. But I want to concentrate seriously on my studies and study like the exemplary. I do not take part in any kinds of physical or co-curricular activities. Another thing I wanted to mention is that I have downloaded quite large number of books from Internet and I read those and I have at least knowledge of those. But what I read in books, I doubt whether I have really read or not?? In future, I plan for preparing for JEE. But with this kind of conditions I cannot imagine how will I proceed. Please guide me through this situation of difficulty with your suggestion. And for the act of which I shall ever be grateful to you.

Ans. Do not lose hope about your future, take each day as it comes and you will overcome your academic obstacles. Distraction is understandable but we have to minimise it. When you sit to study, keep your phone off and sit far from your computer. Take short breaks and do jumps or something fun during those 5-minute breaks. Focus on your studies by doing meditation or other mind-relaxing acts. Also, at your age one needs to indulge in some physical activity or sport because it keeps up your energy levels and will boost your concentration. As for the books you have read, no knowledge gets wasted. Reading is a good habit to inculcate. But yes since you need to prepare for your entrance exams please keep your priorities on your studies.

 

“The Other side..”- 14 December 2014.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 21 December 2014 18:12

Ashwini.

Q. I am a poly technique final year student and I am going through lots of stress. I used to get topper in mathematics when was in school but now I can't focus on my studies. I was not a social person, don’t like being so social but when I went to 12th class I made lots of new friends & I ignore my studies but after some time I realize that I don’t belong from them and start focusing on my studies again & had a admissions in poly technique but this year I got one subject back in it too. After doing hard work too. What should I do now.?? I am totally depressed now but I want to put myself together, then suddenly I start feeling depressed again. What should I do? Please help me.

Ans. There are various ups and downs in life and we should not get disheartened from them. It is good that you excelled earlier, but do not let that make you feel there is something lacking in you now. Stay calm by trying to control your anxieties and fears by doing relaxation exercises and practise some physical workout to keep your energy levels up. Once you are calm, it will be easier to focus. One subject back is not a very big failure, use it as a stepping stone and overcome it. Also, making friends is good for us, nothing wrong in it. The best thing to do is strike a right balance between your social life and academics.

Psj.

Q. I am a BE 3rd year student. The problem I want to discuss is regarding my friend. We are very good friends from 1st year. At then I was having a concern respect about him (which is always there in every relationship) because he is good at heart, helping, artistic, topper, has good reading, leadership skills. But as time passed by he has changed his habits. Now on each weekend he visits a bar and drinks a lot. He is a regular drinker now. We all friends are very tensed about this. We tried all ways to convince him but he is out of ours hold. We are thinking to discuss this matter with his parents, but are hesitating since he is whimsical. What should I do? I can’t see my friend ruining life.

Ans. He may be becoming an alcoholic. Study the signs and in that case you might need professional help. Alcoholism is a little difficult to treat by your-self because of withdrawal symptoms and hence needs medical help. You can try and divert him by making his focus shift to other things that may interest him. Try and reason out with him logically penning down the pros and cons of drinking. However, if he still does not heed to your advice or respect your concern, then leave it at that for some time. Sometimes, pushing it too far may work against you, so try after a few weeks in that case. Otherwise suggest a few sessions of counselling to him.

T.S

Q. I have recently perceived that I have a one track mind problem, as if I completely get lost in one question, problem or whatever I am doing such that I constantly think about it and in the flow forget to do a lot of thing. Well, I can say that I can definitely relate myself to The movie "The secret life of Walter Mitty". Recently, while giving an interview I was asked a simple question and I was giving the same answer again and again, not wrong but, couldn't see the perspective of the interviewer. I don`t mind not getting placed but, I really want to change this mind to a versatile and dynamic mind. I really can't stand with this psychology of one track mind which is affecting my self-confidence and future. Please tell what changes in life style should I bring to change this situation to an open box or out of the box thinking.

