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Career planning is serious business - April 25 2010

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 27 April 2010 23:55

Chaitanya (via email)

Q. I am a student in class 10 and at present I am in Bhilai. I like to play badminton  a lot. My parents are too much concerned about my studies so during regular classes they don't allow me to go to the hall. I assure them that I will give the same attention at studies then also they force to study. I want to move ahead in the game but by such a behaviour  of my parents  I  think I won't ever be able to fulfil my dream. Please advice what shall I do?

Ans. There could be two issues here- are your parents opposed to making a career in badminton because they do not see it as a worthwhile career or they oppose it because the financial costs involved are heavy. A third factor could be that they do not think that you have enough talent and motivation to pursue it seriously? If you would be happy pursuing badminton as a good hobby and not as a full time career then please do so. In such a situation your parents should allow you specific amount of time for playing the game, may be during weekends and not daily. Talk it out with him and negotiate with them. I am sure they will see reason and allow you.   

RIA (nagpur)

Q. I am 19 yrs old girl currently doing BCA 2nd year. From last 2 years I have been working really hard but I am not able to clear my exams unfortunately. I am a good student and used to score really well in school but now I stand nowhere. Due to this continuous failure I am losing my interest in everything. I feel embarrassed in front of my friends and relatives. My behaviour has also changed. I get frustrated and angry at anyone very easily. My parents also think that I don’t study that’s why I am failing but the truth is that in Nagpur University every year more than 12000 students apply for exam and only 300 to 400 manage to pass. I think that I have taken a wrong decision by taking this BCA and wasted my valuable two years. Is there any fault in me? I sometimes feel to end my life. What is the problem with me because I can’t see my parents sad and angry at me? All reasons are killing me inside. Please help me.

Ans. I think you might have chosen the wrong course of study for which you may not a good aptitude. Every one cannot do every course of study. Each individual has different abilities and accordingly they should chose their careers. It would be sensible to get your aptitude assessment done and then make the right choice of course of study and career. I can help you with that. Failure takes its own toll in terms of mental and physical health besides the social embarrassment. The bigger loss is time, money and your sense of confidence. Success brings happiness and boosts self esteem. Therefore career planning is a serious issue. Do not despair and ask your parents to support you and to help you solve your problem. All the best.                                                                                                                               

Anonymous (via email)

Q
. I am a 20 year old guy doing engineering in a reputed college. I think I lead a good life and happy times except for one thing. For the past 2-3 years I have been suffering from sudden physical drives. I have tried a lot to keep it in check but failed. I feel really bad and ashamed of myself so much so that I sometimes want to beat myself up. Please give me some advice to control this sick habit and get rid of it. Even any medicine will do.

Ans. You need to consult me as soon as possible. The reasons for your problems may be many and we could counsel you or else suggest medicines. But first I will need more details about the problem. Do not hesitate to seek help.

Published in The Hitavada - Emotions column - 25 April 2010

Last Updated ( Tuesday, 27 April 2010 23:58 )

Personality disorders are difficult to handle - April 18 2010

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 27 April 2010 23:49

Arjun (via email)

Q
. I am in IT since 2 years and I feel totally confused right now. I feel the lack of passion in my life and more specifically my work. I feel that I am average at my work in spite of my best efforts. I feel the need to discover my interests and what I am really good at. But I do not know how to decipher this. I feel like learning everything i.e, music, language etc in search for my hidden talent. I am afraid of a normal life (9-5 life) although right now I am the most dedicated follower of this pattern on this planet. My friends are either opting for MBA or MS but I do not want to do that and when my parents ask me what I want to do then I am in coma. But I have a strong desire to do something big in my life which again I do not know. Could you please help me out. 

Ans
. Self discovery is a very important and interesting mental exercise which each one should involve in. It makes life richer and happier as you begin to understand yourself and become more aware of your finer points. This also helps eventually in actualising your true potential(s). The process is not simple and easy. It should be an ongoing process throughout life. I would suggest you come for personality assessment that will give you wonderful insights into your personality type and your cognitive styles. This will give you insight into the type of work and activities that you enjoy and would like to pursue in life.   

Anonymous (via email)

Q. I want your suggestion on my problem. I am in relationship with a guy. He loves me lot but one problem is there that he is very possessive about me. He wants that I should act as he wants at all time. Usually I do act as he wants but some time I also have some problems that I can’t act as he wants. When I act in oppose of what he wants he takes doubt on me that I have another affair. I am very much disturbed that how I can convince him? Nowadays he becomes very much angry on me on very small things. I can’t live without him -he knows this. Perhaps he is arrogant due to this.  Please tell me solution of this problem. I do not understand what to do. He is not talking with me properly.

