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“Make your own career choice”- 8 November 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Friday, 04 December 2015 23:07

Anonymous.

Q. I am a 20 year old girl who is currently studying 3rd year Civil engineering. I have lately been disturbed and have lost all interest in studies. I never wanted to do engineering, but I was forced to by my family. I feel like I should leave engineering. But I'm confused as what will I do then? And what if I fail there too? I feel irritated and depressed when I do my college work. Can doing something that one doesn't like cause depression? What should I do? Please advise.

Ans. Oh dear! This is the most terrible thing to be pushed into a choice which is not your own. I can understand how boring and frustrating it is to study a course which is hard labour for you. But since you have reached the third year of engineering it means that you have the intelligence and the aptitude to do it but have no interest in it. A wiser thing would be to complete your course of study for the sake of your parents’ and for the sake of three wasted years and take your graduation degree. Then surely think hard and plan whatever on earth you would like to do. The choice has to be of your interest and liking and allow no one to interfere. You could be helped with a session of counselling to reflect your thoughts and choices. After all your happiness is supreme.

MB

Q. I am class 12 science student and preparing for PMT. For quite a long time few things are bothering me a lot.It was me who decided to take science stream I even went for counselling, but over period of time I realized that I don't truly have much of interest in it.Though I am a good student and always score well but now I can’t take it anymore. I feel an urge to do something different and I don't know what.I like subjects like psychology, philosophy and I want to join any university abroad. But what bothers me is that if I do this, it will be like I have wasted my parents’ money.I am not from Nagpur so I am living in a rented house with my granny.I can't study with these thoughts in my mind.As I said I am good at studies I know that I definitely can crack PMT and even score above 90% in boards. But what I feel this complete doctor thing is not for me.I just can’t study all day all night for half of my life and then rest of my just treat people. At this point if I don't clear up my mind everything will go in vein especially my parents’ efforts and money, even boards will slip out of my hands and I don't want that.I need to decide what I want, please help me out.

Ans. Please do not get into a course of study which does not attract you especially medicine which takes 8 to 10 years of preparations and then total commitment to the profession. You are at the right juncture to make a choice as you are in 12 std still. You can chose psychology or philosophy as you have mentioned and they are lovely careers and great subjects to study. But we need to sit over this seriously with you and then with your parents’ as well so that all are in harmony of the decision. If they disagree then we will explore the other options for you. I will be back in town by 15 November. I am on leave till then. Please contact me after that. You need to be sure before you complete your term in March 2016.

Pranay.

Q. I am not able to study for long hours and even when I study I feel that I am not that concentrated. I am disturbed by trivial thoughts or things that I have to do or I have done. Ma'am study is my passion and I have to study till the time I get that inner satisfaction of doing it. So Ma'am can you kindly guide me through some tricks to be well CONCENTRATED and to increase my will-power which would help me working very hard without giving up to the comforts of life...

 

Ans. The best way to concentrate is to remove all distractions from your study environment such as your mobile phone, your TV, your music system if any. Close the door of your study room and eat simply like a light meal before you sit for study. Then do a 2 to 5 minute relaxation of the mind by closing your eyes and your ears and humming. Once you mind feels integrated then start to study. If you get distracted again then do the relaxation again and start study. Take a break after 2 to 4 hours depending on your capacity to sit and study. If this does not work see me after the 15th of November 3, 2015.

“Live in the present and in reality”-1 November 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Friday, 04 December 2015 23:05

S.K

Q. I was in true love with a girl for 3 years when I was doing my engineering. We were in a relationship since first year itself and everything was going well. We both were deeply in love with each other and we had reached a state where we could not live without each other. We were mentally as well as physically close to each other. Suddenly, when we were in third year she asked me for a breakup. When I asked her the reason she gave me lame excuses like we are not compatible with each other and so on. When we were in a relationship she said that even though her parents would be a bit against our marriage, she would make them understand and they would agree for it. She was very confident and sure about it. But now she says her parents won't allow for this marriage. She told me that in coming two years her parents would get her married. When I asked one of her cousin sisters about this thing, as she knew about us, she said that she wouldn’t be getting married in two years. So, this proved that it was a lie. More over her sister told me that she used to talk with another guy and she even liked him.  Listening to all these things I was shattered. I don’t understand why she would do this to me. Her reasons left me confused. I tried a lot but somewhere deep in my heart I'm not able to forget her. Please help me out with it.

