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“Accept your body image changes”- 3 September 2017.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 12 September 2017 19:13

SA.

Q. I am a very young girl and my life is ruined. I am not well and I have started having white hair. This, doctors say is due to illness, heredity and pollution. But this has upset my mind and I can’t go to school any more. My friends tease me as ‘buddhi’ and tell me that no one will marry me. Some said I should colour my hair and my Mother said no. My father will also not agree. Madam is my life over? I don’t want to live like this. Please help me.

Ans. Yes, we all care for our body and our physical appearance. It is called ‘body image’ and we generally accept and love our body image. Any detrimental change becomes upsetting to our self as negative thinking sets in. Let’s think a little rationally about it. You had/have an illness which has impacted you in some ways, one of it is greying hair. But look at the positive side of it, that you are alive and well and can live a normal life even with grey hair. It is a minor loss compared to many other bad things that can happen to ailing people. Hair is an external factor and can be done up with colour at a later date when you grow up. The chemical of colour may be bad for your illness too. If you are talented, intelligent and have a great future ahead, you can forget about greying hair and just accept it as part of your body image. You can smile at your friends and say ‘signs of wisdom’. The moment you stop getting irritated with your friends they will stop teasing you. Try it.

N.R

Q. Ours is a love marriage. After much fighting with parents, we got married by running away from home. We were happy for some time. But I lost my job and am struggling. My wife also left her job before we ran away. Nobody talks to us. My friends help us and support us but my wife has started fighting with me too. Now my wife is telling me that ‘I made her run away and she would never have done it’. What to do madam? I told her things will go away and we will be happy but she is crying whole day and started abusing me too. She hit me yesterday and I also got depressed with it. I feel like committing suicide. There is no hope for me if she leaves me and goes away. She says daily that she will run away to her father’s home. They might take her back. What will I do then?

Ans. This is unfortunate. Your wife seems to be in depression and would need treatment. She can be counselled to become normal and to become confident to face reality of life. Do not get depressed too in turn as you need to take of her as well as yourself. Such reactions happen when your mind is not totally prepared to face the consequences of ‘running away’ from home as the support of the family and community is lost. But please approach your parents and hers as well and ask for help. You could leave her at her parental home for some days so that she feels secure and relaxed. The marriage will remain, for nobody can dissolve or annul that without your consent. You should concentrate on getting a job, part time or full time, and take care of your mental health too. Do not despair, all will be well soon enough. Bad times do not last forever.

ABC.

Q. I am in peculiar situation. I took medical with my own choice. No one forced me to take it. I passed the test and got admission. Now I am wondering if I made a mistake of taking medicine. It is not tough or anything like that but I feel sleepy in class and not interested in many subjects. I like some subjects only. What should I do? My parents will be upset with me if I tell them this. They will throw me out of the house and send me away to my Aunts place. No one likes me at home because I have always been a naughty boy. But I am serious about my career madam. Please guide me.

 

Ans. This situation needs deeper discussion and thought. We need to explore what are the obstacles in continuing with this course of study and if at all you want to change it, what will the alternative course of study that will suit you. It is certainly a difficult situation and you should objectively try to analyse it. If you like some subjects and don’t like some, you have to accept it as a ‘package deal’. You may never like all the subjects in any course of study. It is always like that. However, if you like majority of the subjects then it would be worth to pursue it further and complete it. A session of career guidance would be useful.

“Face the challenge”- 27 August 2017.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 10 September 2017 21:58

A.C

Q. I am 21 years old and the only source of income to my family. My father is unemployed from the last one year and hence I have to work to support my family. We are having a loan of 20 lac. I am suffering from stress, depression  and other health issues and I don't have anyone to share this with.  I had a quarrel with my best friend 9 months ago & we are not on talking terms anymore. We were friends for the last 13 years. She back-stabbed me. My main problem is that my family members don't understand me. I have to work all day & come home & do all the house hold chores. I get very tired at the end of the day. I am not at all appreciated for what I do. They say that I am completely useless and incapable of doing anything in life. I have to face dirty abusive language. I wish to do PG but I cannot as I have to work. My whole salary is taken by my mother for the daily needs and I am left with nothing. My family members and relatives are pressuring to marry a guy who is approx 10 years elder to me just because he is rich & will turn our financial conditions. I don't want to marry him. They just want to get rid of me. If I stand & fight for my rights I am the who has to end up apologizing. I have tried all possible ways & means to get the situation better but I have failed always. I am turning into an insomnia. I cry to myself whenever I am alone. I am totally lost & confused. I fear to face the future. Nothing cheers me up. Everything seems lifeless to. I don't get time for myself. Please reply ASAP.