Ans. A problem like this is half solved if you have accepted it and are willing to change it. A single-track mind is a habit that you need to break by encouraging new thought processes. Start doing it as an exercise, consciously bring yourself to see normal everyday things with a new perspective and then apply it to all walks of life. It will be difficult but with focused efforts the habit will slowly change. Write down casual events and give three different ways of perceiving each of them. You know you do it, so all that you have to do is make a deliberate effort to inculcate new perspectives at the time you are actually talking to someone. Learn to let go of the illusion that you know it all and consciously try to accommodate others’ views. I am not aware of the film mentioned.

“Make a success of your life”- 7 December 2014.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 21 December 2014 18:11

A.C

Q. I am 4 year student and jobless. Mam at my home there are frequent quarrels between my parents. My father is very short tempered and no one can stop him; and mother don't listen she want the things to go by her way. Quarrel means serious one with uttering bad words, beating. In this I fell very alone no one listen to me, I feel to run away or commit suicide. But when this feeling come I see my brother who is 1 year student and lives in other district, what he will do? How will the things go for him? and that stops me. I told my parents to live separately. But it didn't work. I cannot concentrate on my studies and really worried about my future. So please me as soon as possible.

Ans. The best thing to do is to study hard and get into a job and be independent. Most times children cannot do much to control parents and their bad behaviour. Children are victims of such bad marriages and suffer emotionally. But as you grow up you should learn to ignore their quarrels and get going with your own live. You must also cleanse your mind of negative affects and be positive. Do not get into the trap of negativity which ensures from bad homes. Life is beautiful and you can learn to live it well. Some people just do not know how to live their lives making themselves and others miserable. Never think in extremes of ending your life. Make a success of your life.

MB

Q. I am a class 11 student preparing for AIPMT. I am finding it difficult to adjust with the course and perform good in tests. I think may be my way of studying is not fit for Class 11 and 12 and Aipmt. It’s been 5 months that my classes have started and now teaching is on full swing. I have hectic schedule but somehow manage to get 7-8 hrs to study. Also as I am not scoring good marks I am constantly losing my moral. I am at lack of inspiration. How hard I try to study I end up wasting time. The feeling that "I really need to study hard " has been lost completely.  Please help me out and tell me how to build my moral and feel motivated all the time coz I really want to study!! And suggest proper way of studying for my entrance.

Ans.  Low motivation can be due to many reasons. Find out the primary reason for your lowered motivation by exploring your mind. There could be several causes that are leading to this. If you find the PMT subjects tough or boring or tedious you might rethink your career plans. You might think of dropping medicine and doing something else or at least keeping another option open after 12 std. If you find it interesting then you might improve your study methods and your time management. If you cannot do it yourself come for a session of counselling and we can help you do it.

R. F

Q. Presently I am doing my two year diploma in automobile engineering. Madam now- a- days our 3rd semester examination is going on. Madam yesterday we had our engineering drawing exam I was thoroughly prepared but don't know what happened for first 1 hour of our exam I was going well but after that I got confused and I lost my confidence still I tried to give my best. But lost it !  Madam as I am alone girl in my college doing automobile engineering every teacher is expecting good result from me. Last year I have 1 subject as a back log this year I gave its exam again. When I told this to my parents they started blaming me but this time I was prepared. Now no one trust me even my friends and my best friend too. I am getting depressed now and now I feel that this year also I will get 3 subjects in backlog. And now I am thinking to leave this world. I was always an average student. What I should now. Please help me.

Ans. Why should small failures lead you to think of ending your life? Life is precious and needs to be handled well. Small ups and downs will happen and such situations challenge you to do better and improve your style and methods of learning. You may be getting anxious due to others expectations from you and also due to the fact of being the lone girl. Yes this is stressful to be in a male dominated profession and to compete with the boys. Take it easy and learn to control your anxieties and fears by doing relaxation exercise for calming the mind and physical exercises for fitness and energising yourself. Learn to think positive even in adverse situations and keep improving self slowly. Even if you get backs in subjects complete your course. You might take a few months or a year more but you will qualify. It is important to keep marching ahead even in defeat.

 

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