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Mental illness can be treated - 28 Nov 2010

Written by Administrator
Sunday, 28 November 2010 00:00

I am 17 year old girl. My mom and dad don't live together since I was 1 year old. My mom works in a bank. From the past 3 to 4 years my mom has started behaving differently. She says that someone reads her mind and considers it to be black magic. Sometimes she cries out loudly. Though I have tried to ignore this kind of behaviour of hers, thinking that she might be regretting her past decisions of leaving my dad, or workload of the office her attitude has started affecting me. I managed to score 93% in 10 std but it’s becoming difficult for me to maintain the same score now in 12th. She keeps on murmuring when at home. She says all kinds of negative things. I am tired of hearing those things. I have become short tempered. I am fond of studies but everything is becoming so tough. I am an emotionally sensitive person. My grandma says I back answer and disrespect my mother. Mom refuses any kind of medication. Ma'am please help me get out of this frustration and anger. I don’t know how to react. I cry a lot which causes me headache and depression. Please advise me to stay motivated in my studies.

Ans. Your mother is suffering from a mental disturbance which can be treated with medicines. She will be fine with some medicines which are given only by psychiatrists. You could first bring her to a psychologist by some excuse and then take her to the doctor. If there is an adult whom you can rely on, then do take his/her help in this matter. It is not just her past but the mind that has fallen ill therefore she talks all irrelevant things. Keep your calm because reacting to her will cause her further distress. There is no point in answering back as she does not respond in a rational manner. The best is to agree with her when she talks like that and reassure her that things will be fine. When you calm her mind she will feel better. Opposition to her actions will only aggravate things at home. If grandma does not help you with taking mom to the doctor then consult another senior. Be a good responsible girl.


Q. My husband is having an affair in his office. I recently was told by a friend. I have read some sms on his mobile. What should I do? I have one child and don’t know where to go. His mother is a nice lady-should I tell her? My parents live out of the city and I can’t disturb them. I do not work. Please help.

Ans. Sometimes these things are a passing fancy and get over within a time. You can only hope that it will not be a serious affair but only a pastime affair. You can confront him with the mobile sms and the rumours. It would be advisable not to reveal the source of your information for he may plug that source. Keep a watch on him and tell him that you are hurt about it and what is he planning to do about it. It would be better if you do not issue threats of leaving him and all that if you have no social support and no- where to go with your kid. Men generally know your weak points and can exploit that. You could start looking for a job and making yourself financially independent. You could join some friendly groups to keep yourself busy and cheerful. Give him some time to get out of the affair. Besides this affair I hope he is a well behaved and good guy? I hope he is not the abusive violent type? Do consult me if the problem persists after a time of say a month.

Published in The Hitavada Emotions - 28 November 2010.

Emotions for 21 November 2010

Written by Administrator
Sunday, 21 November 2010 00:00


Q. I am a 2nd year MBBS student in Nagpur. It was my mother's wish to pursue medico as a career. My father wants me to be an IAS officer. Now, I also developed interest in administrative fields and thinking for IAS entrance rather than preparing for PG MEDICAL ENTRANCE. But acting was always my passion and always wanted to become an actor. Since the field of film line doesn't grant professional security and career in the administration will definitely be going to provide me with that. I am in a fix between my heart and my brain. My heart wants me to be an actor and my brain wants me to be an IAS officer.  So, please help me to get out of this dilemma.

Ans. I would advise you to listen to your brain just now for two reasons- one is that you are already a student of medicine and second being that I assume that you do not have any experience in acting at school or college level. If you have a passion for acting you should have taken part in drama/ theatre at the local level. There are enough drama groups in the city. So as a hobby you could still start doing that at local level, test your abilities and then think of making a career in acting. The option of going into the IAS seems to be a nice choice if you do not feel interested in medicine in the long run. However, in principle, I do not agree to doctors going for IAS since it is a colossal waste of public money. A serious IAS aspirant should prepare for it from the beginning by doing any other graduation rather than doing a professional course. You also rob a serious candidate of a seat in medical college.


