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“Save girls from seduction by adults”- 16 July 2017.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 30 July 2017 18:41

AN

Q. It seems my friend is involved with some person who is above 50 years in age. She is just 19. He comes to her home regularly. He is married. She often goes with him for long drives. Her parents believe him blindly. She passed her 12th standard with 53%. She scored 92.8% in 10th standard. She aims to take medical field. She lost her year because of this person. Now, she wants to take a drop and repeat her medical entrance exam. She is constantly on phone and doesn’t want to listen to anybody. I am worried she might lose her this year also. Is her life in danger? Please help.

Ans. Yes, she is in danger of damaging her mind, body and soul and curse be on the old man who is exploiting her. If she is young and foolish he seems to be an unscrupulous fellow who is bothered only about his needs. There are many stories of mid-age adults abusing /seducing young girls either at home, in tuition classes or in institutions and leaving them traumatised. Parents should be alert to non verbal signals and pay more attention to their children. Her parents need to be informed about it, he needs to be thrown out of their house permanently and she needs to be counselled to go back to studies. The situation needs to be handled on an urgent basis.

Q. My elder brother is obsessed with his looks. He is 42 years old. He usually asks that, is my hands normal? Is blood flowing normally? Is shape of my forehead normal? It is increasing day by day. He has been visiting number of doctors since a year. It feels he is taking some psychiatric medicine, but he never shares this with anyone. Since childhood he has phobia for lizards. Nowadays, it is increasing and is affecting his lifestyle. How to get him out of this kind of obsession? Please help.

Ans. For obsessive compulsive disorders both counselling as well as medicine is helpful. Just medicine may not be affective. For every mental illness/ disturbance counselling handles other areas of behavioural dysfunction whereas medicines have a limited role. Both should go parallel to each other.

Anonymous

Q. I am a student of Std 12. I am facing a lot of problems in my home. My younger sister is very noisy and irritating and does not study at all. She constantly fights with my mother and makes excuses to study and shouts a lot whenever told to study. This is affecting her seriously because she recently had an operation and the doctor has advised her to ensure that she does not have high blood pressure. I am very worried about her. Apart from that, my parents often indulge in heated arguments. There is a very big rivalry between my grandmother and mother which is seriously affecting the peace that is normally expected in a family. At the same time I have external pressure to get good results in the exams. How should I deal with these family matters and at the same time carry the burden of my studies? Please guide me.

Ans. The best thing for you to do is to focus on your studies as a priority. The studies are serious in 12th and all your energies may be diverted to it. Join a library or a reading room where you can sit and study after classes since the home atmosphere is not congenial. Let your parents handle your sister and her tantrums for you cannot be a parent to her. You could only be good to her whenever you get some time with her and keep her in good cheer. You could tell your mother and granny that their arguments is disturbing you and may affect your results negatively. Wonder why they cannot control their emotional conflicts and keep the atmosphere healthy. The same thing may be affecting your sister too. Focus on your studies and do not interfere with family matters.

Q. I was in love with some boy. We decided to get married. Since our caste didn’t match, his mother didn’t allow him to get married to me. We belonged to same profession and shared so many things in common. We had a healthy relationship for about 2 years. Now, since it didn’t work out, I got married to business person of my caste. But I am still in love with him. I miss him a lot. I don’t feel secure. He used to protect me like anything. It feels I am cheating on my husband, and it is creating a lot of anxiety in me and affecting my profession.

Ans. This unfortunate story will resolve one day when you settle in for a few more years with your husband and married life. Build a new circle of friends, get to know your husband better, spend more time with him and be devoted to him. You have taken marriage vows and that should mean something to you. Make his family and friends your own and get busy with your new life. Enrich it with hobbies and activities you like. Emotions can always be controlled and marriage is not always about love. It is about responsibility and duties and devotion. It is a commitment about building a stable and strong family. If you have different goals about marriage then that should have been thought of earlier. Give this a good try.

 

“Do not be deterred by minor disruptions”- 9 July 2017

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 30 July 2017 18:39

A.K

Q. It seems one of my closest friend is not sharing healthy friendship with some boy. He is younger to her. I realized this when I saw her messages. Last day her breathe smelled like she had alcohol. Nowadays, she spends most of her time travelling. It feels she goes into outskirts of city. She doesn’t attend tuitions regularly and her attendance has come down to 30%. I fear for her, since these are our main years of career. Whenever I ask her about this person, she tries to change topic and behave suspiciously. Should I tell this to her parents? How can I help her? Please help.

