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“Watch out for online love affairs”- 24 July 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 03 August 2016 17:33

Q. My health is not good. I am not feeling sleepy now-a-days. For many days i tried all types of medicine and things my friends told me but I cannot sleep. Also I do not like to eat any food an d my stomach remains upset. I have lost concentration on the job and my head feels heavy in office. I do not know what is reason for this. Please help me as I am in trouble and feel my life is all wrong and not worth living.

Ans. This sounds like a serious disturbance and would need regular sessions of counselling over a period of time. Loss of sleep is always the first casualty in mental health and you seem to have been suffering from quite some time. The second symptom you say is anxiety and stomach upsets and loss of concentration. These types of multiple symptoms indicate a serious emotional disturbance and can be remedied with help of psychological counselling as well as psychotherapy. Please consult as soon as possible for it may not go away with time. It may however increase if the issues in your mind remain unaddressed.

Q. My son is 10 years old and the school teacher is always complaining about his studies and now his behaviour too is becoming bad. He troubles other kids in class and distracts all. He runs around the class when the teacher is not there and makes noises in class. His class mates have also complained about him to the teacher. We try to explain to him all about good behaviour but nothing seems to be right. We cannot understand what to do with him and his studies and behaviour. My husband is more worried about his behaviour and not his studies. I feel both are important. Can he be counselled and helped with both the things. Please advice. We are very worried.

Ans. Yes, your son can be counselled for the two areas that seem to be affected, studies as well as behaviour. He must be having learning difficulties in specific areas, which lead to loss of concentration in studies and then starts distracting other kids in class. He seems to be hyperactive as well and needs to be checked. His aggression can be a cause of frustration in studies and ill treatment by his peers or at the hands of his teachers. You must be scolding him at home too for his loss of attention and bad behaviour. Yes, you must worry about both the areas as they influence each other and get associated as a syndrome. The child will need to be assessed for learning capacities and also for his behaviour problems and both the issues can be addressed and resolved over a period of time.

Q. I met someone on the internet and believed him. Just like the divorced lady you mentioned last time I too was fooled by the fellow. He spoke all lovely things to me, sent me gifts and told me he wants to marry me, he loves me and likes my looks and all. He later promised marriage to me and asked me to meet him. First we exchanged letters and photos too and we talked a lot of private things which now I am afraid of. If he has taped them then I am in deep disturbance. My head is aching all time and I cannot sleep. I have lost my desire to eat food and keep crying. We met and then it happened. Then after that it repeated many times and it was nice for six months or so. Now that my parents are asking me to get married and I am asking him the same question he is avoiding me. He makes hundred excuses and runs away saying he is busy. Last week he told me I am disturbing his life and not letting him live properly. What should I do? I she cheating me and was his love all cheating all the time? I am feeling like suicide and cannot tell anyone. I am alone and do not have friends to share this type of thing and my family will kill me. Please help me.

Ans. Internet cheating and playing ‘I love you’ games is on the rise. You cannot trust people on the net. Many times they are posing as a nice person but they may have ulterior motives. The motives are generally two which you need to watch out for- one is sex and other is money. You have been cheated by him and hence need to break off from him. Do not fight with him but just walk away. You have been fooled and betrayed and his intention was to pass some good time with you and get away. Till the time you were cooperating he was happy and the moment you asked for commitment he ran away. He was irritated and angry with you for spoiling his life. Actually it is the other way. The best thing to do is to ignore him and drop him as fast as you can. Do not reply to him ever.

 

“Assess the child for learning capacities”- 17 July 2016.

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Wednesday, 03 August 2016 17:31

R.K

Q. I am a student of BSc2nd year. I want to do MBA in HR. Please tell me about the CAT and CET examinations and also tell me that how should I prepare for the entrance exam. Please help me.

Ans. You could join a good coaching centre for MBA or do self study by procuring the exam papers of last five years and practicing it. MBA requires a high level language ability in English, logical reasoning and general knowledge. If you decide that you have to achieve this goal, you will be able to do it. You seem to be a serious hard working student and should start focusing on it right now. Best of luck to you.

K.B
Q. My friend is 34 years old and divorced. She met a guy through networking site (linkedin) within few months
they became friends and then love affair. The boy is 24years old and of different caste. First he assured her for their marriage. Then slowly he forced her for nude pictures and night chats which she accepted. Now suddenly he told about his marriage (After 6 months) and said his parents are not agreeing for their marriage (Age gap, Divorce & caste). My friend wants to end the relation but he says he will commit suicide, he is pampering her by emotional, sad status updates (Whatsapp and other). He is not eating, says he still loves her but can't go against his parents and he can't forget her. Please advice her.

