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“Marriage is not an affair with love but duty and sacrifice”- 21 September 2014.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Thursday, 02 October 2014 19:16

Q. I don't know what is happening to me. I feel like crying all the time. I am in college 2nd year pursuing BE with stream EC. I feel very depressed, confused, sad sometimes and don't know what to do. This year everything is going wrong with me. May- June my 2nd semester exam pattern changed and all my exams went disastrous and I do not expect to get a good result, then in between my friend with whom I broke up because of his evil thoughts towards me suddenly showed interest in me which I solved and then all my summer holidays went boring. My cousins came all went good but I met with an accident and had to get a rod inserted in my leg. I was recovering but my best friend broke up with me and didn't speak to me for 2 months and when I resumed college my 2nd best friend ignored me, my health went down with this leg and I got fever and am at home till now. I am not able to forget these things. I regret not seeing my maternal grandma before she passed away, I feel like crying but this incident took place 2 years back. My family has high hopes with me as they are depressed with my sister's health condition and moreover my family most of the times experiences distress and depression I am the only hope for my parents and family but this environment and these incidents make me cry a lot and I feel like running away but I will never do that. The cherry on this top is I am using Facebook to speak to a celebrity about whose identity I am not sure but I am very attached to him/her. These things lead me to a stage where I feel very alone and depressed. I have lost all my interest in studies and cannot concentrate. I want to fulfil my dreams. What should I do? Please help.


Ans. Yes you have through many ups and downs and don’t know how to cope with it. I hope you have good relations with your parents or your mother who can give you the best assurance and comfort in bad time. Rather connecting to anonymous celebrities on FB for they might cheat you after winning your trust, connect to your parents and family. Also train your mind with all positive thoughts and banish every single negative thought from your mind. Also you should do permissible exercises and relaxation exercises to keep the mind calm and quiet. Slowly your mind will calm down and you will feel the strength from your inner self. Awaken your power within. All humans have the capacity. If all this does not help, then please seek an appointment with me for counselling and psychotherapy.

Q. I am a married woman and was in a relationship with a married man. We never had a physical relationship. Ours was a long distance relationship. It continued for 6 months. Recently his wife started suspecting him, so he calls up only once or twice a week. He has become very formal with me. My problem is that I have become addicted to his phone calls. Now when I don’t receive his phone calls I get panic attacks, feel lots of anxiety and my heart beats so fast that it becomes unbearable. I feel the urge to talk to him. I have discussed this matter with him but he doesn't agree. What should I do when I get these panic attacks. I try to distract myself in many ways but it does not work. I don't stay in Nagpur so can't come to you. I don’t want to take anxiety pills. Please help me.

Ans. You must learn to build up your inner strength by believing in yourself and learning to live your life without dependency. Learn to be self sufficient and complete within yourself. This happens with a lot of hard work and devotion to a cause or goal. Look for that within your family and children and also search and nurture your hidden talents. Relationship addiction is harmful as you feel weak and insecure. This is actually not true as you have a family to rely on. Give more power to yourself and less to the other fellow. If possible stop his friendship altogether it is not going to help anyone. Two families will get traumatised when the truth leaks out which it will one day. Marriage is not an affair with love but a sacrifice and a duty.




 

“Loss of concentration”- 14 September 2014.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Thursday, 02 October 2014 19:15

Anudeep.

