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“Complete your studies”- 30 November 2014.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 21 December 2014 18:09

C. k

Q. I am a 3rd year Mechanical Engineering student. I’m very confused as far as my career is concerned. I took up engineering with a view that I will get to learn something new, something innovative and creative. But, it seems neither the teachers are interested in imparting knowledge, nor are the students interested in learning something new. Everyone here is interested in earning good grades. No one is interested in the “out of the box” thinking. It is not the case with only my college. Almost all colleges (except the IITs and NITs) are manufacturing engineers, but with no quality. When I realised this, I was very much disappointed and depressed. It is clearly visible in my grades. A once topper student scoring just passing marks is not acceptable. I sometimes feel like quitting engineering. But, I can’t. Because my parents and my family have hopes from me and I cannot disappoint them. Now I do not enjoy engineering anymore. I’m merely completing my degree. I’m very confused as to what to do in life. If not engineering, then what? I’ve given this thing a serious shot. A friend of mine suggested me to become a counsellor. I’ve realized that I’m good at motivating people. Also I’m interested in this psychology stuff. But I’m new to this field. I don’t know anything about it. So, I need you to guide me. Can I study psychology after completing engineering? If so, then what options are available with me? Which courses should I do? Which are the reputed institutes for these courses in India? What is the course duration? Is there any specialised course in “child psychology”? If so, then please let me know. I hope you will help me and give me proper guidance.

Ans. There is confusion in your mind about getting a degree and working as an engineer. Even if you have not enjoyed your course due to poor quality teaching you might enjoy working on the floor. You would have chosen engineering due to your interest in that area and your aptitude. I would advise you to not get de-motivated with your studies and look forward to working in the field or doing a further post graduate course in a good institute that would revive your interest in engineering before doing a job. Changing your career line is fine but serious psychology requires at least seven years of training if done properly. Another easy option could be doing an MBA in Human Resource which puts you in touch with people and their concerns. A session of counselling will help you clear your doubts.

S. K

Q. I am studying in 11th standard and I am interested in Computer Science. As I want to do my Graduation in Computer field. Except Engineering, I don't know any Bachelor degree in Computer Branch which have also scope . Except RTMNU, I want to know the other good Universities and as I am not interested in Engineering. So Please help me.

Ans. You could opt for BCA (Bachelor in Computer Application) three years duration and then MCA two years duration which is equivalent to computer engineering but have separate institutes for it from engineering colleges. There are many private institutes in Nagpur and all over the country for these courses. You have plenty of choice.

C.B

Q. I am student of Engineering Third year Mechanical Branch. I am not so well in studies and fear of further schedules. My all papers of Engineering has been clear except Mathamatics1 from 5-6 attempts of first year because of that my all schedule and focus has totally drastic. Mam and I am not getting exact solution whereas I have to focus and not found interests what exactly I want to do.  Please help me and tell me the solution.

Ans. You have difficulty in one paper only. The only way to clear your paper is to work hard and revise the lessons as many times as you can. Read and revise them several times till you understand the subject. Find a good tutor who can clear your concepts and make you pass. Remove your fears from your mind, relax your mind and concentrate on your studies. Maybe you have chosen the wrong line for yourself and feel stuck in your studies. Since you have progressed to third year you might throw in all your might and finish your course. It requires hard work and dedication. The bright side is that you have a deficit in only one paper. You must complete your course.

 

“Choose your career wisely”- 23 November 2014.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 21 December 2014 18:05

D.K

Q. I’m a student of class 11th. I’m preparing for IIT JEE. I’m a quick tempered and quite weird person for others. I’m a dunce in studies. I love science very much. Especially physics. I used to hate maths till 10th, but now, I’ve slowly started to like it too. I was weak in it. I’m still weak in it, in fact even in science. I can’t accept the concepts what the teachers teach me, or what I read in books even. If I concentrate on my studies, I have my blurred concepts. If I don’t, I get scolded by the teachers. They say I ask too many questions, even if I don’t study enough. My friends call me psycho, and I sometimes doubt if I’m an abnormal person. I’m burdened with my parent’s hopes and sometimes, I think of killing myself. I had even made a foolish suicide plan, but I couldn’t execute it. I’m afraid that the institute I’ve joined for my coaching will throw me out next year. I’m very depressed and I can’t tolerate anymore. I’ve no one to share my worries. I fell in love for the first time in my life with a girl I used to hate most, and what bothered me most. I used to weep alone, regretting for leaving my school (and also her). I feel sleepy all the time, but not at the time of sleeping. I can’t understand what’s wrong with me.

