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“Facing challenges is important”- 8 April 2018

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Friday, 20 April 2018 19:56

A.S

Q. I am 21 years old girl. I have one elder brother and mom dad. We all stay in nuclear family. My brother has anger issues. He asks about everything I do. He beats me and yells on me all the time. My mom and dad they also ignore it as they think he is elder. I feel suffocated in my home and I feel like running away. My mom also likes my brother more because I think he earns well. He is two years elder to me. I don’t know what to do I feel like running away and never coming back. I have few friends who also think this behaviour is very wrong which my parents and brother do. My dad is good to me but still I want to get out of this situation. Help me

Ans. This is a terrible situation to be in where you become a victim of violence at home at the hands of your own brother. He has no right to beat you and be aggressive. You have parents who are actually responsible for your safety and should stop your brother from being violent. You can complain to the police mahila cell about cruelty and violence at home. Make one attempt at visiting the nearest police station and talking to a woman police executive. Threaten your brother that you will complain against him to the law. I am curious to know why he should target you and whether you have done something to upset him or he has basic anger issues and you are just a soft target? Whatever may be the situation, you should protest against it and get out from this place. I hope you are pursuing a good career and working hard towards independence. Talk to your dad more openly about this matter and request him to step in. All the best to you.

M.K

Q. I am 24 year old guy. I have done my engineering two years before. I scored well still I can’t find job. My girlfriend said she won’t marry me until I find a good job and I totally agree to what she is saying as before starting the family I need to be well settled. I don’t like that pay scale I get in Nagpur and I don’t want to get settled somewhere else so I cannot decide what will be best option for me. I can’t even leave my parents and girlfriend here and get shifted to another city. Please suggest me the best thing.

Ans. I wonder why you have limited your choices and circumscribed yourself with no options. Of course you can move to another city and get into a good job. You could work for some time and then marry your girlfriend. If Nagpur does not offer you much you must have the courage to move. You must have a very good reason not to do so I am sure but that is not made clear by you. You can leave your parents to make a career and have a bright future instead of limiting your own choices and then cribbing about it. It may be your own weakness of mind that stops you from venturing out or it has to be a very strong reason to do so. If you cannot take a good step in the right direction come for a few sessions of counselling to overcome your mental blocks. Facing challenges is a necessary and important trait for success.

P.P

Q. Few years ago I met a man many years elder to me. He was sweet and nice and asked me for marriage. I said no to him and now he is troubling me with calls and messages. I told many times that I don’t want to marry him and he is forcing me for it. What should I do? I don’t know how to stop him and whom to tell about it. I do not have many friends and feel scared of this guy. Please advice.

Ans. This is actually known as stalking and is a crime. Nobody has the right to disturb you without your permission is the rule. In spite of telling him several times to buzz off he continues to disturb you is a matter that can be reported to the crime branch mahila cell. There is also a section in law which protects women from harassment by others. Perhaps it is time that you inform him about it and caution him that you will approach the police station as well as a lawyer for the same. Show some courage and issue a threat to him. Keep some sincere friends informed about it and seek their support in case he gets aggressive. Also you may first talk to a police station first and then issue the threat. Be cautious and be bold. Be slow and steady in your moves.

“Stress can cause headaches too”- 1 April 2018.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 04 April 2018 18:08

Emotions for 1 April 2018.

A.P

Q. I always read your article in Hitvada. I want opinion from you that which subject and Career I should opt. I am studying in class 10. I've got 89% in class 9th . My highest score was in maths 98. Mam I am confused about which line I should choose. Once, I decided to choose commerce with maths, but I don't know if this decision is good for me or not. Mam please suggest me. I want your suggestion please!

Ans. Yes, of course maths and commerce is a good combination for 11 and 12 Std. The options for future would be the courses in commerce and accountancy related fields, and also architecture through NATA. You must first decide what your future goal is and accordingly choose the courses of study and not vice versa. The second criteria is to know what interests you the most in terms of subjects of study and also in terms of work. If you like science you could pursue that otherwise what you have decided is fine. A session of career guidance will certainly help ascertain more deeper areas of your mind and help reach a perfect choice.

Anonymous

Q. I am working as an government employee on a good post, it  paying me high and reputed also but I want to become IES officer but my job not allow me to do so as time not permit I cleared the prelims of it then what should I do ? In between I love one girl and she also love me but her parents force her to marry and I am not ready for it, my dreams not allow me to do so what should I do, to leave her or my dream?

