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“Personality improvement is a continuous process”- 12 February 2017

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 21 February 2017 15:52

K.D

Q. Respected Madam, I have been in love with a girl from when I was in 12th class. We have been together for the last 6 years. I only want to marry her. The problem is that it is an inter caste marriage. She too wants to marry me only. However both our parents are dead against it. My mother has ever threatened to take her life if I marry her. I don’t know what to do. I only want to marry this girl and I don’t even want to go against my parents. She is also making me chose now. How am I supposed to choose between my love and my family. They are both equally important to me. No matter what I do I am going to hurt someone and I don’t want that. Her parents too are putting her under pressure to get married. Please help me out, I have no idea what to do.

Ans. This is a serious dilemma for you. Actually you should have understood the culture and mindset of parents earlier on and pondered over your choices of marriage. In such conflicting situation you have only two choices, one, is to follow the line prescribed by parents and be a good boy and keep all happy. This means not getting entangled in ‘love relations’ and being clear from the beginning about the subsequent consequences. The second choice is about having the capacity to ‘rebel’ and take actions based on your personal choices whether someone likes it or not. This also means having the capacity to be independent, bold and convinced about your choice. This also requires the other partner to be equally sure of herself and her choice. Two people can support each other and make a good life together. The family in such situations normally will ‘give in and fall in line’ eventually. It may take some time but it happens. Now make an assessment of your nature and your strength and your partners’ strength and take a decision. If you are still indecisive a session of counselling will surely help.

S.P

Q. I was good in academics till 12 so I decided to do B.Sc and UPSC preparation together but failed. So now I lost my confidence. My dad wants me to complete my PG then do whatever I want. So I am thinking of MBA. Should I listen to my dad or start my UPSC preparation which is my dream but then I am scared as it is not so easy task. Please help me. I am very depressed by over thinking about it.

Ans. You could listen to your dad as doing an MBA from a good college is not easy. Seeking admission in MBA is also not easy –you have to compete for it. After an MBA more options for career will open up, such as, a job in an industry or a bank besides your dream of competing for UPSC. After MBA you could prepare for the competitive exams seriously. However some aspects of what it takes to clear the UPSC could be taken up even now, such as, brushing up your general knowledge, practice in logical reasoning and improving your English language and also building your personality aspects. This should be a continuous and ongoing process and not a curriculum to be mugged up. You could start work on such aspects right away even while doing a PG course. This will go a long way for you wherever you go for jobs.

A.J

Q. I am going through same confusion and need a proper career guidance. I want to get in touch with you so that I can make my career efficiently.

Ans. It is normal to go through confusion about career choices and arriving at the best decision. Whatever may be your age we can help you with career guidance and arriving at some good career choices. Please contact our office number and take an appointment for the same. I am glad that you are taking this seriously as a right choice made at the right time saves you from failures, loss of money and loss of face and stress. Do not waste any time.

 

“Learn to stand up and say no”- 5 February 2017.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 21 February 2017 15:50

V.S. Nagpur.

Q. I’m appearing for my B.Sc final year exams and I am not understanding what I should do after graduation. Please help me out ma’am.

Ans. If you are already doing your B.Sc, you have the choice of continuing in the same field by doing your M.Sc in the subject of your choice and becoming a researcher and a lecturer. If you do not wish to continue doing science you can always do your masters in any other subject such as an MBA. You also have the option of appearing for the governmental examinations for various jobs in the different sectors of the government. Banking is also an option. If you cannot decide at all, then you have a choice of coming for a session on career counselling. That is a good way of being sure of yourself and your choice.

R.G.

Q. Hello ma’am, I am a B.A. student. I have always been good at my studies and have been one of the top at school and college as well. I am a very helpful person. However this is turning out to be quite a headache for me. I can never say no to anyone for anything and people take advantage of me because of this. My friends at college are always making me do they projects and assignments for them and I always do them as well. I’m scared that if I say no then they will stop being friends with me as it has happened in the past. So I do all they stuff for them. I feel like they just use me because other than when they have work they hardly talk to me. Some of my other friends have told me to top talking to them but I can’t. I know it’s wrong that I keep letting them do this to me but I don’t want to lose them as friends. Please help me out ma’am.

