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“Love both your parents”- 15 June 2014

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 18 June 2014 10:21

Anonymous.

Q. My dad is a professional and my mother is a housewife. Before marriage my father was in a relation with another aunty but they did not marry. That lady became a widow after five years. Later we heard she tried committing many times but my father saved her so that she could lead a normal life. Today she have 21 years and 16 years girl child which is of her husband. My mom-dad have 2 girl child. My dad always talk about aunty & used to tell Mummy she do this, she is like this and bla-bla-bla this resulting my mom-dad's relation becoming weak. My mom is very upset with all this and me and my sister do not want to stay with my parents. My mother also talks of ending her life so that father can be free and do what he likes. I don’t want to leave my parents. I want them to stay together. Please help. What should I do?

Ans. It is unfortunate that after 2 decades of marriage your parents have not bonded with each other perfectly. There is a third lady in between them. This is the immaturity on the part of your father and your mother is a sufferer. However after so many years of marriage your mother should also change her ways of behaving with your dad and behave more maturely. She should keep her mind calm and relaxed and not listen about the lady at all. She should tell your father not to talk about that woman at all. She should focus on you both and run her house well. She should cultivate good friends and have a fun time with them. If your father has not walked out of the marriage so far he never will. Let him do whatever he wants outside the home and tell your mother to stop fighting with father. They can compromise the situation in some way I am sure. You two also stop listening and interfering in their lives and lead your own lives with studies and friends. And remember to love both your parents. Better not to take sides, only when it is absolutely necessary.

XYZ.

Q. I am a 12 passed student, and a regular reader of your column in Hitavada newspaper. Before few days the results were declared and I have scored only 63.23% in board. These are very low scores as compared to my expectations. Not only in board but in other competitive exams also my performance is not so good. And this all has happened just because of my lack of practice. Mam i wanted to pursue B.Sc (Bachelor of science in research field) but never tried seriously for that, and now I am regretting for this neglect. Due to such low scores I won’t be able to get admission in any research institute. So my parents are saying to think seriously about plain B.Sc. as career option. I asked them, that I will take drop this year and will definitely score good the next year, so that l will get admission where I want. I also said my mum that I want to do my career in pure science, earlier she agreed for the decision of repeating this year. But now she is saying that just because of poor marks in physics and maths your % has dropped down, so how will you be able to cope with B.S. Mam due to all this I have totally lost my confidence. I want to give myself a last chance to prove myself in science field, and want to seek admission for B.Sc. Mam please help in taking decision, whether to repeat or to go with my parents advice.

Ans. This is a difficult choice to make and even more difficult to for me to suggest either way because your abilities and your personality are the decisive elements. If you have a high ability and are disciplined and hard working and promise yourself that you score a specific high goal you can certainly take a drop and re-appear. But if you are otherwise then your parents option is better to get admitted and work hard and get into the college of your choice in post graduation. You need to do some hard introspection about yourself. Be very honest with yourself.

 

“Unconditional support matters a lot”- 8 June 2014

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 18 June 2014 10:18

Pooja.

Q. I was a student of class 12. Recently I have given board exams and I am preparing for AIPMT.

I also have a boyfriend but as we are just teenagers we are not involved in this love and all for so much. We both are good in studies and are mainly focusing on our career first. He has just given the IIT-JEE MAINS EXAM and after giving the exam he was not feeling good. He told that he was fully prepared for this exam and wanted to clear this exam but while giving exam he became totally blank and he told me that he is on the edge line and may be he will not clear this exam. He is very upset. He told that he every time fails to fulfil their parent wishes. First he could not clear NDA due to his height and then this. What should I do mam? If this continues then he may enter into a state of depression and he has to give other exams also, then he would not be able to clear those exams also. How should I console him? Please help me out

Ans. He has parents to take care of him and of course you as a friend can also help him by boosting his low morale and inspiring him to do better in future. Whatever may have been his results in JEE he will have to choose for himself a good career path and get going. Just brooding about the past results will not help him. He has to look forward to the future. Fulfilling his parents wish is not so important as is his own future dreams and achievements. Be with him emotionally and stand by him is the best thing you can do in such a situation. An unconditional support matters in difficult times.

P.A

Q. I have just completed 10 std and the results will also be out by next week. I love a guy very much and even he loves me like no one can ever love me. But we were not in a relationship.
My mother read our conversation in my cell and now she won’t let me talk to him. I tried to talk to her thrice that it would affect my studies but please let me talk to him but she just wont.
Both my parents are conservatives. I feel suffocated. I can’t imagine life without him. Please help me. What should I do? Lie to her and talk to him?

Ans. When you keep things in moderation most parents may not object. Only when you go overboard with your emotions you create an alarm in the minds of people who care for you. The focus has to be your studies and your career and not your relationship. When students spoil their careers due to friendships it hurts parents for they spend their hard earned money for your studies and it sort of goes waste. You are expected to do your best in studies and also maintain friendships. If the friendship becomes all encompassing, then it’s better to get out of it.

S.V

Q. I need career guidance from you. I want to become a script writer of Bollywood movies and basically want to become writer but I could not find any platform for myself. Could you please guide me what should I do? Right now I am pursuing my graduation in B.Sc Biotechnology and I am second year student. Please tell me where should I submit my articles and how to get my stories published? I do have written story for novel but couldn't get it published because of lack of money. I have mailed you many times but you never replied me. I shall be very thankful to you.

