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“Meditate to handle stress”- 24 December 2017.

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 31 December 2017 17:25


Q. My husband is showing signs of stress and has begun shouting at me and the children. We know he has a difficult job and long working hours. We try to adjust to his needs but now it is becoming unbearable. Even I feel nervous and drained of energy with the burden of kids and home. I feel like crying and when he begins to beat me I want to leave everything and run away. Please guide me and I am very worried for the family and my kids. They are very sweet children and love their father.

Ans. One way could be to consult a psychologist and take an opinion about the nature of his problem. He could be suffering from some mental illness which seems like stress but may not be. Once a proper diagnosis is made a remedy could be found. He may need some medicines which you could administer and he could sober down. You must take care of yourself since everything rests on your shoulders. The home and kids are on your hands and also the husband’s emotional disturbance. Be brave and keep your mind calm at all times. Bad times also pass away and good times come. It’s a phase of life and will not stay permanently. But yes, you need medical and psychological help for him and if he refuses you should reach out for help. If there are problems there are solutions too. Do not despair. Have faith in yourself and in God. Pray and meditate. Hope for the best.


Q. I have a very peculiar problem. I feel my parents don’t love me and only love my brother. I feel they hate me and only tolerate me. I am a weak boy since childhood and was good in studies but not very healthy. I cannot do hard work physically and often fall sick. So, I am slightly dependent on them for help. I work very hard and am supporting myself with my income and work but I feel humiliated and insulted by my father specially when he shouts at me. All this makes me unhappy and stressed out terribly. When I tell them this they also get angry with me and tell me it is nonsense and my imagination. Please tell me what to do?

Ans. Well, it may be true that your parents love your brother more for he is healthy and well to do. A sickly child suffers a handicap of being dependent upon family members and may begin to feel and imagine that members don’t love him. One good way is to build your strengths in a proper way. Work on your body by doing yoga and pranayama daily and immunity. Believe me, it works beautifully as you continue to practice and work out. Secondly you have to start thinking positively about yourself and banish all negative thoughts about yourself. Always think good of yourself and rise above yourself to become an asset to your parents. I am glad you work and earn your own money to support yourself. Think of more ways to earn money and enhance yourself. Make good friends and connect with them. Have a life of your own besides family and parents. Involve and engage in meaningful activities and empower yourself with them. Never think bad about yourself. The so called meek and week can rise to any heights. Remember, slow and steady wins the race.


Q. I met one man on facebook who is much elder to me. He asked me to do many things for him which I did unwillingly and now he has left me and deleted me from his friend list. I feel like committing suicide and killing myself. I told my best friend about it and she is very angry with me for being so stupid. I have lost my sense of balance and happiness. I was very happy with him and he made me laugh a lot and always teased me. Now I don’t know why he did what he did and I don’t know what I did to deserve it. I am a young girl and somehow like slightly older men. I find my age boys very dull and boring. I am very depressed madam. Please tell me why he left me.


Ans. Take this as a bad experience and a good learning one. This should teach you many things about yourself, about your weaknesses and about your strengths too. You know now that he took you for a ride as he was not serious about you but enjoyed himself at your cost. You may find the truth very bitter and may not want to believe it but that seems to be the truth about the social media. There are men stalkers sitting there fishing and waiting for young innocent girls to fall in their net. Which you did and quite unknowingly. He humoured you with teases and jokes and when you begun to love his company you did things unwillingly just to please him. He got what he wanted and he must be looking for better pastures. Such people are criminals and crooks without scruples and morals and have no conscience to poke them. So move on and watch out for older men who tease and humour you and make you comfortable in their company. Try judging their intentions. 

“Negotiate with parents”- 17 December 2017.

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 31 December 2017 17:23


Q. My 16 and 14 year old sons are addicted to Japanese cartoons (anime). They watch 2 episodes daily of some anime without fail. They are always going on about these shows like fullmetal alchemist and naruto. They even started talking half in Japanese and keep saying this datebayo, that datebayo, and I don’t understand anything they are saying. They tried to show me some too, but I obviously refused to get into it since it is addictive material. These cartoons are very different from anything we used to watch as kids. I keep hearing scary things about video games like blue whale, etc and get scared. Should I be concerned about this too?