Ans. This is a terribly unfortunate situation for you. You must be a very brave girl to work at home and job and then be dominated too by your own mother. It baffles me to know that she can be abusive too and also interested in marrying you off to a rich but older guy who might have agreed to pay off the loan. Perhaps you could meet the guy once at least and see if he is a kind and caring fellow. Tell him you would like to study further and he may agree.  If you are lucky he might treat you well and solve all your problems. You would be safe and secure after facing so many hardships. If you feel he is unkind and insensitive then run away from home and work in another city. You may like to warn your parents with the threat and then follow it. Or else just do it. Another way to go get married to a boy of your choice and leave this home. Your parents must learn to respect you and your contribution. God bless you.

B.K

Q. I like a girl since childhood and she is very friendly with me too. We are both in junior college. Recently she told me her feelings and we both went out for movies and outings. My parents caught us and we both got a big thrashing. My parents have big expectations from me and I want to make a very good career. We are good students and want to rise higher in life. We have high dreams and she makes me motivated all the time. I do better when I talk to her and feel relaxed. I cannot stop talking to her and get away. My parents are keeping a strict watch on me and that is disturbing me. I cannot concentrate and is afraid of losing my entrance to a good college. And my parents will blame my friendship and that girl for it. All this is depressing me. Please help me. She is also upset and misses me.

Ans. This is a challenge for you to stay calm and prove your worth to yourself and to your friendship. Tell her to stay calm and concentrate on her studies. Reaffirm your friendship to her and tell her to face this challenge bravely. If you continue to do well your parents belief in you will get reinforced and they will soften their stance. Once you are both in college you can restart your friendship. Sometimes it is good for the friendship to face the test of time and obstacles and emerge stronger. This is just a phase and not the end of the story. It is like a ‘break’ or an interval in a story! Cheer up! All is not lost my dear! Prove your worth too.

 

“Believe in yourself”- 20 August 2017.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 10 September 2017 21:57

AB

Q. I am very much in tension. I am in class 10th std and I am not able to concentrate on my studies alt all. Actually my mind always goes on another way when I got to studies. I did very big mistakes in my life by which my parents are very disappoint from me and why I am not felling guilty at all I don’t know. I did the same mistake many times and make my parents very disappoint. I am very much attracted towards boys and I always say lie to my parents. I do stole money from home and my parents got to know that I stole money from home. They are very hurt. I don’t know what to do I want to change my self because I m not a good girl at all. I don’t have any manners to talk to my dad and mom I don’t put my things properly. I am very tensed now please help me. I want to do lots of study and want to prove my parents that I can do it but whenever I make any time-table for study or any promises regarding studies I cannot fulfill it. I am just an average student. But my parents say that If I will do hard work I will definitely get above 90%. Mam please help me because of my bad thinking, my bad nature, my bad manner, I am very much disturbed and want to change my self totally. I am not able to control my brain. I never have peace in my mind. I take very small things very seriously and think too much about that. And please give me some tips for concentrating on studies. I am not able to study at all. One more problem is there I want to look good but I am very fat and not able to control my diet. I eat lots of junk food. And one more thing I am in relationship now.

Ans. That is a long list of problems indeed! But the good part is that you are aware of your bad behavior and bad nature and want to improve it. When you become aware of your own nature and desire change it will happen surely. Just start doing a few things. One, is when you get up in the morning tell yourself that is going to be a good day and that good things are going to happen to you. Secondly, pray daily for a few minutes and calm your mind. Thirdly do some sort of physical exercise whatever suits you. Thirdly, help your mother in the house and chat with her for some time. There are some meditation practices that you need to learn to help you concentrate. We could help you with that. Try this and then get back to me again.

M.J

Q. I am 19 year old boy. From last one year, I got so much indulged in my studies that I stopped socializing with my friends and relatives. I think they are now trying to ignore me. Please give me some solutions.

Ans. Yes, this happens as you rightly say that friends get hurt if you ignore them for too long. You could try apologizing to them or just try getting back in touch by calling them now and then. They will not ignore you for too long and will understand your situation. They will forgive you for you are good boy and have no harm to others. People understand once to re-connect with them.

