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“Introverts are socially inhibited”- 15 July 2018.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 25 July 2018 18:04

S.A

Q. I love My Friend Secrectly. He Is Very Shy& Serious. Always I Have To Start The Chat. His Replies Are Yes, No, Ok, Hmm, TC, Gn. So I Started Messaging Him Occasionally. But One Strange Thing I Noticed-Everyday He Follows Me Online,If I'm Online He Comes In Between Every Minitue, He Waits For My Messages, Reads(Doesn't Replies) Then Finally Goes Offline With Me. I Thought That Can Be A Coincidence,I Changed My Timings But Still It Happens, Even He Is Online Overnight Till I  Come In The Morning. What Is The Reason Behind This?

Ans. There could be two reasons for such behaviour- one, he is introverted and hence hesitates to talk with you as a girl. He may be online with other boys whom he is comfortable with. Introverts can be severely inhibited with communication and social interaction with others especially with the opposite sex. This becomes enhanced if there is some emotion in his mind for you. Secondly, he likes you but is not sure of approaching you openly. He may be unsure, afraid or may have taken a decision not to get into entanglements of this nature. Just as you like him secretly he also likes you secretly. So it is a long distance secret game going on and may end up nowhere unless one of you take the initiative and plunge into it headlong. I would advise you against it however!

K.L

Q. I had a break-up last month which went from bad to worse. We fought badly and hit each other too. He hit me badly and I decide to leave him. He is now after me like mad and makes hundreds of calls to me. He says sorry and starts crying too but I am not sure how long to continue this affair. We had long affair for six years and we were also thinking of getting married with each other but now I am doubtful. I feel guilty and depressed and feel lonely and lost too. But what to do I don’t want the fights again. Please advice.

Ans. Fighting is indicative of conflicts that swell and go out of control. Too much fighting is not anyway healthy for both of you. Constant discord disturbs the peace of mind and harmony and leads to illnesses gradually. But before you break-up such a long relationship of six years it is important to know the reasons and causes of conflict and whether it is a transactional thing or one of you have anger issues or have an immature personality due to underlying emotional problems. A few sessions of Counselling can help rectify the problem or can make a diagnosis of the situation. If matters are irreconcilable then it would be better to break-up and not get married. If they can be resolved both of you can lead a happy life together. After all six years is no less a term.

S.S

Q. My friend is suffering from depression and refuses to come for counselling. I know she needs it but she again and again says no. Should I force her to come or let it naturally go away. She is my best friend and I love her like a sister. I help her whenever I can and always be with her but now I am seriously worried for her. She is not studying well and cannot tell her parents. Should I tell her parents? But her parents fight a lot and she does not want to trouble them more. Please guide me.

Ans. I am glad you are with her and supporting her at all times. That is like a true friend in need. Yes, your friend needs counselling for her depression and if it has not subsided so far she would need professional help. Normally if anything persists for more than two weeks you should get it treated and not delay. If you can approach her parents and know them well enough, please inform them of her situation and if you don’t know them well enough you could bring her yourself and later tell her parents of the treatment. Her parents certainly need to be informed for they might blame you later on for not informing them. It is always better to be safe with someone’s health and not take risks. Wisdom lies in getting family involved in her mental condition for support for how long will you take the burden – it should not begin to start affecting your health. It does strain and stress you out too. You are doing a great job by being at her side.

“Depression needs to be addressed”- 8 July 2018

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 25 July 2018 18:02

M.I

Q. I don't have confidence in myself and I sleep near 3am no matter how early daily I go to bed. I can't open up in front of my friends and can't speak up to reach out teachers to clear my doubts. I'm afraid of them no matter how polite they are. I can't listen to songs because someone who was like my big brother and whom I cherished the most died a few months ago and he was a fan of singing activity. Whenever someone mentions his name or the songs he sang I start to cry and the bad mood remains for whole day. I think I haven't overcome that incident. But this is now affecting my studies too and I don't want it to affect. I try hard but if I listen a song then all my hard work turns to be of no use. He (big brother) was my lifeline. That incident was a big shock but I want to overcome it. Do I need counselling?

Ans. Yes, counselling can help you overcome the grief of a lost one. It takes a long time if you let it be unaddressed but you recover sooner when you share it and learn the methods of handling grief. The loss of a close relative is huge and impacts the mind negatively. What you are going through is natural and happens to everyone but you must try for faster recovery for it is impacting your studies as well as your social relations. Your sleep is already disturbed and this cycle needs to be modified. Please come for a few sessions of counselling- you will begin to feel better.

