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“Get out of a bad relationship”- 30 August 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Friday, 04 September 2015 19:03

V.D

Q. I am doing B.SC now and at final year and I had one backlog at final. My parents admitted me in this course forcefully. I did not want to do it as I was interested in fashion designing but they refuse to do that and they are still not agreeing I am still interested in Fashion designing that's why I can't concentrate on my studies. I have explained him many times but they are not listening to me. I am in big pressure. Please help me to get out of this as I can't give up fashion designing.

Ans. Since you have reached final year somehow and have spent at least two years doing that course it would be wise to complete the course and get your graduation. After that you have the option of going for either a certificate course of a year in fashion designing or an advanced programme in fashion design. At least you will not have to worry about your graduation and you will have more choice and flexibility. Many people make changes in their career even after studying totally different courses. That happens due to improper planning and prejudices against certain careers which have a low status. This is actually unfortunate, for you could have chosen fashion designing at the beginning and been happy. But now it is better to qualify and then opt out for a different course on your own.

F.N

Q. I did my graduation in engineering. Now I am preparing for civil service exam. I really don't know about my passion. Sometime I like to go on Himalaya as tourists. I want to explore the world but I can't because my parents will never allow. They are searching a boy for me. What should I do? Please suggest me.
Ans. It is nice to know that you have already graduated in engineering which is no mean task. You could have taken up a job that involved some bit of travelling and that would have made you happy. Civil service is a very good option especially if you aim for the foreign services and if you work hard for it you might get it. That involves not only travelling but living abroad in different countries during assignments. As far as being a tourist for visiting the Himalayas it can always be done now or later. You could enrol in an adventure camp with an agency dealing with this type of activities and go for a short trip. That would be fun actually and I am sure your parents will allow short term /few days adventure trips with a group under supervision of an agency. If you do not know your passion now it is fine for the moment but with time and experience and some trial and error you will realise where your passion lies. It is a matter of time.

B.D

Q. I had a boyfriend two years ago but after sometime I came to know he is having one more girlfriend in his life so I broke up with him. After break up he said that he wants to be with me as a friend. He is still with that girl and she doesn't know about our friendship. He flirts with me, tries to come closer to me whenever we meet and I don't like that. I'm really confused now what should I do. Should I cut off our friendship? Please help me ma'am.

Ans. There are no two answers to your query. Of course you should cut off with him immediately. It is unfortunate that you happened to meet such a person. He has no sense of commitment and stability. If he is doing it right now before marriage then what will happen after you are married. If the relationship has no long term commitment what is the use of keeping it. If you are happy passing some good time with him then it is a different story otherwise get out before you get affected badly emotionally. Just do not reply to his calls or do not go out with him if he troubles you too much with his requests. Putting a stop to it will be better. Such people do never improve or change their ways. It just goes on as a habit.

 

“Take the signs of aggression seriously”- 16 August 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Friday, 04 September 2015 19:01

Q. I love the English language or like to paint and draw. My parents forced me to take science and I am in coaching class for JEE main. I am not liking the subjects and have dropped my marks in the class. I feel very depressed and have lost my confidence too. My father will not listen to me but my mother understands my condition. What should I do? Should I take a drop and tell my parents or should I continue. I am totally confused. Please advice.

Ans. You have not mentioned whether you are in 11th or 12th Std. For if you have just joined 11th std you could change your subjects and drop science. If you have progressed to the 12th std then it would be better for you to complete your course and then switch into the stream of your choice. You can discontinue the coaching for JEE entrance and focus on board exams. But before you switch it is important for you to draw a plan of action for your long term career goals. What exactly do you want to do with English language or with painting and drawing is important to understand. There are many choices if you major in language but you need to be sure of your dreams before you pursue them. A session of counselling will help clarify and define your choices.

Q. My son is entering his teens. Recently he has become very aggressive with his friends in class and hurts them with his behaviour. His teacher complained to us and it was a shock. At home he is has been distracted lately and has increased his activities on the net. He does not go out of home much and does not have many friends but he remains irritated and distracted. What could it be? Please tell us what to do. I am very worried about his behaviour. More than his studies his anger at school is making me tense.

