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“Careers can be changed mid-way”- 4 October 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 27 October 2015 18:19

S.S

Q. I am 18 years old and I have just completed my 12th standard. I want to become a photographer but my parents are forcing me to get into engineering. They have already paid the fees for an engineering college and have sacrificed a lot to get me into that college. But I know that even if I get into this college I won’t be able to perform well. What do you think I should do?

Ans.  According to my information photography is not taught as a degree course but just a diploma or a certificate course. It is a very good career with lots of scope in future but a degree could be important for your parents. You must tell your parents that you don’t want to pursue your career as an engineer and that you wish to become a photographer. You should have told them this before they paid the fees but now since they have already paid the fees you must still tell them your mind. You can go for a compromise by doing the engineering and joining photography as a hobby somewhere. Being honest with your parents will help you in the long run. This sure wouldn’t be easy but your parents will eventually realise that doing photography as a hobby could grant you an alternative career.

XYZ.

Q. I am 32 years old and I am married. I have 2 children. A couple of days ago I had a huge fight with my wife regarding coming home late from office every night. She thinks I have an affair with my colleague in office. My colleague was my girlfriend in college and we were in a very serious relationship. My wife knows about this and every time I come home late she feels that I was with my colleague. To take out my anger I slept with my colleague in my office the next day. If I tell my wife she will give me a divorce. I love my children a lot and I can’t live without them. I regret what I did. Please tell me what should I do?

Ans. Oh dear! This is an amazing way to hurt two women in one go! You hurt and betrayed your wife as well as hurt the other woman too. You used her for your own emotion and now you regret it. Well, at least you have realised your mistake and have decided to be honest and true to your wife. The best thing to do is to forget the episode and live in the present. Although it is important to be honest and truthful to your wife, you telling her the truth may perhaps do more harm and damage than good.

ZY,

Q. I am 27 years old and I am jobless and unmarried. Every time I am about to fall asleep weird thoughts enter my head like ‘I am not going to be successful in my life’, ‘nobody will marry me’, ‘ my parents will disown me’ and so on. I am not able to sleep because of these disturbing thoughts. What should I do?

Ans.  You seem to be getting into a state of anxiety due to your life situation. Have you ever considered becoming self employed or becoming an entrepreneur? To begin with you should engage yourself in some productive work either a hobby or a part time job with some friend. Being busy with some professional work will keep you occupied and also give you ideas to become self employed. Control your anxieties and think out of the box. Teach or coach students in a subject of your choice, at least you will earn some pocket money.

ABC.

Q. I am 20 years old and my parents gave me the freedom to choose my own career. I always wanted to become a doctor. After my 12th I chose the medical field and I have completed 2 years of this course. During these 2 years, I failed many subjects and now I feel that the pressure is too much and I cannot cope with it. Keeping in mind the amount of fees they paid for the college I feel guilty to tell them since I don’t come from a well to do background. I feel depressed all day. What do I do?

 

Ans. There are two ways of dealing with it. One is to keep calm and work a little harder towards your goal since you choose this line. Don’t lose self confidence and try to surround yourself with motivated people so that you develop the interest in it again. The second option is to take a serious decision and change your career line. But that has to be done in consultation with either your parents or after an aptitude test and career counselling. Come for a session with us for career guidance. A change has to be done with only after deep deliberations.

“Pre-marriage counselling is helpful and useful”- 27 September 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 27 October 2015 18:17

V.B

Q. What if in arrange marriage I don't develop feelings for the other person? I have been engaged now and I know the person for 7 months. I had a serious relationship two years back for four long years. Now I'm getting married in December 2015, I'm very unsure whether the marriage will work out?

Ans. This is a difficult prediction to make whether an arranged marriage will work or not. One point that you mention that is striking is that in spite of being engaged for seven months you have not developed feelings for the guy so far. This situation has to be addressed seriously for seven months is a very long time for not developing any sort of feelings for each other. Either you have not spent much time talking to each other on phone or in person or there are things about him that you dislike or are put off with. Please get this analysed and then get married otherwise it will pose a serious problem. Pre-marriage counselling is a very good way to understand yourself, your needs and understand each other before you tie the knot. For once you are aware of the personality of each other and the strengths and weaknesses of each other you will both be better prepared to handle the marriage and make a success of it. The decision will be based on information and awareness of what to expect from each other. Please come for a session or two as soon as possible. You will enjoy the process.