Ans. If she is your close friend you need to shake some good sense into her. She is certainly on the wrong path of getting into bad habits of drinking, travelling aimlessly in the outskirts, bunking classes, etc. First talk to her seriously and then perhaps it is a good idea to inform her mother of the facts. After you do that, leave it to her parents to do the rest and you should get out of the worry and concern otherwise it may affect your mind and moods too. If you get too much involved in her problems you are bound to get distracted and disturbed. So cool off and let her be responsible for her life.

M.M

Q. My son scored 92% in 10th standard. He wants to opt for arts stream. He got full marks in maths. He didn’t score well in languages, so I don’t want him to opt for arts field, at least till twelfth. I wish he should go for science field. Since science is going to keep all the branches open for him. If he feels the same after twelfth, then he can readily opt for arts fields as per his wish. Whenever I try to explain him about his career choices, he gets depressed and argues. What should I do? Please help.

Ans. It would help if you bring him for career guidance and counselling. If he was interested in arts and humanities he should have got good marks in those subjects. It would be interesting and meaningful to know why he wants to leave science and get into arts when he has scored full marks in maths. This is confusing indeed! He would need to be listened to and heard about his long term plans. He may have different ideas that are welcome. But it defies logic. You should bring him for a session for we must know the facts and the state of his mind.

ABC

Q. I was in engineering second year and suffered tuberculosis. I was hospitalised for almost a month. I had to take 12 months medicines, steroids and vitamins. It’s been a year I have developed fear of failure. I don’t want to attend college. I feel acute weakness. I just don’t feel capable of doing anything, since it causes stress. I feel to drop engineering and want to opt for some light fields. My parents are very supportive. I start crying with just a thought of getting into college. I want to make my career. I am not afraid of hard work and studies. Please help.

 

Ans. It is great to know that your parents are supportive and that you are on the path of recovery after a year of medicine. You have been cured of the disease and can begin life after this in a very nice way. Firstly, calm your mind and think as much positively as you can. Get back to college and be happy to be back. A year’s failure is not to be taken as a calamity for even students getting ATKT waste a year or two. And you state that you are a hard working person and are serious about making a good career. So you have many good qualities of making a great life even if you have suffered a minor mishap and a disruption in studies. Learn to relax your mind and learn to think positive. Also go slow in everything at college and with your friends. If you cannot manage that a session of counselling may help.

“Be aware of psychological maladies”- 2 July 2017.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 30 July 2017 18:37

Q. I met with an accident last month. I am feeling better now. But since two weeks I am getting nightmares. It feels like, I will again experience such accidents in near future. I fear future. I don’t feel like getting out of bed else some accident will happen. I tried to drive my car this morning, but when I was on steering, it felt like I will dash it somewhere. I don’t feel confident enough, when it comes to deal with speed, time and distance at one time. My daughter is also getting affected with my behaviour. I did share this with my wife. She feels I will be normal as time will pass. Still since 3-4 days, fear is getting intense and feels that some accident is near. Please help.

Ans. This is typically an anxiety disorder which has followed the accident. Since it was just last month that you have suffered it is quite recent and may take some time to heal. But it needs to be taken care of. All persons who undergo accidents do not experience such anxiety nightmares and loss of confidence for so long as they brave it out and push themselves out of the trauma. Your condition is different as the fear has become intense and it sort of paralyses you. We could teach you simple relaxation exercises to control the anxiety and panic attacks and you would be fine. You need to talk to your mind and train it to be positive. Do not delay in seeking counselling if conditions persist.

Q. I am in love with a boy. I never told him, but still it feels like he feels the same, since he protects me. He is elder to me. For the very first time, it feels like I have some close connection with boy. I don’t crave for him. I feel safe in his company. My nature is reserve, I never felt like talking to any boy. His presence makes me feel more responsible, happier. I want to trust him, as I feel he has best intentions towards me. Should I trust him or let go? My instincts say he is perfect person for me. Please help.

Ans. It would be better and wiser not to jump to any conclusions so fast. Take it easy and enjoy the pure friendship without getting into thinking of a long term ‘perfect partner’. That is when heartaches start. He seems to be a good person and you could trust him with some things and not with all things. For example, you may not go out with him alone if he asks you in future, you may not do things for him if you disagree with it and such precautions. Do not throw all discretion to the winds about your safety and well being. Take your own decisions, follow your instincts, enjoy his limited company and take enough time to think in any other way other than pure friendship.