Ans. You seem to be a submissive type of person. Therefore you do not mind being dictated and dominated by your friend. But at times you too feel that you should get some freedom of speech and movement which he does not allow. There are two things you could do here. First think clearly about the type of freedom you sometimes want and then tell him that. I am sure he will agree. Then test him out and see if he keeps his word. If he still does not respect your little freedom then you will have to seriously think about the man. He may be suffering from some kind of personality or mental disorder. Come and see me then in that case. 

Ajay (via email)

Q.
I am a 28 year old guy. There is a girl (27 years old) in my office with whom I had friendship. As she was new in the office, she used to seek my help for many things. Around 8 months ago, I forwarded a mail to her and to many others which had a double meaning joke. She felt offended and stopped all the communication with me and behaved very rudely with me. As I was unaware about this background of mail, I felt hurt. After that she continued to come to me whenever she required help. Seeing her behaviour, I felt as if she is just using me to get her work done. Then, she told me about all this mail. I said sorry to her. She continued to come only for seeking help and not for friendship. This continued for 8 months. Few days ago, she suddenly came to me and offered to resurrect the friendship. But she continued to blame me. I actually want to forget things but her attitude of blaming me for everything is hurting me very badly. Seeing that she did not even care or recognize if I was hurt by her behaviour I sincerely feel that she did not value me as a person. As she is in the same office, I have to face her. Whenever I see her, these thoughts haunt me and I lose my peace of mind. These things stop me from forgetting the past. In this entire episode, is it that only I am at fault? Is my attitude really wrong somewhere? Why am I suffering so much and she is happy even after hurting me. Please help me.

Ans. The girl seems to have a personality disorder. She is sensitive only herself and not to others. She is also complicated in her head as she does not know what she wants. Actually some people who are self centred (not selfish) are more focused on their own needs and their fulfilment and do not think about others and their needs. I think you should keep going the way you are doing right now and forget about a long term relationship. Consult me before you get serious about her.

NOTE: READERS WHO WANT ANSWERS THROUGH PERSONAL EMAILS NEED NOT WRITE TO ME. ONLY THOSE WHO WANT ANSWERS THROUGH EMOTIONS COLUMN MAY WRITE. READERS SHOULD ALSO MENTION CLEARLY THE NAME UNDER WHICH THE QUESTION SHOULD GO.

Published in The Hitavada Emotions Column - April 18 2010

 

Focus first on goal then degree - Apr 11 2010

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 11 April 2010 00:00

Anonymous (via email)

Q. I am 29 years of age and an unmarried girl. I have completed my studies from Nagpur University. I was not a good student basically and completed my studies with big delay of failure. After graduation I have completed some diploma courses and did a job in few private firms. But I was not satisfied with my salary and my post that’s why I never concentred on my job and left it. Now my parents ask me for further studies. I too realise that in today’s world self dependence is very important for women. I want to do MBA by distance learning from Open University and simultaneously I want to do a job with good salary. I wanted to know whether Open University courses are having similar value as regular university courses have or not? Is this course beneficial for me in this stage of my life? Another problem is that I am not that much confident as I was before. I am always confused and scared to involve in new opportunities. Please suggest me what should I do? Other than MBA which subject I can choose so I will find a better job for me?

Ans. You would need to plan your future career properly and not keep doing courses. A course is done with a career goal in mind. I am not sure what your ambitions and long term goals are. You also mention some emotional disturbances like lowering of confidence and confusion of some sort along with some fears. I would advise you to see me for career planning and guidance as well as personality improvement. We have a number of suitable tests for the purpose which help us know your personality traits better and then help you choose the best career. Once that is decided you may then think of the appropriate degree that needs to be obtained.       


ZYZ (via email)

Q. I want some advice about myself. I am a 22 year young boy and I am in love with a girl of 24 years since 5-6 years from my school days. When I was in 10th std she was in the 12th in same school.  She used to watch me but I did not show my interest in her. But she kept watching me for many years. Slowly and gradually I became interested. Now and then I started watching her going & coming from college daily but my thought was only to see her not to propose her. But she thought I wanted friendship so she gave me her gentle smile and I was shocked. Well as my academic result was not good i.e. I failed twice. I discontinued watching her openly as I was lean and thin (but I continued watching her secretly). But she kept watching me. Now I am in graduation final and I went up to her but could not tell her my feelings. She showed no interest in me and I was shocked. I've decided to marry her. I want to propose her but today I am not anything and she is two years older than me and she is better qualified than me and a foreign company has selected her. I am too working hard to get her. I am preparing for banking and working hard to get good % in my BA but don’t want to forget her. She is a smart girl. She is very fast in everything and I am slow at every work. Please guide me. 