Q. I am a 17 year girl studying in class 12th. I have a lot of problems I don't know if they are really problems. Hope you help me out with it.
1) I'm phobic to so many imaginary things like ghosts- superficial things scare me a lot! I know that these things are not real but still they somehow scare me. My mom scolds me about it.
2) I don't have self confidence and don't have a strong will power to do anything. I'm very indecisive in nature due to which I'm facing problems now especially in academics.
3) I have chosen science stream but now I'm facing a lot of difficulty in it but somehow I'm trying to manage it. I realized late that I have made a mistake in choosing the right stream. But no use regretting it - I'm working towards it.
4) My mathematics is weak so teachers comment on it. Actually I'm weak in doing calculations but I understand the subject but a bit slow in writing. This makes me think of the learning disability known as Dyscalculia because I have most of its symptoms- am I affected by it? If yes what shall I do? Please help. 5) I'm very unstable emotionally and become sad very soon due to which many a times I easily get depressed.
6) People criticize me sometimes and I find it hard to look to the positive side and the bad impact
of the harsh things adds on to my low self esteem.
7) I find difficult to concentrate in my studies.
8) I'm a very shy person I don't talk much and find it difficult to communicate with new people. Due to this I don't have many friends- it's not that I'm lonely I have some very good friends when I get to know someone it's easy for me to connect.

Ans. You do seem to suffer from a lot of problems. But do not worry-there are solutions for such types of problems. It would be difficult to give you suggestions for all the above issues in the column. It would be advisable to come in person and take a few sessions of counseling and therapy. Request your parents that you would like to attend sessions on personality development and take an appointment for the same.

Published in The Hitavada Emotions 21 Nov 2010

Last Updated ( Thursday, 23 December 2010 17:54 )

Career should suit your interests and abilities - 14 Nov 2010

Written by Administrator
Sunday, 14 November 2010 00:00


Q. I am 19 and study in engineering college. I have been great in academics till now. But I think that I'm suffering from severe depression. This has resulted in decrease in interaction with friends. Please recommend a proper solution.

Ans. I am glad you have identified your problem and are seeking help for it. In majority cases counseling and psychotherapy helps in curing depression and only in a small percentage of cases medicines are essential. Only after seeing you it could be decided what would benefit you. To begin with we always start with counseling and then recommend medicines if required. So please come and see me as soon as possible. Do not prolong your suffering –it may not go away by itself.


Q. I am a student of class 12th. I am good enough in studies and I am an average student. My parents want that I should pursue education in medical field in my coming future but I am more interested in technical field rather than medical field. I have also special skills in mechanical field. Please help me as what to do and what not.

Ans. Its good to know that you are aware of your abilities and your interests in choosing a career. If you are good in maths and science and have a good mechanical ability as you mention, you should opt for engineering and not medicine as your parents suggest. The best way to convince them would be to undergo an aptitude test and clear your position. I c ould counsel them too when the results speak for you. Making a wrong choice will prove costly in terms of wasting your time, money and your mental health. To be successful always make the right choice which suits your abilities, interests and your
personality traits. A session of counselling for career planning will also help.


Q. I want your guidance for my personal problem. I am having minor physical problems due to that I was never accepted by society till my childhood but I  came out of the trauma with my parents support (My parents love me very much. Life was bed of roses till I had an affair and a bitter break-up , after that tremendous rejections (Marriage proposals).That left me heart- broken, after all this I paved my life for wrong things as well and ruined my career also. But by god's grace one of my friend’s whom I respect a lot has helped me to come out of all this rubbish. But the guilt and past is eating my brain. I think my
mind, body, soul etc everything is dirty and bad. Now I want to go ahead with a fresh and good start. I want to do good to for my family, career and for my existence but the past memories are hindering that. Sometimes I feel to end my life but I know its cowardice. Please help me madam.

