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“Irrational thinking leads to disaster”.- 15 February 2015.

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 18 February 2015 22:29


Q. I am 12 passed dropper preparing for jee mains and advanced. i have joined DLP for preperation. I always commit silly mistakes, it has become my disease. During the tests my mind goes out of control. nowdays similar thoughts are coming to my mind and similar things are happening with me which which used to occur an year before. my subjects( PCM ), which were once excitement to me, now have become fear of mine. i'm afraid what if the same result comes this tear which came last year( last year's reult was not sucessful )? i'm very afraid. i want to get iit at any cost this year otherwise a disaster will came upon me and my parents. please suggest me how can i overcome fear of exam and silly mistakes.?

Ans. You have already dropped one year and again find it difficult to study well for the exams. It could be possible that you have set a very high standard for yourself which is beyond your capacity and attitude levels. IIT is not everyone’s cup of tea and therefore to aim for it without knowing your strengths and weaknesses is foolishness. IIT is not the end of the world and should not be too. This is irrational thinking which leads to disaster in fact. There are second tier colleges which are good enough such as the regional colleges and then the third tier colleges which are also good if you have decided to do engineering. Lower your goal, assure yourself of being successful and go ahead.


Q. Currently I'm pursuing BSc HSc 1st year I was interested in psychology from the beginning but was not aware how to pursue it except doing BA so I took BSc HSc as I was told while admissions that after doing this course I can pursue psychology as masters degree. Can u please guide me how to pursue psychology at this point n what are the job aspects after doing bachelor's in psychology.

Ans. You have been misguided. After your graduation from the above course you cannot seek admission in masters in psychology. In Nagpur city only there is a course called B.A Additional in Psychology where you could complete your three year course in six months, appear for exams and get a degree which makes you eligible for masters in Psychology. Direct admission would be difficult.


Q. I am in first year engineering in a reputed college of our city. I  scored less in 12th boards and JEE entrance so i had to take admission through management. But i deeply regret dat i could not get admission coz of my bad score..So i was being given mechanical branch but i am not too much into machines and all so i consulted some people n seniors and at the last moment and on deir advice told my father dat i will take I.T. which did not go down well with him at first but later on it settled down..Now i know better about my branch-Its all about programming and programming..I had C-Programming subject in 1st sem which is d base of I.T. Which i completely did not understand and its a hell lot of uninteresting. So d problem is dat nw i think i have made a big mistake taking I.T. And to change d branch u must have very very good pointer..(which in my case is'nt).. Now only one who can help me is dad..But now i don't know how shall i approach him and say such a big issue having said dat i already changed branch once at d last moment during admission..Now again asking him to change branch is difficult.


Ans. Now you are actually in a soup. But you will have to tell your father about it and be prepared to face his wrath. That is the only option. Suffering like this will lead to stress and eventual failure in exams. Rather than waiting in fear to tell him let him know now itself. If he can help you he will do so after some agitation. This is a clearly wrong way to seek admission in a course as tough as engineering without knowing your strengths and weaknesses and without evaluating yourself properly. You could be helped with an aptitude test and systematic planning of career before you commit another blunder. Your father may agree for that.

“Comparison is a negative practice”- 8 February 2015.

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 18 February 2015 22:27


Q. I am a final year engineering student. I’m really confused how to react to this situation. The thing is I’m soon going to complete Engineering with a good GPA. Through all these years I realised that when I put efforts in one direction I’m able to do things well. But if divided, I cannot focus well on either. So I have plans to give MBA/PGDM related entrances this year (end of 2015) itself after my Engineering is completed (by mid-2015). My parents support this thought and they want me to see me in a better position, earning well. However, my friends, students around me with lesser GPAs have got companies but I have not been placed in any of the companies because I have the above mentioned plans and I didn’t take Engg placements critically. I feel sad for myself; get negative thoughts; cry and sleep when I think about the placements of friends happening around me. I don’t understand what is wrong with me or what should I do?

Ans. Comparison is a negative practice and you should be confident about your personal plans of doing post graduate studies. You cannot focus on two things at the same time. So stick to your decision about doing what you had planned to do earlier and do not bother about others. Each one thinks for himself and rightly so. There is no reason to lose confidence about yourself and your decisions –just go ahead and do it.


