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Develop a strong identity - 24 Jan 2010

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 24 January 2010 05:30

R.R (via email)

Q. What is an identity crisis? Does every teenager suffer this? What does our future depend on- work or palm lines? Does a lonely person always dream or a dreamer is always lonely? Is it good to day dream?

Ans. Every human being grows up searching for his or her identity in life. A teenager feels it more as he /she progresses to become an adult and find their place in life. Who am I and what is the purpose of my life are questions that dog each one of us. The developmental process of identity building is an ongoing one and even adults can face an identity crisis in the face of a changing world. Your future depends upon your work and your commitment to a purposeful role in life. A lonely person may dream more and it is good to see long term dreams and work for it. Just day dreaming and doing nothing about it is escapism. 

Last Updated ( Thursday, 28 January 2010 22:49 )

Base your decisions on logic and not fear - 17 Jan 2010

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 17 January 2010 05:30

Ishika (via email)
Q. I am a student of B.Com 2nd year. From past few days I am in a dismantled situation. These days social networking sites are very popular. So, on such kind of networking sites I came across a boy 2 years back. We are chatting from last 2 years and are very good friends. But few months back he proposed me and said that he has fallen in love with me. I told him that it’s not possible but he is not ready to understand anything. Now the problem is that I am addicted talking to him and take him as a very good friend and don’t want to lose my friend. Now, my heart says that he truly loves me because he has not seen me yet so I should trust him but my mind says why to trust a net friend. And because of this my studies are suffering. What should I do now? Please help me!

Ans. The question is not of trust but of your future plans. The fact is that the friendship between the two of you has changed to love for him and you are unsure of your emotions. Perhaps you still treat him only as a friend. If you are interested in considering him as a lover/botfreind/ future marriage partner, then you could decide to meet him but only with another female friend. Do not go alone as another person with you always helps in many ways. She will be give you a security cover as well as be able to judge him too objectively. If you are not interested in any future considerations about him then do not meet him but continue as a friend but with less frequency. If he continues to behave emotionally tell him to buzz off or just stop chatting. Get off the site and forget the fellow. You are a grown up girl and can take care of yourself I hope. 

Raaj (via email)

Q. I am 31 years old guy professionally well settled. Since last 4 years I am deeply in love with a girl belonging to not my caste. Her family stay in a small town.  She took two years to say yes to me, since then we are having an affair. We tried to convince her mom (father expired) for our marriage many times during last one year or so however no success till date as her mom do not have the courage to go out of the way for this marriage. Same is the case with my mom also however I have the support of brothers. Even our ‘kundali’ don’t match. However these days her behaviour indicates that she lost interest in me due to the mom decision and she is fine to get married with someone else. Even many times I told her keeping the family we should forget about our marriage. However my problem is that I still love her very much and always thinking about her and the ways we should approach to convince our parents. I am not ready to forget her and to marry someone else. So every now and then I show my deep love to her and try to motivate her to convince her mom. All these things keep me mentally stressed. Now my question is shall I try to forget her or shall I stick with a decision to convince the parents for our marriage. Please answer soon.

Ans. This is a difficult situation for both of you. Since you are already 31 years of age time is a big factor. It is always worth to pursue your love and try to get married to her but if she has no guts and no strength to take her own decisions then you should set a time deadline for her. Is she is able to decide within that time go ahead and marry her. Otherwise you cannot wait endlessly for her. Age is an important dimension of life and decides many things. If you want to start a family (with wife and children) then set a time frame for yourself. At your age you should be able to take independent decisions whether parents agree or not. If you are in a joint family set up and are dependent on parents then you may not be able to decide independently. About the mismatch of ‘kundali’ I would not give it even one percent consideration as marriages with best matched ‘kundalis’ have also failed in large numbers and vice versa. That is a superstition which as a professionally educated person you should get rid of. Listen to your heart and your head and take wise decisions which will suit your life. Decisions are not based on fear of this and that.

