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“Exercise the body and meditate the mind”- 18 september 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 25 September 2016 17:08

SM

Q. To be honest, I literally hate going to college. Attending college is a sheer waste of our precious time that I don’t think is worth it. I can boldly assert that college is totally non- productive. There is no sincerity and seriousness among students as most of the lectures is conducted loosely. Many students have actually admitted that they come to college just for the sake of attendance and not for anything else. And that’s the case with me too.  Most of which is taught in the subject lectures can be self- studied at home itself. I genuinely don’t derive any meaning out of attending college and my interest in college and its related activities is seriously declining day- by- day. Many people say that attending college is crucial for my future; to which I also agree somewhere or the other. But no reason is able to satisfy my lack of interest in it. Can’t I study from home and get a degree and if yes, will it the regarded the same importance as a degree from a recognized college? How will I convince my parents? Can you please help me with this problem? I am totally perplexed right now. Thanking you in advance.

Ans. I would agree with you that colleges with poor quality teaching standards may not offer much to students in terms of knowledge and intellectual stimulation. It is a pity with many schools and colleges today. On the other hand with students as you who are above average in intelligence and sincerity should have tried hard for the very best colleges in the country. Although I understand that the rigors of the admission process may leave out some percentage of genuinely good students but that seems to be the only way. If you want to enjoy the formal process of education you will have to seek admission in a good college even now. It may be worth it. Find out from the university if you can appear as a private student for the specific course of study that you are engaged in.

AW

Q. I am a software professional based at Nagpur. I have an issue of concentrating at work, I get easily lost in different thoughts/visuals during work. So, I miss many important things due to this behaviour. I feel this is due to boredom. I am asthmatic and allergic and taking medical help from best practitioner as suggested by you 10 years ago when I visited you. How can I concentrate easily at work and get rid of withdrawal? Is this due to my breathing pattern controlled by anti - allergic medicines? Please advice.

Ans. Boredom is a different condition and withdrawal of medicines is a different issue. If you do not like the work then you may feel bored or if you have less friends on the job you may feel bored and this has to be handled by you in a positive manner. You could do something to enrich the work situation and make it likeable. The anti-allergic medicines may have mild side effects like sleepiness and a feeling of sluggishness. Asthmatics may also tend to be mildly depressed due to faulty breathing patterns as well as negative thoughts that creep in with any chronic disease. Disease handling is important and handling the boredom at work is equally important. I would suggest daily exercises and ‘pranayam’ and meditation which is very effective in such conditions. Also maintaining a cheerful mood will help you. Otherwise see me soon.

Anonymous.

Q. I'm an 18 year old boy. I was addicted to bad habits. After months
of internal struggle, I've finally learned to control the lust. I'm not saying that I've done it 100%, but more than 80% is sure. I did a lot of searching on the internet and read some books to control my thoughts. I think that major part of sex addiction is not the action, but the thoughts and obsession, that I have learned to put down. But I'm not able to give my 100%. And moreover I feel much empty without that. I want to cut it down completely. I still haven't stayed a week without it. I do let those things come to my head at night. Also I
don't want to think of girls and do something productive, what is still uncontrollable. I want to have a complete control over my mind. What can I do as a next step?

 

Ans. You are doing well in controlling your thoughts and I am glad that you are succeeding in that. Keep the process going and start exercising and practising meditation. Also get involved in a hobby that excites you and involves your mind completely. A few sessions of counselling will help surely.

“Learn interpersonal conflict management”- 11 September 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Thursday, 15 September 2016 19:15

M.J

Q. I lack in communication skills when I talk with my friends or relatives. Sometimes they also ignore my words. Please tell me how should I improve my soft skills?

Ans. It is very important to learn effective communication. Start with building up your confidence levels that you are a good and capable individual. Think positive thoughts about yourself and become of your strengths and abilities. Keep them uppermost in your consciousness. You must stop thinking of your weaknesses. Another point is to smile when you meet people or move in social circles for it sends a good signal to others. Then you may learn to speak up in an effective manner. First try the earlier steps and we could continue further in face to face sessions. That would be better than just giving general tips.

L17

Q. I am a 12th pass science student, I want to pursue veterinary and its admission processes are still going on but apart from that I haven't taken any admission in any other college. So please tell me what to do? If I will get admission then it is okay, otherwise I have to take a drop for a year?

