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Failures take their own toll - 14 Feb 2010

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 14 February 2010 05:30

Sanket Nagpur (via email)

Q. I'm writing this letter because I really need your help. You're the only person who knows me well enough to give me guidance for my future life. My problem is regarding my career. What happened with me is I completed my SSC with 66% but I was unable to clear my maths then I gave supplementary exam. After that I took admission in Polytechnic. I completed my poly 1st year with 65%.But I was unable to clear my 2nd year so I have been Discontinued (DC) for a year. So you can comprehend my frustration. I am 20 years old now. I am worried about my future. I do not smoke or drink what I mean to say is there are no such bad Habits. My aim in life is that I want to work with telecommunication Companies like [Nokia, apple technologies, Nortel networks etc}. Will I be able to fulfill my aim?

Ans. You have not planned your career well and therefore you are suffering. When maths was already a weak subject at the high school level for you, you still went and opted for polytechnic! That was a bad choice according to me. There are so many options for career making and all roads lead to success if desired. Now that you are already in 2nd year it would be advisable for you to continue and complete your diploma by sheer hard work. Take the help of good coaches and teachers who will guide you appropriately. I am glad you have no bad habits and have high aims. Do not get depressed and do not think negative. Bad phases always pass and time is a great healer. Be patient and brave. 

Abhi (via email)

Q. I am a 2nd year student of MCA. I am in big trouble now. I have failed in 3rd semester in 2 subjects but according to new rule of nagpur university for mca if the subject in which  pass  has marks less than 50 then that subject is also do a 2nd attempt. i have to attempt 4 subject of 3rd sem with 5 subject of 4th semester. now i not understand what to do? how to deal with parents? please help me.

Ans. Failure has its own repercussions. Hence as a student you are advised to attend your classes regularly, focus only on studies, cut off from friends and friendships, stop socialising and wasting time. Career building is serious business and studies is for gaining knowledge and not only passing exams. If you have not gained enough knowledge you deserve to fail. It is as simple as that. So change your attitudes towards your studies, take them seriously, and focus all your energies on them. First clear your 3rd semester and then on the 4th semester. As far as parents are concerned they also suffer emotionally as you fail so go and apologise to them and make a promise. 

Scorpio (via email)

Q. I am 19 years old & studying in BCCA-I. I am kind of shy, due to that I don't have much friends & sometimes I feel very lonely. But I don't know why, from couple of days a weird kind of thought coming in my mind that in future when " I'll get married my wife will cheat on me" I haven't thought about it before or I never felt like that. This is distracting me from my studies & to achieve my goals. This thought is making me depress and crazy, in nights I can't even sleep properly. I keep on thinking about it. Mostly I cope-up with my problem on my own without anyone's help, but in this I am unable to do so. Please help me.

Ans. It seems you have got into an obsessive thought. You would need to consult me as soon as possible for a stitch in time saves nine. The earlier you get out of it the better. Do not allow it to linger. If treated now you would be relieved of it soon. However do not worry for we take care of such things with psychological counseling.

Published in Hitavada Insight - 14 Feb 2010

Life is precious- value it - 07 Feb 2010

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 09 February 2010 12:03

S.S (via email)

Q. I am a 22 years old girl. I am a student of B.Com (computer application) final year. I am in a committed relationship with a boy for past 1.5 years and we love each other. But now the problem is from last 9 months he is not behaving with me properly. He stops calling me and meeting me frequently like before. I tried to talk with him many times but he is giving me some silly and invalid reasons. Due to all this I have wasted one whole year of mine. I could not clear my exam in last year summer exam and again in my subject are back now in winter exam. I am in big tension. I feel very alone and feel like he dumped me. I am not able to concentrate on my studies. I can’t control my tears. I cry very much. I feel like committing suicide many times. I am trying to handle myself from many months but nothing is working for me. I don’t want to be in relation with him anymore. But I am not able to forget what he did with me. I am extremely hurt and I am not able to bear this pain. I want to get rid of all these tension. I am in fear that I might be getting into depression. Please help me.

Ans. Yes, it appears that you have been dumped and that too without an explanation. Some boys have no guts to face facts and no decency to break it off with dignity. Instead of crying and feeling depressed you should be angry with his behaviour and his cowardice. You could express your anger at him at least once and tell him what you think of him. You could also confide in a few good friends and vent out your frustrations. Never think of suicide over a bad relationship and a boy. Life is too precious for that and what about your family that loves you. You are an educated girl and should face life bravely. The gutless boy needs to hide his face in shame and not you. Be prepared to face many hardships and challenges in life. Being ditched by a silly fellow is no big deal. You will find a decent man in future who will be suited to you. Do not despair. Stay calm and stand bravely. 

A.B (via email)

Q. I have a problem regarding my friend. She loves one guy who is good and having good family background and both love each other. Both are of same age i.e 19 years old. She is doing her degree in BCA and he is doing D.Ed but both of them are different caste. Now the problem is that boy's parents are ready to get him married but the girl’s parents are not ready. They want a guy of their caste only.  The girl’s mother is too much sensitive, dominating & complicated.  She threatens her daughter that if she marries another caste guy then she will die and her father also says the same things. If they marry her to another boy three lives will be ruined. She is my best friend I cannot leave her in this situation. Please reply me soon so that I can assist them in their life.

Ans. Both your friends are very young and should not think of marriage now. They should study and build their careers. Once they are older and independent economically nobody can stop them from getting married. They should wait for a few years before taking a decision. By then you would also know whether they still love each other or have fallen apart. Time tests a relationship and let them prove it to themselves. They should tell their parents that they are not willing to get married at all at this age so all proposals may be ignored. 

