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“Learn and develop your personality”- 7 May 2017.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Saturday, 13 May 2017 18:27

ABC

Q. I am 40 years old working woman. I can't adjust with my friends because when they give me harsh comments I feel bad. And that comments are wandering in my mind so I can't do my routine work properly. I get hurt easily and I do not say anything to others. My life is so disturbed now. I love my job and cannot leave it. Please help me.

Ans. you seem to be extra sensitive about critical comments by others. You are not able to respond appropriately to them and then those negative comments keep haunting your mind at all times. This can be overcome by some sessions of counselling and training of your personality. One is to be less sensitive and learn to laugh off some things with a pinch of humour. Another aspect is to reply to them immediately or even later the next day or even after a few days after planning your response. When you are submissive in your social responses and relationships people exploit you and target you since you are an easy victim. Do not worry. Come for training and development of self.

Q. I am 22 years old college student. I had a girlfriend. We were in relationship since 3 years. Beacuse of some misunderstanding she left me. I tried contacting her and she gets angry when I call her up. She tells me to stop calling her and disturbing her. Now I am alone and missed her so much. I can not concentrate on study and career. How can I overcome from this situation. Please tell me.

Ans. A loss of a relationship is stressful. It may take time but you can handle it with some effort. Firstly, keep your mind as calm as possible. Secondly accept the fact that she has left you and may not come back at all, that you will have to recover from this situation by yourself. You will miss her and it is okay to miss her. Be aware of your feelings, negative and positive, but do not get carried away by it. Get involved with friends and make new ones. Play a game or sport. Restart your hobbies, things you always wanted to do. I am sure you will find the right girl for you in future. Let her go if she has left you.

Q. I am mother of 15 years old son. I am finding my son is not studying well from 2 years. He is showing his intrest in other activities except study and especially towards girls. I am worrying. I scold him but it does not help much. If he gets into bad company he will ruin his career. Please help me mam.

Ans. Please bring him for counselling for improvement in studies. Teenagers do get distracted from studies and get diverted to friendships naturally but they also do need to be checked and guided from time to time. Engage him in sports and games and other hobbies of his choice so that he loses interest naturally in girls. Avoid lecturing and advising and spend more time with him in interesting conversations and activities. Befriend him and see the difference.

Q. I am 27 years old. My problem is that my grandmother always give me advice actually she is always interrupt and correct me. She fights with my mother and spoil the atmosphere. My granny loves me a lot I know but she always keeps telling me this and that. I am planning to get married but I am wondering how to stay in this house with all together members. I am now so tired. I feel scared and worried about my future if they keep fighting. Tell me what should I do?

Ans. Family dynamics is a difficult aspect to control and handle. If some members are perpetually in conflict it vitiates the atmosphere and makes life miserable for others. You are facing exactly that situation that your granny and mother conflict. Your granny must be having strong opinions on matters and hence must be giving you advice and correcting you. In a polite way you could educate her on some matters of modern life and let her adapt to it. She must be a strict person and therefore keeps suggesting improvements. You need not fear for anything. Your future wife would need to adjust to the family situation or else the option of setting home independently is always there although it should be the last option. We should learn to adjust to joint family set-ups. But if things become impossible to bear then use the next best option. Take things as they come.

 

 

“Suicidal thoughts need immediate attention”- 30 April 2017.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 09 May 2017 22:48

D.K

Q. I am a school teacher and I am working for the past 2 years. My daughter is 5 Years old and she is also in the same school. I am in a fix as whether I should continue my job or not because I feel that because of my job I am unable to pay attention towards my children and their studies. At my workplace I am doing very well and appreciated for my job but sometimes I have to leave my children at home with my in-law as because of my job. I feel that I am unable to enjoy the childhood of my daughter and I feel very sad about it. At the same time working gives me confidence and sense of satisfaction. My husband supports me in all ways but I am unable to decide whether should continue or give up my job. Please suggest.

Ans. If you feel deprived of enjoying more time with your child/children and also feel that your husband is supportive in all ways and you do not need to work for economic reason, it could be a good idea to give up work for a few years and spend more time at home. You could always resume work after a few years when you are ready to do so. Some mothers may take part time jobs for a few hours per day /week, when children are away to school that keeps you fruitfully occupied. This may be allowed in schools too where you could contribute some classes or in tuition and coaching classes. You also opt for other types of part time jobs suitable to your talents and abilities. Take a break if you feel like.