Ans. In spite of being a divorcee and being 34 years of age I am sorry to say that your friend has acted very immaturely and naively. She must be feeling very lonely and depressed to have fallen for a young stupid cheat. And the acts that she did on his request, is even more appalling since he might have stored the pictures. Anyway, she should break off all contacts with the fellow, now that he is married and is in the process of spoiling someone else’s life. He might be lying to her about his marriage is another possibility for he might be hoping to run away from the commitment which he made falsely to entrap her. The fellow is selfish and exploitative and never loved the lady. He only used her for his own lust. Please tell her to forget it as a bad dream and to disconnect his number. If he threatens suicide she should tell him to immediately act on his impulse and not wait for a second for he is a cheat and deserves to be punished. Once she says that all the drama will end from his side. He will try again but she should stick to her opinion. You could suggest the lady for few sessions of counselling for her depression.

N.M

Q. My son is born on 15th August 2007 in Nagpur. As he started going to school since than we are frequently getting the complaint from teacher that your son is not paying the attention, he is more interested in playing the games and always looking outside. Moreover teacher said that is hyper active and his energy should get channelized according we had put him in the sports academy but still things not get changed. Request to give your valuable opinion.

Ans. The teacher is right in saying that the child is hyperactive and needs to play rigorous sports daily. But that is not all for there are many other aspects that need investigation. We need to assess the child for attention deficit that may interfere with education and performance. We also need to look into aspects of learning disorders, such as, deficits in reading, writing, languages, maths and so on. If a 9 year old is under performing in school it needs immediate evaluation and assessment of his intelligence as well as learning capacities.

R.P
Q. I have completed my 12th from Maharashtra with relatively low  score of 78%. I have appeared for Maharashtra law CET 2016 and scored 87/150. I am hoping to pursue five year LLB as it's my family profession and I will get help and guidance but is it a reliable profession? Can I get a job with a steady salary with LLB degree? Or should I take another profession? I had PCMB as subjects. I am not interested in engineering. Also what are some good colleges in Nagpur to purse law? 
Ans. Law is a wonderful career and you have the advantage of it being your family profession. I do not understand the doubts that you have expressed since you belong to that background. It may be possible that you are not convinced that you should pursue law and may want to explore alternatives. With PCMB all the career options are open to you so you should make the best choice at this moment otherwise you may regret it later. A session of career guidance is seriously suggested now to avoid wrong decision for you have to pay a heavy price for that in terms of money and time and loss of self confidence. We could help you with that.

 

“Aptitude helps decide your choice”- 10 July 2016

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Thursday, 14 July 2016 11:55

P.S

Q. I have passed my 12th this year with good marks but did not do well in my entrance exams for engineering. So I'm unable to decide what to do now, as I think repeating is not a good option. Please tell me the other options open to me and how should I do it. What should I do and how?

Ans. You must be informed that even with low percentage in the entrance exams of engineering you are likely to get an admission into an engineering college. Of courses you cannot expect the best college known to you but yes a good college is also a possibility. You might get selected in the later rounds. Another option is to get admission into pure science if you like that or commerce stream is also a good one. If interested in management you could opt for BBA which is a graduation in management. There are many choices in life that you can make. The choice is yours entirely and what you want to achieve in life and what degrees will help you reach your goal. If the confusion continues, please come for a session of career guidance.

S.J

Q. I have passed out my 12th and have even given my mhcet in pmt. since 7th I dreamt of being a doctor and hence have even tried my best in this exam but I couldn't get through. Now my parents are furious . They have starting spying on me because they think that just because I couldn't qualify it means that I would have wasted my time on other teenage stuffs eg. Being in relation or choosing the wrong group. But the truth is that I cannot imagine betraying them moreover I never have lied to them. It is really disturbing. I feel like ending my life. Moreover they have denied my wish of repeating. I feel useless and good for nothing. Please help

Ans. This is an unfortunate situation to be in. You should try another time for medical entrance. If that is your only goal of being a doctor then it is worth the effort. I do not know why your parents are not supporting you and trusting you and your determination. It is okay to be frustrated and angry for some time but they cannot allow you to do nothing for long. They must realise the seriousness of the situation and come to a solution. Do whatever is there in your capacity to convince them to allow you another term. You could meanwhile join the science stream (B.SC) and continue with your entrance studies and appear next year again. B.Sc will help you revise your subjects and make your parents comfortable. Seek help of a counsellor if the problem remains unresolved. Never ever think of attempting suicide and all that as life is beautiful and the struggles are to be enjoyed. Struggles make you strong and make a man out of you. It is fine to fail but it is not fine to give up. Be stubborn and be determined. Convince your parents of your seriousness and your truthfulness is not doing wrong things. Request a teacher or an elderly relative or cousin to talk to your parents to convince them of the truth. They must be told the truth anyhow.