Ans. We need to know about the content of the serials. If they are shows/serials they may not be as harmful as the ‘blue whale’ which is a game to be played and the person gets trapped into it because it is interactive. A serial is a show you watch and do not interact with. Besides this difference, if the content is harmful, such as, if it focuses on aggression, violence, assault or murder or other types of perversion in behaviour, it should be stopped immediately. If they are comedies or serials for teenagers with good educative content, there is less harm. Nevertheless try getting them involved in sports and other outdoor or indoor games and out of the TV box. You could sit with them a few times to watch the serials and make a decision. You could also ask them to narrate the story to you after the serial. That way you could be involved in their thought process.


Q. I am a BBA (first year) student and I have studied 12th PCB. At present, I am only concentrated on my UG completion and to be honest I am not sure about what can be done after this. I mean as usual people do UG then PG, agreed with it. But there's a lot of entrance exams also of BBA field that I am not aware of but wish to give. The only I know is CAT. And may I tell you that I have a strong point in HR rather than marketing (an aptitude test says so). So my query is, can you please tell me more about what can be done after BBA and names of the entrance exams too. I want to do some big in my life. Please help me.
Ans. The most logical post graduation is of course an MBA since you are doing BBA and this could get you a lucrative job in the corporate sector. But if you do not want to do an MBA then many other programmes are there. A graduation course opens the doors to many post graduate courses, such as, masters in finance management, hotel management, risk management, HR and Organisational development, tourism and many more. MCA is also another choice. FTII, agriculture and food business is also an option. To make the final choice you must know your long term goals and your interest areas to be happy and successful. Come for a session on career guidance if still confused.


Q. I am currently working in a well reputed organisation but I don’t like that job as it is not related to my engineering background but still I am doing for the sake of experience and I have decided to leave that job in February as I will complete six months. I am desiring to run my dad's electrical shop which he is running since 30 years as I have interest and knowledge of it but my dad don't want that I should come into his business as there are lots of struggles and hard work and he don't want that I should live a life that he lived. But I want to do some sort of courses of mobile engineering which will take current business to next level as I am an engineer and I am confident that I will work on it and change the whole method of our current business. So should I agree to my dad's opinion and continue a job that I don't like or should I leave a job and follow heart? Please guide me Mam over this situation!

Ans. The best option seems to be to join your father’s business, for you seem to be interested, motivated, and have a future scale-up plan for it too! Nothing could be better than being an entrepreneur. You must try to understand the fears of your father- there could be quite a few besides what he is stating. It could be possible that he is not ready to hand it over to you completely yet and wants to run it the way he has been doing for 30 years. If that is not the case, then, you could negotiate with your father and ask for a period of say two years and if things do not go well you would switch to a job. Assure him about some of his fears and negotiate with him. Or you might start on your own with your own money and risk.


“Negotiate and compromise”- 3 December 2017.

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 31 December 2017 17:21


Q. I am 28 years old girl. I got married 6 months before. It was arranged marriage and was done in a simple way. My husband is 30 years old. I am 5.3 inches and same is my husband. He was okay by both of us being of same height but now it is bothering him. He said me not to wear heels anymore so I have stopped wearing them for his happiness because I love him a lot now though it was arranged marriage but still he is not happy. He does not take me out for parties with him or even for movies. Before he just took me out for couple of times and that’s it. I cannot understand his behaviour. He is caring in general but still he taunts me for my looks. He says having equal height makes him conscious. I don’t know how to tell him that I am fine with his looks and the most thing which matters to me is his happiness. Should I bring him for counselling so that he can be happy in his own skin?

Ans. This can happen when people develop inferior feelings about themselves and their body image. He has developed a negative image of his short height and he seems to have become uncomfortable in your company. You may be better looking in your facial features and body structure and although you have accepted him now he still seems to be holding on to some impressions which might have been given by outsiders. Some people might have commented and drawn comparisons between the two of you and that seems to have sunk deep into his mind. Try and reflect if you have at any time made a light hearted comment about it that has hurt him. Counselling will certainly help in unearthing his wounds and hurts and bring him to reconcile with the reality. It is in his mind and it is a personal thing but this will ultimately affect your relationship and your marital happiness in the long run. Please come for a joint session as soon as possible. All will be well.


