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Know your strengths and weaknesses - 06 Jun 2010

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 06 June 2010 00:00

A.S (via email)

Q. I am 26 years old girl in love with a boy since 10 years. He is a son of my maternal uncle. My problem is that I want to marry him, his parents agree but my mother is not in agreement and I think she will never agree for this because this type of marriage is not accepted in our caste. We deeply love each other and don’t want marry someone else. Please guide me so that everyone will be happy and united.

Ans. This is surprising that his parents agree but your mother does not. It should be a matter of time that your mother too should slowly give in and agree to it since everyone else seems to be favourable to the proposal. You must try convincing your mother first and then could set for yourself a time frame for waiting and for your mother too and then go ahead with your marriage. Perhaps that is the best thing to do since your age is already advanced. But be sure that you too are well suited to each other and have high levels of commitment.   

V. Deshmukh (Amravati, via email)

Q. I am SSC, 10th appeared. I am a slow learner with Math’s. I could cope up with 10th std. maths because of special individual coaching from my teacher. Unfortunately he is no more. Please guide me whether to drop math in eleventh and twelveth std? I wish to appear for competitive exams and became IAS but at the same time I want to take professional course. I read in last Hitavada education times about bio-medical engineering but it needs maths. I am in dilemma now. Help me to know what options I have, if I skip math.

Ans. There are two options for you, one would be to look for a good tutor and try maths. The other would be to drop maths and take biology and do a graduation and then prepare for your competitive exams. There is no point in doing a professional course if you want to join the administrative services. This career line is totally different and you would never use your professional training. It would only be a colossal waste. I would suggest you come for career consultation and guidance since there are many more factors that need to be taken into account before making specific suggestions which cannot be discussed here. 

R.K.K (via email)

Q. I am a student of class viii from C.B.S.C pattern. I am very weak in science and maths. I am not able to understand how to learn and practise these subjects because I am not able to score good marks in both the subjects. I want to make a career in science. Please guide me how to improve in these two subjects.

If you are very weak in science and maths there is no point in pursuing a career in science in future. You must get your Aptitude Test done to know whether you have the ability for science or not. If case you do not have the scientific aptitude then you have an option to appear for your high school exams ( 8,9 and 10th) from the National Institute for Open Schooling (NIOS). This is a school where you have the option of dropping difficult subjects and choosing other subjects. Since no Board (whether State or Centre) allows you any choice regarding subjects as all subjects are compulsory, only NIOS allows a choice of subjects. Your parents would have to get involved in this decision. Discuss this alternative with them first and you could ask them to consult me further about the details of this choice as well as other choices. You could try taking coaching from a good tutor but if you are very weak in these subjects it may not help much.

Published in The Hitavada Emotions Column - 06 June 2010


Last Updated ( Monday, 07 June 2010 17:29 )

To err is human - 30 May 2010

Written by Administrator
Tuesday, 01 June 2010 11:32


Q. I am from small town of Chhattisgarh. I have given exam of 8th semester B.E. My problem is career related although I have completed my B.E. I didn’t like it. In fact I am fascinated about workings of subconscious mind, spirituality, hypnotism, remote influencing, meditation, brainwave entrainment and affect of emotions, feelings on human body. I have searched on internet and read several e-books, articles especially of Joseph Murfy “power of your subconscious mind” free courses of Jose Silva, super mind evolution system, Leon Edward and many more still I like to know more about highest limit of human mind. Is this a mere curiousness to improve my life or it is all a part of psychology. Should I pursue psychology or tell me any career regarding these fields. Because I have now to decide something for future something concrete I have vast collection of pdf files of self improvement, a few brainwave entrainment audio like alpha mind control and I am amazed that it works. So please give me guide line for my future should I go for further studies in human psychology or join any public sector area. Waiting for your guidelines. Reply soon.

. It does seem that you are interested in the area of mind and parts of psychology. Some areas mentioned belong to the subject of para-psychology which means beyond psychology. Doing degrees in psychology would involve many more years if you ready for that. You could also consider a career in Human Resource Development (HRD) by doing an MBA with HR. You could develop yourself in that. Consult me for further discussion. 

