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“Emotional reasoning is harmful”- 3 May 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Monday, 18 May 2015 16:23

E.C

Q. I am BSc first year student in Nagpur university. I am emotionally very weak and get hurted even on small things. Also I get attached with people in very small time and cant see them in problem. I start to cry bitterly if any of my dear and near ones get hurted. I can’t bear the sight of beggars too. After seeing them on railway stations or on roads, I can’t control my tears. Please guide me what to do.

Ans. You are a sensitive and emotional person. In fact each person has emotions and are sensitive but are generally able to control their emotions and lead their life reasoning. We feel with our hearts and think with our heads. But when we begin to think with our hearts we become overly emotional and the thought process goes wrong. It is called emotional reasoning. For example, I feel bad so I think my life is bad. I feel angry so I think people are cruel. This is how emotional reasoning goes. Actually thinking should be done in the absence of emotions. Thinking is a logical process and should be done as objectively as possible. You might want to take a few sessions in learning the art of emotional control and logical thinking.

C.T

Q. I am 15 year boy and just appeared for 10th exams and still waiting for result.My ambition to became a Engineer  but i m confused whether to take polytechnic or 12th science so which stream is better for me..I m confused about my career.

Ans. Both the options are there. If you are sure of your aptitude and ability in doing engineering successfully and if you would like to skip the process of competitive examinations you could join polytechnic and then seek admission in engineering later. But if you not sure of your aptitude then there could be a risk that you would be able to complete your polytechnic with some difficulty but might miss your engineering admissions due to poor marks. In this case you will miss doing 12 std and hence miss a graduation degree. The decision depends upon your aptitude. The stream can also be decided with the help of an aptitude test. You can contact us for that.

U.B

Q. I am an 18 year old girl and I am from the sciences stream (PCM)  I have just given my 12th boards. I want to choose BMS- bachelor of Management Studies or BBA as my UG degree course.  Do these to streams have a bright scope in future? Or shall I continue the conventional way of taking up engineering. Can you please help me out?

Ans. Pure management is good for people who have their own companies or businesses and would like to enter it with an understanding of running the company. Engineering in graduation with management has an advantage of entering industry with the technical background of understanding the technical side of industry as well as the management aspects. It gives you a better view of the work place and the choice of changing departments. Engineering also provides a good training of the mind in so many ways. But it is your choice which depends upon your aims and goals in life and what you enjoy the most. Make the choice with care and deep thought.

A.J

Q. I’am 18 yr old girl. I have just appeared for my 12th boards exams. I'am from science stream(PCM). I’ am very much confused about my career. As I want to do MBA course further, so I ‘am confused that what stream should chose for my graduation. My mother is suggesting me to do B.sc. But I’am thinking to do BBA or B.com so it can be a big help for me for doing MBA afterwards...because both the courses belongs to commerce stream. I’am very much confused about both science and commerce stream Please suggest me what should I go with. And is there any scope further if I will opt for commerce stream??And if I choose commerce stream, would it be difficult for me..as I ‘am a science student..???please help me out for this.

Ans. There is a lot of confusion in your mind. Anyone with any graduation can do an MBA. You have to choose an area of specialisation in MBA such as finance, HR, marketing, production, etc. If you are interested in pursuing accounts and finance, then it would be best for you to do B.Com so that you follow a specific line. If you like production you might think of science. For HR you might do a BA with psychology and social sciences. So be first clear about your goals and long term aims and what you want to become. The choice of degree follows then.

 

“Decide your goal then the course ”- 26 April 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Monday, 18 May 2015 16:21

Anonymous.

Q): I have just appeared for my 12th boards and jee Mains. I am confused about my career. I had secured 98.6% in 10th CBSE boards and decided to opt for science (PCM and Computer Science). The CBSE syllabus was easy and I managed to score around 91% in XI. I did not go for coaching classes, considering it a waste of time and money. I did not do well in the entrance exams too. Do I have an aptitude for science or was I wrong with my view of not going to a coaching class? I had participated in a lot of science exhibitions and science-related competitions this year and that aspect of science appeals to me where creativity, coupled with writing, language, presentation and culture are involved. This problem never arose in 10th as we had subjects from all streams. I am confused about my career.