Ans. This is a strange dilemma. If you can do both would be ideal and the best for you. If you could marry her first and then fulfil your dreams as well with her cooperation would be the best choice. After marriage too people struggle to make good careers and seek promotions. Hard work in career building is a continuous process and never ends and marriage to the right girl is also the wise thing to do. Discuss with her your dilemma and take her support in pursuing your dreams. As it is you are on a good post and earning well and there is no insecurity. Another alternative would be to get officially engaged and wait for marriage for a year or two as per your requirement. Think it out with her and make a decision. Doing both would be a winning situation!

A.K

Q. I am the student of BSc 2nd year by biotech, biochem & zoology but now my interest is getting less in this--I want to do DMLT course. Please suggest me that can I do now??

Ans. Of course you can do the DMLT course anytime you want to as it is not a degree course but only a diploma. Nobody can stop you from doing it as you are a science student and that is all that is required. Do both if they allow you. Continue with your degree course and also do your diploma. Find out from the concerned authorities.

M.L

Q. My head aches and I am developing fear of something unknown. It keeps me worried about my health and my strange headache. The doctor says it will go away and there is nothing wrong with me. I live in fear and cannot sleep properly too. My family gets angry with me and scolds me for dreaming it all. They think I am making it up and pretending. But I am not acting so to say. Please help.

Ans. Did the doctor mention that it could be a tension/stress headache? The most peculiar symptoms can appear with emotional distress. Emotions can create havoc with the mind and body and make it fall sick. Many times the emotional turmoil is unknown and unconscious and not clear to the conscious mind. But once unearthed and discovered it can relieve you of all physical symptoms that have no medical/physical basis. Sessions of counselling and psychotherapy can help you become aware of your emotions and the conflicts. The fear of the unknown arises from some deeply embedded memory in some form and can cause anxieties to spring up and disturb the body and mind. You must it a good try as you have tried medical investigations.

“Read, revise and recall”- 25 March 2018.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 04 April 2018 18:06

Q I am 21 years male. I am very addicted to weed. All my friends smoke it. We know it is illegal but it is very easily available in Nagpur and India. Weed is something which I cannot leave without. In the beginning my friends used to say it is not addicting so I tried it and in no time I got very addicted to it. I don’t know what to do. If I don’t take weed I feel very depressed; irritated and crazy. I don’t even take it to feel high now even if I take because I became very habitual. Before in start I used to feel good but now it doesn't. My exams are coming soon please help me to quit it so I can concentrate on my exams.

Ans. It is nice to know that you want to give it up. Mostly it is introduced by friends and their circle outside. The symptoms that you report are called ‘withdrawal’ symptoms, which happen as a result of the addiction to the drug. Just like people can get addicted to even say ‘tea’ and if they do not have their morning or evening cup of tea they get symptoms like headache, restlessness, feeling lazy, yawning, and so on. Once taken the symptoms vanish. Giving up an old habit is not easy and make an assessment if you can give it up at home. If not get admitted to a hospital for a week and they will de-addict you with the help of medicines. Take the help of your parents and do the necessary. You might quit it after the exams if they are nearing. Complete your exams and then get treated.
Q. I am 37 aged. I am a business man but after this GST my shop is not doing so well.  I feel very stressed and zonked. I try to work my best but I am not very well educated. I don’t know what to do. This work pressure is driving me crazy. My wife and children are also very upset with my this kind of behaviour. I want to feel stress-free and sleep well. I don’t want the outside tension to effect my inner peace. I want to make my family happy and satisfied. What should I do?
Ans. It is not clear what is the specific nature of your problem but you do sound stressed and under pressure. Firstly analyse the factors at work that are leading to stress, such as, being less organised, identifying the problem at the various levels, accounting, planning, or executing. This will help in clearing your mind of what needs to be taken care of. This is the first step to know the problem. Then get down to solving it. If, you find your skills falling short, and feel less competent about some aspects, then you should think of hiring the services of experts and get it fixed. Letting it linger on will add to the problem. You must also learn the art of keeping your mind cool and calm and taking up one task at a time and solving it. Your family might be able to help you if you share it with them. Keep a positive attitude and maintain an optimistic approach to life. All will be well.
Q. I am 18 years old female. My exams are coming soon next month. Please suggest some tips and tricks to study nicely and score good marks. I have always been a good student when it comes to study. I want to score more. How to memorise dates and events. I find it very difficult. Thank you.