Q. I am a student of class 12. I thought of consulting you because I am suffering through one of my greatest hardships of life at this crucial stage of mine. My problem is-Only half a year for my board exams, I find it difficult to complete my course because of not having a strong foundation in classes 9, 10 and 11. This is also affecting my performance in entrance exams as I am not at all prepared in any way. It’s too late for me to recognize that I am lagging behind; but even then, I tried numerous ways to cover up and improve my concepts: I took help of scholarly notes, internet, tuition classes etc. But in no way I was able to achieve success. I don’t receive good pattern of education in my current tuition classes, which would make my weak and stubborn mind understand. Should I take a year drop? Or is there any other option? Moreover, my astrologer has told me that it would be a hard time for me till November 2014. But it would be too late then as I would not be able to take any decision regarding my future options (if I don’t improve by that time). I would have to take crucial decisions on admitting to new tuition classes (if I wish to take a year drop). The astrologer told that I have ‘shani sadhe-saati and Rahu’ and ‘Ketu antardashaas’, due to which there are so subtle changes in my behavior. Earlier, I used be sincere and regular in studies, but now I find it as a burden, from whose load I would never be freed. The last year has changed my attitude and behavior thoroughly. I cannot control my urge for parties and our religious festivals; and hence find it difficult to sacrifice them for the sake of my studies. What to do or what not to do? This seems to be the greatest question for me. Due to all these, my parents also began remaining tensed as all their desires as dependent upon me. Please suggest me an appropriate way out; as I am in need of your urgent help.

Ans. A few sessions of counseling will help you analyze the reasons for the change in your behavior and your performance. You mention that there is a change in your attitude and that you find studies burdensome and are not sincere as you were earlier. You also mention excessive partying and celebrating religious festivals. This would need probing your mind and understanding the underlying issues. If you feel the training at the tuitions was inadequate and you do not feel prepared enough then an option would be to take a drop and repeat the year of 12th. But before we arrive at any decision you should come for a few sessions as soon as possible.

S.

Q. I am in 11th standard and I am preparing for medical entrance. My parents are always fighting; my dad is always abusing my mom and insulting her because of which I get disturbed. Also my grandma shouts at my mother for trivial things. They are all educated still behave like this. There are fights at my house every fortnight or rather every week and this affects me. What should I do so that I don’t get mental stress due to this and can concentrate on my studies?

Ans. Generally children should not get into adult conflicts and problems even though it affects you badly. You should try to detach yourself from the scene whenever it happens and put your mind to study for your future lies there. Practice hard whatever you are studying and learn to detach yourself from adult problems. If you can you could tell your father that they should not fight when you are there because it is affecting your studies. If you are afraid of him tell your mother or granny. Alternately you could join a reading library and take your books to study in the library and come home for eating and sleeping only. It is unfortunate that your family members should behave in such aggressive manner and create unrest at home. You could also request for a hostel facility in 12th Std. I hope your mom is able to protect herself sufficiently well so that you can drop your anxieties about her safety and let them fight it out. In such situations you should not take sides and be neutral. If your mother’s health and life is in danger then we will have to think about another solution. Try taking help from the extended family members in such a situation.

 

“Children are affected in adult conflicts”- 7 September 2014.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Thursday, 02 October 2014 19:13

Riya

Q. I am 18 year old guy and I am in 1st year of college. I always wanted a good and charming personality which is always respected by others. I want that everyone should respect me. But I think that most people had taken me for granted. I had a friend with whom I shared all my secrets but later on I realized that he starts dominating me. And as I am in my college life so I want an impressive personality. I also don't know how to handle any relationship. I sometimes feel that I had low self esteem for myself. In last 2 years I had seen many downfalls. I think that my bad luck is going right now. So I want your help and advice that how should I behave with others that every one respects me? I also want to know that how to take any decisions of life? How can I have an impressing and charming personality that impresses every one? How to concentrate on study? And how should I deal with that friend of mine with whom I shared all my secrets? I also think that I can easily get dominated by others, so how could I be a dominant person? I also want to know that if my bad luck is going on then how should I tackle with it?

Ans. Let’s forget bad luck and talk of developing a bold and confident personality. You need to build assertiveness and communication skills. This comes with self confidence which in turn depends upon your self esteem and self image. Without being dominating which is a negative term you can become self assertive and bold. This way you can hold yourself respect and also maintain the self respect of others by not dominating them. This can be imparted through a series of sessions of training and development and cannot be done by books. So cheer up and find the time to take some sessions from us.