Q. I'm a 2nd year engineering student. I belong to CSE branch, I dont have interest in it and due to some mistakes I belong to this branch. Initially I was aiming for Civil branch but couldn't get it inspite of scoring good. Now I'm thinking of quiting this & once again apply for some other college for branch which I wanted. Is this a good idea or bad idea because in this way I would be wasting my two years and also my father's money? But I dont have any interest in this only for sake of marks I'm studying and passing exams and I'm having  lot of interest for other branch and passionate too. Please guide me. I am very confused. I cant let go of my dreams and ambitions. I am going through a very tough time.

Ans. There is no harm in switching your branch if you feel your interest lies there. This is too much suffering for you to study a subject you do not like. But two years is also a long time to re-start your studies. Is it possible that you complete this course and work as a civil engineer later in life? We know during campus selection lot many students from all branches get selected by software companies as they then train them accordingly. Similarly you could make a switch later after graduation in your current field. Think about the pros and cons and then make a decision as it suits you. It’s your life anyway.


Q. Ma'am, I am studying in class 12th and my exams are just a month apart. Mam I have done very well and even scored well in class 10th. But I always develop stress in couple of months before examinations. I keep procrastinating studies for no reason. Concentration has become a grave problem for me , anything and everything distracts me. I feel like I am going to lose . I have always been quite sincere and studious. I could study 15 hrs a day 1yr back but now I am not able to concentrate even for an hour. Mam I dont want to take a drop. I just need to concentrate. I don't say that I haven't studies definitely I have but now I feel like I have forgotten everything. I need a brief revision of few subjects and I can manage to complete it but only when I will focus. Every morning I decide to concentrate like I used to do in 10th but everyday I end up doing very little work. I am feeling very stressed and I think that's the reason that I feel sleepy throughout the day. Mam please guide me.


Ans. There has to be some reason(s) for stress. Find that out by analysing your mind and remove those factors that are causing stress. The next best thing to do is to meditate and pray. Sit in a relaxed posture daily for a few minutes, close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Slow down your rate of breathing and repeat the word ‘relax’ in your mind. That will calm your mind and then think positive thoughts that you can do it and think of your good qualities only. Do not allow any negative thought to enter your mind. Also remove all other distractions from your mind and do a single minded focus on studies. A session of counselling will help.

"Dreaming has many reasons”- 1 February 2015.

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 18 February 2015 22:24



I keep dreaming about anything and everything. I dont find anything real interesting. This has dented my education, confidence and progress. I want to live each moment. I either keep dreaming about the past or the future. Past: I keep wishing that I stood up for myself on instances that I kept quit. Future: I dont find anything which is real interesting. So I start setting unrealistic targets, then getting depressed about not achieving them. And again the past-future-past vicious circle starts. This has made me a loner as conversations get difficult. I am a CA final student and I want to set realistic goals and stop this vicious cycle.

Ans. Dreaming has many reasons. Day dreaming is a type of escapism from reality. That happens when you are introverted, submissive and unable to handle the difficult situations effectively. You need to focus and clearly cite your priorities in the present. Also, it is important to know and believe that the past is over, and we have no power over it. Once you understand that neither the past nor the future is under our control, you should just let go. Our brooding over the past or worrying about the future will not lead us anywhere, instead we ought to channelise our energies to the present and make this day memorable. You are an intelligent and capable person, avoid indulging in self-pity. Also, weigh your strengths and weaknesses rationally so that your targets are realistic. Seeing realistic dreams will help you. And like you mentioned, you can come for counselling anytime.


Q. I've been a good student throughout with good marks in all subjects. However, my grade has been falling down. I find it difficult to concentrate. I'm not able to perform in the accordance of my aptitude. I find myself more interested in animated TV shows, writing stories and drawing. My parents want me to study hard and go to IIT. I want to become an IITian for them but, I want to be a graphic designer. I feel a passion toward animations. I have discussed about being a graphic designer to my parents and they do agree but they insist on finishing IIT first. They say I can become anything I want to be, let it be a singer, actress, athlete or writer. But in any case, IIT should be my first priority. I need to act soo, please help.

Ans. One must follow their dreams. Talent is never wasted, and passion is what keeps us determined to go on. You are a bright student and animation requires the right balance between creativity and intelligence. In this case doing engineering at IIT will be a waste of 4 years because you don’t require that knowledge in graphic designing. But we would need to convince your parents about your choice and one way would be to come for an attitude tests as well as career counselling. Parents have certain insight into your personality and they may have their own reasons to tell you to pursue IIT. I would be tempted to say that follow your heart because ultimately it is passion that will keep you going throughout life making work also extremely fun. But without being hasty about it lets think more seriously about it. It is a difficult to decision to make and requires more thought and assessment of your personality and aptitude.