P.R

Q. We stay at Raipur and do not come to Nagpur. If you told us to come we will come on weekend. My son is showing behaviour problems since six months. We tried medicines from here but not much change is there. He keeps saying that no one understands me and starts to cry. He is not wanting to go to college and sits and sleeps at home. He fights with his small sister and says we love her more than him. It is not like that madam, we love him very much. We are also very depressed and my wife has developed health issues because of our son. She is very sensitive lady and I am trying to handle my job and my family as well. Please tell us if you can help and then we will come. Thanks.

Ans. Yes, we can help him with counselling. At times when medicines become necessary it is equally important to start counselling too along-with the medicines. Please continue the medicines and bring him to us. Once we have a face to face we could continue the rest of the follow-up sessions on phone counselling. We regularly offer telecounselling services to out-station people and people living abroad. Your wife may need counselling too as she is affected by the state of your son. Please assure her that things will be fine and he will be back to normal soon enough. Take care of your mind as you are the only care-giver it seems in the family. Please call us for an appointment soon.

R.R

Q. I am a young girl studying in 10 Std. I was a good student till 8 Std and my problems began from a year ago from 9 Std. There was a boy who would stare at me all the time and make me nervous. I told my friends after many months because it was disturbing my mind a lot. I could not tell my parents and now I feel I should have told my parents. My friends misguided me by saying that he likes me /loves me and all that and I should talk to him and respond back and all such stupid things. My friends started teasing me with that boy’s name and it disturbed me even more. Once they pushed me to say hello to him and I am a very shy person but still I did say hello. He started laughing and ran away! I was very insulted and had a fight with my friends for this. Now my friends stopped talking to me and that idiot also ran away and I am totally lost myself. I lost interest in studies and in meeting people and doing anything. Please help me madam –am I going mad?

Ans. No, you are not going mad and are perfectly alright and it is nice of you to write to us your problem. Sharing and talking about a problem makes resolution faster. I agree that you should have shared it with your mother or teacher who would have guided you properly. Your immature friends enjoyed the show at your expense and rightly said misguided you. You felt confused, insulted, humiliated, and faced a situation where your felt rejected. The boy was only playing a game with you and sometimes these boys get into bets with other boys and play pranks on girls and others. You were a victim of just one such prank. Keep your emotions in check, try to accept the fact that you were the target of a bad joke and now it is over. Make new friends and forget the ones who acted against you. Focus on your final board exams and do well in them and show them your calibre. I wish you all the best. Come for counselling if the problem persists.

“Treat depression right away”- 1 July 2018

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 04 July 2018 18:14

A.K

Q. I am a student of government medical college doing my MBBS, currently in second year. I am 20 years old and ambitious for making money. I don't want to practice medicine and after graduation thinking of doing MBA from any of the prestigious colleges. Shall I go with the flow or go with my ambition?

Ans. Your ambition gives you your flow. There is no other flow in life. If you mean you should go along with post graduation in medical science then too you have to assess your interest areas and your motivations to practice medicine. Since you are clear that practicing medicine has no interest for you, you will have to divert from it and take something of your choice. You could also do hospital administration in MBA or you could opt for the general specialisations offered by MBA. Think very seriously about it and make a long term plan of what and how you want to reach that goal. Making money can be done in all professions, even in medicine if you want or else in so many other ways. If you are not clear a session of counselling and guidance will help.

A.S

Q. I coincidentally met a guy on FB we started talking to each other and started meeting with each other but before some days we broke up and he went to another girl. Now his friend started talking to me and my ex is saying that his friend is not a right guy and I still love him but I can't say this to him. He again started talking to me. What should I do?

Ans. I am confused as who is talking to whom and who has broken up with whom! If you are talking to two guys at the same time please watch out for some drama at some point of time. The boys may clash with each other over you and blame you for the mess! You should do what your instinct tells you to do. If you don’t trust someone listen to your intuition and keep a safe distance. If you like someone and trust him then go along with him. Listen carefully to your heart and it generally speaks the truth. Look out for warning signs too and make a careful note of them. Getting swayed under emotion can be a dangerous proposition. Be careful of your life and mind.

D.S

Q. I am not getting sleep now a days and I am also losing confidence. My friends tease me a lot and I feel they laugh at me. I cannot answer back at them and feel angry and irritated. My parents also taunt me with this and that sort of things. They don’t understand me and I don’t know what is happening to me. Please help me guide myself in studies and college. I want to do well in life and become a big man- but my confidence in going down. I am losing interest in things slowly and feel tired most times. Please help me.