ABC

Q. I am in 11th Std and recently passed my tenth with 96.2%. I am preparing for medical entrance. I loved a boy who too is very intelligent in fact more than me. He got 96% in tenth and has also cleared many exams at state level. I still love him. He too loves me. Our parents came to know about this in tenth and we got great scolding. We have decided that we will not meet each other or talk to each other till he gets selected in IIT and myself in a good government medical college. He still loves me very much as I do. He says that he will come back after two years and I too feel that we will be together again. Should I believe him? Please help.

Ans. Of course you can believe him until he gives you a chance to disbelieve him! But life does change for everyone once you get into college and interact at a different level with new people and surroundings. You will also do the same once you enter college as you meet new friends and new atmosphere. Stay positive and have faith in yourself and in him too. All will be fine for you as both of you are good students with a strong goal and focus.

Anonymous.

Q. I and my daughter had faced lots of adverse egoistic situations as my mother in law created so many complications over our husband wife bond. My husband's blind faith in his mothers motive and violent psyche nature harassed us lot. I managed all the fronts methodically and overcome it, but my baby can't forget that day to day experience and feel bad.

Ans. She can be helped with counselling and therapy. Children are always the worst affected in adult fights. They are young and sensitive and it affects their growth and development. You as an adult was more capable of handling conflict which is good but you will have to bring your daughter for some sessions of counselling- the earlier the better. Do not delay and do not hesitate. It is a non drug therapy within a healthy and friendly atmosphere.

“Social networking sites are addictive”- 31 August 2014.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Thursday, 02 October 2014 19:11

Anonymous.

Q. I am in 11th and recently passed tenth with 96.2% and now I am preparing for medical entrance. I have a question that even though I don’t waste time on facebook. Just overlook on my account for 5 -10 min a day should I still deactivate it? I feel that if I will deactivate my account I won’t be able to keep in touch with my school friends. Please guide me.

Ans. Social networking sites can become addictive and make you distracted. Ask yourself a question- after you spend 5 to 10 minutes on Facebook how much more time you spend on thinking about your friends and the data that you have received from the site. If you think it is a small amount of time and it is helpful in maintaining contact and a good respite from studies then by all means retain the account. If you feel that huge amount of time is wasted and it also distracts you while studying then please deactivate it for a year or so till your exams are over. Make an honest and wise decision. Do not fool yourself by false and dishonest evaluations in which case it is better to deactivate it. Your life does not depend upon it while making a career is vital. You are a good achiever and must maintain your position.

Aditi.

Q. I am a 12th standard student - my dreams are high but sometimes I think whether I would be able to achieve them? Sometimes I lose confidence and if I get it I become over confident but yes I am good at studies. Please help me.

Ans. It is important to dream big but at the same time it is important to keep your mind focused on short term goals and achieve them successfully. Long term goals and big dreams require a long term commitment and patience like the tortoise in the fable of the hare and tortoise. Go on doing things at a pace that is comfortable and keep your mind on the goals that are short term and long term as well. You are sure to succeed. But impatience and over ambition may spoil your plans. Be positive all the time. Have faith in your abilities and yourself.

P.G

Q. I am pursuing BE from M.P. My problem is that I am unable to speak English fluently. I
started reading English newspapers but that is just increasing knowledge. Please tell the solution to this which I can do from home itself instead of doing the courses. I really want to have good communication skills. When I speak our common language "Hindi", I speak very confidently in a good manner but this doesn't happen with English. I also try to speak English but always get stuck in between. Please help me as this is something really very important to me.

Ans. English is a foreign language for most Indians and has to be practised daily to become proficient in it. It does not come naturally to people. In homes where parents speak the language children easily pick it up from childhood. It is good you are reading the newspaper and try to read it loudly so that you can hear your own voice. That helps in improving your pronunciation as well as your grammar. Also as you are doing right now keep speaking the language with friends and family as much as you can even if you get stuck in it, do not stop and do not hesitate. The only way to master it is to overcome your fears of ridicule and your social inhibitions of speaking wrongly. You are still a student and by the time you finish your studies you might be able to master it if you pursue speaking it with a single minded devotion. Try thinking in the language and then speaking. If you think in Hindi and speak in English it becomes a translation. Try to think in the English language in your free time.  All the best to you.

 

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