R.S

Q. I am in final year of engineering. My childhood dream is to become an Armed force officer. I have appeared for SSB interview thrice in the previous days and did not qualify even in first stage. My best friend has made it the first attempt. The other people are making doubt on me. Sometimes I myself have have doubt whether I am made for this or not. Right now simultaneously I am preparing for other exams as well. Sometimes I am in depression, because my attempts are increasing. Is it right to put alternative career as back up plan?

Ans. Yes, of course you are right in having a back-up plan. It is absolutely important not to put all eggs in one basket. It would be important to know why you are failing in selections to Armed forces. We could help you in understanding the causes to some extent. However do keep trying for other alternatives and also do not give up your dream for few more attempts. Wish you all the best.

N.A

Q. My daughter is a very intelligent child and gets very good marks in all subjects. Lately, I am worried for her behaviour. She seems lazy and sad but says nothing. She does not give enough attention to studies and wastes times in TV shows and chatting with friends. She is in middle school and I feel she will lose interest in studies slowly and drop her performance. Please suggest.

Ans. A slight down fall in the graph of studies is alright and should not be alarming but if the downfall is consistently going down and she is not working to make up the loss, then we need to take note of it and act on it. Her behaviour also troubles you as she is diverting her mind to peers and friends and to TV. This is somewhat teenage behaviour but needs to be corrected. As this is the time for emotional upheavals handle with care and sensitively. Friends are important to her but she needs to discipline and regulate herself. We hope she is not depressed for you mention lazy and sad??

R.L

Q. I study in B.Com 2nd year. From some weeks I am getting like thoughts of jumping from the terrace in my building. I don’t know why this is happening. I do not have any problems from anyone. My family is good. My friends are nice and my studies are going okay. Why am I getting such thoughts of jumping down from top floor. Is something wrong with me? Do I need medicines? Please suggest.

 

Ans. Yes, you might need medicines if you are getting into depression of this type. When you say there are no problems in your life and all is well and in spite of that you are experiencing suicidal thoughts of jumping from the terrace this needs attention. Do not delay. Tell your guardians about it and that you need to see a psychologist. If they do not take you and your problem seriously, you should go all by yourself and get yourself examined. Do not delay at all. Please take it seriously and urgently.

“Choose the career of your interest”- 23 April 2017.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 09 May 2017 22:46

Q. I am depressed and don’t sleep at night. I keep awake and cry a lot. My parents are angry with me. They had told me the boy was a bad boy and I did not listen to them. He made me fight with my parents and my friends too. I love him a lot and cannot get him out of my mind. His thought is always there. Now he blames me for everything going wrong in his life. He is cheating me and making stories of his.

Ans. If the guy is cheating you and making up stories against you, the faster you move away from him the better. He will stay in your mind for many more months before you forget him. He has exploited your emotions and left you in the lurch. It is natural that you are depressed and feel like crying. But you will need to be brave and stop this with conscious effort. Take a rational decision about the guy and accept the fact that you have made a wrong choice. Your parents proved right and they will forgive you in any case. Get yourself involved in interesting hobbies or work and make a new circle of friends, of course girls. You will be fine soon and since you are young you have much to look forward to in life. Wake up and do some action with a goal. Join a class, meet people, go out for walks or any such thing. Stop crying and stop loving the boy.

S.V

Q. I don’t want to become a doctor and engineer. All the institutions and people mainly focus on these two careers only. I am interested in something related to science and research so what are the different career options as I have given 10 Std examinations now??

Ans. As you have rightly said the people of the city mostly focus on two professions of engineering and medicine as neglect other ones. Do not worry at all for there are many more career options that are good. It is nice to know that you are interested in science and research. After 10 Std you should choose between biology and maths as Physics and Chemistry is common to both. After that you could into pure science at the undergraduate program or opt for the five year integrated program which includes masters as well. The reputed institutes like IIT, NIT, BITs, IISc, and IISER also offer pure science courses, besides many others. The job opportunities are plenty and there is nothing to worry about it. Please follow your own interests if you are very sure about it.

G.K

Q. I hate biology and I am being forced to take general stream with PCMB for my 11 Std. I don’t know what I want to do. My parents are also not clear what I should do but they say I must not give up science till 12 Std. I am okay with PCM but not biology. What is it important to study biology now at this class? Please help me madam decide what is best for me.

Ans. It is okay to be unclear about one’s goals but it is about time that you discussed this issue in depth with parents. It is also okay to take science in 11 Std for two more years before you decide to drop it, but you will need to decide soon about your entrance exams after 12 Std boards. Biology and maths may not be taken together. If you do not like biology and like maths then it is advisable to drop it altogether for it will not serve any purpose. For the time being you can take science but decide fast about the list of careers you are interested in. A session of career counselling will help you as well as your parents to arrive at a list of careers of your choice.