Published in Hitavada Insight on 17 Jan 2010

 

Achievement demands a price - 10 Jan 2010

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 10 January 2010 05:30

Samantha

Q. I am a student doing BBA along with CA. It’s my 2nd year and I am totally frustrated as all my other friends are enjoying their college life and I can’t. It’s really hurting me that I can’t go to college and participate in college functions, sports, music or hang out with friends due to my article-ship. I know I have my future to look up first but I am totally feeling out of all the fun that I could have done, as I am a girl who is happy-go-lucky types. This frustration keeps on going in my mind and ultimately I end up crying alone. Can you please suggest something.

Ans. We have to pay the price for everything in life. Achievement also does not come free. Ask any achiever and they will tell their stories of sacrifices. Sania Mirza as a young girl also had to forgo parties and hanging out with friends for she was required to be on the tennis courts for hours of practice. But that hard work and sacrifice has paid her in terms of a glorious career, stardom and crores of rupees which a normal teenager cannot imagine. You have to weigh the pros and cons of making a good career and having fun and then console your mind and focus it. You could keep in touch with your friends through the mobile and also have one day (Sunday) specified for fun with friends. As a young mind it is normal for you to want to have fun but the life is full of sacrifices. And the ultimate fun in life is our work and the passion and fun for doing the work. Are you in the wrong career? Do you find CA studies and BBA boring? If yes, then it is a different matter altogether.  


Juily (via email)

Q. I am in twelve standard. After Diwali the continuity of my studies has been broken. Now when I sit to study I can’t concentrate and there is lack of interest in studies. I have become very lazy. I want to throw away this laziness. Please give me some suggestion or I'll fail in twelve standard.

Ans. The holiday has disturbed your tempo or else the backlog of studies has increased and that scares you. A break at such a crucial time of studies can be upsetting and distracting. The best to do is to calculate the backlog and give a few hours extra each day to complete it. It means that besides the regular quota of work that you must do also do some extra hours of study to complete the Diwali backlog. Do some physical exercise to energise your mind and body and go for walks in the fresh air. Fill your mind with positive thoughts and set clear study goals every day. Now focus entirely on your exams and imagine yourself succeeding in them. You must eat, drink, think and dream only about your 12th exams. Nothing else in matters at all till then. If all this does not work come and see me. 


XYZ (via email)
Q. I am a student of std 10th. I have many problems which I have created myself. I had a best friend and I lied to her. A group of ten girls which included me decided not to let a particular news spread. One of the other friend was told some trivial things by me. The next day she told everyone that I told everything to her in order to gain popularity. I denied it as I didn't do it. From the next day she started pressurising me. After a month I confessed the so called truth to my best friend. She called me selfish by heart. Since then we are just on talking terms since Diwali. I opened up my heart to another good friend of mine but she thought that I was lying. Now the whole group of my friends finds me unfaithful and hypocritical. They feel that to achieve anything I can go down to any level. They always ignore me. I never had friends as a toddler. Now they came into my life and went away. This has resulted to an array of things-- I have started behaving unpredictably, I cry for every small thing. I just can't forget my best friend and so people feel that I am obsessed about her. The only fact is that I have loved her as a friend. I am completely messed up. Please help me as this is taking toll of my studies and also health.

Ans. A group can gang up and victimise one person. You may be totally innocent or you may have erred a little bit. But the punishment they are giving you is much harsher than the mistake that you have made. But that is how groups function. They can be illogical, irrational and very harsh. Many people have suffered similar experiences. It is very difficult to convince the group as such. You could try talking to one or two sensible members and explain the situation to them. They might try to understand your point of view and then could talk to the others. The other alternative is to get away from this group and make a few new friends. Change your circle of friends slowly and you will feel better. The world is full of good people and you will gradually find nicer friends. That is if you keep an open mind and look around for new friends. Stop crying for people who do not care for you and your emotions.

Published in Hitavada Insight on 10 Jan 2010

 

Last Updated ( Monday, 25 January 2010 23:01 )

Get on with life - do not stagnate - 03 Jan 2010

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 03 January 2010 05:30

ABC (via email)

Q. I am a regular reader of your column. I love a girl so much and she also loves me a lot. We have been in love since past two years but the problem is that now she ignores me and said that "please forget me and all the past". She doesn't tell me what is the reason of it. Now she doesn't attend my phone or reply my messages. All day I am dreaming about her and I can’t concentrate in my studies. Please help me.

Last Updated ( Thursday, 28 January 2010 22:25 )
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