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“Check out for learning difficulties”- 18 June 2017.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Sunday, 30 July 2017 18:34

NS

Q. My friend (doing MBBS) nowadays hates attending college. He feels uneasy and ends up being absent. He thinks a lot about what people think about him, feels inferior & worried. But he is comfortable with his hostel friends and family. He was a bright student but his studies are not going well now. Please help.

Ans. If your friend hates attending college but is comfortable with his hostel mates and family, the problem has to be with the nature of studies itself. It seems that he is not enjoying the MBBS studies and may be finding it hateful. Find out the reasons for his uneasiness and absenteeism. This could be right time to review his interest in the medical degree and go for a change if needed. Instead of wasting precious years and absenting him-self from college it would help to know what he wants to do in terms of a career and seek a change. Escapism will not lead to more waste of time, effort and money besides the harm the failure will do to his mental health. Bring him if he agrees.

XYZ

Q. My child nowadays is not comfortable to go to school. It seems he is in constant fear of talking to other classmates. Sometimes he repeats that he is going to fail and is not capable enough to do anything. Horror movies bother him a lot. It is getting tough day by day as all his fears are affecting his eating habits leading to weakness and sometimes dizziness.

Ans. These are common symptoms among school children when they have adjustment issues either with studies or with peers and class mates. Either he is having some difficulties in learning and hence feels that he will fail or he has social fear and hence cannot handle his peers. The element of fear should not reach high levels in the mind because it could lead to emotional disturbances that affect daily functioning. You would need to check his anxiety levels and also help him solve his problems in learning areas as well as his social functioning by training and development of social skills. Do not worry, for there is a solution to all such problems.

ABC

Q. My friend feels some boy is attracted toward her. She noticed him staring him and trying to talk to her. It’s been five months, now she finally dared to ask him, what is the problem of him, so he didn’t answer her anything and said nothing is there. My friend is pondering about these things and getting affected with studies. Please help.

Ans. This is interesting indeed! The boy’s continuous stare has eventually upset your friend. That must be his goal precisely in which he has succeeded! He kept staring at her for five months without saying a word and once she asked him he denied all! Sometimes people do not have any serious intentions of making friends or making any other type of bonding and commitment but only like some vicarious pleasure like staring which gave him delight. The moment your confronted him he scrammed! Forget him and do not waste your time on this fellow anymore. He does not deserve any attention. He has no courage, no clarity and no spine to stand up. Tell your friend not to read too much meaning into his silly behaviour and to laugh it off. A spineless creature deserves no more attention than you have given him already. Focus on studies and enjoy them.

Anonymous.

Q. Ever since her father died she is behaving not like a normal person. She was a different person before and enjoyed her life and studies. She was a friendly person and I liked her a lot. We were good friends and had fun with each other. I am worried about her future and think she should not go like this in future. Can we help her to come back to normal? Does she need medicines? Should I take her to the doctor or bring her for counselling. Will it help?

Ans. Yes, counselling will help positively. These are emotional issues and for a young girl to lose her father can be a disastrous experience especially if she loved him dearly. The loss of a dear parent can be traumatic and she would need help and much time to heal. The process of healing can be speeded up with counselling and that is imperative if her emotions are disturbing her studies a big deal. She does not need medicines at all and counselling is enough to get her to a state of normalcy. But I would need to see her first to be absolutely sure about it. It is difficult to make any diagnosis in this manner. Do not delay.

PS

Q. I am keenly interested in psychology and I am doing engineering at the moment. Please advice what type of books I should read? That will be helpful for me.

 

Ans. Psychology has several branches and millions of books! You would need to know which branch is of interest to you and then search books. For engineering graduates, industrial psychology, organisational behaviour, and HRD subjects could be of relevance. However if you are interested in the abnormal side and clinical side the books will be entirely different. Unfortunately, there is no single text book I could recommend to you.

“Changing rigid mindsets”- 11 June 2017.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 13 June 2017 21:46

SP

Q: I passed out class 12th (CBSE) in commerce. Now I want to do BBA. I looked for few colleges in Nagpur. I am confused between colleges. Please guide which college is better. I want to MBA afterwards. Will my BBA college be seen for admission in good MBA Colleges.

Ans. You could decide on the college by looking at their syllabus and asking them if there are practical work sessions and internship at companies. Even seminars and presentations are important part of education besides the classroom method of lectures. Your MBA admission is based on your performance in the entrance examinations for MBA such as CAT, CMAT and many others, and not on the college you have studied in graduation. You must prepare for the MBA entrance exam well in advance during graduation itself. Utilise your time for preparations for MBA entrance.