Ans. Perhaps you need to keep a check on his activities on the net. Look into his web history and you might get to know the sites he is visiting. I hope your husband will cooperate with you in this matter. He should be taking the lead in fact as a son would listen to his father more than his mother. He may be gaming and if they are aggressive in nature it can affect his temperament. Or else check for sites of porn which he may be seeing which affect teenage students negatively. He has also decreased his social interactions which is also a negative indicator. If you cannot handle him please bring him for counselling as soon as possible.

Q. I am in love with a man since four years. He is promising marriage to me since then but it seems his family is not agreeing. He is trying to convince them but he has not succeeded. When I tell him that I will leave him and marry someone else he starts crying and begs me to stay. I really don’t know what to do. I am also going crazy and losing my patience. My parents are angry with me- they think I am spoiling my life for this guy. I am also worried for my future.  I am getting older and if I continue like this I will not get a partner in my caste. Please advice me –how long should I wait for this man. He is in business and it is a joint family business. I sometimes feel he has no guts and sometimes I feel he is fooling me and not letting me go. Please help me take a decision. I am very depressed now.

Ans. This has now become a common phenomenon. People fall in love, make commitments and then cannot honour them due to whatever reasons. You are right about setting a deadline to waiting for your boyfriend to make his decisions. First decide in your mind as to how many more months or years you can wait, depending upon your age and goals. Then tell him about your deadline, and be firm on that. After that convey it to your parents that you are ready to marry and that they should start the process of selecting a suitable mate for you. Do not be emotional about it, do not bother about his tears and emotions. You will have to take a rational approach to it and act on it too. Once you reach the deadline, just cut off from him totally. Do not budge. Let him handle his life in which way he wants to. Do not be a slave to his or your own emotions. Life is to be lead with a strong head. Prepare for it now.

 

“De-addiction is a treatment process”- 9 August 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Friday, 04 September 2015 18:59

J.R

Q. We have a great problem in our life. Actually the problem is about my
brother. My brother is not studying and he left his Engg studies midway (studied only first year). He is having all bad habits. He drinks a lot. Every day he will drink and will come home and shout on my mother. Whenever he drinks he will tell to my mother that he want to die because my mother did nothing for me and thinks my mother as his enemy. He got one thing deeply rooted in his mind that my mother loves me the most and doesn't care about my brother. When he left his studies my mother told him that if Engg is hard then you can take any other degree course and he never listened to my mother. Now daily he is drinking and shouting on my mother. Madam, I request you to provide me with the solution as of what we have to do with my
brother so that he will become a good person and study well. Please provide me with the solution as soon as possible as he is in great danger we are not getting any solution as of what should be done with him.

Ans. This is a sad situation. Your brother has become an addict of alcohol and needs treatment. He will need to be de-addicted and simultaneously counselled for his psychological problems. The de-addiction process is a medical process of detoxifying the body of alcohol that has become a habit and then the counselling process takes care of his mind related problems of keeping him away from alcohol, strengthening his mental resolve to stay clean, setting goals of career building, building his self esteem and developing positive emotions and many more areas that are taken care of. You could do this through a private hospital or through a de-addiction centre. If you persist with his treatment he will be fins one day.

S.S, Shahdol, M.P

Q.I have completed my 12th standard in 2013 and took 2 years drop from Kota and prepared for MBBS entrance and now recently I have given AIPMT and waiting for the results.  I want to know other fields related to biology. Please tell me about the scope in Biotechnology and Physiotherapy. Please kindly ...inform me as soon as possibl

Ans. You can do research in biotechnology or work in pharmaceutical industries. There is good scope in Biotechnology. Physiotherapy is a wonderful programme where you either work with an orthopaedic doctor or you can open your own physiotherapy centre. Other fields related to biology are Biomedical engineering, bio-engineering, botany, zoology, genetics, Micro biology etc.

ABC

Q.I am a 20 year old guy. I am in love with a girl of my age. Both of us are studying in different branches of engineering. She already has a boyfriend she loves him but I am not sure of his intentions. She doesn’t know about my feelings. I can't live without her but at a same time I want to divert my mind from her and want to move on but I am unable to this. I want to make her realise about my feelings and want to let her know that I am sincere towards her. Please help me.
Ans. You are serious about her and feel strongly about her. You also know that her friend is not serious about her and want to convey that to her. This is a tricky issue because she may not like to hear bad things about him. The option of diverting your mind away from her is a better idea since she is already involved with another guy and may not like you interfering between the two. If they break off some day you have a good chance. Otherwise it is up to her to take her life which way she wants to. She will learn from her own experience.