Ans. The girl seems to have changed-she must have matured after all and she is also two years elder to you. She was in 12 std when she may have been infatuated by you but now she must have grown up. You are still doing graduation and you have also failed twice, whereas she has completed her PG and is working with a good company. Age does matter as a lot of progress takes place with age. She seems more confident than you and naturally so. You could still try your luck by being in touch with her and declaring your feelings when you gather your courage. However be prepared for a rejection so that you can save yourself from the ensuing trauma. Meantime work hard and prove your worth. You could consult me if you still feel perturbed.

Published in The Hitavada - Emotions on 11 April 2010

Last Updated ( Wednesday, 14 April 2010 00:54 )

Investing in your-self is being wise - 04 April 2010

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 04 April 2010 00:00

Q. I have done MBA from Nagpur University last year. After that I had searched for the job up to 4 month but I wasn't successful in the interview due to my bad communication or fear. After that I got a job for a month only. After that for two month I didn't go for any interview. Actually now my procrastination attitude has been on the increase. I think that I should go for interviews but I do not feel like it. Due to this days are going and I have nothing to do. Day by day I am going into depression.  Actually I want to become a successful businessman- how should I make my attitude suitable for that? What should I do for taking first step towards my goal? Please help me.

Ans. Yes, you do seem to be undergoing depression. At your age you should be full of energy, excitement and ideas. A businessman has certain personality qualities that you need to understand and explore in yourself. I could help you with both- curing your depression as well as with career guidance and planning. I could test your personality and make you aware of your strengths and weaknesses. It takes a lot to be successful and to be a businessman and it will help you to realise that your primary asset is you-yourself. So investing in your-self at this stage would be a wise thing to do.  

P.P (via email)

Q. I just want an answer to my question. WHY APPEARANCE MATTERS? Should we care about how we look like? I think that is all rubbish, a waste of time and a waste of life! If we are doing so, we are letting others dominate our mind.

Ans. True, excessive concern about looks is foolish and a waste of time. But remember this type of concern also depends upon the type of profession you are getting into or already working in. For example, professionals in the film and fashion industry should be excessively concerned about their appearance. Also remember different industries or professions decide their dress and appearance codes. Many companies would decide and fix uniforms for their employees compulsorily. Some even decide and fix the make up to be used by the women employees. As a free person in your personal life you can choose and decide the way you want to dress and appear before society. But remember your appearance and your dressing style speak something about you and your personality. People will notice it in detail and react to you accordingly. The choice is entirely yours.

Anonymous, (via email)

Q. I got married in 2006 and I am a MCA passed out student. My problem is that my husband is a very nice person but he is not so open and expressive. He does not like to talk to anyone, does not like to visit any one. He does not try to keep contact with any friends and relatives. His regular routine consists of yoga, office, yoga, newspaper reading, watching Astha or Sanskar channels, cricket, and then dinner. He is a spiritual person and a supporter of a famous baba. We both love each other very much but due to his irritating and boring nature I am feeling like losing something. I have lost my identity. So many restrictions are there for me, like can’t watch movie, can’t go to restaurants, no friends, no masti, can’t wear this, can’t eat this, can’t go to his house. He is not so romantic either. I don’t have any job so I am staying with him. Where I am staying there is no such options to make my mind free. So I always have a problem with this. It seems like I am always upset and curse my life. Always I cry for my luck. Sometimes even I think my life has spoiled after getting married to such a boring person. He is moody and that decides how he will talk to me. I am having lots of problems. Even I have tried to commit suicide also. But I don’t want to spoil my life as it’s a God gift. I was having some health problems recently then doctor told me to express my feelings. I had a best friend with whom I would share but that is lost too- maybe he is avoiding me now. What should I do? Please give me positive suggestions. 

Ans. It is unfortunate that both of you are not suitably matched to each other. Many parents make this mistake of not looking into the personality of the other would be partner before fixing the marriage. Just a good degree, a good job and a good family background is not enough. But now that you are married you must compromise with him and yourself and try to live happily. I think if you get your freedom to decide what life style to lead you could be happy with yourself. For example, you could work, make a career, have your friends circle and also take care of your house and husband. He should not and cannot force you to lead his life style. Two different people with different personalities and life styles can make a marriage work if they love and respect each other and also trust each other whole heartedly.

Published in The Hitavada - Emotions 04 April 2010

Last Updated ( Wednesday, 14 April 2010 00:58 )
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