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“ADHD can interfere with studies” - 6 May 2018.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Saturday, 02 June 2018 10:41

L.P

Q. I am 19 years old guy. I dropped out of school after 12th. I had anger issues since I was 15 years old. I have hard time concentrating in everything I do. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and been to several doctors still nothing is helping. I face more issue day by day and un-satisfaction in my life is killing me. I don’t know what to do with my life as I don’t go to college also or hang-out with friends. I don’t make friends easy and I don’t like talking to people. I am not socially active also. Help me what to do and suggest me something.

Ans. You have mentioned a number of problems and we need to look into them one by one. You say there are anger issues, ADHD, lack of social outings, don’t like friends and don’t go to college also. This seems like you are locked inside the home at all times and are not moving on with life. The primary issue is to study and make a career for the moment and other things can run parallel. Your ADHD can interfere with education/studies and may obstruct you from being able to concentrate properly on the task at hand. Anger may be an ensuing emotion coming from a sense of frustration and social isolation. The inability to make friends and the absenting from college may be a secondary issue and a fall-out of your primary problem. So the problem spirals and multiples as the primary issue remain unresolved. I hope you have tried medicines for ADHD as well as meditation on a daily basis? Counselling will also help you deal with such issues. A few sessions of counselling is highly recommended for you.

M.M

Q.I am 27 years old female. I had love marriage a year before. Everything was fine and we were happy but now my husband beats me and yells on me. He treats me as if I am his slave. He already knew that I wasn’t that rich from beginning but now he demands money from my parents. I am three months pregnant and still he says that he don’t wants this child and he won’t pay for my hospital expenses. I want to divorce this man but then my parents don’t allow me. What to do now?

Ans. It is surprising that your husband has changed his colours completely and in spite of you having a ‘love marriage’ as you say, he is asking for money and being violent. Either he is under some form of stress which has induced this abnormal behaviour or he is showing his true nature of greed and aggression now after marriage. Having a child in such a situation is questionable because if your marriage is not a stable one what sort of family are you creating and what sort of home and future you will provide to your child are issues for serious thinking. Divorce is the last option but for the moment you could shift to your parents place for safety and security and then lodge a complaint with the ‘Bharosa cell’ in the police department near Ambazari/ VRCE exchange. They are a special cell for women by women police to look into domestic violence and crimes against women. They can be very helpful in setting things right without breaking the marriage. If your husband needs psychological help then bring him for counselling and we could make a diagnosis about his mental state. He is either stressed and hence ill or he is evil and morally corrupt. Either way we would know how to proceed to help you out of the situation. Do not despair, you are not alone.

P.S

Q. I am a student of science and I am not interested in doing science. My parents forced me to take the subjects and I hate going to the coaching classes too. I like playing all types of sports and specially cricket but they feel it is all useless thing to do. I cannot do science anymore and don’t like commerce too. What should I do? It seems there is no career for me at all and I will be uneducated and unemployed forever. I am depressed with my life actually. The only time I am happy is while playing. Please help me.

Ans. This is such a common problem. Parents have forced you into something you don’t like and do not have the aptitude for it. Nothing could be worse than this for a student. There are careers for everyone and now-a-days there are endless choices for students to make a life in. Do not worry. The best thing to do would be to appear for an online aptitude test with us and that is the most scientific and systematic way to plan a career and a future. When you know your abilities, your interests and your personality traits, you would be able to take the right decision for your courses of study and your future. All the best to you. Request your parents for an online aptitude test.

“Good career choices lead to success”.- 28 April 2018.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Saturday, 02 June 2018 10:39

B.N

Q. I am a young boy and a few weeks ago I fell down and had an injury. I was operated upon and am feeling well now. But I feel like my life is ended now and I am good for nothing. My body has become week and it pains all night. Should I treat myself for depression. Someone casually mentioned that I was depressed and I never thought about it like that. Please help me mam get out of this as soon as possible.

Ans. Take an assessment of your physical status. Evaluate the long term effects of the injury and the precautions you need to take to get back to normalcy. Have a long talk with your surgeon as well as the physician. Clear your mind of all doubts and tell them to be frank with you and not to hide the truth. Then decide your rehabilitation plan with a positive mind that you will get back to normalcy soon. Yes, for the moment, you sound depressed and many times serious injuries that require bed rest and staying indoors may make you feel depressed with life. A person with an active life style may feel depressed with his current state of affairs. But remember that this is just a temporary phase that you must bear with good humour and optimism. Surround yourself with good books and music and call your friends over in the evening. Cheer yourself up with whatever you love doing. A positive and healthy mind helps in healing the physical wounds faster and depression will prolong the recovery. So treat the depression with good thoughts or seek a few sessions of counselling. We offer tele-counselling for home-bound clients. Cheer up for all will be well soon.