Ans. If you are a good student I am sure you know what needs to be done at the time of exams and how to study systematically. The first thing to do is to organise your study materials, such as notes, reference books and your other tools. Keep your study table clean and tidy. Ask everyone at home not to play music or watch TV while you are studying. Make an exam time table with number of revisions in mind. Now focus and concentrate on your subjects set up in your time-table. Revise them and recall them during free time such as getting ready, eating, bathing, travelling etc. Use every minute to focus on a subject matter. Repetitions make for good memory. Switch off all distractions till exams are over. Do not talk or chat with friends and tell them not to call you. Do not spread the anxiety or take the anxiety spread by friends which they are likely to do. Therefore think positive, act positive and feel good. Sleep enough not more. Eat healthy and avoid oily and fried foods which make you feel heavy and sleepy. Do only one thing till exams- eat exams, drink exams and sleep exams as they say!! You will surely excel this way.

“Change course of study if necessary”- 18 March 2018.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 04 April 2018 18:04

SM

Q. I am a student of MBA-Integrated course. I couldn't get admitted to any engineering college after my 12th exams, nor did I want to study engineering. I wanted to explore other options like BSc or BCA. But the admissions were closed almost everywhere. And, due to lack of time, I eventually had to go for it. In the first year, the course seemed quite interesting. But I am seriously not liking it anymore. Business studies is not what I wanted to go with at the first place; and with each semester, the course is getting too boring and difficult for me. I have no intrinsic motivation to study the course, and feel sad and frustrated to go to the college each day. I thought of dropping out, but my parents won't allow, because by doing so, I would waste two years of my life. But, I genuinely don't want my next 3 years to go like this. What should be my next best step?

Ans. You should drop out and join a course of your preference. There is no point in spending another three years trying to complete a course you dislike and have no use in future. If you are certain that this is not your line of course you should be brave enough to leave it. However the important thing to ponder over is to know and decide the future course of action. If you are uncertain about your future preferences than it is wise to first be sure what you want with hundred percent certainty and then leave your seat. An aptitude test along with career guidance will help you and your parents be sure of your career profile and degree accordingly. It is important to convince your parents too about the wisdom of doing what you want to do and achieve. It cannot be a play of whims and fancy. It has to be on firm ground and reasoning. Let us help you with career guidance. And bring your parents too.

VM

Q. I am student of class 12. I like studying human behaviour and I would like to make my career in psychology. Actually I am confused whether to go for BA or BSc. Please tell me what should I do and colleges providing this courses. I want your suggestions and help regarding this. Hope you will give me each and every detail regarding this.

Ans. I am happy to know that you want to pursue psychology as a career. It is a wonderful career line but there are many branches and you must be clear what exactly you want to become. The degree in arts or science does not make much difference in psychology but the line to be pursued after graduation is important to know and decide. Whether you want to practice or teach and in what area of specialisation is important to decide. All the information is impossible to provide in this column. A face to face session will be more useful in helping you decide your career line by knowing your goals and aims in doing psychology.

SA

Q. I am a working person and have a son who is young. I live with my parents. My parents are anxious that I get married again as my life is unsettled. I feel worried about my son and not about myself. Will he miss his father and is it necessary that I marry for him? I am not sure of my interest in another marriage for it has been very bad with lots of trouble in the first one. I have lost trust in men and marriage. Please give me proper advice. What is best for me and how should I answer people.

Ans. A child is always happy with a set of parents- a mother and father as they bring different set of qualities –the masculine and feminine traits and outlook towards life. But it is equally important to know that an unhappy home is not an ideal place for a child to grow and develop into a healthy adult. Friction, fighting and strife and violence if any is more harmful than a single parent that is happy and settled in mind. You must first think if you are a good mother with few emotional needs and with a happy disposition. You live with parents and do they provide the sense of security and happiness to your child. You may have a male member in the house who may substitute for a father image or figure and if that figure is a healthy happy one, the child does not need more. A child can be well adjusted in any home where there is an atmosphere of love, security, activity and care. He does not need anything more. Do not marry out of a feeling of insecurity and anxiety for your son. Marry for good reasons for companionship and compatibility and to be happy.

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