Q. I was diagnosed with a clot in my head (CVT). Slightest stress aggravates headache and anger. I have disowned my parents. My mother was the sole bread-earner. She is schizophrenic and extremely aggressive. I had to bear all her outbursts and my brother’s dominance. I came to Bangalore to study higher but they called me back mid-term for household work. I pursued my studies via correspondence, tolerated beatings and starvation. I am married now and my mother-in law and sister-in-law are mental patients. My brother-in-law also is under medication and acts weirdly. We were not given share in the ancestral property. I have lost hope in life and breakdown everyday. I also have sjogren’s syndrome and rheumatoid arthritis. Please guide us.

Ans. This is really unfortunate that you have so many medical complications all together. Your priority should be your own health and your marriage. The rest of the issues should be secondary and of course your sad past should be buried deep into your heart. It happens that mental illness runs in the family but I wonder why you got married into one with mental illness too. This is rather strange. Please join meditation classes and build up your mental strength and develop your personality. Many tough situations can be faced if we maintain a mental balance within ourselves and maintain a peaceful attitude. By taking stress you will only develop further physical illnesses and trouble yourself. It is difficult to handle mental patients anyway but your peaceful mind will help you in handling the stress. We lack in day care facilities and half way home for the mentally ill.


“Personality is the biggest asset you have”- 25 January 2015.

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 18 February 2015 22:20


Q. My parents have partially agreed with me but they keep on suggesting to not to waste 2 years rather look forward for further options. Moreover I too have thought of persuing MBA after this. But present course is getting like a challenge to me. So what should I go for?
Ans. It’s a good idea to pursue MBA after graduation. It gives an edge over others in various aspects. As for now, I suggest you give it your best shot. If even after that if you feel you are unable to cope up with it then we will work on other options. You have time till the year end to make a choice and decision.


Q. I am 22 year boy. In my life so many changes came on my friendship. I have changed 3 schools in out of state due to my father transfer and I miss all friends but that time all is good when I came to 10th std. There is twist came in my life. At my home town distt. most of student are frightened and jealous me but my 1 close friend and some other friends supported me because I know that I was right and my score get down, My best friend shifted to another city. again change 11th std. Because the sub. I choose is not on previous school . In 11th too many good close friends and good teacher after that again change the
city to next for graduation . During graduation no one be my close frnd. Now i am graduate but depresed on facing people and geting weak phy. And ment., less confidence. But mam i want to again my confidence so guide me for introducing new people and make friend i
was preparing for civil service .

Ans. Confidence is internally driven. You must focus on your strengths. Do not think about your past history of shifting schools, etc. because it is very common and most people face it. Instead, shift your attention to your positive traits. You have built good relationships in the past, so you have good relation-building abilities. Make new friends and keep in touch with old ones. Hence, fight your loneliness or depression. Civil service is a good line if you have the inclination, so don’t let these trivial things come in your way to excellence. Also improve your English language as well written English which is an important subject for the civil services. You would need to build up your positive traits in your personality. We can train you for that but you would need to come for sessions.


Q. I am student of Engineering Third year Mechanical Branch. I am not so well in studies and fear of further shadules. My all papers of Engineering has been clear except Mathamatics1 from 5-6 attempts of first year because of that my all shadule and focus has totally drastic. Mam and i am not getting exact solution whereas i have to focus and not found interests what exactly i want to do. Mam please help me and tell me the solution.

Ans. This usually happens when one doesn’t properly chalk out his career options. Mathematics is a basic requirement for the field you have chosen. I would suggest you get an Aptitude Test done right away so that we don’t end up wasting too many years. Also, don’t feel guilty or bad about this, it is common among engineer students and one can always rectify. This happens when you do not plan your career choices systematically. This should be done from class 9 onwards. But it still never too late.

Q. I am a third year student and off late lots of boys have been hitting on me but i am not sure about their seriousness or motives. I feel disturbed and its causing a distraction to my studies as well. I don’t want to risk my emotions. Please help me Maa’m.


Ans. This is a common phenomenon in colleges. Try to level-headedly judge the intentions of these boys. You should be confident in yourself and try to gauge this. Usually, if a group of boys do this, it is with the motive of bullying. In such cases, you should avoid being alone and hang out more with your girlfriends. Also, you can ignore, or complain to authorities, or even share with fellow students. Decent guys will understand you, be upfront with your thoughts. If individuals are doing this, then you can either ignore this if you are not interested or you can try to judge their motive behind this and react accordingly.

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