Ans. Taking a drop will not be a good thing as one year is too long a gap to sit at home and do nothing. A better option would be to take admission in a science program like B.Sc with subjects of your choice. At least you will be engaged constructively and then seek admission again in veterinary science. Many students secure their seats in two or three colleges and make a choice later. Be wise.

PK

Q. I am studying engineering, but now I don't want to attend college. I have cleared my first and second semester of the first year, now I’ve come to change my branch. Previously I had opted for electrical but now I am changing my branch to civil. I have changed my branch just because I don't like people in that branch now I am feeling very bad in civil also. I am alone in the college I feel lonely, everything in the college after everyone is separated in their own branch, everyone has become selfish, I want to change my college in the second semester of engineering I had gone for admissions in Pune but their admissions are close now, just because my results have been declared so late!  It’s not now my fault.  I am upset about it. Please help me what to do. Whenever I go to college I bunk classes. I don't know why I do this?

Ans. You seem to have problems in befriending people and you are trying to solve this problem by changing colleges and branches! This is crazy indeed. You need to address your emotional conflicts and also make a firm decision about the branch of study. You should stick to your present college and continue with the branch that you are pursuing at the moment. You seem to have a low social skill of getting along with people and enter into an interpersonal conflict situation soon enough. If the weakness is within you, it will always stay with you and go with you wherever you go. So changing branches and colleges will not help at all. It’s like running away from a problem which is within you. Addressing that will solve it- a few sessions of counselling will take care of it.

MK

Q. I am 18 years old. And I am taking a drop for medical entrance preparation as I could not perform well this time. I have joined a reputed coaching for preparation. But for one month I am not being able to concentrate. I get frustrated all the time and constantly feel like crying for no reason. Sometimes I feel terrified to even go out of my house. I constantly feel sleepy. I am confused about everything. I feel sad and hopeless. I try hard to cheer myself up, but in vain. I don't know what's wrong with me. Should I ask for help? But I know my parents won't understand this. What should I do? Am I depressed?
Ans. There could be two possible explanations for your state of mind- one is that the subject of medicine does not suit you or interest you and is causing the symptoms that you mention. The second cause could be that you are in a state of depression and need treatment. Under depression nothing appears right and the feelings that you mention about being sleepy, feeling sad and hopeless, crying, loss of concentration, terrified of going out of home, and persisting confusion prevail in depression. You should ask for psychological help and this can be treated with counselling and therapy. Do not waste more time.

 

“Plan your self-improvement program"- 4 September 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Thursday, 15 September 2016 19:13

R.L

Q. I am a 4th year engineering student. My main goal is to become an IAS officer and for that I daily read the newspaper. I am also preparing for gate exams so that the job option remain in hand based on my score. Companies are coming but I don't want to get placed so early. I want to study further & do M.tech if I get good gate score. I want to ask you that what should be the right time to prepare for UPSC exams since this is my ultimate goal. Whether I should start it early right after my graduation or after post graduation?

Ans. You should start preparing for UPSC right away. There is no need for a post graduate degree in engineering for the purpose of UPSC. In fact there is no need for engineering at all, any graduation is good enough. Get hold of the examination papers of the last five to ten years and start preparing for it. If you feel you may get enrolled into a good coaching centre which makes it more guided and easier for you. Start right now, do not wait further.

M.J

Q. I am a CA-IPCC student and spend 8-10 hours in coaching classes daily. I want to know how to manage time for outside sports for a better physical health??

Ans. You can always find time for physical activity at home or at the gym or by playing sports. If time is short to visit a gym or to indulge in sports then exercise at home. You can prepare a regimen of exercises with the help of an instructor or a friend and start doing them at home. Say for example, doing push up and dumb-bells or surya-namaskar with pranayam could be a good workout. Or just cycling around for 10 km either in the morning or in the evening could be another option. One can always find time for half hour to one hour time for physical activity. This will stimulate your mind as well, increase your concentration and lift your moods as exercise releases positive hormones good for mind and body. Good to know you are thinking on the right lines and are serious about your life and goals.

ABC.

Q. I am a student of final year and I have been suffering from depression since many years. I am on medicines and feel better. But my concentration is not good and I feel very lonely and have friends but still feel lonely. I get emotional easily and am very sensitive and so get hurt with small comments. My family is good to me but I miss my brother who has gone abroad after his studies. I miss him very much and feel my life has become empty after he is gone.  I cannot trouble him frequently and cannot make calls as they are costly. What to do? Is there a way to solve this? Or I keep on have to suffer? Please give some hope.