 

Ans. It would be a good idea to get admitted into FTII Pune for the graduation programme and choose script writing as a choice for specialisation. There you get connected to the experts in Bollywood and if you are exceptionally good you will get noticed. The competition is tough and there is room only for the best and the original, that is, if you have no connections there. Another way would be to talk to book shops and publishing houses for connections for your novel. Someone might like it and agree to publish it. It is a long drawn struggle. But worth it.

“You have a right to decide”- 1 June 2014

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 18 June 2014 10:17

VMH.

Q. I am avid reader of your column emotion in The HITAVADA. I always appreciate and like the way you guide the people seeking advice from you through this column. I am 35 years old unmarried working girl. In the year 2004, I had a major emotional setback in my life. I wanted to marry to the boy of my choice and my family don’t agree and somehow it didn’t work out. I was so depressed that I almost lost hope in life. After that I never ever able to trust any person especially any boy so I didn’t get married till date and I wouldn’t if I didn’t meet this wonderful person who brings ray of hope in my life - who is trustworthy, loyal, confident , family oriented man. I met him at my office- he is a divorcee having 7 years old son and is very well settled having a good job. There is no need to worry on financial prospects and also character wise he is very good, belongs to our caste. Some of his relatives came in our indirect relations so we had a confirmation about his divorce and why it happen when we became friends he proposes for marriage and I asked him to talk to my parents and he did. My parents initially gave their consent but now they are refusing to even talk to him about marriage, after discussing with them several times they inquire about him and found everything correct what I told them about him, still they are not agreeing and said do whatever you want and I wanted to marry this guy only. Recently I have given a one month court notice for marriage. It will be over in the month of June I am not getting how to tell this to my parents should I tell them before one day to marriage or before completion of notice period or shouldn’t I till I get married. Please advice how to proceed. I will be highly obliged.

Ans. You are an adult and mature women and working too. You can take your own decisions in your personal life. You must have asked your parents out of respect and love for them. I do not know if you stay with your parents or live alone? If you think your parents will oppose you and stop you physically from going to court on the specific day then you might not tell them before the proceedings. In case you think they will bless you and be happy to cooperate then you could consider telling them a day before so that they can participate in the ceremony. This is a tricky situation for in case you live with parents you might have to tell them that you will be leaving home once you are married. Best of luck to you for your future.

 

“Make him responsible for his behaviour”- 25 May 2014

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 18 June 2014 10:16

Akshay, Nagpur.

Q. I am a 21 year old male from the field of Engineering. I’m really bothered about my brother’s behavior at home. He is in 12th standard, coaching for engineering entrances. Instead of investing his time in studies, he is often hanging out with friends, seldom comes late at home. He keeps on texting and attending calls on two phones. He goes to gym and is aggressive. My parents, especially my mother keeps on telling him to concentrate but he back answers. He doesn’t respond to me well. One day he was out somewhere and wasn’t deliberately responding my call. I got so angry that I broke his other phone and scolded him very badly. Since then he isn’t talking to me, showing me up as if I’m inexistent to him. He also has a girlfriend whom I believe isn’t so serious about their future. He lacks brotherly affection because I have observed that in every mutual bickering of the past, very often it is me who his going to mend things. What should I do? Please help.

Ans. You brother seems to have serious behaviour problems and does not seem to be worried about his studies and future. Ideally your parents should be taking charge of him and disciplining him but since you are worried as an elder brother you could change your attitude and method of handling him. Firstly, treat him as an adult now since he must be 18 years of age. Have a talk with him in a relaxed manner. Ask him what his future plans are and how much percentage he is aiming for in boards. Tell him that he is responsible for his behaviour and results and that the rest is his choice how he achieves it. Also give him some ultimatum after discussing with your parents that if he fails what would be the consequences. Your parents should tell him that they are willing to spend this much amount of money and no more if he fails. Stop scolding him.

ABC.

Q. I'm a 12th standard student preparing for AIPMT. I gave my exam, did tuitions at aakash institute and that was my own decision. But now I'm not sure if I can become a doctor as I've heard from doctors themselves that they have a difficult lifestyle. Very hectic one. They don't have time for themselves. And I'm pretty sure I can't live like that- I'm a very passionate girl related to living my life to the full. I love travelling and giving time to myself. And I wish to pursue psychology as career as I can see my interest developing in listening to other's emotional problems and helping them out and I also find that subject very interesting. But my parents still want me to be a doctor and they don't listen to me. I want a solution to this. And also I'm confused if my decision is right for me or not.

Ans. This is a decision which you will have to make by weighing all the pros and cons of medicine. It is a very good profession but should be taken by people who are passionate about medicine and not like any career. You could opt for psychiatry at your post graduate level if you find it interesting. If you still cannot decide then this is the right time to come for a session of career guidance along with your parents.

S. D

Q. I'm a student of M.Com 4th Semester. I have passed my last semester with 65% having a knowledge of tally ERP.9, C language, have trained from CMC Academy in (Advance Diploma in Financial Accounting) but still I'm not getting desired job. I want to take your advise regarding better job career for that I want to meet you personally so, what process I have to undergo. Please kindly inform me.

Ans. The process is simple. Just call my assistant at 9096749072 and take an appointment. She will help you with the timings and other details. Please come after 1 June as the clinic will be closed till then.



 

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