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Calm your mind with meditation - 14 Mar 2010

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 14 March 2010 00:00

Asher, Nagpur (via email)

Q. My mother is aged 45 years. She had been ill since 3 months from now & had been treated successfully for the same. She has an acute problem of cervical spondylosis. All the medical reports are stated normal & even the MRI of her neck has reported very minimal problems. Her problem is that she feels uneasy & crying 3 or 4 times a day. All medications are failure. She has side-effects from each and every medication. Her daily activities are almost nil & she is always scared of anything unfortunate to happen. She has lost all her confidence in herself & feels good for nothing. Kindly help me.

Ans. Your mother would need counselling and therapy. She seems to be depressed and anxious. A sudden bout of ill health can upset the mental equilibrium. Health psychology deals with mental aspects of physical problems. It is nothing unusual. Many people with acute physical health problems can develop depression and anxiety. It would help me to see her and then treat her. Do not worry for such problems can be taken care of well. 

S.K (via email)

Q. I am a student of 1st year engineering. My branch is IT which was of my choice while at the time of admission but now my mind is changing and diverting towards electronics and telecommunication or computer branch. I am a good student and I have also scored distinction in my 1st semester. I also possibly have a chance to change my branch in 2nd year (i e from my 3rd semester).Now the reasons for my mind changing are that in present situation IT don’t have much scope and another one is that all my friends belong to electronics and telecom branch- they want me to be with them as well as I want to join them too. I was an all rounder in studies as well as all activities. I am the topper in IT my reason for choosing IT as my branch was I have more interest in software than hardware. Now I sometimes feel like I may lead down if my friends are not there to support me there in IT. It may be it will also affect my future results. My career matters to me a lot too. But friends matter too. But I am so much confused that I am unable to decide whether to change branch or not. Please guide me as soon as possible.

Ans. The last reason for changing your branch should be your friends. Career is an individual plan and effort-friends play only a supportive role. To follow their branch would be foolish. The main reasons for changing a branch should be boredom and lack of interest in the subject you are studying and of course the job prospects after 3-5 years (when you graduate and post graduate). That should be the two criteria for switching over. Think seriously about it. Since you are the topper of your branch and you have a good personality too, I fail to understand your doubts. You should be firm and focused and your friends should be looking up to you instead.  

R.B (via email)

Q. My problem is that I know a girl from last 6 months and she likes me a lot but I don’t know whether I like her or not. I have completed my MBA before six months and I am still striving for the better opportunity.  Also my aim is to get a job via UPSC or MPSC but this petty thing are becoming such a big hurdle to tackle now.

Ans. Your anxiety seems to be building up due to the exam pressure and the competition you would have to face in the UPSC. The girl is only a distraction and an excuse to run away. She is adding to your anxiety. Throw off thoughts about the girl and her liking for you. Your mind should be focused on career and job and then think of her. Also learn the art of relaxation and meditation and calm your mind down. Think positive about yourself and your exams and your future. This will help you cool off. Also be happy with good thoughts. If all this does not help come and see me soon.

Published in The Hitavada - 14 March 2010

Last Updated ( Friday, 19 March 2010 00:02 )

Post traumatic stress disorders need to be treated - 07 Mar 10

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 07 March 2010 00:00


Q. I am 23 year old, unhappy-go-unlucky guy, facing ups and downs in my life. I met with a bike accident during my final semester exam of B.E last year and fractured my left leg and undergone surgery for the same. I failed to appear for my few papers at that year but I somehow managed to clear my exam this year and completed my graduation. My leg is all fine now but I am still having nightmares of that gruesome moments. That incident had really etched on my mind, I am trying to forget it but its’ not possible for me, every second of my life reminds me about that incident. Because of that I wasted a whole year and really had tough time throughout the year. Since I cleared my exams (but with less marks) my parents are really not satisfied with me. They keep on taunting me all the time and they praise their relatives’ children. They keep on giving examples of them. They always compare them with me and find out good or bad qualities. I am completely sick and tired of their comparisons. Sometimes they talk very rudely which makes me emotionally disturbed. I felt like crying at that moment. Sometimes I felt like committing suicide. Because of all this I lost my sleep at night. I remain awake till midnight. I didn't get good sound sleep from the day I met with that accident. It had left me completely heart-broken. I think I shattered my all dreams. Please help me to get out this situation.