P.T (via email)

Q. I am a 21 years old guy. I failed in B.Sc final year in all subjects last year. Even my 2nd year`s two subjects are back out of three. Few days ago I gave an interview for a call centre job and I was selected. The company is an internationally recognised one in Ahmedabad which offered me a salary of Rs.7000+incentive. But my parents refused to send me there as they were not sure of the company nor of me. I told them that at least I would get a working experience of one year but they didn`t agree. My parents want me to complete my graduation. But now I feel that I lost a good opportunity of job and I wouldn’t get this type of opportunity in future. Much of the time I think of Ahmedabad and get depressed. Also I am not sure of my graduation. I
find it hard to clear my 2nd year itself. I don`t understand what should I do now. I feel myself being caught in a catch22 situation. Please help.

. I think it was a good idea for you to work and earn some money as well as experience as you do not seem to like academics. You must at the same time analyse why you are failing in your exams. There has to be a reason. Some people do not like studies but are good in practical work. You may be one of them. You could still apply for other jobs and you will get one soon. But while you work please do complete your graduation. A qualification is important as it adds to your knowledge and status as well. And I am sure you can do that. Your parents have a point that studies must be completed before you start working but it also depends on the type of personality you are.

Published in The hitavada on 07 Feb 2010


Last Updated ( Tuesday, 09 February 2010 12:06 )

Take up the challenge - 31 Jan 2010

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 31 January 2010 05:30

Mahi (via email)

Q. I am a regular reader of your column. I am a 1st year student. I am having hell lot of problems with my parents. Both are government servants. My mom thinks that whatever good that happens is because of her and bad because of others. She never accepts her mistakes. She is very superstitious, arrogant, dominating, damn sensitive. She wishes that whatever she orders the others should do that, without saying anything. My mom always tell this to my dad about this and he also get against me and my elder sister. This happens every morning. Final exams are coming closer and I am not able to concentrate on everything. What to do? Please help me.

Ans. It seems that your mother has some emotional disturbances that may appear normal. There are finer areas of the mind that cannot be seen to the lay person but are visible to a trained eye. Your mother does show some symptoms at least. You could come to seek counselling with me and bring her along with you as a parent. I could talk to her and find out what’s bothering her. I could help her and help you too to build a good rapport with each other. If this is not possible then you may as an alternative stop arguing with her and maintaining a safe distance from her. Keep yourself focused on your primary task of studying and do not interest yourself with other issues. This is indeed very difficult to do but perhaps the best option if you are to keep your mind peaceful.     

Neha (via email)

Q. I am a 10th student. I am concerned about my future and I am planning for IIT. This year I need to clear certain entrance exams and I am working hard. But my parents daily just keep on insisting to study, they think I will be unable to clear the tests. Because of this I am losing my confidence! Please help me.

Ans. You should have the confidence in your abilities and maintain that at all time. Even if others discourage you just smile and do not react otherwise. It is unfortunate that your parents do not show the confidence in you and do not trust your capabilities but still take it up as a challenge and show them. Sometimes parents do not know how to show encouragement and end up doing just the opposite. They may be anxious about you and keep expressing their anxieties but keep calm and believe in yourself. The journey of life is traversed alone and that is a reality. Face it and prove it.     

XYZ (via email)

Q. I'v grown up reading your column since school days. I hope you can guide me through this difficult phase in my life. I am a fashion designer and always wanted to have my own business but it didn’t work out somehow as I was working from home and could not make labours sit at my place and work so we decided to wind it up and work by buying a shop. But being a girl my family thought it would be better if I work somewhere for the time being and after I get married they will help me set up my business. But I left the job in 6 months as I was not comfortable. It’s been 3 years now and I was really frustrated with sitting idle so decided to just chill till I get married. Hence I joined a gym and started moving out more. I met a guy in my gym and slowly developed friendship. We are involved with each other now but he is two years younger to me. He is a well known photographer but only a graduate. My family would like a high degree. Both families are very conservative and love marriage is a crime. I always wanted to marry with my family’s consent. We both do not want our families. Please advice. My age is matured too.

Ans. You should have continued with the job instead of being idle. That way you would have kept in touch with your profession. And now you have landed yourself into an affair which has complicated your life. You have two choices, one is to let your family choose a boy for you and keep this boy only as a friend. But if you are deeply bonded with this guy then you could go ahead with marriage plans and begin to fight it out with both the families. If that does not work out then you have the choice of going and getting registered in the court of law. Both of you are matured and professionally qualified people. He is also a graduate and doing well with his business. You need not worry about his degree. Degrees are important only to the extent of training that one needs in that specific field. Degrees by themselves have no value.

Published in The Hitavada on 31 Jan 2010

Last Updated ( Tuesday, 09 February 2010 12:01 )

Develop a strong identity - 24 Jan 2010

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 24 January 2010 05:30

R.R (via email)

Q. What is an identity crisis? Does every teenager suffer this? What does our future depend on- work or palm lines? Does a lonely person always dream or a dreamer is always lonely? Is it good to day dream?

Ans. Every human being grows up searching for his or her identity in life. A teenager feels it more as he /she progresses to become an adult and find their place in life. Who am I and what is the purpose of my life are questions that dog each one of us. The developmental process of identity building is an ongoing one and even adults can face an identity crisis in the face of a changing world. Your future depends upon your work and your commitment to a purposeful role in life. A lonely person may dream more and it is good to see long term dreams and work for it. Just day dreaming and doing nothing about it is escapism. 

Last Updated ( Thursday, 28 January 2010 22:49 )
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