Ans. It is very wrong that you are allowing them to take advantage of you and even more wrong of them to be taking advantage of you like this. You need to put your foot down and say that enough is enough. They are not your true friends if all they want from you is that you do their work. You need to slowly start separating yourself from these so called friends and creating a distance between you’ll. If they still want to be your friend, you need to make sure that you make it clear that you are not going to let them walk all over you. You have to learn to stand up for yourself and say no when you feel like you’re being taken advantage of. It is not necessary to be surrounded by a lot of friends to feel like you belong or wanted. Just having a few friends who stick by your side through all your worries and problems are enough. You will be happier then.

P.D.

Q. Respected ma’am, I am a 2nd year B.A. student. I am a very shy and quiet person. I would love to mix with people but I just can’t get myself to do so. I feel like they are going to judge me. I don’t think I lack in self confidence. However the moment I’m in the company of others I go mute and I start to over think things. Another thing is that because I’m always quiet people think I am too arrogant and not interested and stay away from me. When I am with family and a few close friends I am a completely different person. No longer shy. Please help me out.

Ans. First of all you need to stop stressing over what people think of you. If you keep worrying so much about this then you’re not going to make any progress because your brain is going to constantly make you doubt everything. Over thinking is a very bad thing as it makes you create situation and problems that are not really there. To help overcome your shyness you can try looking at yourself in the mirror and carry out a conversation with yourself. Pretend that it is a conversation between you and someone else. You can also start taking an initiative when you go out to start the conversation. Even if it is a general conversation of a minute or two it will at least not make people feel like you are disinterested and will also help your confidence. You can go up to people who are with someone your comfortable talking to and start a conversation so that you have a support by your side. Try opening up more to others. If you are still not able to get over your problems you can always come to me for help.

 

“Suicide is never an option”- 29 January 2017

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 21 February 2017 15:48

C.S

Q. Please let me know if there are centres for slow learners and children with attention deficit disorders. My son was diagnosed with this a year ago in Chennai and now I am residing in Nagpur. We were trying to settle in the new job and new place and could not contact you. The problem is getting worse we feel. Please guide us.

Ans. Yes, your child can be helped very nicely in Nagpur too. We have very good professionals in the field. Contact us once and then let me guide you to the proper place. I would need to know some more details, such as the level of Intelligence (IQ), his age and his other reports before we refer him to the right person. Please contact us soon.

A.M

Q. Few years ago my brother went to Delhi to study for entrance exams and we find that he has stopped studying and is behaving differently. He talks about astrology and ghosts and future things which is scaring us. He tells big stories about his future and when we shout at him he cuts off the phone. My father asked him to come back home but he said he will after some time. Can you guide us about this? Whom should we consult?

Ans. Any strange behaviour needs to be taken seriously. Any sudden onset of strange behaviour needs to be taken even more seriously. This is definitely an upset of his mind and balance and something has gone wrong. Call him home on some pretext and bring him over. If he refuses then bring your parents along to see me, we will see what can be done about it under the circumstances. One thing is sure that he needs help and treatment after the right diagnosis is made. You need to tell me the details of all his symptoms. It is important to know if he has lost sight of his goal in Delhi. If he has shifted his focus from studies of the entrance exams to something else it s serious. Do not delay.

K.S

Q. I am in std 12th but I am not able to concentrate in studies. I am angry and irritated many time I shout at friends and even my family. I will fail or not do well in my boards I feel. I feel like depressed and committing suicide. I cry a lot these days and cry alone. I cannot tell anyone. My parents have high hopes on me and my 12th. They feel I will do very well and they think I am very intelligent. I am not intelligent. Now I cannot take any more of all this. Please help. You are my last hope. Nobody seems to understand me anymore.

Ans. This is an unfortunate situation. Either you are suffering from depression or you are finding your studies very tough. You might have chosen subjects for your 12th which are proving to be difficult. You might be realizing this a little late and is afraid to admit that to your parents as they have high expectations from you. But this will not help at all and is not the proper way to handle your problems. Firstly, never keep parents in the dark about your problems. Even if they do not understand it initially, they will eventually, if you go on complaining. They are your parents and they love you. You and your life are more important to them than your marks and your career. Tell them you feel depressed and you cry and you want to see a psychologist. Tell them that you have difficulty in studies and that you may fail. If they don’t listen –shout. Force them to listen to you and your problems. Parents need to know and they are the best persons to help you and care for you. Never think of suicide –that is no option at all for life’s many problems. We can help you solve any type of problem. Be hopeful and optimistic.