 

Ans. Of course you can solve this problem of yours and lead your life with joy and happiness. It is natural to miss a brother if he was like a mentor and guide to you but after all everyone grows up one day and leaves the family to make a career and a life independent of the family. Your problem seems to be two-fold- one is your attachment and somewhat dependency on your brother and the second is your depression for which you are under medical treatment. Your dependency on your brother may be due to your depression and his loving care for you, for you may have become accustomed to his attention. It will be necessary for you to take charge of your life in all ways- your mental condition of depression as well as your loneliness. You will need to learn to manage your emotions as well as your social and leisure time activities. The gap created the absence of your brother needs to be filled up with a hobby or activity that would give your not only joy but also add meaning and purpose to your life. A few sessions of counselling will help you chalk out a programme for self development. If you can do it yourself it will good. Go ahead and take the plunge. All the best to you.

“Personality disorders are stubborn in nature”- 28 August 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Thursday, 15 September 2016 19:11

J.B

Q. I am studying in class 12 at K. V. I wanted to know that is it mandatory to go to school every day for 12th class student? I think that it is a total waste of time going to school every day for me as I am preparing for competitive exams. In my school too there is not an academic environment. In this case can I sit at home and prepare for my board as well as competitive exams with the help of private tuitions? Is attendance factor important for appearing in board exams?

Ans. Attendance is usually an internal issue of the school and the board has nothing to do with it. Hence many schools who allow students private coaching do not make it compulsory for students to attend classes in school and allow then to appear for board exams. Please find out if your particular school will agree with this arrangement. If you are able to convince them it would be good to attend tuitions and do self study as much as possible. And the time spent in school can be saved.

R.L

Q. I am doing engineering in 4th year. I was very touched with your article on "touch me not" published in Hitavada newspaper. Specially, I was attached with the point which you mentioned about spouse of female being touch me not since mine is the same case. No longer reading your article I quickly decided that you might be the only one who could help me. My father is a touch me not type of person and as you mentioned in your article in what way such persons could damage the entire family, exactly the same is happening with me. He listens to none of my family member. Being the main member all of us have to listen to him no matter he is right or wrong. He is not even knowing how manage life, he is disturbing because of his behaviour. Now I am not knowing what to do in such a case. He would also not be ready to come at your clinic. I hope mam that you would understand my situation. I am very much in need of your help. Please suggest me some solution so that I can come out of this problem and my life would not be wasted.

Ans. It is sad to know that your father has a personality that is bothering all of you at home. You have not mentioned in what way it is impacting you. At most times it is difficult to change the nature of a parent- you can only try by telling him your requirements. Be clear in asking for what you want. As far as emotional needs are concerned he may be unable to fulfil them. If he agrees to your other specific needs you can find your happiness in some way. Otherwise another way is to study hard, pass with good marks, get selected for a job and earn your freedom. Choose good friends and seek happiness in other ways. At least this is in your hands to do so.

A.S

Q. Recently I took admission in an MBA- Integrated course at Nagpur. This is because I didn’t get admission in any engineering college due to some reasons. And I also couldn’t apply for a BSc course because the admissions already have had ended by then. When enquired further, we came to know that there are no more vacant seats left in any of these courses. So, I was compelled to take admission in this course. Furthermore, I had to make the final decision within less than a couple of hours because only 5 out of a total of 60 sanctioned seats were vacant. So, the admission cell of the college told us to confirm the admission as soon as possible. Hence, I and my parents couldn’t even discuss about this issue. All I know about it is that it’s a 5-year integrated course in Management which doesn’t require any graduation and hence can be pursued directly after 12th. But, I don’t have any clue regarding future job prospects and placement opportunities that an MBA- Integrated degree holder has. Even not many resources are available on the internet for me to research upon. I don’t even know if I am suited for this course or not. So, it would be of great help if you can elaborate on this topic, because it’s only now that I can change my decision of continuing with this course; or else it would be too late. And if so, which course should I opt for next? What should be my next step?

 

Ans. An MBA whether after graduation or after an integrated course offers the same job opportunity at the end of it. This course is at par with any other MBA course done in Nagpur. The advantage being that you do not have to go through an entrance test which is not very easy. If you wanted to do engineering or science in graduation followed by an MBA after graduation, then this courses deprives you of doing science or engineering and goes through as a post graduate degree  in management science. You will need to evaluate the pros and cons of leaving science totally. A session of career guidance will help discuss all the details face to face.

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