Ans. This is sad and unfortunate. An accident is a serious trauma and can haunt most people for many months. It is called post traumatic stress. It is sad that your parents do not understand this psychological reality and instead ill treat you. It is natural that you lost your marks in the finals but is actually creditable that you passed and cleared the exams. Do not despair for all will be well if you keep your cool and your balance of mind. Forgive your parents for whatever they have done to hurt you. Keep your mind positive and keep focused on your career. Do a post graduation or get into a job immediately. Treat your depression and if you cannot help yourself then come and consult me. There are ways of getting rid of the traumatic nightmares and the depression. We would take care of it.

Be brave and bold.  

Radhika (via email)

Q. I am going through difficult phase of my career. I completed my graduation in B. Com in 2008, and at the same year I joined classes for MBA preparations. But I scored less marks so I did not get admission in my college without donation. My financial condition was not that much of good for donation. So I opted for another career option i.e. Company Secretary (CS) and M.COM. So I appeared for M.Com 1st yr and cleared it. Now in 2nd year since last year I had given two attempts of C.S but I could not pass the exam. I am tired of my failure. My parents are hurt with my results. My dad always supported me but this time he is not talking to me. My mom never tried to understand me. She always gives me others examples in whatever I do whether it is good or bad. My next exam is in June. I have 3 months for studies but I am now feeling bored studying same thing again and I couldn't concentrate on my studies. My dad told me this is my last attempt afterward he will search for a groom for me because his retirement is near. I do not want to waste my life so early and I also feel I had given no chance to myself. I feel shame going out with my family, my sisters. Now these days I sit alone in my room, hardly mix with anyone, try to study. Don’t go out, don’t use mobile, don’t watch TV. I cry for long time in my room alone. Please guide me how can I turn my failure with success. How to concentrate on my studies?

Ans. One way is to complete one goal at a time. First complete your M.Com 2nd year so that you have post graduate degree and then try for C.S. Once you taste success your mood will go up and so will your confidence in yourself. You will also not have to repeat the same subjects of C.S. Think about it and plan ahead. Do not get negative in mind and thoughts. Many people give several attempts before passing but the idea is not to lose hope. If your life depends upon the degree do it with all your will and determination. Best of luck.

Published in Hitavada Insight 07 March 2010

Last Updated ( Tuesday, 09 March 2010 16:37 )

Take pride in your own discipline - 28 Feb 2010

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 28 February 2010 05:30

XYZ Jabalpur (via email)

Q. I am going through a difficult phase in my life. I am the only daughter of my parents and I have a younger brother. My family has got a very high reputation in society and in our community. They have always dreamt of a perfect wedding for me which will obviously be arranged by them with my consent but the problem is that I am involved with a guy who is from another caste. With a lot of courage I told my family everything and being very conservative they got so shocked that they are threatening to kill themselves if I don't forget that guy and I don't want to go against my parents but I cannot marry someone else. My parents think that I have made a wrong decision because he's not from our caste and he is not a businessman and just a graduate and he is two years younger to me. But does age matter that much because he is matured and working in his family business since last 10 years. Please guide me how should I convince my parents.

Ans. One option would be to tell your boyfriend to make a formal proposal to your parents. If he could convince his parents to do it, the offer would be even more honourable. Your parents would have to rethink their decisions or they would get a chance to voice their objections to them. Once both the families get involved in the discussions you have a better chance of finding a supporter among the many members, if you are lucky that is. Find out from the boy whether he has informed his parents and whether they have agreed to the match. That would be half the problem solved as at least the boy’s side is willing to receive and accept you. At least begin the process and let it go on for some time before getting out of it. You might as well put up a brave fight. And he should do that too. At least love is worth that much!

