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“Dreams are a play of your mind”- 2 November 2014.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 11 November 2014 17:20

Ishi.

Q. I am an engineering student of 3rd year, my exams are just very near to me. They are gonna start on 7th of nov. And I haven't done anything up till now (studies). I have loosened all of my concentration from studies because I wish to study but need that peaceful n quite surrounding. I can manage a bit with sound but however at home its terrible. someone or the other comes to disturb me else ask me to do some work n so then I get annoyed a lot..which even I dont like to get. I am really in fix similarly other side I am controlling myself to go towards meeting my best friend, towards arts and crafts, towards writing poems and articals. however to deal with family is very difficult. please suggest me for how can I built in up my concentration. is there any way I can move out of my house and go n study where.plz help!

Ans. There are libraries where you can go and study. First try your own college library and ask them for a table for you and request for a fixed time daily. Most good libraries will be happy to cooperate and do their best to make you comfortable. If not then there are public libraries where you could enquire about the arrangements. Another way is to request your family members for peace and quiet for a specific time for studies. Since you are doing engineering which requires hard work I am sure they will understand your need. Another alternative could be the place or home of a good friend who might allow you to share her room. However the main factor is to control and calm down your mind by positive thinking, prayer and meditation. Keep relaxed and positive and improve your study methods to utilise all the time you get at home.

S. B
Q. I am 16 years old girl. My school friends who used to always be with me including boys and girls all of sudden after we left school all of them started ignoring ONLY ME after our last meeting together on 1st april 2014. Recently a get-togther was organized everyone was invited except me. even my boyfriend is ignoring me and says to everyone that he hates me and I was his life's biggest mistake. everyone seems to be happy and enjoying their lives but ignoring me. even when we accidently meet they dont even say hello to me. I had not done anything that would hurt them so much and my family is also not conservative. now i am left with only my best friend. all this makes me feel that i am useless and boring. what should i do?

Ans.  You should come for a consultation for me to evaluate the exact nature of your problem. This is quite abnormal and generally does not happen unless you have done something to hurt all. Otherwise it could be your imagination that people are ignoring you. Please see me at the earliest.

XYZ.

 

Q. There are some unusual things happening with me. This started 3 years before. I get the dreams which come true and those all dreams are about only one girl. First i thought they were just coincidental, but later more and more dreams were coming true , as a result of which first she became my crush and now i am really in love with her. She has a new boyfriend a year before. I told her about this dreams . First she thought that i was lying but the she realise that i was true . But to save her relationship she hurted my feeling a lot. Even her boyfriend crossed his limit of insulting me. So i decided to throw her out of my life but failed because of this dreams . Today i feel very depressed and she is not ready to understand my situation. I talked to my brother about this dreams but he ignored me saying that i was in illusion. I made some research and found that i am not the only one to get such dreams.
ans. You need to undergo some sessions of counselling and psychotherapy to help you understand the reasons for such dreams. It is unusual as you say and we need to look into them in more detail. Logically speaking even if a girl comes in your dreams with a certain regularity she is not committed to you in any way. Therefore you do not have the right to harass her and force her to be with you. Just because you dream of her she is not yours and cannot be yours. It is natural for her and her boyfriend to be upset and feel stalked by you. Therefore they are trying to hurt you and insult you. This specific problem belongs to you alone and should be solved at that level.

“Work defines us”- 26 October 2014.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 11 November 2014 17:19

S.D

Q. I am a final year student of engineering. My college campus is about to come but I am very bad in technical sector and I am eligible student for company. I just need your help what should I do after engineering- should I do M.Tech or can go to banking sector or any other sector. I am very confused. Kindly suggest me best option.

Ans. If you are bad in the technical sector as you state then M.Tech is not a wise choice as it leads to further technical matters. Getting into a job would be a better idea whether it is banking or other sectors is a matter of choice. Many engineering who like the banking sector would find them-selves very happy there. Others may choose engineering industries itself. Make a proper choice after much thinking and weighing the pros and cons of different careers. Talk to an elder relative or parent or friend or alternately come and discuss it out with us. We would help you with the right choice.