A): A simpler solution would be to appear for an aptitude test along with counselling. That is the best way to clear your doubts and be confident of your talent areas. It is a good thing to rely on oneself and not on coaching centres, but you should have consulted the question papers of several years to know the type of questions they set. It helps to know the patterns and what is expected of the student in terms of answers. Please take an appointment and come for career guidance.

U.B

Q): I am an 18-year-old girl, from the science stream (PCM). I have just appeared for my 12th boards. I want to choose BMS - Bachelor of Management Studies or BBA as my UG degree course. Do these two streams have a bright scope in the future? Or shall I continue with the conventional way of taking up engineering next. Can you please help me out with this?

A): There are as many courses as there are careers. A degree is a way to reach a specific goal. You must know your goal first to know the degree which is suitable to you. You must also know your abilities and your interests before you choose finally. You can pursue BBA, BMS or engineering and then MBA depending upon your long-term goals. All degrees are as good or as bad depending on the place you want to reach. There are no hard and fast rules of choosing a degree. If you want to work in the corporate sector as an engineer and reach good managerial positions then an engineering degree with MBA is a good choice. If you have your own business and/or do not like science then do a BMS or a BBA and later do an MBA. That would be good. If you are still confused, come over for a session to clear your doubts.

B.M

Q): I am an 18-year-old girl, in love with a guy. He too loves me a lot and we are in a long distance relationship since the last one year. He is a simple yet ambitious guy, who always talks about studies, while I am his opposite. I don’t have patience and I always need attention. I don’t know what’s wrong with him. I feel that he does not care for me, as he is continuously online but replies to my text messages after almost an hour. I am frustrated with his behaviour towards me, but I still love him. Now, another guy has come into my life and I haven’t told him about my current relationship status. We have been talking to each other since six months now and recently, he has confessed his feelings for me and awaiting my response. I have noticed that he cares for me, is affectionate and loves me a lot. I too have developed a liking for him, but by treading further, I think I will be cheating on my current boyfriend. I am in a confused state of mind and am unable to focus on studies due to this. Please help me.

A): You must introspect and analyse your weaknesses to know your needs. Why would you need so much attention and caring from a boy at this age? Why should you be in a hurry to commit yourself in a romantic relationship baffles me. You could just enjoy good friendships. Anyway, give it some time before you jump to any conclusions. There is no hurry to decide now - take your time. Only do not be involved with both. It is okay to have friends and chat with them but NOT in a romantic way. I think the first guy is a good boy with more restraint and seriousness about studies. At this age all of you should be focused on is career making and not friend making. Do not commit to anyone - just be friends - clean and healthy friendship.

 

“Unrealistic expectations are harmful”- 19 April 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Monday, 18 May 2015 16:17

Z.M

 

Q): I am a 15-year-old girl, the only child of my parents. I have always been a confident, popular and happy child. I ranked first till standard 9, but now, as I’m promoted to standard 10, weird thoughts have started clouding my mind. I can concentrate on my studies, but when I sit down for it, a fear of not standing up to my mom’s expectations grips me. She wants to see me among the top 10 meritorious students of the country, which I think, is not an achievable task. I am good at writing, which my friends and teachers have also confirmed, after reading my poems and short stories. But my parents want to see me as an IITian, the field I’m not interested in. Amidst all this, there is a guy, who loves me a lot, and to whom, I had sub-consciously said yes last year. He is a good student and ranks between 3 and 4, but his studies have been declining from the time our relationship began. Soon I realised my mistake and tried to move on, but he did not let me. Now, I want to get rid of him because I think he can affect my studies. Though he loves me and cares for me, he doesn’t like me talking to other guys and is very possessive. Other class toppers are boys and I mostly discuss studies and other academic matters with them, which he does not like. He threatens me of committing suicide (which he had tried once). His parents know of our relationship and so I had asked them to help me out of this. They offered help and he had backed away, but that didn’t last for long. He cried and convinced me to come back. But now I want to get away from him permanently. I can’t hurt him later, when he gets to know that I don’t love him. Please help me in this matter.
A): There are two issues bothering you - one is your choice of career and second is the boy that is after you emotionally. As far as career is concerned, please come for an aptitude test as well as career guidance with your parents, as we could convince them of the best choice for you, which take into account your aptitude, interest areas as well as your personality. That is the best way. About the boy, you will have to tell him that you are not interested in him and seek help of a classmate or friend to tell him how you feel about it. If he threatens you just ignore it and be firm in your decision.