M.P.

Q. I am 25 years of age. I am not employed now. I am witnessing some signs of depression and stagnancy mentally. Since last few years I am going through enough stress because of domestic issues and studies. I feel pessimistic about my career. I lost my mum this year due to which my depression level has increased. I feel whether it’s neurological issue because my academic performance had aggravated after my 10 class. Sometimes I am unable to understand even simpler things and I am unable to speak anything without fear.

Ans. This is definitely symptoms of depression as you rightly point out. It can be caused by continuous stress and also by the incidents that you mention in your personal life. Since it is affecting you and your performance in studies this means that it is growing and needs to be treated. It is not a neurological issue as far as your symptoms go, it has to be depression which seems to be progressing further. You might need some medication too but that is after we screen you with psychological tests and communicating with you. Many times we are able to treat depression without medicines very effectively through counselling processes.

Q.A

Q. I am pursuing final year B.E in Mechanical engineering. I want to know about exams like GRE, TOEFL and IELTS. Please guide me that which countries are best for M.S in Mechanical engineering discipline and kindly tell about the best universities too. I also want to know about the scholarship scheme for M.S. Do any company recruit on the basis of GRE scores in India? Please tell me about the best tutorials in Maharashtra for GRE. Also tell me about the approximate expenses up-till the completion of M.S overseas. Do any trust provides alms for studying abroad and tell about the banks lending loans on less interest per annum. Please tell me about the good books to improve my vocabulary for GRE and also quant. How should I prepare for this exam? Kindly guide in this respect too.

Ans. You would be better helped if you contact an agency that deals with education abroad for they would tell you what are the eligibility criteria for different courses for universities abroad and also which are the best colleges and universities suitable to you and your financial pocket. They will also tell you is scholarships are being offered by some of them and how and where to get loans for education. If you belong to Nagpur there are good agencies here for such tasks and if belong to other state then find out locally. If you can call us, we will give you the names who can help you.

 

“Concentration comes with a calm mind”- 20 September 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 23 September 2015 11:18

Anonymous.

Q. I am studying 1st year B.Com. Earlier I wanted admission in BAM (bachelor in applied management) from a college in Nagpur. But as all the seats were full I could not got the admission there. I was depressed about this. But for next year I want to try for BAM again so my question is that is it ok to take two degree at the same time as per university rules? Should I join BAM and leave B.Com or should I do both simultaneously. Is there any rule that you can take two degrees at same time from same university?

Ans. As far as my knowledge goes you cannot do two degrees at the same time for you can enrol only at one college since you have to submit your original mark-sheets. The main points to understand are your long term career goals, and then decide the degree that would suit you. If you are interested in management then you could try again next session for admission into BAM and if you feel commerce is of interest to you then you could management at the post graduate level and specialise in finance which gives you a sound footing in banks and elsewhere in industries too. But if you do not like accounts and finance then please give up B.Com and try for the other.

S.P

Q. I am a doctor by profession. I am preparing for post graduation for last three years but did not succeed. Whenever I sit to study a hell lot of things come to my mind, such as, I am 27 years of age and I am unmarried, the tension to my parents, all my friends have got their seats at renowned places, my juniors have got seats as well have got married, and lot more such things. I just go surfing for grooms at my parent’s request, that too frustrate me and that too is not an easy job. I have read various blogs for motivation but that are temporary relievers. Recently I quit my job for studies, and I am still not giving my 100 percent. I just keep thinking and thinking, and at the end of the day I think I will go mad some day. I need to gain confidence in everything I do and that annoys me at time, and I can’t afford to lose this time. My exams are approaching near, please help me.

Ans. This is unfortunate that you could clear your exams in the three attempts. The first thing to do is to keep your mind calm at all costs. This can be done with meditation practices and relaxation techniques. The second thing to do is to keep your thoughts positive and to not to allow negative thoughts to creep in and stay there. Negative thoughts are like bacteria which sap your energy and eat you from the inside, acts as an obstacle to concentration and severely upset your moods. To keep the mind in peace and tranquillity is an art which we can teach you through a few sessions of therapeutic meditation. Please contact us as soon as possible. I am sure you can spare a half hour for your future benefit.