R.T

Q. I have just started college with BA economics as subject & wants to join civil service through UPSC but problem is my past I have failed in mathematics at 12th. I was preparing for IIT from 11th but I sucked totally at PCM this year I scored decently in JEE mains to get me a government engineering college but my heart was not responding to take this again so I chose Arts, but now my past still haunts me I dreamed about IIT but ended up messing up completely but my mind never stops dreaming big & I want to be an IAS but I'm scared to pursue my journey I don't what should I do?

 

Ans. If you find mathematics tough then it is better you did not take up engineering. IIT would be a distant dream if the aptitude for mathematics is low. You have done the right thing by choosing economics for you can become an IAS even by doing economics. Forget about the past and focus on the future. Prepare for the IAS examinations and do well in BA. Score as high as you can in economics. It is a great subject and has a great future even if you do not get into the IAS for some reasons. Work hard and believe in yourself and your choices.

“Introverts can be trained in social skills” 13 August 2017.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 10 September 2017 21:47

K.P

Q. My daughter is studying in B.Pharm and in final year. She does not want to do M.Pharm and is very confused and worried about her future. She wants to know what are the prospects in Pharmacy and other related fields such as IPR, food and science technology, and cosmetology. She would need a detailed guidance from you about all fields she can go for. Please help.

Ans. Yes, it would help her to come for a session on career guidance. We need to check her interest areas and her personality traits to take a decision about what would suit her and make her happy. Since she has already made one wrong decision of joining pharmacy and wants to change the line now it will be better to go about it systematically this time rather than superficially. There are many courses she could join but I need to talk to the candidate. She should not worry about her future for there are many chances of switching over career lines and seeking a career to your liking and satisfaction.

R.P

Q. I am a 63 year old retired government officer and with good grace everything is there possible to lead a comfortable and respectable life except my wife. She is 57 years old and she visited her maternal home last year and was influenced by a palm reader. He told her that your husband has an affair with one lady and that you have threat from your family. From that day onwards she has suspicion that I have relationships with four to five women and 24x7 she keeps nagging me. I have tried my level best and she is not willing to improve nor visit a psychiatrist. Please advice.

Ans. As understood by you rightly, your wife would need a psychiatric consultation and medicine too. She has suspicion levels that are beyond levels if she thinks you have affairs with four to five women. Even one affair can upset your wife and I believe that you have not given her any cause for doubting you at all and all that she thinks is a figment of her imagination. If she refuses to visit the psychiatrist, which is typical of such disorders, then you should visit one and narrate your story. He will help you find a way out for treating her. She will become a fine lady like before once she is treated properly. Have faith and patience. Treat her with sympathy and kindness for she is ill and not in her logical mind.

P.P

Q. I am third year student studying cosmetology. I have a lot of problems to discuss with you. I am just too depressed, worried and lonely. I will just try telling you in brief what’s going on in my life. I don’t have any friends to support me and be with me and that’s one of my issues. I lack the art of making friends. I know who I need but I cannot find the relevant people. I need someone to love me and pamper me. Because I am the elder one all the pampering is done by me and by my parents to my younger brother. Not that I am jealous or anything but I am a human being after all. I do need love and care and attention and lack of it makes me feel lonely. I feel worthless and rejected if nobody cares for me. I also have issues regarding my career. I don’t know if I should do M.Tech or MBA after B.Tech. My dad wants me to do MBA but I am not smart enough for it. I am shy and have stage freight and introverted and don’t know how to make friends. I also have issues with my father. No matter what I say he is never happy with me. We fight quite frequently. Almost every-day which is not a good sign. It is like he has a strong aversion to me ...I know he loves me as I am his daughter and I love him too. I am developing a strong dislike for him which is bad as far as the relationship is concerned. I don’t want to hate him and don’t want him o hate me. I want to clear myself of this mess as soon as possible. Please help me.

 

Ans. We can certainly help you with all your problems that have been mentioned above. Your introverted nature creates certain demands and obstructions in the proper functioning of your social self which we can help you with. You can also improve your relationship with your father for both love each other. Your decision for post graduation needs to be looked into carefully with you personally. You would need some sessions of counselling and we could address all your issues. Rest assured that you are a normal person with normal problems and need to train and develop your personality.

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