T.S

Q. Recently I lost my friend in a car accident. My life is finished it seemed and my other friends helped me recover from the incident. My parents tried their best and no help it gave me. One girl helped me with a lot of time and hobbies, we played together and she used to come home and spend time. Now I feel better but also feel very guilty madam don’t know why. My sleep is gone and I lie awake at night wondering why I am alive and why my friend died. My studies are boring and my life is gone with my friend. Please tell me what to do and how to overcome this feeling.

Ans. There seems to be some unconscious emotions that seems to be bothering you about the accident and the loss of your friend. Guilt is a very negative and damaging emotion and I am wondering what is making you feel guilty? There could be a number of reasons I can conjecture but I would need to meet you and talk to you in detail about it. If you could come for a few sessions I am sure we could help you overcome the grief and clear your emotional disturbances. Life has to move on and falling ill is no solution to the loss you are facing. Stay in the company of friends who are helpful to you and avoid staying alone. Meditation and prayers will help you with calming the mind and inducing good sleep at night. If you cannot get rid of it soon, it is advisable to seek counselling. Prolonged grief and insomnia will lead to depression.

O.B

Q. I just appeared for my 9th Std and have gone to 10 std. My subjects are boring and I don’t understand maths and science. I like social studies and English language. I like to write and draw and love to paint and sing. My parents keep scolding me for neglecting my studies and I hate to sit for long and keep studying. I am worried about my future as my parents want me to do science and become an engineer and earn good money. They feel with language and social studies I will die of hunger and be unemployed for life. They keep hurting me all the time and bullying me. I want to run away at times from home and die. Can you solve my problem?

Ans. I could suggest that you encourage your parents to allow you to take the online Aptitude test from me and decide your career choices at this point of time. If your ability is low in maths and science you should not opt for careers with these subjects. The most scientific way of making the correct career choices is through the test that helps you identify your strengths and weaknesses as well as your personality and skills and interest areas and then throws up the best career choices for you. Success is important in life and hence choices that will lead to success should be made. Failures are to be avoided for it entails a loss of time, money and happiness. Every child from 8 Std upwards should take the aptitude test at least once to know about his abilities and personality. There are many career options with each subject matter. Science is not the end all of making a career.

“Online aptitude tests are best”- 22 April 2018.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Saturday, 02 June 2018 10:37

Q. I am 27 year old female. I am very worried about getting married. It’s not that I am in relationships or in love with someone. I just don’t find someone worth getting married to. If I see people near me and when I listen to stories of people getting assaulted, domestic violence it terrifies me. Coming from a well educated family I know that this is something which I cannot tolerate. Help me to get rid away of this fear which has developed in my mind from very young age.

Ans. You are right about being worried about the nature of the man whom you will marry. Normally a lot of investigations need to be done about the nature and personality of the groom. If he has a bad temper or has bad habits then you could reject such proposals downright. But all men are not like that. There is a good breed of men who believe in behaving well and treating women with respect. A man who has good relationship with his mother and father may be a gentleman. I cannot generalise behaviour for all sorts of combinations are present in this world. But I can understand your plight about getting caught with the wrong partner. If you come from a well educated family, let them take the responsibility of finding the right match for you especially your father can play a good role here. You also may be right that this is a sub-conscious fear that you are tackling for some years. This would require a few counselling sessions to understand it and get rid of it. All men are not rascals and therefore we cannot throw out the baby with the bathwater as they say! You will find the right match for yourself some day.

Q. I am 22 years old girl and I really like guy who is 19. I have serious crush on him and he also likes me. He only proposed me and first I used to think that falling in love with someone who is 19 is wrong idea as this thing society doesn’t accepts but I don’t know what to do. We both like each other a lot and we have lots of fun together. Whenever we are around each other we laugh like crazy and have amazing time. Please suggest me what is wrong and what is not. I really like this guy.