GS

Q. I have just passed out 12th standard. Ma'am I had scored 94% in my 10th but in 12th my score has fallen down to 79% just because of my ignorance. My parents had high hopes from me so did I but due to my ignorance and less hard work I didn't succeed to do so. I had PCB in 12th. At starting my interest was keenly in biology and therefore I chose this stream. But as soon as I got acquainted with this subject, I felt this is not my cup of tea. I have interest in arts stream. But there also I have issues as I am not completely aware of which field exactly I am good at. I have multiple interest fields and that makes me confused every time. I have asked my parents to take me for career counselling but they don't listen to me at all. Ma'am please help me to get out of this dilemma.

Ans. It is certainly difficult to guide you with no information about your interest areas and your personality traits and what will suit you as a long term career. You can choose arts and humanities even though you had PCB in 12 Std and make a good career in it. It is a great line and has lots of scope provided you know yourself and your goals. If your parents do not agree to bring you for career guidance talk to a school teacher or a relative or elder sister for advice. Discuss your interests and your nature before you arrive at a decision. Take much time for it. You could write to me too about your interest areas and I could guide you to some extent for a letter has limitations. You could use my website for personal replies to emails at some nominal cost.

ABC

Q. I am a 26 years old, a relationship manager with a leading private sector bank , hails from a well educated upper middle class family renowned one in society. I am in relationship with a guy who hails from a well settled family, he himself works in a public sector firm on a very good package. But the guy belongs to schedule caste. Personally my parents like the guy but they are not ready to get me married to him because of his caste. Madam I left no stone unturned to convince them, this thing pinches me a lot that despite his good character and nature just because of his caste my parents are refusing just for the sake of society. He is a very good guy with morals and ethics, he never forces me for any decision. He always stands by me in any situation. Madam, I neither want to go against my parents and get married in court or something else for that matter nor I want to leave this guy and get married anywhere else, rather I am ready to be unmarried throughout my life. Please guide me how to convince my parents.

 

Ans. This is an unfortunate situation. In spite of education we still suffer prejudices and hold on to biases. A significant number of families in India have given up issues like this and agree to inter-caste and inter-religious marriages and do not care for society and its norms. In fact they pride themselves on changing norms by settings good examples for society to follow. However, one positive aspect of marrying in caste is the similarities of culture and life styles which makes integration of families easier. For the couple it does not matter much as they will accept each other out of love for each other. The difficulty lies for the families more to adjust to each other’s norms and culture. But again it is a mindset with specific attitudes. You could try to make your parents meet his family by calling them over or visiting their home and that might work. Alternately, come for a session, we might discuss this in person.

“Cool down your anger”- 4 June 2017.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 13 June 2017 21:44

JB

Q.  I gave my 12 board exam this year from CBSE board. I want to appear in CBSE improvement exam next year to improve my marks. I have some doubts regarding this topic and I will be thankful if you clear my doubts. Will I have to give exams for all five subjects in the CBSE improvement exam, or can choose whichever subject I want to do? What are the JEE rules for the CBSE improvement exam 2018? What will happen if I appear for four subjects only? Will the marks of the fifth subject carried forward from the previous year exam?

Ans. As far as my knowledge goes you might have to appear for all the subjects again of 12 Std and JEE will consider your marks of the improvement exams only and not of the earlier 12 Std examinations. Another alternative to appearing for all the subjects could be to put your ‘doubtful papers’ to a revaluation where your marks may go up.

JW

Q. I have been reading your columns in the newspapers regularly. And I really like them a lot. I just needed your help. I am not able to study properly for quite some time now. I don’t know why this is happening with me as I was a very bright student till class 10. But from 11 standard I just did not understand what the teachers are teaching me. Also I feel depressed all the time. There is so much negativity in my mind. I just feel like running away from all these things, as I don’t like science stream. After my 12 standard I had asked my parents about doing career counselling but they refused and now I have failed consecutively for 3 semesters in my college. Now also I asked them to take me to a counsellor but they don’t believe in all these things. I am a student of B.Sc 2 year. I don’t even know am I making sense or not or I am just exaggerating the situating and distracting my mind to these stupid things. Please help me and kindly tell me what should I do?
Ans. The primary aspect in higher education is the interest and passion in pursuing a career of your choice. It is no less than a crime to push students into subjects and careers that are of no interest to them. It is a harsh punishment given by parents to their own children and I do not understand why parents do this behaviour. Either they have no faith in their children or they are too fixed and rigid in their own ideas and opinions to listen to anyone else. You are unfortunate as far as this aspect is concerned as you were forced to take science and you have failed in 3 semesters as proof of your unsuitability. My sincere advice would be to complete your graduation by sheer hard work and then get into what makes you happy. Make a good choice and rebel if you have to with parents. Take your own decision. For the moment bear the boredom and the drudgery.