Q. My friend has developed a habit of washing his hands again and again. Since a month or so I feel like it is increasing and bothering him into regular life. Two days before I happened to see him check his hair for almost 5 minutes. He is asking me repeatedly, “Are my hands normal?”.”Are my hair normal?” I am concerned about his behaviour. Is this depression or some anxiety? How to help him out? Please help.

Ans. This is a mental illness known as ‘obsessive compulsive disorder’ and would need proper psychological treatment. Medicines also help to reduce the symptoms and help him lead a normal life. And counselling and therapy is equally important in calming his mind down. It is nice to know that you have identified his negative habit in a proper way and is trying to help him. It is good to be educated about psychological maladies so that you can always help others who seem to be in distress. Do encourage treatment to him.

Q. My younger son has habit to listen to same song constantly for long hours. He is 17 now, but I feel listing to same song repeatedly is affecting his brain. His concentration decreases, when he constantly listens to songs. He usually listens to romantic genre. Is something bothering him? Is something abnormal with him? Please help.

Ans. Listening to too many romantic songs is common in teenagers. There is nothing abnormal about him. Find out if he has fallen in love with some girl or has started liking some girl or has a crush or something like that. That is when the appeal of romantic songs begin! It is going to affect his studies and his concentration although his brain will be intact! Nothing will happen to his brain for sure. You need to talk to him about his latest interests and let him share his feelings with you. Be like a friend and talk him out of this new found interest. Get him into involved into a physical sport or a gymnasium. Set higher goals for him in studies as well in life in general. He should be fine. Otherwise a session at some of time may be important.

 

“Look for beginning signs”- 25 June 2017.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 30 July 2017 18:35

A.K

Q. My mother and my aunt, constantly fight with each other. It seems that it is much of property matter. Since an year it is affecting home environment and my studies. I don’t feel like to be in home and to be with my family, will it be better to shift for a hostel or to some other place. If I come late, again my family feels that I am indulging in some wrong activities. But it’s the home environment affecting me and my health too. Please help.

A. Yes, it could be a good idea to shift into a hostel if possible. If the home atmosphere is vitiated by warring adults and family members, I am sure it is disturbing for you. If you have a separate room that you can lock, you can try that for some time but if it is not helping you much, you should shift for it is your studies and it concerns your future career. Get out of family issues and be a good student. Making a future is more important. It is unfortunate that adults fight and spoil the atmosphere and do not realise the harm being done to children and their studies.

M.S

Q. Nowadays, I don’t like going out and to meet anyone. I am happy alone and don’t want to talk to anyone. Reading and listening music gives me happiness. There are constant thoughts of accidents and dangerous diseases like cancer. I over think all the time and the thoughts do not stop. Are they signs of depression? Please help me madam.

Ans. These could be signs of depression and also could be signs of obsession. You would need to consult a psychologist to get yourself assessed and diagnosed in a proper manner. Many times they could be the just the beginning signs and can be taken care of by counselling and psychotherapy. Do not worry. Take action soon and get back to normal functioning as soon as possible. All the best to you. Do not delay.

PP.

Q. My friend hates her female cousin. She always tries to make her feel inferior in front of her friends. It is affecting her confidence. Nowadays she is not able to concentrate in her studies and feels lost. I felt she is comfortable when she is with people who are younger to her. I am worried for her. She was a good girl and now I think there is something. How to get her normal? Please help

Ans. It would help to talk to your cousin to find out why she hates her cousin and what has that person done to her to make her so angry. There could be issues that she is brooding over and may need help to overcome them. She could have undergone some experiences with that person and therefore is reacting in such a manner. You say that her concentration in studies is also diminishing as well as her confidence. She is under some sort of emotional psychological disturbance and needs a serious look into. You could suggest a few sessions of counselling after you have tried your best to help her.

ABC

Q. Till 10th standard I was good at maths. Suddenly I don’t want to study maths and have a fear for it. This is happening since 6 months. It has affected my scores. I feel cramps in my joints and frequent panic attacks. My family feels there is some evil eye on me and are succumbed into some astrological things. Please help.

Ans. With each class the level of studies takes a leap, more so in 11 Std. It could be possible that you have begun to find it difficult and may not have the aptitude for it. Cramps and panic attacks are just that- anxiety and panic or in other words, fear of maths. You will have to reconsider your future study goals as you might have to change your subjects after 12 Std. You could try hard with tuitions and coaching for maths for another 6 months otherwise a change in courses seems imminent after boards. An aptitude test with career planning will help a lot in ascertaining your aptitudes and your interests in planning your career. Request your parents for a session in career guidance. There is no evil eye on you and do not psyche yourself into superstitious beliefs and thinking.

 

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