PKZ

Q. I have passed class 12th science with 81% and CET score is 96. I have been allotted a college in my city (amravati) computer branch. But a well wisher of mine is suggesting me to out of your city to study. My economic condition is average and my parents are in their 60s and I am their only child. Also I had gone for career counselling earlier this year which suggested me to carry on with Mechanical field. Please tell me what to do mam.

Ans. There are some things which we cannot choose. If you have been allotted a college in your city and your parents have an average economic condition, it would be sensible to continue in your own city. That will help them save money and you will also enjoy the comfort of your home. ‘The grass is always greener on the other side’ it is said and it is true. Your city is as good as another and a good student educates himself anywhere if he studies well. Secondly coming to your branch of choice, find out from your career counsellor or the report of the counsellor your scores on closure ability, reasoning ability and mechanical ability.  If your reasoning and closure ability is good enough (between 6 to 10 points) then you can choose computer science. Also introspect with yourself and find out if you like computer science better than handling machines and tools or both and then take a decision. We would need your aptitude report to guide you properly about the choice of branch. Best of luck!

 

“Take the shortest route to change”- 3 July 2016

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Written by Rita Aggarwal
Thursday, 14 July 2016 11:53

A.S

Q. I have completed my10th boards CBSE and now I am in 11th class. I want to pursue psychology as my career but my school didn't offer arts as a subject. My school being an all girls school, my parents wanted me to study here only as they didn't want me to study in co education school. So I have opted for commerce. Can I still pursue psychology after 12th? If yes then what are the courses I have to do after 12th to become a psychologist? Is psychology having a good scope in future?  Where can I get job after becoming a psychologist? All these questions are bothering me. I am a constant reader of your columns in The Hitavada. Kindly help me out in this situation. I wanted to take a stand in front of my family for changing school but I couldn't. When I was six months old, I lost my mother. My father remarried after some months of my mother's death. From that time I live with my maternal grandmother's family. So I couldn't argue much. Now I am in complete dilemma. Kindly help me.

Ans. Just like other fields, psychology also has many areas of specializations such as clinical, industrial, counselling just to name a few. You can opt for psychology after your 12th, and then you will have to study psychology for 3 years for the bachelor’s degree, then 2 years for post graduation and finally another 2 years for specialization in a desired field of psychology. It is a wonderful subject and is growing in scope. More than jobs you could get into private practice. Teaching is also an option in psychology. Government jobs are very few and cannot be relied on. The private sector such as hospitals, schools and colleges are opening up posts for psychologists. It would definitely be better to take psychology right now however. For further details and clarity of thought I suggest you come for a session for counselling for career planning. Do not be in a dilemma. Try to convince your guardians for taking up psychology right now, but they do not agree then you have no choice but to do commerce which would be unfortunate. But you are a brave girl and have gone through life a lot it seems. It only makes you tougher and stronger.

R.P

Q. I am writing to seek help in my love life. I met this girl at National Karate Championship. I liked her a lot. Actually I don't like any girl so easily and I can say that this is the first girl I ever liked. The problem is that I tried to impress that girl by not being myself. Because of which this girl is upset with me and even blocked me on Facebook. It sounds gross but believe me I am not the guy who just makes a girlfriend and after some time leave her. I am one woman man. She lives in Mumbai and I live in Nagpur because of which there is no other source of contact than social media. Even if she had blocked me I can still send her message. Please help me with this problem.

Ans. If you have made a mistake and have realised it, it is a good thing for future. You can still try to send her a message as you say and try your luck. She may forgive you and realise your honesty and sincerity. If things do not work for you even after your effort, then I suggest you move on. The world is a large place and I am sure you will find good people everywhere. Do not despair. Getting rejected once teaches you many lessons.

Sanket

Q. I am doing Civil engineering and have failed the second year's final semester. The thing is I don't want to continue it and want to change my stream to commerce. I want to do it but please tell me how to shape it. Please reply as soon as possible. I need your guidance.

Ans It is important to like the subject of study for it is for life. If you really want to change the stream and have a plan of what you are going to do by studying commerce, surely go ahead and change it. But think many times about your decision. One alternative could be to finish your studies if possible and then make a change to finance through the course of MBA. You could specialise in finance and make a career in it. Many people have done it. Fine out the reasons for failure – is it lack of aptitude and ability or is it because of lack of study?? Since you have spent two years you would have to take the shortest route to change to save time and money.

 

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