Shaila (via email)

Q. I am from A.P. I have finished my P.G in year 2006 in M.Sc Mathematics. I am good in studies. My parents got divorced in my childhood and I stay with my mother. She lived in the village but now she has passed away about two years ago. Now this news completely depressed me. I stay with my maternal uncle & aunt from my childhood in city where I completed my education. I have also done B.Ed and appear for P.S.C but I could not clear it. I am preparing for civil exams, banking but I wouldn't be able to clear it. Actually I am not an English medium student I have passed my SSE from govt. high school. In question paper I knew answers of the questions which is asked but my English and speed is lacking. That's why I couldn't clear my written exams. Somehow if I clear my written exams I wouldn't be able to clear my interviews. This is only happen to me from past 2 years. I am completely frustrated from my life. My family members are pressuring me to marry now and now my age is 28 years but how can I marry. I have no future security, no job nothing. I am completely pressurized and frustrated. I am also losing my patience. Please guide me what to do or I insist for some other field then what it should be? Please suggest me.

Ans. You have such a wonderful mathematical ability that many people would be jealous of you. You have a P.G in maths and that is no mean achievement. You should be proud of yourself. In Central India Maths is a killer subject as most students fail in it. A good maths teacher is much in demand here. Forget the English language if you are not good in it and pursue maths as a career. You could go for higher studies in the field or you could become a teacher. You could also start your own coaching centre for maths for all grades of students. Search the net for suitable career options for maths. It’s best to work in your own field and discipline. The excitement lies there. It may be your destiny too.

Published in Hitavada Insight - 28 Feb 2010

Last Updated ( Wednesday, 03 March 2010 23:00 )

Analyse your personality for personal growth - 21 Feb 2010

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 21 February 2010 05:30

S.M (via email)

Q. I am 21 years old girl having so many conflicts in my life. I was 15years old when I fell in love with my classmate. In 11th I failed and he supported me. I got into wrong company and never felt seriously about it. He physically used me and left me for no reason. I was a merit student in my school but this thing left me shattered and I never concentrated on studies again and got less marks in 12th. In college I was afraid to make friends. One boy came into my life again but slowly I again found that he was also interested in getting physical with me. He would point out my mistakes and say that I have a mental problem. One day I left him in anger. Now somewhere I also feel that I have some problem. I am very insecure in everything. I panic a lot. I do not get involved easily. I can’t concentrate on my studies. I am left alone in nowhere as my friends have moved along. My mother scolds me for everything and other family members never listen to me. I have lost another year in my studies. I am having a boyfriend now and he is very nice. I love him but I am afraid that all this things will affect us. I want to get my confidence in studies back and I want to get rid of my insecure panic nature. Please help me. I can’t forget my past neither can live my present.
Ans. It would be a good idea to try to understand yourself and your needs. It would help you to know your weak areas in your personality and why you tend to get into exploitative relationships. As you say that you have an insecure nature that panics fast we could help you explore more areas of your personality that disturb your mind. At 21 years of age you should have gained a fairly good control over your mind and your life but that has not happened. Psychological therapy would help you explore your mind and help you grow and mature into a healthy human being.

Ishaan (via email)

Q. I am from another city and am studying here. I have lost my 3 years due to low interest in studies. I was good in my academic in school but after that I lost my interest in study. I don’t know why? I was lost in this world's unnecessary things such as making good friends, always wanting a girlfriend in my life. I thought fulfilling of dreams is life all about. But now I am a very concentrated person I think. Whenever my friends get into some mental trouble I only make truly useful solutions but as my problems come I can’t tell it to anybody. I tried telling it but it did not succeed. Please help me.

Ans. You do not seem to understand your priorities and your goals in life. You have gone astray by diverting from studies and indulging in insignificant activities. You came to Nagpur to study and to make a career but you have abused the time and money that your parents have been spending on you. I am glad that you have realized your mistake and are getting serious about your life. Seek counseling if you have psychological problems –many times it does not help to consult your peers for they may not have the wisdom to guide you. You could get into a job on a part time basis and get into some meaningful activity. Alternately you could plunge yourself into studies whole heartedly and finish your degree. Also consult your parents and confess your difficulties and stupidity as well. There is always time to learn one’s lessons and reform. It is never too late.

Published in Hitavada Insight - 20 Feb 2010

Last Updated ( Wednesday, 03 March 2010 23:03 )
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