A.D

Q. I am currently living in Jabalpur M.P. I am doing BBA in 1st year 1st semester. In previous year I had taken drop of a year due to confusion that what to next means after 12th. Actually now a day I feel that I have taken a wrong course. Before 2 years when I was in 12th standard.  My aim was to become a C.A. But this year I have given the 1st stage of CA that is CPT.  I have got 33 marks out of 200 which has given a big jerk on my mind. But I know the reason for that because I was not even prepared for that examination. I even don't know why I am doing BBA which is a professional course. This all matters brings a lot of tension in mind. And the biggest thing is that as I think my parents won't trust me. So please guide me to build a better future. And also tell me how I can get my trust of my parents.

Ans. This is what is called improper planning of career. Career guidance and decision making is a science and an art. It has to be done with utmost care and understanding of your future needs and happiness. Most times it is a difficult proposition for many students who do not think through their personality needs and their goals and make half hearted choices. It has a life-long impact as our work defines us in many ways. You should still come for career planning and guidance as that will relieve your tensions and your parents will also begin to trust you.

ABC.

Q. My age is 21 year and I am in final year of B.E. Mechanical engineering. I belong to a middle class family. Now I am pursuing my education by means of education loan. I'm all time excellent student according to my parents and all but when I was in 1styear I had a crush with a girl. she is also brilliant in studies, we became friends, after that I don’t know how but I fall in love with her she was also suffering from same condition, finally one day I proposed her and she accepted it. After few months she starts to avoid me, she always want to breakup our relations but I don’t like breaking relationship, that’s why I try to keep it, but all in vain, she disclose every relationship, every moment of mine with her without telling me any reason. My studies went from 80% goes to 60 range. All were scolding me for it. Now after 3 years when I am somewhat stable, she again messing me and I am also giving her reply, I feel that she will accept me due to which I am again stands on the same path as that of 1st year and along with it. Please help me. I feel horrible.

Ans. They say ‘once bitten twice shy’. Once the girl has played with your emotions and now again she may do the same thing. It’s a gap of 3 years and you say that now that you are stable she again begins to trouble you. The probability of her dumping you again is high. Think about your-self and your welfare. Take care of your tender emotions and do not go far with her. Talk to her if you like but keep her at a great distance. Do not go beyond friendship in the strictest sense and maintain your dignity. Always remember that she has ditched you once and is likely to do it again. Concentrate on your studies and do well. You will find lots of good girls worthy of your friendship. First do well in life.

 

“Take a problem solving approach”- 19 October 2014.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 11 November 2014 17:17

K.B

Q. I am a regular reader of your columns and today I need your advice. I am a 22 year old student completely in need of your help and advice. I have a lot of problems, but the main problem is my father. My mother is completely fed up with him and his activities whether it is drinking (once or twice in a month or when there's a quarrel between the two of them), chewing tobacco and using slang. He does not do his own work. In short my mother is facing domestic violence mentally not physically as I stand as a shield for my mother. My mother wants a divorce from him but he does not want to free my mother or me. Also from quite a few days I have seen a change in the attitude of my father towards me. I think he has a bad eye for me which my mother also noticed; hence she does not leave me alone. I have distanced myself from my father. I do not talk to him; just answer a few questions in yes or no. Also my father blindly trusts his mother although we live separately. It took 10-11 years for us to separate from my grandmother. She has troubled me and my mother a lot. All this has affected my studies badly. I have already dropped out for 2 years due to my family problems and I don't want to continue it now. I want to complete my final year of polytechnic. I suffered a fracture in my right hand too and I was on leave for 1 month, but I am not going to college since then as I have completely lost my confidence & focus. Sometimes I even think of committing suicide but that will make no sense as it would pain my mother even more. I can't come for counselling as I would have to lie to my father to get money because my mother is a housewife. So please suggest me the appropriate steps to not only free my mother but also to get my studies back on track as I can’t study in such an environment. My mother wants a divorce but her family members [maayka] won't support her decision and she knows about this. Can we take help of police or an NGO?

Ans. Yes of course you must take the help of your local police station and inform them of domestic violence against your mother. They will record her statement and suggest ways of handling the situation. They will call your father and tell him to behave and also to settle things between him and your mother. They might tell him to grant a divorce and give maintenance money to the family on a monthly basis. They might refer you to the best NGO that will help you. Please do not wait any further.

P.C

Q. I am doing MCA in 2013 but not doing job in my field and I am very frustrated about my life i.e., my family doesn't support for anything all says you are useless and I am feeling tired all time physically and mentally both. Now I am doing job as an accountant, it’s hard to manage myself & all around my things. I am in relationship but we are like just friends. I mean I am unable to control my emotions. Please tell me how to can control my emotions. I hope you will help me!