T.A

Q. I have changed many jobs and do not know where my weakness is. I tend to get bored soon. I also listen to others and get influenced by them. When some people tell me that this is a bad and lousy company and that we are planning to leave, I start thinking negatively about it too. Like this I have spoiled many good opportunities in growth. People poison my mind and I start behaving stupidly. What is wrong with me? Can I become smarter and more independent in my thinking? Please help. I am willing to come if you tell me to.

 

Ans. We could help you with an analysis of your personality and your strengths and weaknesses. We could also help you with planning your career growth and the most suitable job for you. Yes, stop getting influenced by people and their opinion. Listen to them but learn to form your own opinion. We can train you in all such aspects. Get in touch with us please.

“Live happily and purposefully”- 22 January 2017.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 22 January 2017 19:37

V.J

Q. I am 53 plus, officer in psb posted away from home. I want to quit job since last many years. But I am not having courage to do so. Though I would not be in financial trouble after quitting I fear loss of respect in society. I am just continuing despite stress, tension and depression due to my inability to discharge my duties properly at work. Please guide me.
Ans. Please go ahead and resign if you are convinced of your financial stability and your loss of interest in your work. You have crossed 50 years of age and have worked many years to deserve retirement. There would not be any ‘loss of respect in society’ as you say, but people may be jealous of you for being able to do so. People who are stuck in boring jobs continue to do so for financial reasons or to keep themselves busy. After retirement be sure you have your post-retirement plans ready to keep you gainfully and happily engaged such as hobbies and other passions which you could not pursue while in job. The idea of living is to be happy and purposeful.

A.K

Q. I am in a branch of engineering which I do not like. I am in second year now and want to shift to another branch. I am in deep stress as nobody seems to understand my dilemma. My parents are shocked and my friends cannot help me. Either I change my branch or I discontinue engineering and get into another course of study. I want to get into communications and HR type of work and I don’t know what to do. Please guide.

Ans. It would be of no use to do two years in engineering and then leave it. I suggest that you complete your engineering degree now. After that if you are still interested in doing HR then you can do your MBA in HR. This way you don’t even waste two years, your parents are also happy and you get to do what you like. Changing to another branch in engineering is not going to be helpful to you as it is not your field of interest.

Q. My girl friend is very cute but is very moody. She is happy one day and another day is angry with me. I love her a lot and it has been a long friendship. She is now troubling me a lot with her anger and irritation. I am trying to make a career as I have to start working and earning money. My father will retire soon and I must start seeking a job. I am trying to complete a course after graduation but this thing is bothering me. Our fights have increase and I feel she is behaving like a child. Please help me madam.

Ans.  Your dilemma and irritation is understandable. While you are working hard to make a good career in view of your family situation, it is unfortunate that your girlfriend of long standing fails to understand and share your financial concerns. We must try to know if your girlfriend has a long standing personality problem or she is suffering from a temporary state of mood swings. This is an important aspect to evaluate for that would decide the future of this relationship. If she has a temporary mood swing disorder she can be helped with counselling and psychotherapy but if she has a long standing personality disorder it would be advisable to keep away from her. For such people can be extremely self centred and unsupportive to the needs of others. That may not be good for your future life. Think about it seriously.

Q. My life is wasted and I feel like committing suicide. I have lost every reason to live. I came to know that my husband had gone out on a tour and he had an affair there. I was noticing some peculiar change in his behaviour since his tour. But I could not understand what it is until someone informed me about his affair.

 

Ans.  This is most unfortunate and we can empathize with your emotional trauma. A marriage relationship is based on faith and trust besides love and can be destroyed with runaway affairs like this. You must confront your husband and ask him point blank about it. Do not go into the details of the affair. If he acknowledges his mistake and promises not to repeat it, then you must forgive him and give him another chance. However, if he does not acknowledge his fault and evades the issue then you have a bigger dilemma on hand as to how to continue this relationship which is devoid of honesty and you can tell him that you are willing to forgive a single mistake but dishonesty and lies would be difficult to digest. A family cannot be run if the basic trust between the spouses is lost. Do come for counselling if you cannot manage your trauma by next week.

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