K.P.A (via email)

Q. I am 21 yrs old girl in a relationship with a guy from past 3-4 years. The guy belongs to a not well educated family and therefore faces problems from their side. On the other hand I belong to a well educated and free-frank family so I am not able to understand and support him as he does not share his problems. My problem is that I cannot control my anger and he says that he suffers a lot from this. He is not happy and satisfied from me and is incapable to meet my demands and his family. I have tried to make him happy and control myself but all in vain. I am in great dilemma now as to what to do because he says we should break off. I need your advise.

Ans. The relationship seems to be strained due to the differences among you two. He is being honest and practical when he suggests that you may break it off. Sometimes when there are too many issues to handle and the stress becomes continuous it is better to cool off and re-think things. In spite of trying hard if things are not becoming favorable then nobody is to blame. He may be right that you should break off. Another option would be to consider counseling for sorting out the differences and learning the skills to handle relationships better. Make a choice.                                                                                                        

Anonymous (via email)

Q. I am 23 years old girl. When I was 9-10 yrs old there was another girl in my colony. We did some wrong things with each other(not sex).Both of our mothers came to know about this. Some people in my colony also came to know about this. I am so embarrassed by this that now a days I feel like committing suicide. This thought has been bugging me very often. Whenever I have an argument with my mother she mentions the same issue. I have made my mom feel ashamed. I don't know what was I thinking before doing such things. I am from a very good family and I feel the pain in my heart. Even when the most happiest thing happen to me, this thought make me sad. I also feel scared that what if my friends come to know about this. I was never like this. I never was attracted to the same sex. Please help me madam. I am begging you. Please help me.

Ans. When young we all make mistakes that we feel regret and feel ashamed of. No one should be punished for life for such matters. Your mother should forgive you and support you in facing the public instead of taunting you. Everything has to come to an end one day. Mistakes too should be buried and forgotten once the lesson has been learnt. To err is human. Stop thinking of suicide and forgive yourself for the past. Decide to be a good girl hence and look forward to the future.

Published in The Hitavada Emotions - 30 May 2010

Last Updated ( Tuesday, 01 June 2010 11:38 )

Everyone can be a worthwhile person - May 23 2010

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 23 May 2010 00:00

Bhagyashree (via email)

Q. I am a student of second year engg (electronics & telecommunication). I am not even able to maintain 60% aggregate which is the basic requirement of any job. I don't think I am capable of completing this degree course. Many a times I feel like leaving this course and pursue another one, but I am totally confused. I don't think I am capable of doing anything worthwhile. Please help me my life is getting worse.

Ans. What you need is career guidance and career planning. It seems that engineering is not the best choice for you as you find it difficult to score. Everybody has the choice of opting out of one course and getting into another. I know several students who have made wrong career choices initially and then changed their course of action. You can also do it provided you are clear what you want to do. If not then seek consultation with me for that. Throw out negative thoughts of being worthless as I can see that you are an intelligent girl who has cleared one year of engineering! But every subject is not everyone’s cup of tea.     

P.T (via email)

My marriage is getting fixed. This Saturday the boys parents are coming to decide date of marriage. I do not like that person. This I have told to my parents numerous times but in vain. Actually I am 27 years old and they are worried about my marriage a lot especially my mom. We are looking for a groom since last three years but unable to get suitable match. This time everything is going positively with the guy. He is tall and educated as well but he has very weak personality. This is over-looked by my parents, they are not able to understand. Yesterday I met him and every time I talk or meet him I get irritated. I can’t take him anymore but my parents especially mom I am afraid of. She is very sensitive. He is not at all to my expectations. Please reply what should I do.

Ans. If the guy is educated and tall too in what way is he weak? A weak personality could mean so many things. Perhaps he could learn to develop himself further and improve his personality. If you think your judgment about him is sound and rational then one way could be to tell the boy himself about your negative vibrations with him. It would be improper to pass judgment on him but it is alright to state that you do not feel anything for him and do not feel comfortable in his company. Let him respond to that. At least you can open a dialogue with him and make friends with him even if you do not marry him finally. If he is open minded he may look into your problem and solve it too! You may like him after all. Do speak your mind to him.