Ans. This happens all the time. People change their minds and want to leave but make excuses without giving the real reasons. Many times they feel the real reason would hurt the feelings of other and hence make up stories. What you need to understand is that ‘she has dumped you’ and that is a reality. The earlier you recognise this truth and the earlier you accept it the better it is for you. ‘Getting dumped’ is a common experience and perhaps hundred percent people go through this experience. You like someone and that one does not. Someone likes you and you do not like the other. She liked you earlier and now thinks differently about you. So that is the game of interpersonal reality. At least she was honest in telling you that she wants to break-up. Thank her for that! Do not despair. Cheer up. Life is big and beautiful.

R.D

Q. I am 19 years old doing MBBS. Ma'am my problem is related to my cousin brother who is 9 Years elder to me. I love my brother a lot and we share a very strong bond. But now things have changed. He is going to get married to a girl who is just not made for him. He is doing this just because his family members like that girl. She is just opposite of my brother. She is narrow-minded and conservative. But my brother is fine with this marriage and he says he has adjusted with her.  But I know what his expectations were for his marriage and all this happened so fast that he couldn’t even inform me about this. I was shocked to know about this marriage and I asked him to break this relation because I knew that he has sacrificed a lot in his life and has had great expectations about his marriage. Since this marriage has been fixed, my brother and I have been fighting a lot. What should I do?

Ans. Firstly, stop fighting with him and wish him well. He is a grown up man and knows what he is doing. It seems you do not approve of the girl and find them to be a mismatch. You are wondering why he is agreeing for it. Whatever may be his compulsions or his basis for deciding you do not know about the truth. The best thing is to accept his decisions and wish him well. Even if you do not like the girl make peace with her and treat her well. You are fighting because the distance between you and your brother will grow but once he is married you will be second priority and she will be first. So stop complaining.

A.P

Q. One of my best friends is in difficult situation. He loves a girl very seriously who is also my best friend. But she is already in a relationship with someone else. And she is happy with that relationship. But my friend wants her to be his life partner as he loves her very much. And he keeps on thinking about this all the time which is affecting his studies. We are all 20 years old. Please suggest whether he should move on, or try convincing her to be a part of his life.

Ans. He should move on and look elsewhere for a girl. He should involve in sports and games and other physical hobbies. Ask him to stop being a ‘majnu’ and a loser but to be hero of his own life. Tell him to stop dreaming and to live in reality. Send him for counselling if he does not recover.

 

“Concentration is the key to success”- 25 October 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 27 October 2015 18:25

A.A

Q. Can you please explain me ‘How to be focused while studying’ because Ma’am I study for 7-8 hours but I feel that the output is only of 4-5 hours as I am very much disturbed during studies, I get thoughts from every nook and corner of the world, also ma’am I am ashamed to say that I think about a girl in my class whom I admire or rather whom I like. Ma’am study is my passion, I just love to study and I have no other options than study to make my future but these thoughts have overpowered me and even though I used to hate all these useless things, I am only now struck in these things. It is very difficult for me to come out of this and they are harming my studies. Ma'am, in straight words I am in love and I don’t want myself to be wasting time on this because as a student my full focused should be on studies but ma’am you as a psychologist know it well what love is, it is very difficult for me to come out all this nonsense. Ma’am please help me.  
Ans. One way is to spend some time thinking about the girl daily for some time, say 10 to 15 minutes with full concentration and you could put your thoughts on paper too. Once you are satisfied with it, which will make you feel happy, then sit down for studies. That will increase your focus on studies as you have emptied your mind which was full of the girl. When a topic demands attention it has to be given its dues time and attention. But do not overdo it as that will be just a waste of your time and will make you obsessed with the idea. So a balance is necessary for you. Try it and if it does not work come for a session of counselling and we will teach you specific methods of concentration. It is simple really.

A.T

Q. I am pursuing B.E degree in Electrical Engineering and right now I am in 3rd year. I want to ask you whether we make career in metaphysics? Are there any degree courses for metaphysics in India? If so which institute offer these courses? I am not interested in doing M.Tech or MBA after my graduation or any of the courses related to electrical engineering.
I am really confused. Kindly help me on this.

Ans. Metaphysics is part of philosophy and any department of a university with a department of philosophy will offer you the courses. The career could be in the field of teaching only and research. There are courses at all levels, from undergraduate to postgraduate and doctoral too. I hope you are talking of philosophy and not something else. You could google for the universities and the online courses as well. You have to be deeply interested in it to switch from engineering to philosophy. Another way could be to continue with a job in engineering but to do an online course in metaphysics. If it absorbs your mind completely then you could switch your career. But try and test it before you do it.