Ans. Being so qualified you should be able to get a better job for yourself. Try harder and be positive and you will get one. Yes, emotions need to be controlled and you need to be more logical in your approach to life. Always think about how you can solve the problem and handle the situation effectively. Instead of worrying or being depressed or angry, try to think through your problem. A few sessions of counselling will help you to learn the techniques and methods. Please do not hesitate to come.

S.B

Q. I am working as an IT professional in Multi-national company based in a city. I am diagnosed with Anxiety and Panic disorder and need your consultation for the same. My native place is Nagpur, so I can visit you personally. I am assured that your consultation will help me because I am reader of your columns and they are very helpful. Please let me know when I can fix an appointment with you so that I can apply for leaves and whether you are available on Sunday's too.

Ans. You can be helped with counselling and psychotherapy for your problem of anxiety and panic disorder. You can call on any number such as 9657572868 or 0712-2220250 or 0712-2223322 and take an appointment. The clinic is open in the morning hours and evening hours as well. You could suit your dates and timings.

 

“Talk to your parents openly”- 12 October 2014.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 11 November 2014 17:14

Anonymous.

Q. I am student of class 12. I am in great difficulty. I am a good student but nowadays I feel very distracted during study. I am into friends and think about them. I don’t feel like studies and feel sleepy or feel like playing. My parents shout at me all the time and tell me all sorts of names. That disturbs me further and makes me angry. I want to leave studies and run away from home. I feel suffocated at home and although I love my parents I don’t like the way they treat me. Please guide and help me.

Ans. I hope you have analysed the problem to know what has changed you from a good student to a negligent one. Either you are not enjoying the subjects you have chosen for the 12 std or you are finding them difficult or boring. The second reason could be that you have made lots of friends and are getting distracted due to them. Your parents shouting is due to their anxieties about your decline in studies and your change in attitude towards your life and studies in particular. You must sit down with your parents and discuss the issues that are bothering you. If you have made some mistakes it will help if you share them with your parents and acknowledge your mistakes. Promise them you will do well and redeem your-self. If nothing works come for a few sessions of counselling.

S.A

Q. I am 18 years old and I am a regular reader of your column. My problem is that from the past few months I am being ignored by my friends, my boyfriend & my brother. Everyone takes me for granted and no one respects me. Financial condition is not good at my home and hence I don't get money from my dad as pocket money. My friends always treat me as an extra person. I have to go with them (friends) because I don’t have a vehical to take them where ever they want. Nearly every day I have to hear abuses from friends. My boyfriend says that I am psycho and I always do stupid things. We often have arguments on silly issues and I am the one who cries. My brother hates my boy- friend, he does not support me when I need help. No one counts me. I am always the unwanted one. I am not even financially strong enough. I am getting an inferiority complex in me and this affecting my studies. Most of the time I am tense. I have lost my self-respect. Please help me to bring self confidence in me.

Ans. You might need a few sessions of counselling to understand the true nature of your problem. Why should everyone ignore you and treat you shabbily is surprising. Generally there would be one person who would care for you and support you. What about your parents –did you ever talk to them about your condition and did they try to help you? I would need some more details before I can reach a conclusion about your state of mind. Meanwhile try to focus only on your studies and put all your energies in it and do well. That would help you raise your confidence and self-respect.

ABC

Q.  I am 17 years old girl studying in 12th standard. I am very depressed due to rude behavior of a teacher with me. She teaches us chemistry. She has insulted me many times before the class and quarrels all the time. I have talk to my parents about this and also my father met her. But there is no change in her nature. Due to this I could not concentrate on my studies even though I was bright till 10th.I am getting depressed and wants to leave that college. Also I was thinking about taking a drop of a year as I don`t think I have well prepared for exam. Please suggest me.

Ans. How can you be responsible for other’s behaviour? If someone, like a teacher in your case, misbehaves with you due to her own personal problems and no fault of yours, you should not allow that person to spoil your life or your mind. Ignore that person and keep your self –respect intact. Do your work in all sincerity and keep your moods alright. Do not change the college and neither should you take a drop. You should never allow another person to disturb your life to such an extent. Everyone has problems and they may take it out on others in an unfair and unjust way. It is wrong on her part to do so but since she continues to do so in spite of your parents meeting her, you have no choice but to ignore her, throw her out of your mind, you may skip her single class of chemistry and continue with your studies with more zeal. Never be a loser, be a winner.

 

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