Q. I heard about you from the newspaper The Hitavada.  I currently reside in Raipur Chhattisgarh. I have a simple question but before that let me tell you I have this malady called anger. I know anger is bad and only a word away from the word danger but I do not know how to control it. I also know that I am the creator of anger and I am only responsible for controlling it. I have tried controlling. It works sometimes but most of the times words fly out of my mouth and the damage is done. The reason I write to you is anger does not recognise anybody and anything: sex, age, relation etc. Can you please guide me how do y control it? I stay in Raipur and had gone to a renowned psychologist to seek medical device for my above problem. He prescribed anxiety tablets and told me to visit after a month. I never purchased those tablets and never went back to him. Please guide.

Ans. Anger can be controlled with some effort as all habits die hard and need to be worked on for results. To begin with introspect daily for a few minutes and list out the causes of anger. Find out how many causes are related to things outside you in the environment (such as other people and situations not created by you) and how many are related to your personal life and inner struggles. Then consider what you can do about the things related to the environment and whether you can control or change them. If not you need to accept them as they are and not get provoked into anger with them. Generally we are helpless about the factors outside us as they cannot be checked. One more option is to move out of their way so that they stop bothering you or to start ignoring them. The best option is always to improve your own behaviour by sorting your mind by dealing with your psychological issues and controlling them. Calm your mind by physical exercises and mental relaxation practices. You are sure to see the difference. A calmer happier mind is bliss.

 

“Stress headaches can be treated”- 21 May 2017.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Tuesday, 13 June 2017 21:39

H.S

Q. I love one girl in my class in 12 Std. She is very nice and beautiful girl. I like her very much. I want to talk to her and be friends. I have no wrong intentions and I just want to be friends with her. She seems like a nice girl. But I hesitate a lot. I cannot open my mouth in front of her. I think many times that today I will have courage and talk to her. But I can’t. What should I do? Please help.

Ans. Just say ‘hi’ to her one day with a smile and stop at that. Repeat the same behaviour of saying hello with a smile for some days. First see her response and if she is positive and smiles back then you may think further of how to strike a conversation. If she gives either no response or a negative one then forget it. She might be a difficult person to befriend after all. First try this initial ice breaking exercise and then report to us!

P.L

Q. I am a student of engineering second year. I have failed twice in second year itself. I don’t know why I don’t feel like studying and recently I realised I do not want to become an engineer. I dropped out of the course and wanted to do nothing. No course attracts me and I do know what to do? My parents trouble me a lot and I don’t like them too. I am confused with my life and just watch TV whole day and also watch films. Please guide me for my future.

Ans. You definitely need guidance since you are doing nothing about your life and it has become stagnant. This situation needs to be changed by an extra bit of effort by indulging in clear thinking and rational discussions with significant people like your parents. Engineering is not the end of your life and if you have failed twice in it you need to go for a change in career course. We will need to know your abilities and aptitude in different fields, know your interest areas and then make a suitable choice. If you do not desire to get into long academic courses, you could think of short duration vocational courses, which are practical courses with which you can earn and make a life. Failure is not a good thing for mind and soul, but getting depressed and doing nothing about your life, will lead to a greater failure. So, do not despair, get out of your inertia and come for career guidance. There is surely a way out.

K.K

Q. My head pains a lot these days from some months. It happens when I feel tired and come back from my work. I showed to doctors and they say there is no problem. Is it psychological and is there a cure for such things? Everything in my life seems okay and fine. I have tried some Ayurvedic medicines but not much relief from them. Please help.

Ans. Headaches are of various types. It is good to know that your doctor has ruled out any medical causes. This then means that your headache is psychological in nature and as you suggest, it seems to be related to job stress. When work conditions are unfavourable, and may lead to frustrations and emotional upsets, it may lead to stress in the mind and body which can cause headaches. This is called a psychogenic headache and with proper sessions of counselling, it can be taken care of very easily. You will be happy with the results as you deal with your mind and body. Do not suffer unnecessarily.

D.K

Q. My child is six years old and he repeats ‘if this is safe to eat or not’. If others give him something to eat he will ask this question always. He feels safe if he knows someone is a doctor. He will ask if it is dirty or clean. He wants things in perfect condition otherwise he will not eat. He says sometimes that he feels afraid. He sits in one room most time. He likes going to school most times and sometimes does not want to. He is good in studies and has a sharp mind. Does he need psychological help? Is it a medical problem? Please guide.

Ans. This is a psychological problem, where your child seems to be obsessed with cleanliness and with doing things in the right manner. He seems to be concerned about order and want things to be done in perfect way. This is an anxiety based disorder and will not go away by itself. It will need to be treated with counselling and psychotherapy. Proper evaluation will need to be done about nature of the problem and the intensity of the problem. That will decide the course of treatment. Do not worry as a parent for it can be well taken care.

 

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