S.J

Q. I am studying in class 11 and preparing for my PMT. I was studying in town up to class 10th but for fulfilling my dream I came to a city and got enrolled in a coaching class. I was a good student and scored 10 CGPA too but nowadays I am unable to work hard as much I used to work hard before. I am unable to sort out the reason for such behaviour. I get attracted to television as well as cell-phone and waste lot of time. In this way I am unable to prove my mettle. Mam, I want to work hard I tried my best to do it but I was unsuccessful. Please help me.

Ans. Please find out if you are interested in the subjects that you have taken and have the aptitude for those subjects. If that is not a problem then find out the reasons for your distractions and whether it is a boy or just too many friends and chatting with the. In such a case you will have to cut or restrict your time with friends or fix a specific time for chatting. Spend about 15 to 20 minutes daily chatting with them and then forge them. Switch off the phone and sit down for study. Give your phone to your parents for the study period. Watching TV is just a bad habit and a useless one at that so just stop watching it. you could also be facing some adjustment difficulties in a city. Address that issue too. Doing medicine is a dedicated study and needs many hours of study and long years of sacrifice. Prepare yourself now for it.

 

“Value your life for itself”- 18 October 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 27 October 2015 18:24

Q. I think that I am mentally disturbed. My father had an extra marital affair. At first he used to shout at my mother, abuse and once he beat her. My mother left the house once and then came back. From that time they both don’t talk to each other. I feel my father chats with many other women as well.  I also shared all this with my best friend who betrayed me and complained to the principal about it. So now we both are no longer in talking terms. Also, I love a guy who does not love me and has stopped talking to me now. Once I saw a bad dream due to which I am unable to sleep. Once I saw that the guy whom I love is dead and I saw all the process of his cremation. Due to this I am unable to sleep also. I hardly sleep for 3 hours a day. I am suffering from too many problems at a time and due to which I am suffering from depression & some mental problems I think so. Till class 10 I was good in studies. I secured 92% in class 10. But now my studies are suffering due to all this problems going on. All time I feel that I should sit alone in one corner and cry and should end up my life. Please help me.

Ans. It is unfortunate that you have so many areas of disturbance. You do not have a stable family and nor good friends to share your problems with. But you have your own self – be a good friend to yourself. Love yourself and value your own life for itself. Be kind and brave to yourself. Talk positive to self and set high goals for your career that are achievable. Put all your energies into studies and do well. We could help you with therapeutic meditation as well as with personality development skills. Remember that life is precious and you must make the best use of it.

S.B

Q. I am 15 year-old. I study in 10th class. I am facing many problems related to studies. I study a lot during examination time but I don't get good marks that I want and because of 2-3 teachers of school my image in school is not so good. They think that I don't study. But I am telling you seriously that I study a lot during exams. Sometimes my concentration also becomes weak in studies due to distractions. I want to succeed in life because my father doesn't have his own business. But there are many problems I am facing sometimes I think I want to become actor. So please tell me solutions to face problems related to this topic (especially marks problem). What should I do?

Ans. Avoid all distractions. Give up all bad habits. Focus on goals and set high goals which you can achieve. Just have a one point agenda of doing well and getting good marks in examinations. Revise and recall your lessons as many times as possible. After all this leave the rest to your luck.

V.V

Q. I am 20 years old. I am in a relationship with a guy since 1.5 years and he is also 20 years old. Initially our relationship went on smoothly. We had a habit of being with each other for almost 7 hours a day. It went on smoothly till my exam dates were announced. I told him that now I need to sit and study and I won’t be able to meet you. Initially he never showed that he had a problem with it. But after a week he started getting very irritated about the fact that I would study all day and not give him time at all. Then slowly he started abusing me and beating me. When he did it the first time, I forgave him. But then second time he became very aggressive and showed his violent behaviour in front of all my friends. My friends told me to tell my mom about this. My mom told dad and they got very irritated with him and told me to break every kind of relationship with him. But I went against them and was secretly dating him. But then he again showed his violent behaviour and then I stopped talking to him. But I still love him a lot and I can’t get over him and I want to get back with him. Nobody will support our relationship. I can’t concentrate in anything and I am not able to study now as well. Please tell whether I should get back with him or just forget him?

 

Ans. You should immediately give up this relationship as he is violent man and will continue to be so for long years. He has a psychological disorder and needs help. He does not respect you so how can he love you? You may love him but when you make a choice with your mind and intelligence you will know that it is a wrong choice which will lead to suffering only. So say quits to him forever.

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