Ans. Your condition does seem very stressful and disturbing. I could help you with your aptitude and your career planning and also with your depression. They could be linked too as failure in studies impacts the students mind seriously. Preparing for IIT entrance and your parents expectations for the same is putting heavy pressure on you since you find maths difficult and manage it somehow. Please request your parents for guidance in studies and career. They should agree. I will take care of the rest.

XYZ

Q. I am in 3rd year doing my engineering. The problem is to go to 3rd year one should have 1st year complete and in 2nd year 6 maximum 6 subjects are allowed. Unfortunately in 2nd year I got 7 subjects back that too some subjects with 2 or 3 marks and I have done provisional admission to get in 3rd year. I can’t face what people say about me I can’t face their eyes which stares at me and because of that I become weak. I was thinking to do suicide I know that’s wrong. Please tell me what to do.

Ans. The best thing is to clear off the backlog in stages as per your stamina and continue to make efforts in this direction. For that first keep your mind calm, positive and determined. Then make a plan of studies and seek the help of parents or a teacher. You might take an extra year to pass your engineering if you find all the backs impossible to clear all at once but that should be acceptable to you. Instead of thinking of ending your life think of the lessons you have learned from the past failures. Analyse your weaknesses and plug them. Change your attitude and your habits. You will pass your exams.

Anonymous.

Q. I have a 24 year old daughter who has all the symptoms of NPD OR Narcissistic personality disorder. I have read all I could about the disorder and have tried to deal with the situation to the best if my ability but it is very difficult. I would like her to get therapy, as I am afraid for her future if she carries on like this. My question is do you deal with narcisstic cases or do you know any person specializing in these cases. I would be highly grateful if you could tell me where to get help for this child.

Ans. Yes of course we deal with all types of personality disorders and NPD is one of them. Kindly bring your daughter to us for a proper evaluation and assessment. Once done we could start her therapy sessions. As a mother you would also know why she has developed such a personality? This helps to know how you should behave with her in future.

 

“Personality disorders lead to faulty behaviours”- 16 November 2014.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 21 December 2014 18:02

V. R

Q. I am a student of class 10. I am not good in studies as I have got only 60% in my first term. I want to die because I make my mother and father upset. Sometimes I always try to do my best in studies but I always fail in that. In my class there is a beautiful girl and I am obsessed with that girl and my friends are class toppers but only I am such a dick. Please give me some suggestion so that I could concentrate on my studies and not on girls. Girls are not the cause of my failure but I am I don’t know why I can’t remember things which are told by my mom and dad.

Ans.  You can develop the art of concentration with guidance and practice. Once you learn the art of concentration your interest in studies will go up and so will your performance too in exams. Meanwhile focus on studies and your future career. When you seriously set a future goal for yourself and dream about it to make it a reality you will begin to enjoy your studies. A few sessions of concentration practices will help you learn the methods.

Prajakta.

Q. I am BCCA (B.Com. with computer application) final year student. But I found that I am not so good at this course because the technical portion (computer application) of this course is difficult for me. Somehow I will manage to pass the final year exam. But what should I do next so that I could make my career better. Please guide me some vocational or job oriented courses or anything that would help me to set up my own occupation. Please help.

Ans. You might drop the computer aspect once you graduate and take up the line of accounts and commerce. Either you can get into the courses of Chartered Accountancy or Company Secretary directly or you could pursue diplomas in financial accounts which will be short term courses. You could also pursue M.B.A with finance as specialisation which gives you a very good career ahead in industries. After graduation you could also apply for banks and other government sectors. All this requires more serious thought and planning which takes into account your talents, aspiration, interests and personality. A session on career guidance with me is suggested.

Anonymous.