XYZ

Q): I am a BE final year student. I loved a girl 3 years ago, whom I proposed and got rejected. It took me almost 3 years to get over that phase of depression. But now, since the last one year, the scenario has changed. I like every girl I come in contact with. Though there are no strong feelings, I find myself involved in flirting with each girl, who talks to me. All my friends are telling me to get rid of this ‘flirtatious’ attitude, but what is my fault if I like so many girls at a time? I want a girl, who’ll love me back and I am searching for the right girl in this way! Am I wrong in my approach? What should I do?
A): Well, I am not sure if this is the best way to find a girl of your choice who will love you too. If your friends are advising you to stop this flirting behaviour then you should pay heed to them, for it may ultimately spoil your reputation and then people lose faith and trust in you. Flirting can be light-hearted and harmless and can be indulged in once in a while, but if it involves false promises and cheating and if it hurts the other, then it becomes unacceptable and unethical behaviour. Anything immoral will not only hurt others but you as well in the long run. So get back to being a good human being and believing in yourself and others. Just because one girl rejected you, does not mean all girls will. You will find the girl of your choice one fine day. Be positive.

“Test your aptitude”- 12 April 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 14 April 2015 22:21

S.S.

Q. I am in severe need of help. I don't even know if something is wrong with me or not,
one moment I am the happiest creature, next moment I am wobbling with fear.
I am getting addicted to attention. If I have sent a message, I am literally dying for a reply. I crave everybody to notice me and praise me and regard me as some high lady. Another thing, I have a fear of remaining unnoticed.  Often, when I begin to feel unnoticed, I start acting like a maniac.
This is terrible because popularity was never fascinating for me. Feeling unnpticed never happened because I never cared if somebody was noticing or not. Abd all of a sudden all this, I cannot understand myself. I cannot get a grip of myself, and when I lose control, it is difficult for me to get back. So far, nobody around me has npticed my mental status. And I am a little glad because  if my friends and family came to know about it, I will be very embarrassed. I also suffer from anothet set of problem, I am always feeling vulnerable. I feel like Iam mentally and physically not very strong. There are many bad people lurking around me who will use me for every chance they get. I think this is triggered by the large amount of crime shows I watch, and I cannot stop it because my mother insists and it is difficult to avpid her wishes as she poses an adamant nature.my feeling of vulnerability becomes worse at nights and I am now losing sleep because of it. I am also developing a fear of darkness. I am trying to help myself a lot, but each time I take a step, it sort of backfires and I end up getting worse. I am not able to side with reasons anymore. I can think up different options and their consequences, but I can't side with any of them. I have no idea wgat is going on with me, but I am need of real lot of help. Please diagnose my situation.

Ans. Yes your agony is visible and so is your desire to seek help and get better. We would need more information as well as the background of your mental state. Also the environment you live in is important such as your family members and their support, their behaviour with you and your friends behaviour with you. What lead to this situation is another aspect to look into as a state like this does not develop suddenly or in a few days time. It takes many months or years to get into this. You have neither mentioned your educational levels and your age which is also a significant aspect. Please come a few sessions of counselling to enable us to understand and help you regain your confidence and composure. In the meantime do relaxation exercises and positive thinking. Calm your mind and introspect.

XYZ

Q. I am confused as to what should I take in 11 Std. I am good in Maths but not in science. I don’t like social studies but am good in English. My parents want me to get into science and get into engineering. I am nervous about my future. I am an average student and they have high expectations from me. Please guide me. I cannot come to Nagpur as I live in another state. I cannot talk to my parents as well. What should I do? Please help me.

Ans. It is normal to be confused about the choice of subjects and the best career line for you at this stage. Most students face this dilemma and there is nothing to worry about. The biggest tension could be about making the wrong choice and suffering it. Another cause for concern is the expectations of parents which many times is unrealistic and not in accordance with your inherent talents. That leads to forced choices which turn out to be wrong and disastrous in the long run. We have scientific methods of measuring your aptitude, your interest areas and your personality traits and then suggesting a few options to you. For that you can take the aptitude test and the counselling for career selection and guidance. For students who reside out of Nagpur we have an online aptitude testing facility on my website which you can avail and the counselling can be done through telephone. Relax and cheer up!

 

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