Ans. These are symptoms of depression that creeps in slowly without your knowledge. It is good that you are becoming aware of your mental status and reaching out for help. The causes for depression are many and we need to identify those causes or sources of depression. Either you have undergone some traumatic events in the recent past or many small little irritants have piled up into a big heap and have blown up into a big malady. Let me assure you that a large percentage of depression cases can be treated with counselling and psychotherapy alone and do not need medicines. Almost 85% of depression can be treated with psychological counselling and only a small percentage need to take medicine. The best thing to do is to undergo a psychological assessment from a psychologist and then let them decide and refer to a psychiatrist if necessary. Depression impacts the mind, the mood, the concentration in studies, the lowering of interest in general matters of life, such as social relations, loss of sleep and appetite and of course hence loss of confidence. There are many more symptoms and vary from person to person. It is nice to know that you are a good person with keen interest in doing well in life and becoming an achiever. Keep up that spirit of well being and motivation of a big aim. All this is possible if you treat your depression that is clouding your mind and moods. I wish you all the best and do not delay the therapy.

“Better to be safe than exploited”- 24 June 2018.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 24 June 2018 18:41

A.S

Q. I am an engineering student. I met a boy 7 months ago and we are in a relation of 6 months but now we broke up as he don't want to expose me in front of his friends so no one knows about our relation. He broke up with me and went with another girl. Now I am trying to move on -his friend started talking to me and now he is saying he is not a right guy. What should I do?

Ans. My advice would be to stay away from not-right guys. When he himself is saying that he is not a right guy –it means two things, one, he is making a confession about his true personality and two, he may be hinting that he wants to break off and has had enough of you. Either way what is the point in getting hurt again as history seems to be repeating itself. If you like his company you can maintain a decent friendship but watch out for any further developments. It is better to be safe than to be exploited for your weaknesses.

A.V

Q. I had given my final year exams last month and now I want to prepare for GATE for PSU. But sometimes I think I had taken the wrong decision as most of my friends are joining the companies in which they are selected through campus. I am also having offer letters from 3 companies but all these companies are small and I think If I can prepare I can score well in exams. Please tell me is it possible to score best in GATE  in these six months with good coaching centre ( I am ready to work as much hard as I can)  but don't know why sometimes I get de-motivated that I can’t do it. Please help me

Ans. Your decision seems to be appropriate and good enough. If your long term goal is to join a PSU, then GATE is the best exam to appear for. You say that the private companies are small and you are confident that you can score well enough for qualifying for the exams. Where is the need for doubt and pessimism –you should go ahead with your plans in full swing. Pray, meditate, keep focused on goals and work hard towards success. Never doubt your capabilities and yourself.

M.S

Q. Since few days my anxiety and nervousness is going up and up. People have started noticing it in my office too. I get worried very quickly and feel depressed. I know there are changes showing up in me but I am again I feel afraid of consulting anyone that something is seriously wrong. Please guide me what to do. I cannot share it with anyone and my family keeps me what is wrong and I don’t have the answers. My fear is getting the better of me. Please suggest me something good.

Ans. It is nice to know that you are becoming aware of your problems and are keen to sort them out. This is the first step to helping yourself –to acknowledge that you have a problem that needs to be addressed. The next step is to identify the symptoms that are arising on a certain frequency, maybe daily or many times a day or once a week and so on. The third step is to identify the sources of stress, which are called the stressors, in your life whether they belong to your personal life or professional life or social circle. Once we identify the stressors you can now arrive at solutions to them. The methods for therapy are many and we have to see what suits you the best. There are physical methods like exercises, or psycho-social methods or spiritual methods. We need to know your nature, your personality to help you with the specific methods. But be assured that whatever you have been suffering from has a cure and treatment and we can help you overcome it with your help. A session or two will do the needful. Please do not hesitate and do not prolong it.

S.P

Q. Please tell me at what age I should bring my child for an aptitude test. My son is in 6 Std and is doing very well in studies. We are very caring parents and love him a lot. We want to plan his career early so that he can be focused and do well in life. When is the best time and at what age should an aptitude test be done. Please advice.

Ans. The best age to do an aptitude test is after completion of 8 Std. The theory is that an aptitude crystallises at age 13 and then the test can be applied. I agree with you that the sooner you get a child focused on his aptitude and his goals the better it is for the child. He becomes more aware of his strengths and weaknesses and also sets his goals by short-listing his priorities and sets about pursuing them. It truly helps children feel happy and clear about themselves and their future as the uncertainty goes away and leads to better confidence. Please wait for two more years and I would be happy to assess him.

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