Q. There are 8 members in family, my mummy papa, 2 brothers their wives, and a nephew who is 1.5yr old. Nobody has problem with anyone at home. But problem is regarding my big sister in law who is aggressive, short tempered, doubtful, always shouting and screaming for small or no reasons. She is not ready to adjust herself at home nor with her husband and child. For small reasons she get aggressive and fights with anyone, also with her husband till midnight & says I don't want to live here & runs out of the house, even threatens that she will commit suicide. Her & mine mummy, papa also pampers her & asks to change her behavior but she is not ready to listen to anyone. She doesn't do daily chores at home, wakes up late & watch T.V. Even she teases her child who is just 1.5yr old and not able to speak & says that he complaints to family members about her mother. She has habit of stealing and lying. She gets too much happy seeing her past proposals and goes to talk to them for no reasons. She wants to get separate but as she can't adjust with her husband & child we can't do this. So please advise us what to do.

Ans.  It seems that your sister in law has a personality disorder or a mental condition that needs to be addressed. She may be behaving like this due to that condition. Try talking to your brother to bring her for counselling and he could suggest marriage counselling for both of them together. We must evaluate and diagnose the nature of the problem and then help her and the family. One member with a faulty personality or an illness can upset the harmony of the family. But there is hope to help the couple understand each other and try to take care of each other.

 

“Live in the present and look forward to the future”- 9 November 2014.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 11 November 2014 17:29

Q. I lost my father when I was 9 year old. He was a teacher then my mother raised me. Till I was doing my high school everything seemed to be just going ok. but after it i went away from my mother for my graduation. i started living in a hostel and things started changing in my life. after meeting various friends their i realized that i was somewhat different from others. the process of realization was to slow and my small mind was not able to find out what was wrong with me. with the course of time i realized that i was not able to make relations with others, to handle my emotions, i barely had any opinion about anything so i couldn't take part in any conversation with my friends nor i was able to make any jokes and laugh with them. i was very upset and thought that i was of no use and got caught in to severe depression. this lasted for about 2 yrs. all the time i couldn't sleep and spent many nights crying. with the course of time i discovered the reason for my problem. my mother emotionally and physically abused me as a child. i was often bated badly with BELAN, stick or anything my mother would find. i was always pressurised to accept my mothers opinion. she never allowed me to expresses my feelings she forced me to do everthing as she directed i was never allowed to play with friends. we barely talk in our house even if today. no discussions no arguments no light jokes and no laughing. today i have completed my graduation and i am preparing for bank exams. i am good in studies and expect to crack one of the exams. but what i am frightened of is after i have got the job i will not be able to do it. because anywhere we go to work one should have nice relations with his workmates. i cannot establish relations with others at all. how can you work where you have no respect. but economic condition of my family is not good and i need to work. also i need to live as well. i am in very pain. i cant handle this situation long. i cant live like this with no emotions and in absence of any social domain. i am very depressed please help me. if you can suggest me what to do i will try to do it.

Ans. Yes child abuse and neglect can mar the personality. But as you grow up you need to take things in your own control. The process of struggle and finally maturation lies in your hands now and not in the hands of your mother. So firstly, try to heal your past by meditation and positive thinking. Also try forgiving your mother for her behaviour. Secondly, look forward to the present and build up your personality and the various skills needed for independence and progress. Thirdly enjoy the present by being happy, making simple friends and working hard. You do not have to get emotionally connected to people in a big way but have a smiling face, be friendly and be helpful to them in any way if you can. Learn to do simple talks and conversations with your peers and seniors. Learn to communicate and appreciate others and compliment them. But before you do all this relax your mind and be positive. We could teach you all this if you come for regular sessions.

ABC.

Q. I have opted for general science and I'm in std XI. I'm preparing for engineering entrance exams and I am not able to concentrate on my studies. Some thoughts go on in my mind and they disturb me. What should I do to increase my confidence and do better. My parents have high expectations from me. I am not very good in maths.

Ans. You should come for career counselling as you need to have some more options for future. If you are not very good in maths engineering will be a tough choice for you have to work very hard for entrance and also once you enter college. An aptitude test will help us know your abilities. It is also important to know your personality traits and your interest areas to decide your career options and make the best choices or have at least have two or three choices lined up.


 

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