Ans. Guilt is a negative emotion and the faster you get rid of it the better. Guilt as an emotion is important and useful in putting us on the right path of life but once you have corrected your behaviour you ought to get rid of it otherwise it becomes a useless burden on your mind. Carrying a sense of guilt over a long period of time serves no good purpose- it in fact only disturbs the mind. You seem to be a brave person who has had a lot of experience of life and its hardships. You have struggled through all sorts of bad situations with insensitive people and have come out of it victorious. Now you seem to have become a victim of your own mind! This is very strange that you can fight the world and win but you seem to get defeated by your own emotions. Success comes from gaining total control over your own self and your mind is always the first and last frontier of life! Best wishes to you.

Published in The Hitavada - Emotions Column - 14 Nov 2010

Last Updated ( Monday, 15 November 2010 15:41 )

Test personality for career planning - 07 Nov 2010

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 07 November 2010 00:00


Q. I am doing my masters in management and before this I did my masters in commerce. I want to know about aptitude tests. Means for whom they are meant? Am I eligible for them? I need to polish my personality, body language as well as behaviour ethics. What shall I do for all this. Please tell me.

Ans. For such a situation the best thing would be to go for a personality test which tells us your type and the job that would suit you the best in terms of your nature and cognitive styles. Once the personality matches the job profile you find happiness and success. The second aspect of personality improvement is a continuous learning process and you could attend some classes for the same. I could help you with both the aspects.


Q. I am a student of 12th std. Only 2 months are remaining for my board exam. Talking about my past I am in love with my best friend. I had proposed her but unwillingly she said no. But I care for her very much and she also like me but don’t know why she said no to me. Due to this reason I am not able to concentrate on my studies. Please help me in this matter.

Ans. Please learn to prioritise your goals. At this juncture of your life when you have to face the board exams your studies are more important to your personal emotional life. The girl will not run away and she must be also preparing for her exams if she is in the same class. She must be getting disturbed by your overtures and tense behaviour. You should relax for the moment, have faith in yourself and your abilities and think positively about life. Leave some issues pending for the next three months and then pursue them later. If you do well in exams she will be more impressed with you rather than if you do poorly. So get going and be smart and prove your intelligence!


Q. I am a student of 12th class. Nowadays I am getting guilty feelings about all examinations. I had read your paragraph in the Hitavada. I am in much more stress about exams. Under this stress I did not make ready myself to do study. I am getting lazy which make me to sleep more. I lack all concentration, confidence, ability to enjoy the things and lot much more. Fear of exam is making me unhappy and I'm not getting way to come from this stress.
Please help me.

Ans. It seems you are getting into a mild state of depression. One reason could be that the subjects you have chosen in 12th are not suitable for you. The subjects must be difficult and hence boring to you and this puts stress on your mind as you have to show results. After your exams you always have an option to change your line of study and take subjects which interest you and make you successful. You could come for an aptitude test after your exams. Right now just focus on exams and prepare well for the, do your best and forget the rest. Take a fresh decision on your future career and plan well this time.


Q. I like a guy very much and he likes me too. He is my distant relative and friend. He has a job in software industry and I am studying in final year of engineering. We are very comfortable about every issue in life but he seems to have some problem with the commitment issue. Somewhere my heart says he is not a bad guy who will bluff me later on but this keeps me worrying about my future. He says he has certain priorities and problems to tackle with before he can concentrate on this issue. But I am really confused because if later on he still can't commit it will be very tough for me. What should I do? These days I really keep thinking so much about this. Please help me.

Ans. You could wait for some more time and then take a decision about him and the relationship. He may not be a bad guy but he has given enough indications that he will not commit. You should take that statement of his very seriously and think about your life. If you are ready for an either/ or situation, in the sense that he could commit or he would not commit in future, then go ahead with the friendship. If you are not ready for a ‘no’ in future then you should quit right now so that you are not hurt later. It would be easier to quit now than later. Investing in a relationship now and living on some future hope
is not recommended.

Published in The Hitavada Emotions Column - 07 Nov 2010

Last Updated ( Monday, 15 November 2010 15:37 )
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