F.N

Q. I did my graduation in engineering. Now I am preparing for civil services exam. I really don't know about my passion. Sometime I would like to go to Himalaya as a tourist. I want to explore the world but I can't because my parents never allow. They are searching for a boy for me for marriage. What should I do? Please suggest me.
Ans. You should prepare for the civil services seriously and qualify. You will get your sense of freedom when your work. Your desire to travel as a tourist can be fulfilled once you earn and have your independence. Marriage may offer you the freedom to travel if he shares the same dreams or hobbies to travel. You can ask him that! But do appear for civil services exam to live your dream.

 

“Follow your dreams”- 2 August 2015.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Friday, 04 September 2015 18:56

Ashwin

Q. I am 20 year old guy. I am in love with a girl of my age. She is of IT branch and I am of mechanical branch. She already had a boyfriend she loves him but her boyfriend is doing time pass with her. She don't know about my feeling but I love her so much what should I do ..? Please help me I can't leave without her but at a same time I want to divert my mind from her and want to move on but I am unable to do this. I want to make her realise about my feeling and want to let her know that her bf is doing time pass with her I have a proof that her boyfriend is doing time pass please help me.

Ans. If you are friendly with her you could caution her about her boy friend’s intention. You could show her the proof’s too. But do not tell your feelings to her for she will then think you have a vested interest in exposing hi. Just like a good friend would do you could try exposing her BF. She is likely to get angry with you which you will have to handle sensitively. Who knows you might be lucky if she sways towards you. We cannot predict anything until we know the person well. Take a chance. But play safe.

MB.

Q. I am a 12 std student preparing for medical entrance. In recent time I am finding it really difficult to Study, my scheduled has become really hectic. Because of this even if I get time, instead of studying I keep worrying about how will I complete all my syllabus. I am good at studies and amongst first few toppers of my institute. I don't know how to cope up with this hectic schedule, it’s frustrating me. I feel drowsy all time. And if I continue doing this I know I won't be able to perform well. Somehow I manage to score 41/50 marks in all my test but the score isn't improving. Please tell me what should I do to manage my time efficiently and get back to studies, I really want to improve upon myself I have got big dreams to accomplish. 
Ans. First of all, stop worrying and being negative in thoughts. Maintain a calmness of mind and keep focused on your studies. I am happy to know that you have big dreams. That is the best thing to do- have big dreams and pursue them with equanimity and hard work. Pray and meditate daily, keep your mind positive and focused. Do not indulge in any sort of bad habits and negative thoughts. Keep good company or none at all. Utilise every bit of your time to study or exercise in between. Keeping a strict schedule will help you. Otherwise come and see me once at least.

Anju.

Q. I am in a dilemma what to do right now with my career. I believe you could help me out in better way. I have completed my graduation in BSc Biotechnology this year. I wasted my two years as I got backlogs and in this summer exam again I got backlogs. Actually I wanted to study English literature but due to peer pressure I had to take science field. Now after wasting almost three years I asked my parents if I could take English literature that is again graduation of three years, they are not agreeing to it. They are asking me to attend the winter exam n clear your backlogs and do MBA for next two years and get married and settled. But my vision is about something else. Even if I am doing MBA I want to get a job. I have no vision about wedding and all. Not even thinking of it. Please suggest me what I should do ? Should I go on with my dreams of taking literature or should go with my parents. I am actually done with this. I feel low n demotivated with this regular downfall in my career. As much my parents are worried about my future, I am more worried than them but as I am telling them they are not understanding me. I understand they are parents so their stand is also not wrong but then what I should do now! I am completely in dilemma, I am not able to focus on anything. Please help me out in this matter.
Ans. This is truly serious. You should pursue what you like best and plan your career the way you like. If you like literature then take literature. It is a wonderful career. Do what you think is good for you and give up this science and all immediately. Do not follow the dreams of your parents if they do not suit you. I am surprised that parents can be so dominating to allow you to fail and still insist that you continue. It is unfortunate indeed.


 



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