Q. I am 18 years old guy. I just passed by 12th examination. I scored 60 percent in my exams. I always wanted to open up my hair salon. Everyone at home and even in the school appreciates my hair and even tell me I have good looks. I spoke to my parents and told them to help me open up my salon by providing me funds for it. I have confidence that if I open up my salon it is going to work amazing as I will charge them less. I got into a fight also with parents because of this issue. I don’t want to study anymore and the obsession of opening up my salon is messing with my brain. I think if this goes on for long time I will have severe depression because of failure. I don’t even go out or meet any of my friends. I don’t know what to do with my life. Please guide me.

Ans. You seem to be a budding serious entrepreneur and I love that idea! Entrepreneurship is a great career option! You could make a happy compromise by negotiating with your parents. Tell them if they allow you to open a salon, you would enrol in a college as a private student and seek a graduation degree. If they do not allow you then you would drop out of education totally. This might work it seems. Although I believe that education is always useful and never goes waste for it equips the mind with knowledge and skills. Of course a lot many entrepreneurs do not need education if they become successful but education is always a virtue and never harmful. You could choose the degree of your choice or could opt for a vocational programme in your field of running a salon. Find out the options of training yourself with a good salon or a guru with a good name in this field and enrol with him. Lot many salons are offering training and certificates. The best way to handle parents is to keep the communication going and negotiating with them. A good compromise can be worked out. All the best to you.


“Do not be a permanent spouse- counsellor”- 26 November 2017.

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 31 December 2017 17:19


Q. I am 24 years old male. I am doing by training as a pilot, two more years are left in the training. I met one girl online on dating site tinder. We hit it off really well and since last one month I am talking to her and we are on good note. Everything with her feels like dream and we make each other so happy. I really want to meet her but I cannot because of work and my training going in other state. I think she is the one for me but the problem is she is having really bad anxiety issues and she is depressed most of the times. I don’t understand how to make her calm and do not want to lose her. I even spoke to some of my friends and they think I should not continue with her. Its better to cut it sooner than later but I still have genuine feelings for her. What is your opinion about that. Should I continue or I should break it?

Ans. We need to know why she has anxiety and depression issues. Are they sort of genetically determined or are caused due to a reaction to a life situation is important to ascertain. This has long term significance and consequences. Whatever may be the causes she needs to be counselled and treated for the same. You should bear in mind that you should not land up being her permanent counsellor at home for this will stress out your normal relationship with her. It is imperative she has a professional counsellor for her psychological issues and then the relationship can go on. But if you take over the role of counsellor and if begins to rely heavily only on you, you feel soon start feeling miserable for depression/anxiety begin to effect normal functioning on a day to day basis. In other words if you marry her she may not pick up responsibilities for herself and for the home. You might find yourself doing double duty at all times. Talk this out with her and get her to seek proper treatment. Then life can be normal and good of you love her and she has a good personality. Mental illness can impact anyone and is treatable too. We do not leave people we love due to their illness, whether mental or physical.


Q. I am 21 years female. I moved from Nagpur to Mumbai six months back for my studies. It was all good in the beginning when I first moved in here. I really liked the climate and people seemed alright. I was having a good time here also. Nothing seemed depressing or bothering. I was a happy go lucky girl. My friends back at home loved me a lot. I have no issues with my family or brother either. College started four months back and since then every classmate of mine is back biting about me. They call me by all the ugly names like black, maid and shit. They don’t have the guts to say it on my face but I know that they say it. I don’t know what to do about it or why do they hate me so much. I think something is wrong with me or something is wrong with them. I feel like running away from here. Please guide me and advice on how to handle this.


Ans. This situation / mental state of yours need further investigation. We would be keen to know the conditions under which the bullying and teasing started and who are the ones indulging in it and what do they want? Is it being instigated by someone with a motive or are they just having being nasty because you are not from Mumbai but from another city? When you say ‘they do not say it on my face’, it could also indicate that you are imagining it and it is part of your fantasy. You could well be imagining all the comments like noises that reverberate in your head. In either case you would need to consult a psychologist as soon as possible and get it cleared from your mind. Otherwise it will create disturbances in your study for which you have gone to Mumbai and will defeat the purpose. Do not hesitate and do not wait longer for the symptoms to vanish, since they are there for last four months. A timely help soothes the mind and stabilises it. Best of luck to you.

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