P.L

Q. My son gets angry for little things. He is irritated all the times and complains are coming from school often. My husband also loses his temper on him and all this worries me. I am worried his studies are also getting down and his marks are going lower each year. Please advise if he needs medicine or counselling can help.

Ans. Counselling helps cure 85% to 90% of the problems related to behaviour and emotions. He does not need medicine to begin with. If other abnormal signs are seen we will then take a call on that. Generally there are simple things that bother children and because they do not express their emotions and their problems in explicit words, it gets manifested in behaviour. If a child is behaving badly and is irritated at most times and gets angry easily, it is a sign that the child is ‘hurting’. We need to explore his mind for the issues that are bothering him. If a child is unable to express his emotions, we put him through projective techniques for analysis and assessment. A child is never harmed with counselling and they generally like the sessions. Please bring him once at least.

 

“Resolve your moral dilemma”- 16 April 2017

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 09 May 2017 22:43

A.P

Q.  I am a student of 12 Std. My exams have not gone well. I am not satisfied with the exams and I am scared if I will pass with good marks or not. Should I reappear for my exams or what should I do? My parents have high expectations from me but I cannot sleep nowadays due to tension of results. Please advise what to do?

Ans. This is a serious situation. It is natural that you are worried about your results as you have not performed according to your abilities. Many students repeat the year in such conditions but it is very necessary to think through the goals and aims before you take such a serious decision. What are you planning to do after 12 will decide if you need to repeat the year as well as the entrance exams. Have you appeared for some entrance tests as well? A session of career planning will help you take the right decision.

P.L

Q. I study in second year of commerce. I have fallen in love with the sister of my best friend. My friend does not know anything about this. He has told me many times to take care of his sister as she is also like my own sister. I am cheating my friend I think and I feel very guilty about this thing. Should I tell him honestly about the friendship or should I keep quiet. The girl is afraid of her brother because he might tell his parents about it. She loves me too and does not want to tell anyone about it.

Ans. This is a moral dilemma and you could have avoided the situation by being wise and maintain restrain. Now that you have fallen into this trap, either you should get out of the friendship with the girl or you will be damaging your friendship with the boy forever. If he has repeatedly told you to treat his sister as your own, you should have cautioned yourself from any emotional entanglement. It might be advisable to get out of it and come clean. Your friend need not be aware about it anyway. That perhaps will be the easiest and the best option for all of you otherwise all three of you will be hurt forever and you will not get any favourable results in the long run.

M.N

Q. I am married four years ago. This was an arranged marriage and I did not like the girl too much. I was married under some pressure from family. I like my colleague who works with me in my office and I am in relation with her before marriage, maybe a year more. Recently my wife saw her messages in my mobile and asked me many questions. I am afraid of losing my respect and image at home and family as I am known as a good boy. I am feeling guilty after I am caught by my wife. How should I convince my wife that she is only my friend and not my wife and that I will stop it. My friend is not willing to get married as she loves me. I am caught in this tension between the two. What should I do? I am very stressed and losing sleep these days.

Ans. You should stop the friendship with your colleague and be faithful to your wife. If you are a good boy and have a clean image in the family, it is important that you maintain it by correcting yourself. You can do it and save your dignity. Your wife will forgive you and it is of no fault of hers that she should suffer. Whether your friend gets married or not is her problem and once she loses all hope from you she will opt for someone else with time. Only till you hang on to her she will live on hope that you will marry her one day. If you hold on to her for selfish reasons and do not allow her to settle, it would be unethical or immoral. Leave her and tell her the truth and she will respect you for it.

M.L

Q. I am in first year of college. My parents are very strict about everything. Even though I do nothing wrong but they keep asking me all types of questions about my whereabouts and activities. I feel like I am in jail at home. They check my mobile, my computer and my cupboard too for what I don’t know. How should I behave so that they trust me? What should I tell them so that they listen to the truth?

 

Ans. Your parents are not only curious and inquisitive but also controlling. They do not give you enough freedom and privacy of thought and behaviour. Why should they check your mobile and your cupboard when you are very clean in your behaviour and have never given them any cause for complain? It is difficult to change parent’s behaviour if they have such attitudes of mistrust and need to control. You are a college student and responsible enough for yourself. One day you might have to tell them that you would like to live in a hostel as the home is becoming uncomfortable for your liking. Or bring them for a session of counselling. We could discuss out their fears and anxieties.

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