XYZ

Q. My son is behaving strangely- many times he abuses us and throws things around whenever we question him about his studies and his whereabouts. We have found out that he is bunking classes and roaming around with his friends. When we try to ask him questions he starts shouting. He locks himself in his room and we do not know what he does inside? He spends whole day out with friends and when he comes home late in the evening he sees to be relaxed and happy. He watches TV short while and sleeps. Please help?

 

Ans. This is cause for serious concern for parents and the future of the boy. He seems to be on the wrong path of life. Many times parents do not realise for many years that the child had a problem with studies, such as learning disabilities often go unnoticed and that state leads to many negative ramifications. If your child has been showing a steady but sure decline in his performance in school since some years, then that should have been rectified soon enough. Most times since the problems remain unattended they turn to bad company and consequent bad activities where they are accepted and welcomed. Then it just becomes a habit. We need to find out the extent of damage, whether he is into drugs and alcohol or he is just whiling away his time in the company of friends. Secondly we will have to address the problem with studies – why he runs away from them and where is the problem. Kindly bring him for counselling, a session or two will go a long way in understanding the issue and putting him on the right track. Have hope and patience.

“Decision making is a process”- 13 September 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 23 September 2015 11:16

R.I.

Q. I am studying in class 11 and also I am preparing for PMT and AIPMT exams. But unfortunately these days I am not able to concentrate on my studies. Its not that I am not interested in this field. I am good in studies but these days I am continuously going down and the reason is a boy. He is a very good friend of mine. I know him from class 9th. Everything was going on well and suddenly one day I saw him crying. I asked him the reason but he avoided it. Then after 2-3 days my close friend told me that he likes me but he does not want to tell me. He thought that our friendship will break as he knew that I don't pay attention to such kind of things. So till today I have always acted as if I am still not aware of all these things. I honestly don't want to get into all these things but whenever I sit to study all these things come in my mind. I always try to keep these things out of my mind but I am not able to. Please madam help me. I want to concentrate on my studies. In every test my rank is going down instead of improving and now I am afraid. I feel depressed. Please help me to get out of this situation.

Ans. That you do not want to get involved at this moment of your life is a very good decision. Discipline of mind is essential for good career making and you are on the right track. But somehow your emotions are playing havoc with your mind and his emotions are also disturbing him. Both of you like each other and that is good enough. He does not want to hurt you by disclosing his feelings but now that you know about it you should be friendly and nice to him but you may not disclose it that you know. That will upset him then! So relax and be happy that there is someone who cares for you but keep it as your secret. Always remember that each one is responsible for him-self or her-self and each one takes care of themselves. You take care of yourself and remain happy. He will also be happy seeing you like that. Study hard and keep your goals intact. Stay happy and feel happy. Think positive.

D.R.

Q. I am in B.Com final year and my problem is that I always get stuck between two options and then I am not able to choose because I am scared whether I will be able to fulfil my decision and then I get confused and I want to take my decision by own just like the things I choose which I want.  I chose the thing then it remains same but when its studies I am unable to do so. Please help me out of this.

Ans. There is always the risk of taking a wrong decision but still we have to take them. We analyse them in retrospect and try to do better next time. For the moment you can weigh the pros and cons of the options available and take the one with more pros. That is the logical approach. May times your intuition will tell you what is best for you. That happens when you are tuned to your inner thoughts and feelings. Then your heart gives you the answers that your mind does not. So listen to your heart and then take the decision even if there is a risk involved. Also do not be in a hurry. Take some time and have patience. You will get the answers if you keep pondering over it. That is the only way to learn it.

G.A.

Q. I have been reading your EMOTIONS column every Sunday over the years and see people find solutions to their problems inspired me to write in my query too. I'm a 24 year old young, unmarried guy pursuing my post graduation. My problem is libido. I have been troubled by it since my early teenage and now I feel it has increased. I have had close relations with many of my friends at the same time. It has increased so much so that it rules my mind and has started affecting my career, my relations, everything. I have tried to ignore this feeling many times but the more I ignore, the more I get into it. We live in a society where people are not so open about it, so I don't know whom to talk to or how to deal with it. Please provide me with a solution.

Ans. Please come for one session of counselling so that we can understand your specific problem more clearly and help you find solutions. If there is a problem there is a solution too. But it needs more details for it to be understood clearly.

 

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