Ans. Three years does not make a great difference in age. The only consideration that may obstruct your future progress, if at all you two are getting serious about each other, is his career making. He may have his education to complete and you may have to wait for him if your parents allow you. I think you guys should enjoy this friendship while it lasts and then go your way if at all you are to separate. Age is never a problem but the life-stage that both of you are in may create a difference. You may be finishing your post graduation and he is yet to graduate. So talk it out or wait for things to happen. On the whole you two should take it easy and enjoy the moment and be happy.

Q. I am very confused about my career. I don’t like maths and hate science. I like social studies and English. My parents feel I should take science till 12 std and then decide my future course of study. I am terrified of maths and science and feel depressed thinking that I will have to study it for another two years. How to explain to my parents? Is science so important that I cannot do anything in life without it? Please help me. I feel trapped and helpless. No one understands me and I am getting bad thoughts all day. Please help.

Ans. Career planning is a very serious issue and lots of planning goes into making the right choice of life. Choosing a wrong career spoils time, money and leads to failure. If we need success we need to understand your aptitude, your personality and interest areas and then make career choices. Besides science there are numbers of career options open to students now-a-days. Medicine, engineering and accountancy are not the only options for students. The best way to convince your parents and for you to make the best choice is to appear for the aptitude test which covers the other areas as well and gives you best results in career choices. It throws up a number of careers that can be discussed. We have aptitude tests that you can appear online from the comfort of your home. Kindly get in touch with me for details. It is best way when in confusion. Your parents will also get convinced.

“Aggression puts off people”- 15 April 2018

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Friday, 20 April 2018 19:59

R.S

Q. I am in 12th class PCM student and waiting for my CBSE Board results. Earlier my decision was to go for engineering but now I have changed my mind aiming for IAS and moving forward for doing BA. But the only problem is to select a perfect subject for my BA and which is also beneficial for my UPSC exam. And also I have bit interest in history. At present I am staying in Itarsi, Madhya Pradesh want to know best government college for BA. Please give me your suggestions.

Ans. B.Arts has a lot many subjects of choice. You can choose anything that interests you such as history, sociology, political science, psychology, geography, philosophy, English literature etc. Instead of B.A you could also do Law as a five year degree course. Science you want to rule out as a course of study. It would be important to prepare for the UPSC along with the graduation course so that you can succeed in the first attempt. Once you set your mind on it, it is not an impossible task. I am glad you have decided to move out of engineering since your goal is the government services and not engineering. This is a good plan and decision for it will give you lots of time and insights into the socio-political theories which is an advantage for such jobs and positions.

S.M

Q. I am pursuing computer engineering from YCCE. I am in 4th year and my final exams are about to start in two days. I have many backlog papers. After studying engineering for four years I still do not have any interest in my field. I do want to make my career but now a days I fill like I have no interest in studies. And from childhood I have an average in my studies. I do not have any particular passion but I like drawing and communicating with people. I don't know in which field I should pursue my career. Please guide me.

Ans. If you like people and communicating with people you could opt for MBA in Human Resource (HR) after engineering. You could also take up diploma courses in corporate communications or public relations. Communication is a huge field and an important one at that. Every industry has a public relations department that deals with verbal as well as written communication. It publishes the in-house magazine, it deals with the media as well as other entities for building up its image and reputation. it is an important role. Be sure you like and are competent with written communication as well as spoken. Another field for you besides industry is journalism which is working in a newspaper or a magazine or electronic media. You might do a crash course in electronic media. For the written media you may not need any qualification if you have a flair and command over language.

P.K

Q. I fought with my girl-friend and actually shouted at her many times. She is very upset with me and has stopped talking to me. I am feeling depressed and cry a lot. I make hundreds of calls to her and said sorry but she has not replied to me. I will die without her. Please tell me what to do? I need your help.

Ans. You will not die without her so stop fretting about it. Give her some space and cool off for some time. Write a sensible and serious note of apology to her explaining your aggressive behaviour. Girls can be put off with shouting and aggression if it was uncalled for. You would have to explain and justify your behaviour. However in principle there is no justification for aggression whatsoever and it send wrong signals. Now that she has seen the wrong side of you, she will be thoroughly scared and reluctant to align with you. So you could first reform yourself and then convince her that you are a changed person. A few sessions of counselling will help you identify your weak areas and you could convince her that you are reforming yourself seriously. You could request her to come along for counselling too or she could explain her side of the story. I wish you all the best to you and your future.

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