P.D (via email)

I am a 34 year old shopkeeper, not earning, but through monthly income scheme and parents somehow it goes on. Problem is that before 10 years, when I was in Nagpur studying 3rd BHMS I fall in love with a girl, I proposed her, she responded by telling it to the teacher, then I left college. Due to this I was shocked and later sleeplessness, procrastination, anxiety, fearsome hallucinations, day hallucinations etc, haunted me. Some say it was due to schizophrenia, Depression etc. Now I am in love again with a high earning girl but bouts of depression, sometimes hallucinations prevail. I haven't proposed her. Please prescribe for sleeplessness,hallucinations.

Ans. I hope you have gone for a psychiatric consultation by now. You have been suffering from some symptoms or the other for a very long time of 10 years. You are not working for a livelihood and are living off savings at the age of 34 years. This means that you are unable to work steadily and earn your livelihood. You can lead a normal life and get married too if you take care of your health first. Please consult a psychiatrist as soon as possible.

Published in The Hitavada Emotions column - 23 May 2010

Marriage fulfills many needs - 16 May 2010

Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 16 May 2010 00:00

XYZ (via email)
Q. I am a 21 year young girl. All though my academic career I have always been the topper. My life has always been good and I got everything I wanted. I have lots of friends both boys and girls and no prince charming yet in my life. I have a very strong determination not to marry whole life. I know I'm too young to think of marriage but have this feeling since I was 13 or 14 years old. I am confident I can stay alone whole life and will be able to convince my parents also. My problem is I don’t know if I'm thinking abnormally. Is it that essential to marry in life. Please guide me. I don’t want to take a wrong step.

There is no abnormal thinking about not wanting to marry. There are lots of people who are single by choice or otherwise by circumstance. There are people who do not feel prepared for marital life and that is fine. For better understanding of yourself you could try to analyse why you are the way you are or why you feel the way you feel. It could be a good exercise for self awareness and self growth. It is not essential to get married but marriage is an age old institution that takes care of the fulfillment of many human needs and living alone is a life style most find daunting. Hence people get into the security of marriage. Since you are only 21 years of age you could relax for several years and if you change your mind along the way you could go ahead and plunge into matrimony! 

Anonymous (via email)

I am in love with a guy who is my senior. He also loves me a lot. But problem is that I don’t want to do love marriage so I told him to get married. So he is getting married soon and now I am unable to forget him and feel I can’t live without him. So due to all this I am very nervous and depressed. Please help me I want to get rid of all this.

Ans. If you are serious about marrying him now, you should make an attempt at sending him a message about your feelings and change of heart about him through a friend. Wait for his reaction for if he also still feels the same way about you he may take a step forward. Then things could move in favour of you. If he decides to go ahead with his arranged marriage plans then you would have lost him forever. But you should make a serious attempt at approaching him with your feelings. You may be lucky you never know! 

It might be a happy ending for both of you.

ABC (via email)

Q. I am 22 year old girl, in love with a boy (24years) from past 7years. We have spent 2 years of quality time with each other knowing each other’s likes and dislikes, after which our families came to know about us and they forced us not to meet each other. One day he told me that we should put an end to our relationship and he stopped talking to me. Later I too decided to give up the relationship but I wasn’t happy. Whenever I saw him by chance I felt that he to loves me despite of what had happened. Then one day he told me that his parents have seen a girl for him which is why he is not supposed to talk with me. Problem is that I still love him very much and he to loves me too. The most important thing is that we both want our parents to understand our situation and be with us in our decision. I tried to sort the matter according my way which didn’t work but I realized that all are good people and nobody wants to hurt and harm anybody though both the families are not in talking terms with each other. Please give me a professional help so that all of us may unite for the good.

This is a very typical and difficult situation in our country. You must make an attempt to understand the reasons for which your parents oppose the match. There may be good reasons for that. If the reasons are not based on good grounds according to you then both of you may take your own decision as both of you are adults and matured enough to face life and its consequences.

Published in The Hitavada Emotions Column - May 16 2010

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